Sorry about the spam! I'm having problems posting this chapter. It seems to work to post it twice, they both show up, but if I only post it once, it won't show up. I'm so confused!

The story continues from the last chapter. Lucy has taken Nathaniel, Oghren, Harrison and Anders to Amaranthine, leaving Loghain, Justice and Sigrun behind at the keep.

~o~o~o~

Lucy

Amaranthine's gate clanged shut behind us leaving us in a battle cage inside a twelfth century movie set, like Lord of the Rings meets Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. This wasn't a mano-a-mano moment either, this was oodles and scads of darkspawn against five underpaid, overworked Grey Wardens. I wasn't liking the odds. Ironic that I'd just this morning decided I was to stop doing this sort of thing so I could survive long enough to see my baby grow up.

"We both survive this, okay?" I commented to Anders, sotto voce.

He nodded his agreement and gave me a quick smile.

Then the first of the darkspawn charged us and we were in it. My mind went blessedly blank but for the thought of a darkspawn army approaching my child. That only made me fight harder. I drew on the lyrium in my necklace more than I had done any time since the Blight.

What if he gets darkspawn blood on him? Loghain knows what to do.

Every now and then a mom-thought would bubble up into my consciousness, but I pushed them away with another refrain of Trust Loghain.

We battled groups of darkspawn all over town and freed townspeople trapped in their homes, or sometimes cowering behind barrels or in dead ended alleys.

We entered one house and found two tainted adults, their twelve year old daughter and an infant girl. Both the children were free of the taint. I froze, paralyzed by the knowledge of what had to happen.

I'd encountered this sort of thing before, during the Blight. I wasn't the sort of person who could cull the herd for the good of everyone concerned. I'd nearly lost my mind when Danaya, a werewolf, begged for death. Duncan or Riordan would never have hesitated. This was why I was a crappy Grey Warden.

Oghren knew this about me and took over when the paralysis took hold of me. "Twitch, take the kids and Lucy. Find someone to look after the tykes."

Anders looked at me and saw the state I was in. My feet refused to move until he wrapped an arm around my waist. "Let's get the children out, Commander." He poured some calming magic into me and it broke the hold horror had on me.

I nodded and realized I need to hold it together for the kids. I painted a smile on my face and spoke to the twelve year old reassuringly, at least as much as I was able. "Come with us, all right? We're going to take you to a safe place that the Grey Wardens have secured. You'll be safe there."

"Aren't mommy and daddy coming?" the little girl asked me.

I bit my lips to keep from crying out. Anders saw my raw emotional state and swept the little girl into his arms. "Look at this!" He made blue and orange sparks leap from his hands. I turned away and wiped my eyes and then went to pick up the infant.

Nathaniel and Oghren had the parents in the back bedroom and I could hear pleading and crying. I had to get out of there. I nearly ran out of the house with the baby girl in my arms. We caught up with the last untainted person we'd rescued as he was headed to the city gates. It was a young elven man. He agreed to escort the kids outside the city. I handed him the infant and I couldn't help but wonder how Daniel was faring.

I stood rooted to the spot again, afraid to return, knowing what was happening to the parents of those children.

"I can't do this, Anders. What if this is happening to Daniel?" I felt my gorge rising at the thought. "I made the wrong choice, didn't I? We should've gone back to the keep." I staggered away from Anders and leaned against a wall, shaking like a leaf, and then I lost whatever was in my stomach. Only it didn't stop there. I couldn't stop retching.

Anders caught hold of me and did something magical to calm my stomach and me. He rummaged through his pack to find a water skin and handed it to me. My hands trembled so much I could scarcely hold the bag steady to drink.

"We have to do this, Lucy. We just rescued two children, Maker knows how many more there are." He held me to him until I stopped shaking.

Our eyes met and I could see as much pain in his as I knew there was in mine. How do people do this and not go stark raving mad? "I trust Loghain." Saying it aloud helped.

"Of course! There's no more experienced general in all of Ferelden, perhaps in Thedas, right?"

"He'd die to protect Danny," I said, nodding. "The keep is strong."

"None stronger," he affirmed.

I took one last look at Anders and fought off the encroaching mental breakdown. I had to do this. "Once more unto the breach…" I breathed the words, not even sure Anders could hear them. From somewhere I found the strength to return to that house where I'm sure the parents had already died to Oghren's axe.

A somber-looking Oghren and Nathaniel waited for us outside. Harrison was with them, his face ashen. Of any of us, I would have thought he would be the least affected, having wielded the sword of mercy himself. The house was still now. No more begging or crying.

"Let's go." The words rasped out of my throat. I had enough commander left in me that I could at least set our feet into motion again.

Harrison proved his worth time and again, smiting darkspawn mages and draining them of mana, almost before we even realized there was a spell caster amongst them. Nathaniel's archery was incredible. Several times I saw bodies rolling down pitched roofs. The darkspawn had also become excellent archers since the Blight. I wondered about how that had happened.

We battled our way to the chantry; there were fewer darkspawn now. Quite a few people were in the building and we took some time to rest and restock provisions, but not so long we would lose our nerve to continue this and find where the darkspawn had emerged.

Of course. They had accessed the town through that underground area we'd once found smugglers in. We cleaned up the area and emerged from under the city at the abandoned shack outside of town. We trudged back to Garevel and the constable and reported the city cleared.

"There are some… tainted bodies you'll need to clear out. Make sure to wear biohazard suits… I mean, wear clothes you can burn afterward, wear gloves. Don't get any blood near your mouth or eyes. Burn the bodies."

The talking darkspawn we'd met before joined us as we walked to our horses. He described the place, Drake's Fall, where we could find the Mother and showed me on my map how to get there. Nathaniel nocked an arrow, ready to kill the surprisingly helpful darkspawn, but I held up my hand.

"You can't mean to spare this… vermin," he sneered. "He is a darkspawn."

"He's a very helpful darkspawn. Maybe they're evolving."

Nathaniel shook his head but stood down. "We'll talk later about this," he murmured to me, a frown on his face.

I knew I would get an earful, but at least he wasn't questioning me in front of everyone else. I was grateful for that. We left the city at a jog and found our horses, still alive, thankfully, and mounted. Off to Drake's Fall then. After hours of fighting through the city, it seemed there was yet more and this time underground, a place where none of us… well, except Oghren, liked to be.

A hard ride of an hour brought us to Drake's Fall, which I learned was not a nice suburban subdivision with immaculate model homes and slavering real estate agents, but a graveyard for dragons. Someday I'll catch onto the Fereldan naming scheme; it tends to the literal. Drake's Fall was where drakes, i.e. dragons, literally fall and can't get up. The place was a freaking graveyard for dead dragons… and, as we learned, not yet dead dragons.

There was a darkspawn resistance and we had to battle our way through it to the ruins. I couldn't help but tally up how much all this dragon bone might sell for. If we survived, this could subsidize running the arling and fund the Grey Wardens for a long, long time. If we survived…

I rounded a corner, Harrison just behind me, when I froze in my tracks staring at the snout of a dragon perhaps a dozen yards from me.

"D…d…dra" I stuttered, barely above a whisper. The dragon's eyes were closed. Was it sleeping? I froze in terror and confusion. What the hell? Do we try to sneak past or do we take advantage and attack first? My last encounter with a dragon had been the archdemon and we'd had ballista, archers and loads of people. The time before that it had been Morrigan's mom and she'd very nearly killed me. And she wasn't even as big as this one.

Harrison murmured a little curse. I'd never heard him say Andraste's name in that context before. It made me like him better. We all hunkered down behind a rock to discuss the situation very, very quietly.

"Can we sneak past?" Anders suggested.

"We could try," Nathaniel speculated, "but if we fail… it could be bad." He peered at the dragon from behind the rock. "Maybe it's dead?"

"Judging from the smoke curling up from its nostrils, that's not likely," I observed. "It's just napping… or pretending to."

We discussed our options. Sadly, no one suggested we go away and come back after it had left. It seemed like our best bet was to attack first while it slept. I described how Riordan had killed Flemeth, by climbing her neck and plunging a dagger into her brain. They weren't crazy about the use of blood magic, but I suggested now wasn't the time to be squeamish over such things.

There was one last detail: Who would climb the neck. Oghren and Harrison were definitely too heavily encumbered. Anders was needed to keep us healed and reinvigorated when our stamina flagged. That left Nathaniel and me.

"I'll do it, Commander," Nathaniel offered graciously.

As much as I wanted to allow him to be gallant, it didn't make sense. I was afraid he wouldn't call on the powers that Avernus's potion gave us and use a bit of blood magic to be able to punch a hole through the dragon's thick skull. And, while Nathaniel was very nimble and graceful, he couldn't move through the Fade like I could.

"Nate, you're too good of an archer. Aim for the eyes. I'll do this. I've had more experience with dragons, unfortunately, and you know how fast I can move. Just… if I should fall, it'll be up to you. And use the goddamn blood magic the Joining potion gave us, it's our only hope."

I handed Anders our entire supply of lyrium, there wasn't all that much left. Our eyes locked. I knew what he was thinking… was this going to be it for one of us or both? I was thinking the exact same thing. I didn't give a rat's ass about being the Warden-Commander any longer. I threw my arms around Anders's neck and kissed him. He pulled me closer and kissed me back with the same intensity.

"Don't fucking die, Anders." I let go of him and tried to pull away but he wouldn't let me go.

"Don't do this," he whispered. "Let Nate handle it."

I shook my head. I knew I was the best person for the job. Maybe only Zevran and Riordan were better, but they were both… gone. I pulled away from him.

"Oghren and Harrison, keep it busy, but watch out for flame breath and its jaws. The bite is bad, I can vouch for that." I turned to Anders. "Frost is good. Counteract the fire as best as you can." I hesitated a moment then turned. "Let's make dragons extinct, starting with this one."

I shouted my best blood-curdling scream and ran full tilt at the dragon, my daggers drawn. Its great eyes slid open as it woke from its nap, pulling back from my charge and looking like a snake coiling for a strike. I wanted to give the others time to move into position. I waited until the split second before I thought he would snap at me with his jaw and I Fade walked. I ended up behind and to the side.

"Over here, you big lizard! You're going to make a lovely wallet, purse, and matching set of pumps for me, so do me a favor and diiiiiie," I shrieked. "Your death is my fashion!" I was blathering, not really even sure what I was saying. I think it knew I was being rude and that was what counted. It turned my way, giving the others plenty of time to take up positions. But now that they were in place, I wanted Oghren and Harrison to attract it. I blipped again and hid behind a rock.

While its enormous head searched for me, Harrison and Oghren battered at it with their swords. Soon it figured out it had worse enemies than a shrieking, raving mad-woman, and it turned its attention on them.

I crept out from my rock and wondered how I should do this. Cut my hand now and then Fade walk up the spine of the dragon? Or Fade walk first? I had no idea. Of course, Riordan had done this to Flemeth without benefit of Fade walking. I'd been dangling from her mouth, impaled by a tooth and bleeding profusely, so I missed out on the details.

The dragon stopped moving his head for a moment and I knew what was coming next. Fortunately Harrison and Oghren figured it out too. They threw themselves out of the way of a gout of fire. Anders blasted it with a freezing spell, putting out the fire and freezing the dragon in place for a moment.

"Good job, Anders," I muttered to myself.

I had to do this and soon. We were all tired out from battling darkspawn and we still had this… Mother-thing to deal with.

I decided to cut myself first. I might not have time to do it afterwards. I quickly drew my sharp dagger across my palm. "Ow! Fuck! Shit!" It hurt, of course. I drew on the lyrium in my necklace and stepped into the Fade. Just like every other time I'd done this, everything slowed down. The blood dripping down my hand slowly crawled over it like a glove and down my blade. I ran to the dragon and hopped onto its tail and started running up it, to his back. I soon realized I was going to need both hands to get up the neck, so I sheathed my dagger and started to climb. The scales were hard and rather slippery but there were protrusions I could grab onto. I just had to stay in the Fade long enough…

I could feel the Fade dissipating around me, things were speeding up, and I wasn't ready yet, so I drew on the lyrium again and went deeper into it. I started seeing images that weren't of this world. But the dragon's neck was still there and so I climbed it. Then I was sitting just behind its head and I put my hand to where I had sheathed my dagger, ready to bury it in the dragon's brain… but my dagger was missing! Somehow while I'd been climbing I had lost it.

Well crap! I could step out of the Fade and ask someone to throw up a weapon, but chances are I'd get shaken off the dragon's back. What do I do now? I looked at my blood covered hand and a memory surfaced of how martial artists broke through pine boards using the side of their hand. I'd done it with my feet.

I can do this!

I focused deeply, imagining the molecules in the dragon's skull speeding up, turning from a hard substance into a soft one. I rose up as far as I could without losing my footing and hardened my hand, readying it for the strike. I let out a shrill scream as my hand plunged down, against the dragon's skull.

The moment my hand hit the skull I was ripped out of the Fade. I couldn't maintain myself there and do this. Everything sped up, but the force of my hand and the blood magic was enough. Somehow it punched through the dragon's skull and I felt it plunge into the slimy, hot mess of the dragon's brain.

The dragon gave a tremendous lurch as it suddenly realized what had happened, followed by wild bucking as my hand in its brain caused all sorts of random neural responses. I would have been flung off, but I was holding tight to the brain. The more it pitched around, the more the brain was being yanked, the sooner the stupid dragon would die.

One final death throe, the brain came loose from its moorings, and I tumbled off the head with my hand still clutching the gooey mass. I'd like to say it was an elegant two-point landing, but it wasn't. I landed on my back and my breath was knocked out of me. Even worse, the dragon's brain was squished under me. Who knows, perhaps it saved me from a broken back.

Anders ran to me and had his hands on me in a moment, healing the damage from the fall. "Sweet Maker… don't you ever do anything like that again! Do you hear me?" His voice was shaking.

I could only nod. I had absolutely no intention of ever getting near another dragon.

He helped me get up and then embraced me, unmindful of the dragon gore still sticking to my back. "Do you need to rest?"

"Just for a few minutes," I lied. I was desperately tired; I think we all were, but we had come this far. It was time to end this nonsense. We could rely on rejuvenations to keep going. We hadn't eaten all day, being too busy fighting, so we took the time to break out some rations and drink water. Anders cleaned the dragon brain off the back of my armor.

This reminded me of the time Riordan and I had fled from darkspawn after he'd gone scouting for them. We'd pushed ourselves for days, but rejuvenating magic had kept us going. There was a toll for overusing such magic and we would pay for it later.

Anders went through his backpack and laid out all the lyrium potions he had. "I'd feel better if I had more."

I wondered if this was his lyrium addiction issue. I'd seen that empty bottle in his bed. Was he consuming excessive quantities? I rarely drank the stuff since I was able to gather it from my necklace and it affected me so strangely. Perhaps I should speak to Harrison about it. If anyone would know about lyrium addiction he would. Yet, I did remember Wynne and Morrigan sucking down massive quantities of the stuff during intense battles.

I didn't have time to worry about that, though. We needed to move on. It was starting to get dark and I wanted to get back to Vigil's keep. Fresh worries sprang up. Please, Maker, let my baby be all right. I'll go to the Chantry and… chant, or something.

Everyone's weariness was apparent from the groans as we got up from where we'd sat down to eat. We headed to the ruins and the large doors that sealed them. The darkspawn itch indicated we were in for another lengthy slog.

Inside, stairs led down, of course. We fought waves of darkspawn. The grubspawn were here, too. I had some poisoned chocolate read for them, if we came across a nest. There was one darkspawn in particular I could sense: The Architect. He felt more like a Warden than a darkspawn, which was very creepy.

"And so we meet again." The Architect's voice floated out over us, sounding as impassive and unemotional as always. He was at the top of a stairway, looking down on us.

"So it would seem," I replied.

The creepy ghoulish dwarf accompanying him drew her sword and looked ready to charge us, but the Architect stopped her.

"I should apologize, Commander. The last time we met I was going to explain myself. Fate, however, intervened." He floated down from the high spot to a point near us.

How does he do that? "Fate? You experimented on us! You took my blood."

"I restrained you only to prevent the misunderstanding that occurred with the rest of your order," he replied.

"Yeah. That worked real swell." I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

"I sent the Withered to ask for the Grey Wardens' help. I should have anticipated that you might view our approach as an attack. I am rarely able to judge how your kind will react. It was most unfortunate." He continued to speak in his dispassionate voice.

He really did seem like an alien being. It wasn't all that difficult to imagine that he was pretty clueless how humans thought or reacted. Hmmm… that got me to thinking, maybe the darkspawn were an alien life form? Perhaps we'd find a spaceship someday….

"But you bled them dry!" Kind of like in Killer Klowns from Outer Space when they wrapped dead bodies in cotton candy and drank their blood with krazy straws. The sci-fi plots were all playing out in my head.

"The Grey Wardens that were brought to me were already dead. I took their blood just as I took yours, because I had little choice. Things have not gone as planned."

That a darkspawn spoke about planning was a little spooky. I had been under the impression that the only tainted creature capable of planning was the archdemon.

"I only ask that you hear me out. If you wish to slay me afterwards… you may try," he continued.

I shrugged. "I'm listening."

"My kind as ever been driven to seek out the Old Gods. This is our nature. When we find one, a Blight is begun. Each time we attack your surface lands and each time you fight back until we are defeated."

"Yeah, not exactly a win for either of us. Go on," I urged him.

"To break the cycle, my brethren must be freed of their compulsion. For that, I need Grey Warden blood."

I frowned at that. "Do you do some sort of reverse Joining?"

"In order to become what you are, you drink the blood of my kind. To transform. Similarly, we must transform. I have created a version of your Joining that uses the blood of Grey Wardens."

"Interesting…" I began to see the possibilities. If what he was saying was true…

"You take the taint into yourself. What we take is your resistance. That is how my brethren are freed. In your blood lies their immunity against the call of the Old Gods."

"An inoculation, I suppose," I mused.

"I like my blood in my veins," Anders said.

"If this would stop the cycle of Blights., I'd be willing to donate to the cause," I turned to Anders, hoping he'd see the logic of it.

"But what else might they do with it?" He retorted.

"You could become a thrall," Harrison chimed in. He looked nauseated at the thought. "A thrall to darkspawn, Commander."

"Once they are freed," the Architect continued, "they think for themselves, they speak, they act. Some, however, have reacted poorly. They are flawed and they rage against me. The Mother gathers them to stop me… as she seeks to stop you." He paused to catch his breath. "I cannot defeat the Mother alone and I cannot free the darkspawn unless she is defeated. Our goals are the same."

"Imagine… an end to the Blights for all time," Nathaniel said. "It seems worth the risk to me."

I wanted, so wanted, the Architect to be right. I wanted to trust him. I never wanted my son to have to live in a world with Blights and archdemons. "What is the Mother anyway?"

The Architect hung his head and looked genuinely sad. "My most flawed creation. Freedom drove her mad, and she has poisoned the minds of others. She has influence with the ones who have not been freed and gathers them as an army. I do not seek to rule my brethren; I only seek to release them from their chains."

I turned away from the architect and the other Wardens and paced. Is this worth the risk? Clearly, whatever decision I made would be controversial. The risk was that the Architect might raise an army of new and improved darkspawn. Perhaps Blights wouldn't be the only problem we'd face… But if he were true to his word! If they stopped seeking the Old Gods, if they'd stay underground and leave the other races alone as he promised… how could I turn that down? Goddammit! Why do I have to make this decision?

I faced the Architect. He was truly like some weird alien creature. They were always misunderstood by mankind in all the movies I'd seen, because we couldn't communicate with them properly or understand their motivations. How many times had it worked out that they'd actually been trying to help out our race and we started a big war?

Was this a creature even capable of being deceitful? They'd only recently stumbled upon the ability to speak and plan; it seemed like deceit and subterfuge were advanced skills, ones they might not acquire for thousands of years, perhaps never. By then, perhaps they'd go extinct.

I hated to base such a monumental decision on sci-fi movie plots, but it was the best I had to go on.

"I accept your offer," I said, feeling a whole lot better for having made the decision.

Anders turned to me wearing a deep frown. "What if he's wrong? What if this doesn't stop the Blight, but makes things worse?"

"What if he's right? I don't want Danny, or his children, or anyone's children, to have to live through another Blight. My instinct is that this is the right choice." Please Anders… I really need your support right now.

"I agree with the Commander," Nathaniel said. "How can anything be as bad as a Blight?"

Anders looked at me with a piercing, evaluative gaze and I silently begged him to see it my way. He finally nodded and squeezed my hand. "I trust you," he said quietly.

I looked over at Harrison. He looked concerned, but he seemed disinclined to object further. Oghren simply shrugged. "Give me something to kill. Him, the Mother, I don't bloody care."

I love you, Oghren. You are so incredibly uncomplicated. I had an almost uncontrollable urge to hug my dwarven friend, but I remembered the smell.

"Thank you, Commander. I realize what a leap of faith this is for you. I hope I prove worthy of your trust," the Architect said.

"Me too, buddy. Me too. Now, where's this Mother?" I wanted to get this over with.

"She lies ahead." He pointed in a direction and we started out once again, hopefully for the last bit of this tremendous slog.

We prepared the best we could, not really knowing what we were in for. There were fresh spells rejuvenating our stamina, water splashed on the face and down the throat, poisoned sweets readied for the grubspawn, buckles tightened on armor, grips cleaned of gore. It seemed, at last, we were ready.

The way to the Mother was surprisingly clear. There was little resistance left. Could it truly be this easy? My gut told me no way.

Then we were there. A broodmother awaited us, waving her insectile arms, looking almost asleep. Of course, our approach roused her.

She awoke; raving and spitting from lips not designed to form words.

"Ten," Anders said to Oghren. "I win. Pay up, little man."

"Nope. Look, the tentacles were hiding the bottom pair. Twelve. You owe me twenty thousand sovereigns, Twitch!" The dwarf laughed hard and unsheathed his axe.

I looked between the pair, wondering at the nature of their bet, and the size of it. "Anders?"

He grinned and shrugged. "Just a friendly wager on how many nipples she'd have. Don't worry, he'll never remember to collect, he's drunk."

I shook my head and tried to figure out what the Mother was saying, but it was just a lot of raving and spitting. The Architect showed up and then the Mother accused him of starting the Blight.

"You… Oh really?" I was starting to second-guess myself yet again, for the billionth time that day.

"It was unfortunate. I attempted my Joining ritual on Urthemiel. My hope was that this would free all darkspawn, unravel the curse. But I was unlucky."

My head started to pound. "Crap," I muttered.

"Is it not the way of the Grey Wardens to do what must be done in the name of combating the Blight? The Blight is a menace, both for your people and mine. To end it requires sacrifice and risk," he said, his voice still emotionless.

Sacrifice! Maker damn him. What did he sacrifice? I felt an echo of the pain I experienced when Riordan plummeted to his death. Did he have darkspawn buddies that died in the Blight? I was having a hard time believing darkspawn could even form emotional attachments. Still… somehow I believed him. This creature is incapable of deceit.

I looked at my Wardens. "I've heard enough talk. Let's kill this nipply nightmare."

Nathaniel nodded and nocked an arrow. He let it fly and it hit the broodmother square in a - well, kind of hard to miss actually – boob.

"Aaaaahhhhh!" she screamed. The skin around her mouth split open revealing an oversized maw.

Tentacles erupted out of the ground around us, grasping for us, but we were ready. We moved out of the way, looking for rocky protrusions where the tentacles couldn't reach us. I heard her screaming for her children to come to her and I had a sickening feeling I knew what would respond.

Pure instinct guided me. I threw down my pack and pulled out the collection of poisoned sweets I had brought. I threw them well away from us and watched as the Mother's children burst out of their cocoons and swarmed them, completely ignoring us.

"My chillllldren! My beautiful chilllllldren!" she cried. She aimed a shimmering green spit wad at me but I ducked it. "You're killing my babies!"

This time the grubspawn weren't taking the sweets home to share with their siblings, they were dying as they ate them. That was fine with me. I just didn't want them swarming us while we fought their mother.

Anders flung elemental spells at the Mother while Harrison, clearly staggered by the grotesqueness of the creature, advanced on her along with Oghren. Nathaniel found a niche where he could fire arrows. I figured the best place for me was to do whatever damage I could to the tentacles.

Every now and then a sticky green spit ball would land on one of us and I'd flush it off with a blast of water conjured from my hands. The stuff was highly corrosive. I hoped none of us got any in the face.

The fight was tough, but certainly no worse than the dragon we'd killed outside. With the grubspawn distracted by the poisoned sweets, the Mother looked like she wouldn't last long. I looked over at Anders and he flashed me smile and a wink. I turned back to tentacle duty and sliced through a few more. They writhed around and were tough to kill, but every now and then I'd shear one off at the ground and feel like I was making headway.

I was distracted by a particular loud scream from the Mother and saw Oghren bury his axe in her head. How did he manage to climb up there? I wondered.

"Good one, Oghren!" I shouted. The tentacles I'd been fighting wilted to the ground and shriveled as the Mother died. I ran up to join Oghren and Harrison and check them for injuries, when I heard a scrabbling, skittering sound - the sound of claws on rock - and then a sickening crunch.

I turned in time to see a grubspawn knock down Anders and sink its fangs into his chest. Anders shouted in pain and I froze in horror. Maker, don't do this to me again.

"Anders!" I screamed, finally able to respond. Opening my connection to the Fade, I stepped to his side and plunged my daggers into the grub. It shrieked with the wounds but didn't retreat.

"Die you sick fuck!" I plunged my daggers into again and again but it clung to his chest with persistence. Finally it stopped moving and Nathaniel rolled it off Anders. One of the vermin's fangs was still sticking out of his chest.

"Oh Maker," I gasped. The fang seemed to have impaled his chest and it looked too close to his heart. "Anders?" I cupped his cheek with my hand and he groaned and looked at me.

"You'll need to pull that out for me, Lucy." He groaned and I could see a red stain rapidly spreading over his robe.

"I can do this," I whispered to myself. I could heal, a little anyway. I'd been working with Anders some and my skills had grown. I put my fingers around the base of the fang and began to heal as I drew it out. Blood spurted with the removal, but I slowed it down and eventually it stopped. I placed my hands on him and used magic to search him to see if there were more wounds. Something wasn't right but I couldn't figure out what it was.

"Anders, I can't figure it out. I need your help." I picked up his hand and put it top of his chest. "Where else are you wounded?"

"I can't, Lucy. I'm out of mana. Get me a lyrium potion."

I scrambled over to his pack and started pulling stuff out of it. Empty bottles. I pulled them out and carefully set them aside. I couldn't find any with lyrium in it. "Did you use it all?" I could feel my panic starting to mount.

He groaned. "I might have."

I looked at Harrison with pleading eyes. "Please tell me you have some?"

Harrison shook his head. "I'm sorry, Commander, I don't. I've been weaning myself off the stuff."

"Oh god," I breathed. I knelt beside Anders again. By now everyone had crowded around him. I pulled off my lyrium necklace and wrapped his hand around it. "Pull the mana out of this, like I do. Can you feel it there?"

He shook his head. "I can't get to it." He managed a little smile. "You are a strange little witch, you know. Help me up. Maybe I can figure this out without magic."

Nathaniel and I helped him sit up. He grimaced like he were still in pain and his breathing was labored. "I think there's still part of the fang in me. It must've broken off in there. My lungs have some fluid in them. If it doesn't shift around, if my lungs don't fill too much, I think I can make it back to the keep."

I felt so damned helpless. Why hadn't I spent more time learning healing from him? Why did I not seem to have the same natural aptitude for that as I had for so many other forms of magic?

Nathaniel and Harrison helped Anders to his feet and half carried him as we climbed up the stairs, out of the ruins. His condition deteriorated despite the magic I used to heal him. I feared that the fragment might pierce his heart.

"Gently!" I scolded Nathaniel and Harrison anytime Anders took a bump or jostle. I had warring impulses to hurry our progress, but feared that doing so would make Anders worse. Then I had a fear that the keep might be besieged by darkspawn, or had… No, dammit, the keep hasn't fallen. It was our best chance. I thought it might be about a two hour ride in daylight; at night… we'd have to go slower because horses don't see all that well at night and their gait would jostle Anders too much.

"How are you doing?" I asked him every few minutes.

At first he'd raise his head and muster a smile. "I'll be fine. Don't worry." After a while he stopped answering me. Even though he was practically being carried, the stairs were still taxing.

"Nathaniel, when we get outside, I'll turn into a horse and you and Anders can ride me back to the keep. You'll have to keep him from falling off. My gait is gentler."

Nathaniel nodded. "Good idea. You're a big horse too, that helps."

"Can you do it without tack? Just use your knees to steer me."

"No problem."

I was grateful that Nathaniel was such an excellent horseman, a trait he didn't get from his father.

"If he seems to be getting really bad, let me know. Get off and I'll change form and heal him," I said.

We reached the top of the stairs and I transformed to the largest horse I thought I could become. I'd be strong enough to carry both men and my gait would be more gentle. Plus, I knew the Paso Fino trot which was a good fast trot and quite gentle. I thought that might be our best bet.

"Harrison and Oghren, go get the horses and bring them back to the keep as quick as you can safely come. Hopefully we'll be there before you are."

"Maker speed you, commander. Andraste's blessing on you, Anders," Harrison said.

Oghren nodded. "We'll be right behind you. Take care of him, Lucy, he still owes me 20,000 gold."

Nathaniel mounted my back and then Harrison helped Anders mount ahead of him. I felt a pair of hands clutch hold of my mane.

"We're ready, Commander," Nathaniel said and kicked my side gently with his foot.

I started out slowly and gathered speed carefully, finally breaking into a trot when I was certain the men on my back weren't going to lose their seats.

It was torturous not being able to see Anders and monitor his condition. I had to trust that Nathaniel would use good judgment and stop me soon enough. I couldn't even ask him questions. Is his breathing labored? How's his color? Is his pulse strong? Skin warm or clammy? I could hear them talking a little, but Anders sounded very weak. I was going to go insane. All I could do was try to go quickly and be very careful not to stumble or trip.

Fortunately the moon was bright that night and I couldn't smell any darkspawn. I might have counted it a lovely night under other circumstances. The weather was mild and the roads were dry. Spring was coming and judging from the sounds of crickets and frogs, northern Ferelden was preparing for it.

We had been traveling for nearly an hour when Nathaniel asked me to stop. He lifted Anders off my back and carried him to the side of the road where he propped him up against a rock. I transformed back to human and got to assess his condition for myself.

Anders was very pale and his breathing was labored. The worst part was he was unconscious so we couldn't talk to him. I pressed my ear to his chest and listened. It was clear he had fluid in his lungs; I could hear it rattling when he breathed.

"Stay with me Anders," I said softly. I cast what magic I could to try to heal him. It seemed to help some.

His eyes opened a little and his mouth formed a weak little smile. "It's all right, Lucy." He raised his hand and stroked my cheek then his hand fell to his side like it weighed a ton. "If I don't make it, promise me you won't blame yourself."

I couldn't stop the tears. "Stop talking like that. We're almost to the keep," I lied, I had no idea how far we had yet to go, perhaps another hour. Then what? Who there could heal him? Maybe with some lyrium he could heal himself… it was our best hope.

"We've got to go faster," Nathaniel said. "The sooner we get to the keep, the better." I could read the subtext in Nathaniel's eyes; he didn't think Anders would make it otherwise.

"I'll be all right," Anders murmured. "Nate won't let me fall."

I bit my lip hard, thinking of the trade-off and the toll it would take on Anders. "Can you keep him seated if he's unconscious?"

Nathaniel nodded. "I think so. We've got to try it." He looked truly worried and it only increased my own anxiety.

"All right, but if he starts to fail stop me. Give an update every now and then." I cast rejuvenation on myself and Nathaniel. I hoped it could keep me going at top speed the entire way. I tried not to think of what I was doing to my body, fighting through the entire day then most of the night and now this mad dash back to the keep. It didn't matter; I was healthy. I would recover.

I transformed once again and Nathaniel somehow got Anders onto my back by himself then mounted up behind him. I slowly worked my way up to a gallop, hoping the gait wasn't too jolting for Anders.

"We're fine, Commander, keep going," Nathaniel's voice reassured me every now and then.

I kept it up for mile after mile. I was sweating hard, but my big horse lungs were up to the challenge. Eventually, I had to let up the pace, but only until I caught my wind, then I was back at top speed. My hooves, biting into the hard-packed, dirt road, sent dust flying and it coated me liberally. The sound, as I thundered down the road, mesmerized me. My attention was so focused on the road I barely noticed that I had to swerve around inert forms in the roadway, or the stench that should be all too familiar to me.

"Darkspawn, Lucy," Nathaniel warned me. "Dead, so far. I don't sense any live ones."

His voice broke through my trance and I looked around me as I galloped. Maker, they did attack the keep. Danny! The thought of him put more urgency into my gait. From what I could see, and smell, none of the bodies so far were human.

Suddenly my nostrils were overwhelmed with an oddly familiar smell: Kentucky Fried chicken? What on earth? I looked up and realized that we were nearly to the keep. The battlements were fully staffed with archers and I even saw an array of ballista trained on us.

"Open the gate!" Nathaniel shouted as we approached. "Open the gate! We're Wardens!"

I heard someone pick up the order and shout it again. "The Wardens are back! Open the gate!"

"I need help here!" Nathaniel yelled as we entered the courtyard.

A pair of guards immediately came to him and they carefully lifted Anders off my back.

"You might want to wait a bit to transform," Nathaniel whispered to me. "Go to the stables to do it."

"Screw that!" Well, I tried to say that. It came out as a very defiant whinny. Everyone's attention was focused on Anders and Nathaniel. I transformed back into a human, a very sweaty, tired, and dusty human. I heard a gasp and a cry of surprise and turned to see the stable boy had been looking right at me.

"We'll discuss this later, lad," I said sternly. "In the meantime, keep it to yourself. Understand?"

He nodded, his mouth gaping, and his eyes wide with shock.

I ran into the keep after Nathaniel.

Varel noticed me. "Commander? I didn't see you ride up. Maker…" He noticed how sweaty and dirty I was. "Suzanne! Fetch a change of clothes for the Warden Commander and one of her towels. Get someone to boil water for the wounded Warden, bring up clean linens, and send for the medic."

"Thanks." I nodded to Varel. "Take Anders to my room," I ordered. "Varel, quick report. Is everything all right here? I saw darkspawn bodies out there. Where's Loghain. Is… is my son all right?"

Varel nodded. "Teyrn Loghain marshaled a formidable defense against the darkspawn. They tried to batter down the gates but they held. The spawn fell to boiling oil, Dworkin's bombs, and arrows. The armored ogres were put down with ballista bolts." He chuckled grimly. "Not even an armored ogre can withstand one of those bolts."

Boiling oil? That might account for the fast-food smell. "Where are Loghain and the other Wardens?" I asked casting anxious looks up the stairs, wanting to be with Anders.

"Loghain is pursuing the shreds of the darkspawn army, what little was left of it. Sigrun went with him, but Justice remained here to defend the keep." Varel extended a hand and put it on my arm. "Your son is fine. He was never in any danger."

I closed my eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank the Maker. Now if I can only do something for Anders."

His face looked sorrowful. "I am sorry, Commander. Let me know if there's anything I can do."

I nodded. "Thanks, Varel. If there's a servant or two nearby that would be helpful. I'm not sure there's much a medic can do. Ah, I know. We're in desperate need of lyrium. Justice might know where we've stashed some. Have him find some for me."

"Right away." He nodded courteously and left.

Anders was already laid out on my bed when I got up there and Nathaniel was pulling off his boots. I ran to his side and drew on my necklace for mana. My last rejuvenation had worn off and I think only adrenalin was keeping me going. I cast it on myself one more time. Nathaniel looked exhausted, too. "Nathaniel, you should get some rest."

He shook his head. "No, I'll stay up until Harrison and Oghren get here." He looked at Anders, his concern obvious. "What can you do for him?"

I rejuvenated Nathaniel as well. Then I put my hands on Anders and tried to find what was going on with him internally. I had an impression of hardness… something near his heart. It must have been the fragment of fang that broke off. As far as I knew, there was only one way to fix this and I simply lacked the skills. Not even all those episodes of Dr. G., Medical Examiner, House, MD, or Mystery Diagnosis I had watched were of any use to me when it came to performing surgery.

But if I could heal him enough, perhaps he would regain consciousness and he could heal himself… if he could heal a foreign object pressing on his heart. With Nathaniel's help I got his robe off and examined his chest. There was a pink hole where the fang had entered, but my healing had sealed it up. Placing my hands on his chest, I used all my mana healing him. I couldn't pinpoint my heals like he could, they went willy-nilly into him. My healing ability compared to his was like comparing a flashlight to a laser beam.

Still, it was enough to help at least a little. He drew a sharp breath and his eyes opened a bit. I grabbed his hand and he squeezed mine. "Anders?" I was overcome with emotion at seeing that sliver of his brown eyes, and the tears started down my face. I kissed him gently on the cheek. "We're going to get you good as new, Anders. You just need to stay with me. Justice is finding a lyrium potion then you can heal yourself, all right?"

Anders said nothing; he just looked at me through half-closed eyes. "You're a mess, Lucy," he said after a long silence. He chuckled and winced in pain. He brought his finger up to my face and drew it across my cheek. "Tsk, you've really let yourself go, sweetheart." He held up the finger for me to see the dirt on it. "Get cleaned up. I'm not going anywhere."

My heart ached to see him trying to joke. I smiled lamely and got control of the water-works. "Nathaniel…"

"I'll wait outside, Commander," he volunteered.

He left just as a servant bustled in with towels. She rummaged through my drawers and found clean smalls and a gown for me to wear.

"Anything else, my lady?" she asked.

I shook my head and she left, pulling the door shut behind her.

Anders watched me fill the tub and undress. When I turned to look at him again, his eyes were shut but he was breathing somewhat normally. Perhaps he was asleep. I eased into the hot water, wishing I could soak, but feeling the need for urgency. I washed quickly and scrubbed my hair. I was out of the tub and dressed in record time.

I checked on Anders, who was sleeping and seemed stable, then went get Nathaniel. He was outside with Justice and they were talking quietly.

"How is Anders, Commander?" Justice asked, handing me two bottles of lyrium.

"He seems somewhat stable right now. He is asleep." I gestured for the men to come in.

"I'll see about getting us some food and drink," Nathaniel offered.

I nodded realizing we hadn't really eaten since we left the keep, almost a day ago. I sat next to Anders and put my hand on him to check his condition. His breathing seemed good, but his color was pale and his skin still felt clammy. He opened his eyes again.

"Hello, beautiful," he whispered.

I leaned over and kissed his forehead softly. "Hi, handsome. Justice found some lyrium. You can drink it and heal yourself."

Anders raised his hand weakly and touched my cheek, a faint sad smile on his lips. "I can't, Lucy. That piece of fang needs to come out. It's pressing against my heart, maybe it's even pierced it a little." He coughed and I could hear the fluid that was accumulating in his lungs. His hand groped for mine and he squeezed it. His eyes looked resigned to his fate. "My lungs are going to fill with fluid and I'll eventually suffocate."

"No, Anders," I whispered, shaking my head. "You're an amazing healer. I've seen you work miracles. You just need to… you just need to do it to yourself now." God damn it all! This can't happen again.

"I'm sorry, Lucy," he coughed again. "If it were someone else, I could open their chest and probably save them… maybe. Fifty-fifty." His voice was getting wispy. His eyes slipped closed and his head fell to the side.

Dammit! I bit my lip, trying to keep the hysteria I was feeling at bay. In the background I heard hooves clattering into the courtyard, but I paid them no mind. "Anders… no. I won't give up." I knew that I couldn't possibly cut him open, I'd just kill him all the sooner. There has to be a solution… there's always a solution, if I could just think of it.

Footsteps thundered up the stairs. Oghren and Harrison came through the door. "How's Twitch doing, Lucy?" Oghren asked immediately. "Is he going to make it?"

"I'll be right back, Anders." I cupped his face in my hands and kissed him softly. I didn't know if he could hear me or not.

I got up and gestured Justice, Oghren and Harrison to a corner across the room. "He says he can't heal himself. There's a bit of fang left in his chest and it has to be removed. He can't do it himself and I don't know of anyone else with the skill to do that and the talent to heal him." The tears began leaking out again. "If you know of anyone… maybe an apostate, or just a very skilled healer. Please tell me you know someone who could… anyone who could help him." I ended on a sobbing gasp.

Harrison grasped my arm. "I'm sorry, Commander, I don't know any apostates… they tend to stay far away from my sort." He nearly said something then stopped himself and looked conflicted. He shook his head as if arguing with himself.

"Harrison, what is it? If you've got an idea, then tell me. I'm desperate."

He looked at Justice briefly, then at me. "I'm not all that familiar with the Fade, Justice knows more about this topic than I do, but if you were both in the Fade together you could… No, this is crazy. Something like that would be very dangerous." Harrison stopped talking and seemed to reach a decision. "Anders saved my life, Commander. I shouldn't even suggest this but I owe him." He looked tormented by even mentioning the possibility.

"Damn you, Harrison. I order you to tell me, I don't care how crazy it sounds. I need to at least know."

Justice held up a hand. "I think I know what he's talking about. Spirits in the Fade can inhabit humans, just as I am in Kristoff's body. It's possible that, if you could locate Anders in the Fade, he might be able to possess your body and heal himself."

Harrison nodded. "That's what I was thinking of. It's a terrible gamble, though. I never heard of it being done."

Justice nodded. "The risk would be grave."

I turned away from them and stared into the fire. I hadn't been able to do anything for Riordan, Zevran, or even Bendrick. How could I stand by and see another man I loved perish? But what about Danny? Danny could go on without me. He'd have a wonderful guardian in Loghain. Even Alistair and Anora would be looking out for him, but Anders couldn't survive without me. I'd never forgive myself if I didn't try to save him.

Nathaniel interrupted my brooding when he came in carrying a tray of food. Several servants followed behind him also carrying trays. "Here we are Wardens, a little late night snack."

Oghren pointed to the window. "Almost morning by the looks of it." Sure enough, the sky was just beginning to lighten.

"What's happening?" Nathaniel asked, looking at our anxious faces.

"Commander's thinking of switching bodies with Anders so he can heal himself. Or… wait if he's in her body, he'd be healing her… I think." Oghren said, while pouring himself ale from a pitcher the servants had brought up. "I'd volunteer to go, but no one ever invites dwarves to these Fade parties."

"You can't possibly be seriously considering that." Nathaniel said, his brows furrowing.

I picked up a husk of bread and layered it with meat, intentionally not answer Nathaniel's question.. "If anything should happen to me, you are to be Warden-Commander. Loghain will have guardianship of Danny." I turned to Justice. "How do I go about finding Anders in the Fade? Shit… I don't even know how to get there on purpose."

Harrison cleared his throat. "Anders has a book that details the process for finding someone. Perhaps that would help."

I held up a hand. "Get the book."

Nathaniel pulled me aside while I was devouring my food. "Commander… Lucy… look, this is just crazy. I know Anders wouldn't allow you to do this. Go over there and ask him if he wants you to do this."

My temper flared. I glared at him while I chewed the massive bite I'd just taken. I swallowed it before I'd really chewed it enough and it hurt going down. "I don't give a fuck, Nate," I growled. "You tell me how many times I'm supposed to lose the man I love and not be able to do a damn thing about it. The one time I can do something I'm not going to idly stand about and watch him die." I looked around for Harrison. "Where's that goddamn book?" I shouted.

Harrison returned holding the book. "Here it is. Anders had the chapter marked already. Chapter Ten, Locating Someone in the Fade."

I took the book and scanned the first page. I wondered if Anders had ever done this. I read quickly, just scanning it. The spell wasn't complicated, but it required lots of lyrium. I could probably do it. I sat down by the fire and read it again, committing it to memory. There was only one problem remaining… how the hell do I get to the Fade while I'm still aware? I could Fade step, true, but I never felt I could… oh, make a left turn instead of a right, and stay in the Fade. I had always visualized the Fade as a light behind a door that I opened and closed. Ever since my experiments with lyrium I'd been afraid of opening that door the full way for fear of what my half-wild magic might do.

"Justice… how do I go to the Fade without falling asleep?" He has to know! He just has to.

Justice shook his head. "I don't know how mages do it. I believe I can do it and I could probably take you along with me."

I went over to the bed where Anders lay unconscious. His breathing was looking more labored. His last words about his lungs filling with fluid and how he would suffocate echoed through my head. I'd seen my own parents die like that…

"Not you, too, Anders. I won't lose you." I put my face next to his and whispered into his ear, hoping somehow he could hear me. "I'm coming for you, sweetheart. We have a cunning plan."

I stood up and dashed away the tears that were dripping down my cheeks. "I'm ready, Justice." I picked up his hand, for once not minding he was a reanimated corpse, and squeezed it. "Thanks a lot. What do I need to do?"

There was a blinding flash of light and I recognized the door to the Fade I had always visualized. It was standing wide open and just beyond, backlit by a bright swirling mass of chaotic light and noise, I could see Justice beckoning to me.

To be continued…

~o~o~o~

Notes: Reviewers are teh awesome! My fingers are fueled by comments. A few of your words in exchange for 10,000. Such a deal!

My thanks to my lovely beta and friend, Biff McLaughlin, whose own works are a joy to read. My buddy, and inspiration, Zevgirl... hat tip (we'll get back to Nathaniel soon, I promise!)

Now, about the story: Grim, I know! It's always darkest before the dawn, or right before they take the sack off your head when you've been kidnapped and transported to secret location.

Speaking of Skyrim, I've started a new story: "We Know". It is about the young, inexperienced dovahkin getting mixed up with bored vampires in the Dark Brotherhood. I think it should be accessible to non-Skyrim players too.

Oh yes, I got a account. I'm publishing my writing related notes there now. If you should have any questions related to my stories, feel free to post them there. I think there's a spot to post comments and such. Url = zuteness dot tumblr dot com