Part of this chapter was inspired by Zevgirl, who loves Nathaniel. :) This is dedicated to her.

Lucy

The restaurant is eerily quiet. It looks like it did the last time I was here, but where are the cars in the parking lot? Where are the customers chatting in the bar? There's a bartender on duty so I walk in and sit at a table, the same table as the last time. Shouldn't they be here?

My heart feels like a lump of lead in my chest. I'm going to break down and cry in the middle of the "French Laundry". I thought we'd meet up here, in the Fade. So where are they? I've been stood up by ghosts.

"What can I get you, miss?" the bartender asks.

I shrug. "What sort of drink goes with crushed dreams?"

The bartender smiles. "I would recommend a Blood and Sand. Cherry brandy, scotch whiskey…"

"Yes. It sounds perfect. I'll have that."

"Were you meeting someone here, Madam? Do you want to order for them?"

"Did you happen to see a very handsome elf? About my height, pointed ears, an interesting tattoo on the side of his face? Or a man, early 50's, although he really looks younger than that, long dark hair, wind braids on the sides and he has an Orlesian… French accent?"

"No, Madam. As you can see, there is no one here but you." He pauses a moment then adds. "And you are quite alone."

His last sentence punches me in the gut. I feel like my heart is going to rupture. "You got that right," I whisper.

The air ripples and I hear a voice. "He's wrong. You're not alone."

"Sir! We do not allow materializations in this restaurant without a reservation."

"I had reservations, but I came anyway," the familiar disembodied voice says.

"Anders?" I look around me, recognizing the voice. There's a lightning bolt from nowhere and the bartender crumples into a burning, faintly porky-smelling pile. Then I see him. He's dressed in modern earth clothes. He looks a bit like a rock star with stylishly faded jeans, a black stretch fabric shirt and a gun metal gray jacket over that.

"That man was a fool. At least in the Fade I can shoot lightning bolts at them."

"Am I dreaming this?" I feel foolish asking. If it is a dream then my dream will answer me however my subconscious demands.

"It is a dream." Anders's hand reaches out and takes mine. "But that doesn't mean I'm wrong. You are not alone. I'm here." He looks around. "This place is amazing. Is it like this in your world?"

"Exactly?" I respond. "I haven't actually been here, but I've heard about it." Anders is here. I feel better. That crushing feeling in my chest is going away. "This is where I saw Danny after he died. I think I was dead, too, for a while. We said goodbye here." I blinked as the tears began to burn in my eyes. "I thought I might find Zevran here. Both of them, perhaps. It would make me happy if they were together until it is my time, then the three of us can be together again."

Anders looks surprised. "The three of you? Were you with them both… together?"

I nod and smile at the memory. "Yes. It just worked out that way."

"Maker…" Anders whispers. He pulls at his collar nervously and takes a breath. "Back on topic then, yes? Um, as I was saying, you're not alone, my lovely Lucy. I am with you." He fidgets and pulls at his jeans. "Do people always wear such tight pants here?"

My attention wanders to a disembodied hand crawling across the bar, another one joins it. I think about panicking but then I realize it's what remains of the bartender and he's fixing my drink. Well, that's all right then.

Anders grasps my hand gently. "Stay with me, sweetheart. Don't make me chase you all over the Fade tonight. I'm here. You're not alone."

Not alone. No, Anders is here. Sweet Anders. He's been such a good friend. I'm just so tired of being alone, having to be strong all the time. I want to have someone to lean on… He's been there all along, hasn't he? He kept Danny and I safe when Daniel was born. He's rescued me from despair and templars and asphyxiation by darkspawn and Fergus and… he's just been there almost from the beginning of this nightmare that Amaranthine has been.

"Anders," I whisper. "I can't do this alone any longer."

He stands and pulls me out of my chair and into his arms. "Then don't. Let me be your bed when you're weary, your pillar when you need support. I am a healer, Lucy. Let me heal you."

I bury my face into his neck and breathe him in; his warmth seems to seep into me, warming my heart, which feels so heavy and unnatural in my chest. He casts some sort of magic and I feel calmer, the fog of despair lifts a little and the tears I shed aren't the soul-wracking sobs of earlier. These feel like pain lifting, healing, cleaning away a heavy layer of grief, like a Pacific breeze clearing Los Angeles smog.

"Zevran, forgive me," I whisper. I'm in the arms of another man, he hasn't even been gone a day, to me anyway.

"There is nothing to forgive, Lucy. He would want you to be happy, wouldn't he?" He smoothes my curls with his hand. His voice is warm and low, sweet, with his mouth next to my ear.

Something prickles at my consciousness, itches… Darkspawn? "Darkspawn!" I try to pull back from Anders but he won't let go. The restaurant begins to change into a subterranean scene.

"No, Lucy. There's no darkspawn here. Stay with me," he continues to hold me, one hand on my back, the other still smoothing my hair. "Take us where it is quiet and peaceful."

"I can't."

"You can."

Even as he says it the scene changes again. It's that pretty meadow east of the keep. It is warm. Springtime. The flowers are blooming. There's a small herd of goats nearby and a kid is jumping around, playing with the other baby goats.

"See," he gloats a little and tugs on my hair. "I knew you could."

We settle into the grass and he never lets go of me. We talk, I think. Whatever is said I forget as soon as I've said it, but the feeling of peace stays with me. I lean against him and then I'm lying with my head on his lap, his voice is speaking softly while my eyes slip shut. Then I sleep.

~o~o~o~

I awoke from a deep sleep knowing I had dreamed but the dream had slipped around a corner, like a shadow fleeing light. I felt something very off. Grief, yes, that was still there. My bed felt wrong. Cold. I sighed and rubbed my eyes, gritty from crying. I knew what I needed and I wasn't going to deny it any longer. I need Anders. I can't do this alone. The thought kept playing in my head until it drove me out of my bed. I slipped down the hall, my feet freezing on the stone floor. I carefully tried his door. It wasn't locked so I slipped into his room. He was sound asleep, lying on his side. I really hoped he wouldn't mind my intrusion, but I didn't want to wake him to ask, so I carefully slipped under the covers next to him.

When I pulled back the covers I could see something glinting in the moonlight next to him. I reached out and picked up an empty bottle.

Does Anders have a secret drinking problem? I wondered. The bottle was smallish, though. I uncorked it and smelled it. Lyrium. Why would a mage drink lyrium at bedtime? Is he addicted? I hoped not but now wasn't the time to solve this problem. I slipped into his bed and pulled the covers over us both. I discovered that Marigold was also in there, snuggled next to Anders. She shifted out of the way and my disturbance of her sleep started her purring.

His presence next to me warmed me quickly. Even though my heart felt swollen with grief, it began to feel less heavy. A few more tears leaked out but I was better. The purring cat and Anders's presence, even while he was asleep, was comforting. I fell asleep again.

~o~o~o~

Sunlight streaming through a window woke me. I was disoriented. This isn't my room. Then I remembered. Anders's arm was looped over my chest and he had pulled me tightly against him. There was no way I could get up without waking him. Somehow I managed to sleep soundly and I feel relatively good.

I tried on the new reality by allowing the thought to enter my brain. Zevran isn't coming back. Yes, it makes me want to cry again, but it isn't quite as debilitating today. I know how this goes. I'm no stranger to loss. I also know how I cope with it best, by being too busy to dwell on it. It is moments like these, when I am idle, that the memories come crowding back and I'm subject to weeping. Yet, with Anders's arms around me and Marigold wedged between our legs, I'm not crying.

Am I making a colossal mistake here? Is this going to undermine my authority? And do I even give a shit if it does?

Interesting questions. Even more interesting was the realization I truly didn't give a crap. I had had it with the Grey Wardens, well, at least the ones outside of Ferelden. I wasn't going to let them decide my fate for me by threatening to expose me to the Chantry. If they did, I would deal with it.

Zevran's death reminded me of how painfully short life is. He, more than anyone, knew this and did his best to get the most out of life. His philosophy might have seemed hedonistic, but it was ultimately pragmatic. In his position, death would almost certainly come early. Face it, in my position the same was true, unless I changed my profession.

I resolved to start transitioning things over to Nathaniel. I didn't want to leave Daniel an orphan in this backwards land. At least I had magic and education, and that could help ensure his survival in this world. Or would it? Even after several years here, I was still a noob. Anders, though, he could fill in the blanks where I still had them. All right, admittedly I had lots of them and Anders probably did too, having been shut away from society for much of his life. But together, we could muddle through.

I would move heaven and earth if I had to, but I was going to get out from under the burden of Grey Wardening. I felt a surge of defiance and a certainty that I would prevail. Things would begin changing as of today. This I swear.

Ah. That last thought nearly undid me. I heard it in Zevran's voice in my head, an echo of the oath he once swore to me. I gasped noisily at the emotional pain that shot through me and that woke Anders.

He rose up on an elbow and peered into my face. "Are you all right?" He looked worried.

I smiled sadly at him. "I am. I just… My emotions are a little wild right now."

"Of course." He settled back into bed. "I was surprised to find you here. You sneaked in during the night?"

I turned over so I was facing him. Our faces were close together since we were sharing a pillow. "I'm sorry. I should have asked… or stayed in my own bed. I just couldn't…"

"I know," he said. "You don't need to explain anything."

His hand reached out and stroked my cheek. He looked at me with a questioning look. I think he wondered what the nature of this intimacy was. Was there something beyond me seeking simple human companionship and comfort in his bed? There was, but it might be a while before I was ready for that.

"Can we take this slowly?" I asked him. "I need some time, but… I need you, too."

He looked happy at my confession and his hand found mine under the covers. He brought it up to his lips and kissed it lightly. "I will let you decide how this goes. If you want, I'll sleep at the foot of your bed and tickle your feet any time you dream of darkspawn until I'm an old and gray Grey Warden."

I couldn't help but smile at the image. "I promise you won't have to sleep at the foot of the bed, or tickle my feet." I leaned in and kissed him lightly.

He raised his eyebrows, looking quite pleased with the chaste kiss. "Then I can die a happy man, to share the bed of the Commander of the Grey."

I flinched at the sentiment. "Please… don't say that. I've had enough of people I care about dying."

"Oh, of course," he sighed. "You'd better get used to me saying the wrong thing, I do it a lot."

I smiled a little. "I forgive you in advance, for all the wrong things you'll say."

He was about to kiss me when we heard men's voices. I could sense Nathaniel in the hallway and thought I recognized Varel's voice. I couldn't quite make out what they were talking about, but suddenly I felt like I'd been caught smoking in the girl's room in high school and I was going to have to face the principal.

"I'd better go face the music," I said grimly. I could just imagine the arched eyebrows and questioning looks I was going to get when I walked out of Anders's bedroom in my nightgown.

"We could make up a little fabrication about why you're in my bedroom in your nightgown," he offered.

I shook my head empathically. "Absolutely not. We have nothing to hide." I was trying to convince myself as much as him. "We're adults, not naughty children." I swung my legs out of bed and wished I'd thought to bring a robe.

He got up as well. "Wait, perhaps you should put this on." He held his dressing gown out for me to slip my arms into and he tied it around my waist. It was a bit long, but I felt a little more respectable. His eyes and mine met, and then his hand reached out and stroked my cheek in a sweetly tender gesture.

"Perhaps you should stay here and let me handle whatever kerfuffle is happening out there," I suggested

His chin set in what I can only describe as a look of pure stubbornness. "Absolutely not. We'll face this together. However, I'd better find something to wear." He had on a pair of sleeping trousers and that was all.

In better times, I would have been hard pressed to not want to run my hands over that enticing expanse of chest and those finely shaped arms. Anders was often out training with his staff, using it as a weapon, or taking instructions from Oghren or Nathaniel, and his physique reflected that training. In my current state of mind, I could appreciate his physical beauty, but in a way more like appreciating a Michelangelo. Someday, when my grief had diminished, I would properly appreciate his… attributes.

I turned away to give him privacy. "All right, get dressed and we'll go out together." Maker, this relationship is off to a very strange start.

He dressed quickly and we walked out together. He stayed protectively close to me. His hand squeezed mine one last time as we prepared to show the world that Lucy and Anders were now a team.

Nathaniel

There was something meditative about sharpening a sword. Rubbing oil down its length, the grating rasp of the whetstone running along the smooth surface, focused the mind like little else. He ignored the autoerotic symbolism of the task, or tried to.

Maker, it has been a long time…

Once, Nathaniel Howe had been counted quite the catch. Serving girls and bored matrons used to go out of their way to flirt with him. It seemed he could have his pick of women. But he'd always been careful. He didn't want someone to claim their brat had been sired by him, so his dalliances were usually with those whose professional discretion could be counted on.

Then the Wardens had claimed him and now he was just the son of a disgraced traitor. Ever since Lucy had freed him from the dungeon he'd been deaf and blind to the interest of women. His confidence had been shattered when he returned to Ferelden and found out how his family name had been destroyed. Any interest shown in him seemed a mockery of who he was and what his family had been. A maid daring to twirl her hair around a finger and gaze overly long at him was likely to be on the receiving end of a scowl and sent away with a growl, or ordered to empty a chamber pot.

One such was doing it now. This one had brought up a tray with breakfast.

"Ser," she said, bobbing into a little curtsey, "I thought you might like to break your fast. I noticed you missed breakfast this morning." Her head tilted down, and she peered flirtatiously at him through her dark blonde hair, her wide blue eyes meeting his. "You must be hungry after your trip."

"If I had wanted breakfast, girl, I would have gone down to get it." This wasn't the first time this cheeky minx had been up to his room on some pretext or another. He racked his memory trying to remember if she'd been at the keep before he'd been sent to the Free Marches. She probably had been, although she would have been quite young. Still, it was probably quite amusing to her to see how far the Howes had fallen. He turned back to his sword sharpening and tried to ignore her.

Truthfully, he was hungry and had planned to go down to the kitchen in a while, but he would never admit it to her. The girl didn't leave. Nathaniel heard her exasperated sigh. His next stroke of honing stone against blade was off by a few degrees. It would dull his sword. He cursed loudly and the girl jumped nervously.

"Why are you still here?" he growled. "Take the tray and go make yourself useful."

He looked away, dismissing her and tried to focus on his blade again when he heard the clatter of the tray being set down, with more force than necessary. "Why are you always so rude to me?" She lifted her head defiantly and stomped her way over to him. "I simply won't tolerate it any longer! If you don't stop being so rude I'll sharpen that sword of yours and stick it…" She paused like she was trying to find some suitable destination for his sword; one a lady could say. "Ooooh!" She stomped her foot and turned, ready to flounce out of his room.

Nathaniel was surprised and amused by her anger. "Oh, you think you can sharpen a sword, do you?" He was going to best the girl at her own game. If she wanted to flirt and tease him, then he would do her one better. He reached out and grasped her wrist to keep her from leaving and pulled her over to the side of the bed where he was sitting. "Sit!" he ordered her.

She sat, trying to keep a seemly distance but he purposefully invaded her space. He presented her the sword, hilt first, which she tentatively took and then he grabbed her other hand and slapped the whetstone into it. She looked up at him, looking a bit fearful, then back at her hands holding the whetstone and sword.

"Go on then, girl" Nathaniel said, scowling but hiding his amusement. Obviously, she had no idea what to do.

"Stop calling me, girl. My name is Mary Ann. Why are you so rude?"

"Uh uh, you're not changing the subject now. Sharpen my sword… Mary Ann."

She stared at the objects in her hands and furrowed her brow. "How hard can it be?" The stone rasped down the length of the blade, undoing every bit of the keen edge Nathaniel had given his blade this morning.

"Maker's breath! You're ruining it." He pressed closer to her and wrapped an arm around her so he could guide her hands. He could hear the gasp she made at the contact and feel her trembling. Is she afraid? Serve the minx right, taunting me so. Still… she smelled nice, like herbs and like… Squash pie? That fragrantly spiced pie that is served on feast days. She tried to pull away but his arms held her in place. "You wanted to sharpen my sword and stick it somewhere, didn't you? So sharpen it you will!"

He changed her grip on his sword and then changed the angle at which she was holding the whetstone. He guided her hand down the length of the sword. He doubted she was even paying attention to the details he was trying to show her.

"See? You need to keep the stone at an angle to the blade. If you just draw it down the length of the blade willy-nilly you'll dull it." His voice was a little softer this time and he felt the girl begin to relax.

"I… I see." She twisted around to look at him, her eyes wide, and such a pretty, intense blue color.

"No, you can't see if you don't look at your hands."

She turned back to the task, her arms and hands relaxed into it, letting him guide her in the motions.

"Now you're starting to catch on. I might be able to cut butter with this thing now. However, you have a long ways to go before you'll have this sharp enough to cause me discomfort when you shove it… wherever you intended to put it."

Mary Ann smiled shyly. "Maybe I won't have to. You seem to be nice enough when you put your mind to it."

Nathaniel snorted and let go of an arm and let her take over while he reached for a vial. "Here. Use some of this. It'll make the stone glide more smoothly." He took the whetstone from her and gave her a rag. He poured a very generous amount of oil into the rag.

She looked up at him, looking confused. "Do I put this on the rock?"

Nathaniel rolled his eyes. "It is a whetstone, Mary Ann. No. You rub it on the sword. Here, I'll show you." He wrapped his hand around hers and guided it down the blade. The oil oozed out of the cloth and liberally coated her hand and his. Their hands slid together, slowly, carefully, up and down the length of the blade.

Neither of them spoke, but he could see Mary Ann's cheeks coloring and felt heat coming from her. If she wanted to flirt then he would see just how far she would take it before she would inevitably flee back to the safety of the kitchen to tell the other girls about the disgraced Howe.

The close contact with the girl, no matter if she was a teasing minx, was having an effect on him. The girl's hair was coming lose from her ponytail and it dangled fetchingly against her neck. Well, I'll give her something to giggle about with her friends. Against his better judgment he lowered his head and pressed his lips to her neck.

"Ser Warden?" she said, turning at the waist to look at him.

"Do you want to stop sharpening my sword?" he said, his voice low and rough.

"I… N-n-no," she stuttered a little.

"Good." He took his hand off hers and used it to turn her face to his. His oily fingers left a slick path as he drew them across her cheek. Then he kissed her.

Surprisingly, she didn't pull away as he had expected, or deliver a stinging slap. Instead, her mouth met his and he heard a little sigh as she kissed him back. Nathaniel was mindful of his oily hand, otherwise he would have pulled her closer, but he didn't want to get the oil on her dress.

He heard a pair of clunks as the whetstone and his sword fell to the floor. He was just about to go find a cleaner rag to wipe their hands on, when there was a low cough from the doorway. He'd forgotten the door was open.

Mary Ann pulled away as if she'd been burnt and stood up quickly. She glanced at the doorway and then at Nathaniel. "I'd better… I have to…" she waved her hands as if they could speak for her. "In the kitchen…" She turned and fled his room.

Nathaniel got up and nodded to Varel, who was trying to look like he hadn't seen what he had just seen.

"Ah, Nathaniel, you're up," Varel said smoothly. "There's a bit of a problem. I hated to disturb the Commander, but we've heard rumors of darkspawn around Amaranthine. Captain Garevel is investigating and should be returning later today with more information. I thought the Commander should know, though, so I went to her room and no one answered. Since the door was open, I went in and she's not there."

Nathaniel's brow furrowed. "Perhaps she got up early? Maybe they've seen her in the kitchen this morning."

Varel shook his head. "No. No one has seen her. She's not in the nursery. I questioned all the guards on duty and they haven't seen her either."

Nathaniel scratched the back of his neck. He knew that Lucy could probably take some animal form and slip away unnoticed, but why would she? It didn't make sense. "Have the Antivans left yet?"

Varel nodded. "They left at dawn. You don't suppose…"

"We'd better check her room. If they were up to any mischief perhaps there would be some indication there." Nathaniel strapped his sadly dulled sword to his back.

The men walked to Lucy's room and looked for evidence of foul play. Nothing was obviously out of place. Her bed had been used and her robe was still lying at the foot of the bed. There were no scorch marks from magic, the blankets were mussed but no more than would be normal.

Nathaniel still hadn't mastered the ability to find Wardens using his darkspawn-sensing abilities, but Oghren claimed he could.

"Is Oghren up yet?" Nathaniel asked.

Varel shrugged. "I'm not sure."

They woke Oghren and asked him if he could sense Lucy anywhere in the keep. The dwarf got a sly smile on his face. "Ask the mage. Twitchfinger seems to have her in his room. Now, get out and let a fella get some rest."

"Don't get too comfortable. It looks like the darkspawn are up to something," Nathaniel warned. "Thanks for locating the Commander for us."

Oghren yawned, scratched the dense mat of fur on his chest and burrowed back into his blankets. "Don' mention…" The sentence dwindled off into nothing and was punctuated by a snore.

The men left Oghren's room and stood outside Anders's door. Neither one made a move to knock on it.

"Perhaps I'll leave you to roust the Commander, Nathaniel. I can check downstairs to see if Garevel has come back yet," Varel offered, clearly uncomfortable with the situation.

"Oh no. If anyone should do it, it should be you. I'll never be able to keep a straight face," Nathaniel countered.

Varel frowned slightly. "Coin toss?"

Nathaniel dug into his pocket and pulled out a sovereign. "Heads, you knock." He never had a chance to flip the coin because Lucy pulled the door open at that moment and stood there glaring at the pair of them, dressed in an oversized robe. Anders stood right behind her, fully dressed.

"I take it you were looking for me?" Lucy asked, drawing herself up to try to look more commanding.

"Yes, Commander," Varel said smoothly. "We were a little worried when you weren't in your rooms. There have been reports of darkspawn activity around Amaranthine. Garevel has gone to look into it. He's taken a small force with him."

Lucy nodded curtly. "All right. Varel see to it that some provisions are set aside in case we need to leave quickly. Make sure horses are ready."

"Yes, Commander," Varel replied.

"Nathaniel, wake the other Wardens and make sure they're ready when Garevel returns. I'm going to go change."

Seeing Lucy trying to look like she hadn't just been caught in Anders's bedroom was almost more than he could bear. The corner of his mouth just wouldn't stop twitching upwards.

"Howe, wipe the smirk off your face!" Lucy snapped.

Deny it. "I'm not smirking."

Lucy narrowed her eyes and glared at him. "You have your orders, Howe. See to it!" She turned sharply and moved to leave but her foot snagged the edge of Anders's robe and she nearly fell.

This time Nathaniel couldn't help himself; a grin broke out over his face but he turned away to hide it. Anders was too busy helping Lucy right herself to notice and Lucy didn't see it either. Nathaniel walked away, suppressing his amusement but for the half-smirk on his mouth.

Loghain

They had encountered several small groups of darkspawn since leaving Amaranthine but there was something afoot, he could feel it. His strange Warden sense had been prickling ever since he left the city and hadn't let up. He remembered how it had felt before the archdemon had attacked Denerim and it felt like that. It was like the horde was back and out there somewhere.

He'd been on-edge all morning and now his escort had picked up his uneasiness. They began to push the horses harder. The feeling began to dissipate as they got further from Amaranthine. Then, halfway to the keep, they met Garevel going the toward the city.

"Hail, Teyrn," Garevel pulled his horse alongside Loghain's. "We've had reports…"

"Yes, they're authentic. The darkspawn are amassing not far from Amaranthine. Take your men and do what you can to defend the city, should it come to that. Has the Warden-Commander returned?"

Garevel nodded. "She returned yesterday. There were some visitors from Antiva as well."

Loghain's brow rose. "Oh? Any idea what they wanted?"

Garevel frowned. "I'm not certain, but they delivered news that seemed to upset the commander."

The inevitable has finally happened. He felt a little guilty at feeling something like relief. Now she could finally move on with her life. But now was not the time for pondering the implications of that. She needed to move on this threat.

"Any other news, Captain?" Loghain asked.

"Well, yes. The Teyrn of Highever sent some troops. They arrived two days ago." The look on Garevel's face suggested that there was something wrong in this news.

"And?" Loghain prompted.

The captain shook his head, a look of disgust over his face. "Those that aren't the dregs of humanity he obviously fished out of prison, have never held a sword before in their lives." Garevel spat in the road to show his disgust. "I left them at the keep. I hope they don't sack it before I return."

Loghain swore and shook his head. It was entirely what he expected from Fergus Cousland, and hoped for even, but the timing was particularly bad. If there was a major attack on Amaranthine they couldn't be dealing with Cousland's latest affront. Well, he would make do somehow. "Anything else, Captain?"

Garevel shook his head. "No, Ser. I'll take command at Amaranthine and defend against any attacks."

"We'll send Wardens, shortly. Hang tight until then." Loghain nodded to the captain and signaled his men to follow. He spurred his horse into a quick trot. The feeling that something was afoot still nagged at him, even though he could no longer sense darkspawn. Something big was brewing.

~o~o~o~

The Wardens were having their noon meal when Loghain strode in. The mood was subdued, not the usual light-hearted joking. They also all looked tired from their exploration of Kal'Hirol.

Lucy looked up from her meal. She looked tired and far more somber than usual. "Loghain! I'm glad you're back. We were waiting to hear from Garevel on whether there was a threat to Amaranthine. What did you find on your way back?"

"I have a bad feeling about this. Let's talk more in private"

Lucy nodded and stood up from the table. Loghain saw the mage look at her with concern. A few quiet words passed between them and all he could hear was her reassuring him she was all right. Has she been ill or injured or was this about her emotional state?

Loghain led the way to Lucy's office and she closed the door behind them. He settled into a chair and waited for her to do the same.

"I heard about Zevran," he said, bluntly. "I'm sorry, Lucy. I truly am, but I'm afraid you need to put this behind you for now."

Lucy blinked a few times and nodded. "I take it you ran into darkspawn leaving Amaranthine?"

He nodded. "Several small groups. Scouts, no doubt." He stood and paced over to her window and looked out. "Remember how it felt the day before the horde fell on Denerim?"

"Quite well, yes." The look of sadness on her face deepened at the memory.

"I felt something like that leaving Amaranthine. There's something big brewing and I don't know where it's coming from or going to."

"Damn," Lucy swore. "The timing is bad. Kal'Hirol was a bloody mess. How we got out of there without losing someone, I don't know."

"You'll have to tell me about it another time. You need to take some Wardens and head to Amaranthine. Darkspawn seem to like attacking cities. Lots of potential broodmothers there."

She made a pained face. "We saw plenty of them in Kal'Hirol, but yes, I agree."

"You need to move quickly, so take your best riders. I'll stay here, with whomever you leave behind and deal with the things here. Your brother sent some troops while we both were away. Garevel said they're not fit for cleaning the latrines."

Lucy's head sunk slowly to her desk and she let her forehead drop against it with a clunk. "Oh for fuck's sake. Can you send them back?" She looked up from the desk hopefully.

"I've had some experience dealing with troops like these before. Don't worry about it."

"Sweet Maker…" she blinked at him. "Don't be unnecessarily cruel. They're still people."

He arched an eyebrow at her. "Madam, you're questioning your Teyrn's leadership abilities already?"

"Um… no." She realized her mistake and backpedaled quickly. "My Teyrn? Hey, I like the sound of that. Should we make it official?"

"No, we'll do it after we get this mess sorted." He paused a moment. "Are you all right?"

"Maybe this is the best thing for me. I'll be too busy to think about anything."

Loghain smiled. "That's my Lucy. I'll look after things here."

Lucy's face clouded again. "If anything happens to me, look after Daniel. See that he gets a good education and grows up to be a good man."

Loghain nodded. "I will, but nothing is going to happen to you."

They walked out together and back to the kitchen where the Wardens were still dining.

Lucy sat back down at the table. "We're going to ride to Amaranthine at top speed. Something is up with the darkspawn and the most likely target is a relatively soft one, like Amaranthine. Justice and Sigrun, I'd like you two to stay here and assist Loghain with whatever he needs. If, in the unlikely event, the darkspawn should attack here, I want there to be Wardens available to defend. I doubt they'd be that foolish." She took a sip of her ale and set it down. "Harrison, Oghren, Anders and Nathaniel will be going with me to Amaranthine."

Nathaniel leaned over to Lucy. "Uh, Sigrun hasn't done the joining yet, Commander."

"Oh… um, right. We'll take care of that straight away, before we leave. Could you tell Varel to prepare everything?"

Nathaniel nodded and left.

Lucy looked at her Wardens. "I know this is asking a lot of you, spending two weeks in the Deep Roads only to strike out again, but we're the best defense this country has against the darkspawn and we're spread thin. We'll do some serious recruiting in the months ahead so the burden won't only be on our tiny force." She stood up and raised her tankard. "Now, let's go make a new Grey Warden and then go kick some darkspawn ass!"

Every Warden there got to his or her feet and toasted the sentiment with whatever they were drinking.

They went to the great hall where Varel readied a cup of Joining potion. Lucy took it from him, but let him say the words. They all watched as she cut her palm and muttered a little incantation. Her blood shimmered as it dripped into the glass.

"I feel like a mommy vampire sometimes," she muttered.

Loghain had no idea what that meant. This was the first joining ceremony he'd been to, other than his own, and no one had bled into his cup that he was aware of.

Sigrun accepted the cup, her eyes big. "Drink this? Really?" She sniffed it and looked at Lucy.

Lucy nodded at her. "'Fraid so. A sip is all you need."

Sigrun shrugged and brought the cup to her lips. "Well… here goes nothing." She took a generous, brave sip and handed the chalice back to Lucy.

"You might want to sit…" Lucy warned her, but it was too late. The dwarven woman was already teetering and she fell backwards into Nathaniel's waiting arms.

Anders hovered over the woman and checked her. "She's going to live." He smiled at Lucy and she returned it.

Something in the exchange between the two made Loghain furrow his brow. He'd think about it later. "All right. We'll look after her, the rest of you need to get to Amaranthine." He pulled Lucy aside for one last word. "Be careful, Lucy."

She looked into his face and smiled wistfully. "I will be. You too. Give Danny a kiss for me when he wakes."

The Wardens ran to get their packs and mustered in the courtyard in a matter of minutes. Loghain watched them mount and then thunder down the road at a gallop.

Maker go with you.

~o~o~o~

They made good time with the use of rejuvenation spells on the horses and themselves. They weren't too far down the road when Lucy understood what Loghain was talking about. There was something in the air. A tension… like static electricity, was building. It rode on her senses, like a smell you could taste, but it involved neither sense.

"Do you feel that?" she asked Anders.

"Yes." His face was as grim and drawn as she thought hers was. "What is that?"

She paused a moment, tasting the feeling, sniffing… sniffing the air. Suddenly her face contorted and her eyes narrowed.

"Lucy?" Anders asked, alarmed at her expression.

Her cheek twitched and her eyes watered, then she sneezed with such force it made her horse buck. "That's a fuck-load of darkspawn if their dander is making me sneeze in the open air. I can't even sense them yet, not like normal… I just know they're out there, somewhere."

They rode on. They were still thirty minutes hard riding from Amaranthine when they saw the first smoke. Anders and Lucy dosed the horses with another round of rejuvenation and they pressed them even harder. Well outside of Amaranthine, they dismounted and hobbled the horses. Lucy's darkspawn senses were twitching madly as they closed the distance to Amaranthine.

They met darkspawn just outside the city; a handful that were quickly eliminated. Then they ran into Captain Garevel and Constable Aidan, just outside the city gates.

"They attacked just before I got here, Commander," Garevel told her. "They have some secret entrance and they just seemed to erupt inside the city walls. We were waiting for them to attack from the city perimeter."

"Maker," Lucy swore. "Casualties?"

"Bad, very bad," the constable said. "I'm afraid the city is lost. They've spread their corruption and many have died. Commander, it's too late. Amaranthine is lost. The best bet is to burn the city and their foul infection with it."

Lucy turned to Garevel. "What do you say?"

Garevel looked burdened beyond his ability to bear it. "I've lost many good men here. I'm not sure how much help we'll be able to give you. But to burn the city…" he shook his head, "I couldn't make such a decision."

Harrison broke into the conversation. "Commander, there's a darkspawn approaching." He pointed down the road they'd just cleared of darkspawn.

Lucy looked in the direction he pointed. He was armed, but hadn't drawn his weapons.

"Archers, take him down!" the constable ordered.

"Peace! Do not be killing. Only talk," The darkspawn rasped as he drew nearer. "The Architect has a message for the Grey Wardens."

"Wait!" Lucy held up her hand. "Let's see what he wants to say."

"As you will, Commander," the constable said and gestured to the archers to hold their fire.

"The Mother's army, it marches to Vigil's keep. She attacks now! The Architect, he sends me to warn you." The darkspawn's poorly aligned teeth meant he sprayed spittle and was barely understandable at times. He also had several bleeding wounds on his lips where he'd apparently gnashed himself with his own twisted incisors.

"The Architect?" Lucy shook her head. "So who the hell is attacking Amaranthine?" These darkspawn factions were confusing.

"This is the Mother's work. The Architect would not attack the Grey Wardens. You must save Vigil's keep, and then finish the Mother in her lair."

Lucy cast an anxious look at Anders. "Daniel…" she whispered. "Oh Maker… Daniel is at the keep!"

Garevel seemed decisive at last. "If we leave now, we may be able to get back to the Vigil in time to save it."

"What about the darkspawn here," the constable said, apparently forgetting a moment ago he had advised her to torch the city.

Anders pulled her aside and grasped her by the forearms. "Danny will be fine. You had reinforcements made to the walls. Loghain is there, along with some of his troops. Dworkin, the Mad, is there and he's got a shit-load of bombs. I have no doubt whatsoever that the keep can withstand whatever this… Mother… throws at it." They returned to the discussion.

"We can't lose the keep in addition to Amaranthine, Warden-Commander. The city is lost. Destroy it. Burn it and all the darkspawn in it," the constable urged her.

Nathaniel frowned at Lucy. "Commander, we can't save Amaranthine if it is already lost. We can still save the Vigil!"

Lucy turned abruptly on her second. "Your sister might be in there, Nathaniel. Are you prepared to give up hope already?"

Anders glared at Nathaniel. "If we destroy this city, we're no better than the darkspawn!"

Lucy looked around at the people pulling her in opposing directions. My baby! The thought echoed in her head and it very nearly made her take flight to get to the keep as soon as possible.

Harrison looked at her with sympathy. If he had an opinion he was keeping it to himself. Oghren didn't give a damn, he'd go wherever she pointed him. She felt Anders's warm presence behind her and it strengthened her. He was right. Loghain would fight to the death to protect Daniel. She had to trust in him and in the work of the dwarven engineers.

She turned to Nathaniel. "We are going to stay and do whatever we can to save any survivors. The keep is strong and Loghain is there. I trust him. Are you with me Howe?"

Nathaniel Howe looked at the woman who had killed his father, the one who had stood between him and death more than once. This was the woman he had nearly betrayed and she was still willing to hand over the keep to him. He would follow her to the ends of Thedas if she asked it of him. "It will take a miracle, but I will follow your lead, Commander."

Lucy nodded at her second. "Any other objections?"

"No! No!" the darkspawn interjected. "If you stay the Mother will get what she wants."

Lucy turned and glared at the talking darkspawn. "Hey homey, if you fight with us I'll spare your life. After we finish here, we'll go to this fucking Mother's lair."

The darkspawn looked resigned. "I will do as the Grey Warden wishes."

Lucy stiffened her resolve. Trust Loghain, dammit. She repeated it over and over like a mantra. "Once more into the breach." She drew her dagger with a flourish. "Let's go kick us some darkspawn ass, Wardens!"

They gave a lusty cheer and drew their weapons. The gates to the city creaked open and they slipped inside and the gates thundered closed behind them.

Trust Loghain! Dear Maker, please let me not be making a colossal mistake. Protect my baby.

Under other circumstances, Lucy would have laughed at her sudden religiosity.

To be continued…

Notes: Thanks to Biff for the great job of proofreading. She catches loads of sleef. Sarah, Josie Lange, Biff McLaughlin, Anonymous Person, zevgirl, Arsinoe de Blassenville, Naevene, Shi, Aynslesa, .x, Jenna53, tgcgoddess, Scarylady1: Thanks for sticking around, reading and commenting!

I stole the title from Phillip Dick's novel, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? It might make for a weird chapter in a Grey Warden handbook, especially since they have no concept of electricity... but what the hell!