He didn't want to destroy Thor. Not anymore.
Loki took a deep breath and stepped towards the blonde. He had to put this straight before Thor fell apart in front of his very eyes.
"Thor, look at me."
His brother raised his head slowly, meeting Lokis eyes with uncertainty and pain.
"I am angry at you", he said but he did it calmly, not necessarily cold but firmly. "I am angry at you for the position you put me in. You have made everything a hundred times more complicated then it had to be. But you are not the only one to blame for last night. A large part of my anger is directed at myself. You are to stay with me for as long as you can bear my moods."
Thors mouth dropped open a little. "Is it... Is it really okay? I... don't want to make you uncomfortable."
"I will do my best to forget it ever happened. Believe me, I'm very good at deluding myself", Loki said sarcastically.
For a moment they were silent. Loki was about to turn away, deeming the conversation finished.
Thor was regarding him with a strange look. "Why? Why are you doing this?"
"Thor...", he said warningly.
"There is no reason for you to blame yourself. You were drunk. I was the one who lost control."
"For you own good, you should let it rest."
But the god of thunder chose this day to be awfully perceptive.
"Loki, did you perhaps... Enjoy it it too?"
Loki didn't know what to say. There was no use in lying. His pleasure had been obvious the other night.
"You were very drunk, brother. I know I cannot read anything into it", Thor said softly.
By the Norns, was this giant oaf reassuring him?
"I know that!", he snapped back. "That's why I..." The words got stuck in his throat. He balled his hands to fist, his knuckles turning white. It was not right.
Thor stepped forward hesitantly. He reached out for him ever so slowly, waiting for Loki to pull back. But he could not. The blonde grabbed him by the neck in that brotherly gesture he had used so often, bringing their foreheads together. When he thought about it, it was quite an intimate gesture. But he didn't think about it, not in that moment.
"Thor you..." Lokis voice was raw, a thousand feelings fighting within him. Pain and fear, embarrassment, anger, the feeling of losing ones balance. Of falling. He needed someone to hold onto. "You are allowed to love me, Thor."
Another arm snaked around Lokis back as a shake went though Thors body, though he could not see his expression. He was keeping his eyes shut firmly in an attempt to conceal that treacherous wetness in them.
"No more games?", Thor asked with a voice just as raw as his. He sounded relieved but also very, very tired.
"No more games", he muttered.
Thor hugged him closer as if he was afraid if wasn't holding him tight enough, Loki might break into a million pieces and slip through his fingers. And maybe, that was what would happen.
"I love you, Loki. I'll always love you."
And Loki relaxed just a little.
"I won't", he whispered. "I'll never love you. I cannot."
Thor gave him another squeeze. "That's okay. I'll be happy as long as I can stay by your side."
Loki believed him. That was the worst of it. What right had Thor to be so pure even while nurturing unnatural perversions towards a monster?
"Stupid brother", Loki muttered and finally, he returned the hug. A stupid brother. But his.
XxX
It was their last day on Nidavellir and the dwarfs had a huge feast in their honour. Loki and Thor wisely held back with the drinking but they certainly enjoyed the food.
The god of thunder was back to his usual cheerful self, sitting next to Loki and grazing him with a warm look once in a while. Before, this had unsettled the god of deceit, made him uncomfortable. Now, he found he didn't mind it anymore. He did not return Thors affection, he was quite certain of this but he did not think himself as undeserving of the complex concept of love as before. He had been able to see himself from Thors point of view for just a moment. By refusing the chance to destroy his brother, by accepting his love for him, he had finally acknowledged that there was something worth loving inside of him. He had acknowledged that he was not a monster when before, he had only been able to reassure himself that even if he was an evil beast, at least he could say with conviction that Odin was worse.
That was why, even though it made him uncomfortable at times, he needed Thors love. And considering where they were heading next, he would need it very much.
"Midgard! He has got to be kidding me!", Loki cursed as he stared at the letter angrily. The message had come a minute ago with another Einharjar that was joining their guard in exchange for the one they had sent before.
"Well, it is the realm that we affronted most recently. Also the mortals have a short life span and our trip could very well take some time. It is not that surprising that the Allfather would send us there next", Thor said.
Loki glared at him. "That's not the real reason and you know it!"
"It won't be that bad. Nobody but the black clad people and my friends know it was you who lead the Chitauri and I asked them to keep quiet about it before I left. All we have to do is go down there, speak with the king of Midgard and tell him that his world is under the protection of Asgard and that we offer reparations for the damage caused by the Chitauri."
If at all possible, Loki glared even harder. "Thor, are you actually trying to make me angry or are you just that much of an idiot?"
"What do you mean?"
"There is no king of Midgard!"
Thor stopped in his tracks and stared at Loki. "What? What do you mean – you didn't kill him or something, did you?"
Loki felt his eyebrow twitch.
"No, you imbecile, I mean that there is no king and there never was! The mortals are a pathetic and aggressive race, always at each others throats over the most unimportant of things. Their world is split into countless of tiny countries, each of them with their own ruler. Some don't even have a king but a council that changes members every few years. You cannot negotiate with humans because they do not have a common representative."
Slowly Lokis word and all of their implications registered in Thors brain and a small, surprised "oh" escaped him.
"I... I thought... the black clad people were the personal guard of the king", he admitted.
"No, they are not! They are one of several groups working in the shadows for their country, the USA. While that may be one of the biggest and most influential countries on Midgard, it certainly doesn't represent the whole realm. In fact, most of the rest of the world tends to look at them with dislike from what I've seen, enough so that they'd be insulted if we, as official representatives, only spoke to them."
"So then we have to arrange for a meeting of the leaders of all the different tribes – I mean, countries."
But Loki shook his head. "No, our foremost mission is to handle the reparations for the damage done to that city. The rulers of Midgard will not assemble for something like that. Since the invasion was limited to such a tight space, it should be enough if we only dealt with the country that was affected – without revealing the existence of other realms to the rest of the world. We should do this as quiet and quickly as possible."
Loki had expected an argument. Thor rarely ever agreed with him, even if it was just so he could be of different opinion. But this time he stayed silent, a thoughtful expression on his face.
"You know quite a lot about Midgard", he stated finally.
"Of course", Loki huffed. "I made my homework before I went to invade, you know."
"I don't understand this. When there is no king to overthrow... conquering Midgard would be so much harder. You'd have to go and fight every singly country on its own. That would take decades, even with the Chitauri... And somehow I don't think they would've been willing to stay that long. If you wanted to conquer a world, Midgard was the worst possible choice."
Loki took his time to answer, not looking at Thor. "Fool. The invasion was never about conquering Midgard."
"But... then what was it about?"
Loki closed his eyes as if in pain. "I do not need to tell you that."
"But-"
"Just leave it alone."
"I'm just trying to understand you, brother..."
Loki wanted to throw the almost familiar, rejecting words into his face – that he was not his brother. But somehow, saying them wasn't as easy as it had been before.
Thor hated to see that look on Lokis face. It itched in his fingers to reach out for him, to cup his cheek, stroke his hair, pull him into his arms. He knew that would only make it worse but damn it, he couldn't bear to see his little brother hurt. He wanted to protect him but he had no idea what troubled him and so he could do nothing.
"Let's just... go to the parade", Loki finally said defeated. The parade was being held by the dwarfs in honour of their departure. The tiny people really used every opportunity to celebrate.
Their guard met the princes shortly outside of the palace gates, bowing to them and taking them into their middle
"We'll have to leave them here when we go to Midgard", Loki muttered as they made their way to the crowd of dwarfs that had arrived to see them off. "After all our objective is to not draw attention."
Thor nodded but didn't reply because in that moment a sturdy little dwarf with silver armour who they recognized to be the prince of Nidavellir, strode towards them.
"For his victory over the frost giants", the prince announced with a wide grin, "the people of Nidavellir present you, prince Loki, with this weapon, made in our finest forge by our most talented craftsmen: the spear Hronir!"
Loki could not quite hide his surprise as the dwarf handed him a golden spear, similar to Gungnir in design but with a simple sharp blade at the end and roughly five dozen runes carved into it.
Under the applause of the dwarfs, Loki took the spear and as soon as his fingers touched the metal, he could feel the magic humming in it. This was a powerful weapon – one that was on par with Thors hammer Mjölnir.
Loki gave a respectful bow.
"You have my profuse thanks for this extraordinary gift", he said sincerely. It had always irked him a little that Thor had gotten such a formidable weapon for when he aided Nidavellir in one of its wars against Vanaheim. To now have one himself meant more to him then the dwarfs could possibly imagine.
The little prince gave him a devious smile. "No, it is us who have to thank you. You are a great man and will perform great deeds with this weapon. All we ask in return is that you let your enemies know where you got it from."
Loki chuckled lightly. This was indeed typical for the dwarfs. He couldn't wait to test this new weapon – to see what those runes on it were for.
Loki threw a glance at his brother and was a bit thrown off his track to see the blonde positively beaming at him with pride and happiness.
Together they made their way through the gates under some more applause.
"They really hate those giants, don't they?", Thor asked without moving his lips much, smiling and waving at the people. "
"Yeah, it was a good idea not to tell them I was one of them myself", Loki whispered in the same manner.
"They will hear about it soon enough... And they'll be furious."
Loki chuckled. "That's too bad for them. Though I'm surprised you seem to be alright with me being honoured for an act you abhor on principle."
"I'm glad you're happy, that's all. And I do appreciate the irony."
"My, Thor, there might be hope for you yet", Loki muttered almost appreciatively.
Thor gave instructions to the guard, who soon vanished into the multicoloured light to travel to Asgard. They turned around one last time, waving and smiling a bit forced at the dwarfs, before the light came down a second time. This time the destination was Midgard.
XxX
AN: Wow, Loki and Thor start getting along - and it only took them what, nine chapters? Thought it would be harder. I wasn't planning on coming up with any romance whatsoever before they passed at least six realms but those two seem to tell me to hurry up. Oo
I have some vague ideas for Midgard but I'm still open for ideas. One is for sure, the Avengers (though probably not all of them) and Jane Foster will make an appearance. Won't that be fun? ;-)