Here's where I agonize for long minutes trying to think of a title for this chapter that fits the theme.
Um… "There and Back Again?" No, been done.
Ah, I have it!
The Grey Warden Retirement Guide
Lucy
Life settled down a little after that confrontation with Fergus, but I couldn't get it out of my mind that I wanted to put this Commander nonsense behind me. Anders wasn't unhappy in Amaranthine, but I wanted to get back to Denerim where I could attend to my business. I wasn't cut out to be an Arlessa, or Commander, but I could make a fine figurehead, I supposed. It was time to do something about this duty I never accepted. What was it we said in the Joining ritual? Oh yeah, the duty that can't be forsworn. Well, maybe I can't forswear it, but I can do what I told Zevran I'd do and delegate the hell out of everything.
"Nathaniel," I said, looping an arm over his shoulder and gesturing expansively at the Vigil, as I walked with him around the courtyard. "This could be all yours someday. In fact, tomorrow if you want."
"What?" He stopped and looked at me in shock.
"I want to abdicate, or whatever it is I have to. I'm not cut out for this and you clearly are. Obviously this isn't going back to the Howe name, it'll still be Warden property—nothing I can do about that—but you'd be in charge. If I can make it official at the Landsmeet, I will. You will be named Arl, or acting-Arl, something like that. If I can, I'll even try to persuade the First Warden to name you commander, if you want."
He squinted at me, looking as if he thought I'd lost my final marble. "So, after everything you are going to just foist this all on me?"
I squinted at him with an evil glare I was still trying to master. "Oh yeah, don't act like you don't want it."
There was an infinitesimal upward tick of his mouth. "What will you do?"
"Build toilets. I can do recruiting for the Wardens and send likely candidates to you. We need to rebuild the Wardens. Clearly the Blight wasn't the end to darkspawn issues. And now we might need to defend against Fergus as well." I sighed, shaking my head.
"Do you think he'll attack?" he asked.
"I honestly don't know. Loghain will leave a strong presence here until we've rebuilt. If he does, it'll be suicidal, but I still wouldn't put it past him. He is…" I pondered, looking for a word, "erratic."
"Charming." His voice dripped with sarcasm.
"Yeah, very," I agreed. "So, what do you think of my proposal?"
He shrugged and tried to look put upon. "I suppose, all things considered, I never expected to be an arl, acting or not. My father favored Thomas. In another life, you might've been married to him and probably running the arling because he'd be too drunk to do anything useful."
"Okay, I'll think about that the next time I have nightmares about the Blight. It all could've been worse."
He chuckled at that. "I am fine with taking over. You're sure you want to do this?"
"You can't imagine how badly I want out."
"What about Anders?" he asked. "He's a Warden too."
"He can evaluate the mage recruits. I'm definitely not leaving him behind, so don't even ask."
Leaning against a wall, he chuckled at me. His eyes looked contented and relaxed. This wasn't the same guy I'd recruited from that dungeon cell. I found he had a sharp, caustic wit, and that he loved to tease. If I hadn't grown up with four older brothers, I might have taken offense at the teasing, but, paradoxically, I knew it was actually a sign that he liked me. Leaning with his knee bent, foot propped against the wall, I could see what Mary Ann obviously saw in him. If I had liked the dark broody sort, and had the patience to deal with his initial dislike of me, I might have been very tempted.
"I wouldn't think of it, Commander. When do you think you'll leave?"
"Yesterday. I don't know. As soon as humanly possible we will pack up our belongings and go. We'll go back to the compound in Denerim. Perhaps I'll buy a little house of my own." I thought about moving vans, cardboard boxes and dollies, but I suspected this would be entirely different. I also now had a large staff of servants to pack things up for me. That part made me almost giddy.
"Okay, answer me honestly," I said. "Do you want this? If you don't, I could always put Oghren in charge." Maker help us all.
He laughed at that. "There was a time when I wanted it. I would've done a lot to get it too."
I didn't know what time-frame he was talking about. When his brother was the heir-apparent?
"However, things changed and I was just as glad it was all someone else's headache. However, I'm perfectly willing to take this on, even if it isn't something I exactly hunger for."
That answer suited me better than if he'd said an unequivocal, enthusiastic 'yes'. I'm suspicious of those who are too eager to get their hands on power. I nodded my approval. "Good!" Sticking out my hand, we shook on it. "As of right now, you are the acting commander and acting arl of Amaranthine. Congratulations, Nathaniel. I'll make an official announcement at dinner tonight. Come the Landsmeet, maybe it can be more than official."
"Nate," he said, taking my hand and shaking it.
"What?"
"Nate. Call me Nate."
I grinned at him, having never forgotten when he'd told me I couldn't call him that. "Nate. Commander Nate. Has a ring to it."
~o~o~o~
Nothing happens as fast as you think it will, especially moving. When you think about packing you will inevitably underestimate by a factor of at least ten how much stuff you have. When you actually set about packing, you find out it takes four times longer than you thought it would. I always used that as my basic rule of thumb when I was a twenty-first century earth person.
What I didn't realize was that on Thedas, as the Arlessa of Amaranthine, I had people who would do this for me. I was amazed at their efficiency and wagons began to depart from Amaranthine shortly after I announced I was moving. It wasn't exactly like I had all that much stuff anyway. I'd acquired some dresses, more armor, a couple of staves, a little jewelry, a new lover and… oh yes, a baby. It was Danny who had the most stuff. We would need to take his furniture, his nurse, all the cute little clothes, blankies, toys, nappies, and what-not he'd acquired. The baby's gear took up a whole wagon while Anders's and mine fit into one together.
Our final night at Amaranthine arrived and I looked around the great hall wondering why I didn't have any regrets about leaving. Then I remembered—life here had pretty much sucked. I'd been shanghaied into this job during a time that should have been filled with wonder as the life within me was about to leave the mother ship, but instead it was about as bleak as it could be. Zevran had gone, to his death as it turned out, and I was left alone. Then my leave was cut short and I was ordered to Amaranthine.
I flashed back to that stormy night I arrived, went into labor, and fought darkspawn. It was also the night I met Anders and he brought Danny into the world, so it wasn't a total loss. Of all the things that had happened to me here that I'd like to forget, Danny and Anders were the exceptions.
I watched Anders talking to his buddies one last time. A few of the girls he'd had a thing with looked very dewy-eyed and miserable. A couple even dared to venture a last hug, despite the fact I was standing nearby.
Oghren broke out the "special" stuff, and Anders supplied "sweet madcap"—which I simply referred to as "weed". Captain Garevel got higher than a kite and his second had to eventually help him off to bed. Ambassador Cera surprised us all by getting tipsy and making a pass at Sigrun. I think we were all surprised to see that Sigrun intercepted the pass and ran to the goal line. They went upstairs together, weaving a bit, arm in arm.
"A copper for your thoughts, Commander," Varel said, standing at my shoulder.
I couldn't exactly convey my thoughts unedited; they were ungracious and had to do with how badly I wanted to leave.
"Oh, just reflecting that things were not exactly easy here." I turned to Varel and took his big hands in mine. "Varel, I couldn't have survived a week of this without you. I want you to know how incredibly valuable you are. If you ever get sick of seneschaling, let me know. I'm sure I can put your skills to good use in the factory. You'd make a marvelous CFO."
"CFO?" He looked at me with that patient, curious look he'd always had whenever I got 21st century on him.
"Chief financial officer. The guy responsible for making sure things are profitable and everything's well accounted for." Actually, he'd probably make a great CEO.
"Thank you, Commander. I will keep that in mind." He squeezed my hands warmly and let them go. "We never did come to any arrangement for Bann Esmerelle and her co-conspirators. Would you like to leave their punishment to Warden Howe?"
My eyes flew open. "Oh Maker! I totally forgot in all the craziness. I'd like Howe to take care of it, but my wishes would be that they are exiled. Strip them of everything but enough money to make a very humble beginnings somewhere else."
"My lady, it is well within your right to see them hang for what they did."
I grinned evilly at Varel. "It is, but I can't imagine a worse fate for them than to become some of the 'little people' their ilk look down on."
His warm eyes twinkled and he chuckled at me. "You are undoubtedly right about that."
I smiled thinking that Varel was far too charming and good-looking to be unattached. I'd have to work on that.
I made my rounds of the kitchens bidding farewell to the serving and cooking staff. The cook was the one I'd recruited in Denerim. Sadly, I wasn't taking her back with us. Nathaniel and I had argued, and finally diced over it. He won. He probably cheated.
Then I ran into Mary Ann, the girl that Nathaniel seemed to be quite fond of. She'd gotten a series of promotions and now managed the entire upstairs. She didn't take a bit of guff from anyone, especially not Nathaniel. Occasionally we heard some heated arguments that would suddenly die-off and be replaced by screams of passion. Either Mary Ann was a screamer by nature, or Nathaniel was very, very talented. I'd love to have asked her, but… well, not even I could be that tactless.
I had a long conversation with Harrison. I mentally commended him for loosening up. He had a little sweet madcap, and I found he had a rather sentimental nature.
"Commander, I wish you the best in Denerim. I also want to say,"—he fidgeted, running a hand through his hair—"well, thank you. Thank you for allowing me to join, even after everything that happened. I wouldn't have blamed you if you hated all templars after that. I've come to see, more and more, that the Chantry wasn't always right."
"Harrison, you're the only reason I survived that. If I ever needed proof that not all templars are evil, power-hungry sons of bitches, you provided it." I got misty-eyed. Harrison had been such a kind and gentle person, always treating me with respect, even when I probably didn't deserve it. "Any time you want to come to Denerim, you be sure to come stay with us. You hear me?"
I found I had grabbed onto his arm and was shaking it, trying to get my message through to him. Okay, I was getting a little tipsy. Maybe I should slow down on whatever the hell it was Oghren was sharing with me.
Looking at my hand gripping his bicep and then at me, Harrison broke out into a rare grin. He wrapped me into a tight hug. "Stay safe, Lucy."
I had hoped that Woolsey might let down her hair, but she was as uptight and proper as ever. When things really started to swing, she excused herself.
Someone broke out a set of drums, like the musicians of the time use, and I taught them a proper Latin rhythm. Before long someone else brought some big tubs out of the kitchen to provide a nice bass beat, then a washboard joined the mix, and Oghren was blowing on empty booze bottles and we had quite the improved band.
"Conga line!" I screamed, trying to be heard over the cacophony. That brought puzzled looks because no one had ever screamed such a thing at a party in Ferelden before. Some people started to draw weapons, looking around for darkspawn or bandits.
I got Anders to grab my hips and we started the line. Almost everyone who wasn't playing an instrument joined in and I was left to improvise a dance I had no clue how to do. I just swung my hips, poked a foot to the side, pulled it back and repeated on the other side. Then I hopped three times. I think I was confusing the bunny-hop with the conga. It didn't matter. Anders followed what I did and the person latched onto his hips did too. We shuffled and hopped our way around the great hall several times before the line disintegrated.
That's when the serious drinking started and Oghren told me he loved me and cried like a baby that I was leaving. Yeah… typical Oghren stuff. I reminded him I was only a two-day ride away, but he said something about "shleets" while sitting on the floor looking very confused. I was moved.
When the room started to spin, I vaguely remember trying to walk across the great hall, but I kept falling off my shoes. I'm not sure why since I was wearing flats. Then it all got a bit fuzzy.
Anders
There is a point when sweet madcap and alcohol mix in perfect proportions, and you reach a very blissful stage where everyone is exceptionally funny and witty, even Harrison, but none more so than you. It's at this point that you understand the universe. Your place in it becomes apparent, and you are perfectly content, or you would be if someone would just pass you the cookies or those cute little tarts.
Anders had reached that point. He was just about to distract Garevel and snatch the platter away when Garevel deflected him.
"Hey, isn't that your Lucy? I mean…"—Garevel burped long and low, and then giggled, yes giggled, the man was shameless—"Commander Lucy?"
It was a ploy, Anders was certain. Garevel had commandeered the sweets and he was repelling all boarders, but nonetheless Anders looked up and saw Lucy stumping across the floor, or more aptly, careening. She seemed to have lost the ability to keep her feet in her shoes. Obviously, she was well past the blissful stage into the stage where your former understanding of the universe is replaced with a new one: You are the universe and if you have one more drink you're going to experience the Big Bang as you spew forth a galaxy from your heaving gut.
But Lucy was heading right toward the table, eyes glazed, careening off of people, and not slowing down as she neared. "Hi honey!" she shouted at the top of her lungs and waved madly at him.
"Whoa!" Anders jumped on his chair, stepped onto the table, and jumped down to catch her before she crashed into the giant obstacle between them—the dining table that seated twenty—that she failed to notice.
"Oh! Oops." She slumped into Anders's arms and began to go a little limp, but she turned her face up to his and smiled beatifically. "Maker, you're a han…han… hassome man. I could just radish you right here and now."
And that was the last thing she said; plans for radishment aside, she passed out and hung limply in his arms.
"I can help you get her upstairs," Garevel offered, gallantly giving up his seat by the sweets, but he was tilting dangerously himself. Anders wasn't going to trust Lucy to him in his condition. He'd probably drop her on her head.
Varel, ever the sensible adult, came to the rescue. "Enjoy yourself, Captain. I'll help Anders get her upstairs."
Damn him, he wasn't even tipsy. Anders wondered if the guy had ever in his life lost control. Still, he remembered one time that Lucy has watched the seneschal's ass as he had walked away and the lewd comment she'd made. No, Anders wasn't going to entrust Lucy to someone who already too closely resembled a knight in shining armor.
"Thanks, Varel. I've got her." Anders cast one of the spells Lucy had taught him to boost his strength. Not that she was all that heavy, but walking up many flights of stairs with her might not be easy. He scooped a hand under her and cradled her in his arms. Turning to the people still enjoying the party, he thought he should address them on Lucy's behalf.
"Um…" He waited until the noises quieted and everyone turned to look at them. "Lucy, er, the Warden-Commander, isn't feeling well." He gestured with his head to the unconscious woman he was carrying. "But I know she would want to say something like, well, probably a whole lot like what I would say."
He cleared his throat and tried to push down the sentimentality that the madcap had stirred in him.
"And that is that we all came from different places—some of us from very different places—and yet we came together to fight for Amaranthine and her people, to stand against the darkspawn yet again. We all stood together, and fought, and won. Even though some of us didn't like one another at first—" he paused and looked at Harrison—"It didn't matter, because no matter how much we didn't like one another, we hated the darkspawn worse."
There was a spattering of applause and lifted cups at that.
"Through that process we got to be friends. I can honestly say now—" he looked pointedly at Harrison—"I actually like every one of my Warden brothers and sisters. Even the templar."
Harrison raised his mug to Anders and grinned. "I like you too, Anders!"
He looked at Lucy dangling in his arms and smiled at her. "Darkspawn have been responsible for a lot of terrible things in the world, especially in Ferelden, but if it weren't for them, and this lady right here, I probably wouldn't be alive today, odd as that sounds, and I certainly wouldn't be as happy as I am."
There was a momentary pause and then clapping, followed by stomping, and whistles. Someone shouted "Kiss her!" and then it was taken up as a chant. "Kiss her! Kiss her! Kiss her!"
Anders grinned down at the unconscious woman in his arms and thought he might get in trouble for doing this, but he shifted her, propping her head against his shoulder and then kissed her in front of everyone, in the first public display of affection they'd ever had—and she was unconscious.
Strike that. There was no might about it, if she learned about this he was going to pay for it. Still, who was he to deny these good people? The crowd might get ugly if he didn't give them the spectacle they wanted. It sounded like a pretty good excuse to him.
The applause and catcalls were raucous now. He grinned, basking in their approval, but he waited out the ovation to die down.
"I'm sure Lucy would like me to remind everyone that Denerim isn't that far away and if you come visit us, we'll put you up. Now, I'd better get this lady into bed. We're leaving at dawn."
The raucous cheering started at the word "bed" and Anders flashed one more smile and headed up the stairs, the Warden-Commander jiggling in his arms with every step.
The magic of the arcane warrior made carrying this woman an easy task, but somehow he doubted he'd ever complain about carrying her to the bed they shared, even without the magic.
~o~o~o~
"I never thought I'd be so happy to smell the stench of Denerim," Lucy said as they rode into the city, their heavily laden wagons trundling ahead of them.
They were mud splattered and soaked. It drizzled sporadically ever since they left the Vigil. Their escort, Loghain's men, looked just as happy to arrive. For the last half mile the horses had been pushed to go as quickly as possible, especially since the sky was threatening to open up and really pour down on them.
They made it to the Warden compound and got Iveta and Daniel inside first. Lucy and Anders pitched in along with the staff still working at the compound and they got the wagon unloaded just before it really started to rain in earnest.
Anders instantly took a liking to the place. It wasn't nearly as big as the fortress in Amaranthine, but it was far homier. The tower at the far end looked like a promising place to have a library. The Warden-Commander's bedroom was also large and it featured a huge bed, one that looked rather familiar from Lucy's memories. A bed that once routinely held Lucy and her two lovers, both dead now.
"We don't have to stay in this room," Anders said as she paused in the doorway and her expression suddenly sobered.
"Oh, somehow I managed to continue on after Zevran left." She ran her hand along the counterpane. "I slept in this bed alone for weeks until I was summoned to Vigil's Keep. Don't worry about it."
He stroked his hand down her hair, worrying about it. There would be so many reminders here. Sooner or later it was going to get to her.
"Perhaps we should look into buying a house. Some place with a nice little yard for Danny to play in," Anders said, still concerned.
Turning to him, she hugged him tightly, her arms wrapping around his waist. "I will deal with my memories. I have you and Danny now to keep me grounded in the present. We'll look for a house, but I won't be chased out of here by ghosts."
He smiled at her, noting the little signs of sadness, but he knew she was right. They'd make their own memories here and anywhere else. He leaned against her, kissing her hair and murmuring his love into her ear.
~o~o~o~
Unpacking took longer than packing; there were fewer servants and it was something Lucy wanted to supervise very closely. It took nearly two weeks until they got around to the books.
"There's a library here already. We can just add these books to it. There's plenty of room," she said.
They both cast spells to increase their strength and between them they carted the heavy wooden box with their book upstairs to the library.
"I wonder if that dead elven warrior you found in those ruins ever had any idea his wonderful magic would be put to this sort of use," Anders said, musing over the humble uses of such ancient magic.
"He's probably turning over in his grave."
They began to sort through the books that Lucy had acquired and some of the ones she'd taken from the Vigil's library. Any of them that Nathaniel had expressed sentimental attachment to she'd left behind, but most of these dealt with history and some were treatises of magic.
She stopped sorting through the books and looked at one with particular interest.
"Navigating the Fade, by Luprous Grayson," she said, reading the cover. "Who names their kid Luprous?"
Anders dropped the book he had just plucked out of the crate and snatched the one she was holding. This was one book he really didn't want her to read. Maybe it would be harmless, she most likely had no recollection of all those dreams he'd shown up in. But there was no use tempting fate.
"Ha! Old Luprous. He never did finish this book. While he was writing chapter twelve he got lost in the Fade and never returned to his body. He eventually starved."
"Oh wait! This was the book we used to find you in the Fade when you were dying. Damned useful book. I think I'd like to read it." She plucked it back out of his hands.
"No, don't bother. It's trash. You already read the most useful part of it." He took it out of her hands and tossed it over his shoulder into the crate. "Absolute rubbish." His face lit up with his most charming grin. "You're going to be busy with Danny, the toilet factory, and my insatiable desires." He moved closer, nuzzling her neck. "Rawr!" he said, softly. "I'll buy you a copy of The Art of Passionate Love, the illustrated version, banned by the Chantry."
"I already have it." She paused for a moment looking at Anders and then at the crate. "You're trying to keep me from reading it." A look of suspicion crossed her face and she narrowed her eyes. "Why? What is in that book you don't want me to see?"
Hurt and outraged innocence crossed his face. "My love, you doubt me?"
"Now deflection! You're… you…" She broke off suddenly, a look of puzzlement crossing her face as something finally clicked into place. "You used it, didn't you? You used it to find me in the Fade." She looked a thousand miles away, her eyes seeking something they couldn't quite see.
"Now, Lucy, honey. You're imagining things."
Suddenly her eyes snapped into focus and centered on him. They seemed to hold a reddish glow, probably the reflection from the fireplace, but she looked a little demonic nonetheless.
"No, Anders. I'm not. You were there night after night! I remember a little. I remember you making love to me in a field. You were stalking me!" Her mouth fell open in shock. "No wonder I couldn't get you out of my head, you were in it every night!"
Pulling away from him, as if he revolted her, she snatched the book from the crate and leapt to her feet. "Find somewhere else to sleep tonight!"
The door slammed shut behind her and he heard her feet thundering down the stairs, anger fueling her retreat.
"Andraste's sword, what have I done?" He buried his face in his hands. Of course, she didn't remember all the terrible nightmares he had pulled her from, showing her the way to peaceful sleep. And she didn't remember that she'd been the aggressor in her dreams, the one that had pulled him down into that grassy meadow and ridden him like a hurricane.
And that first dream, the one that started it all, did she think he had contrived that too? That dream they'd shared by chance, with her rescuing him from templars and their long battle against injustice. They shared a lifetime in that dream, and a love so fierce he couldn't have given her up. Not after that. But in her waking hours she refused him, even though he knew she wanted him.
Still, he had to admit that maybe he'd gone too far. Sometimes his impulses weren't the best.
Lucy
I fell into bed and buried my face into a pillow, one that I imagined still smelled of a mélange of Riordan and Zevran overlaid now by Anders.
"What have I done now?" I said, my voice muffled by pillow. "I'm hooked up with someone who stalked me in my sleep." I shivered thinking how creepy such behavior was. Had he somehow manipulated me into this relationship through my dreams? The first such dream I could recall vividly. I thought the lyrium necklace was to blame, but maybe he'd been stalking me even then.
What had happened that day when we ended up in bed mostly unclothed? Oh right, that was the night Wolf had dumped me. I'd gone to my bedroom to sulk and marinate in my embarrassment. Then Anders appeared, herbal remedy in hand, determined to get my mind off him. Maker! I'd been so attracted to him. Embarrassing snippets of conversation came back to me. When the madcap had eroded my inhibitions, I had flirted shamelessly.
"Oh, god." I groaned into the pillow, my words swallowed by down. If I were being fully honest I would have to admit that I had been attracted to him from the start. Always I'd been on the verge of throwing myself at him, but I knew the folly of that right from the start. The specter of Zevran returning to reclaim me had kept those urges in check. Anders was my sort, the very kind of guy that I'd always fallen for. That's why I had pulled back. I'd been the one sending out mixed signals.
"Why are you staring at me? Do I have something on my face?" he said.
"Handsomeness."
"If you weren't my recruit I'd…"
And that had been the night of that dream I'd never forgotten. We were freedom fighters for mage rights, falling in love, living in a wonderful fantasy, making love by the campfire. So how was he supposed to deal with my on and off flirtations if he had fallen for me?
Groaning into the pillow, I felt ashamed of my outburst. All right, the dream-stalking was creepy in some respects, but in the context of what all had happened between us, he had courted me in the only manner he could. Sitting up abruptly I knew I'd have to apologize, but there was still a part of me rebelling and wanting him to suffer at least a little. I got out of bed and sat by a window to read the book by Luprous Grayson.
~o~o~o~
A golden ribbon unspooled from my hands and led me through the Fade. I'd gotten here, thanks to Luprous, and now I just needed to find Anders. I didn't have Justice along with me this time. Oh hey, Justice! I'd forgotten about him. Maybe he was here, but I was on a mission; I didn't have time to go looking for him.
Along the way I was flagged down by several Riordans, a half-dozen Zevrans, an Alistair—really?—and even a Loghain. Demons, of course, but I wasn't deterred. Seeing Riordan and Zevran, even if they were desire demons trying to tempt me, made my soul bleed a little, but I just ignored them and kept on course.
The usual Fade changed slightly as I followed the golden ribbon. Images popped into and out of existence, some of them—many in fact—I recognized. This must be the periphery of his dreamscape. Perhaps this represented a sleep stage where one isn't having coherent dreams, like non-REM sleep. I continued the journey a little longer until the ribbon ended in the midst of the mish-mash of random phantasmagorias, sounds and—very strangely—emotions I could almost feel.
I knew from Luprous's book that I'd just have to wait for a proper dream to start and just as I was about to sit in the middle of the chaotic dreamscape, a quartet of templars emerged from the chaos, swords drawn and coming right for me.
I backed up, preparing to cast a freezing spell, but part of me realized I was just in a dream. I whirled around and saw Anders behind me also preparing a spell.
I relaxed a little, realizing the templars weren't after me, they were coming for Anders, and it was only a dream. I thought I'd just watch for a while. The whole reason I was here was to try to understand what Anders was doing lurking in my dreams. I backed up, noticing he hadn't even seen me and the templars were looking right through me as well.
Before Anders could cast his spell, he was hit with a smite and thrown several yards backwards. Just as he rolled to his feet, they hit him again, and the other two templars were draining his mana. I could see the look of desperation growing on his face as he looked around for an escape.
"Stay down, mage, and we'll let you live," one growled at him.
"No we won't," the next one countered.
"Why'd we do that?" a third templar argued, "He'll just escape again."
They argued pointlessly but Anders was so drained and defeated he could barely keep to his feet. That's when thing got ugly.
"Quite a chase you led us on, boy," one sneered and backhanded him with a steel gauntleted hand.
He was flung from templar to templar and beaten. Shocked by their brutality, I screamed and tried to pull him from their grasps but they had no physical reality for me. Then I remembered Luprous's advice to cast on the dreamer. I cast a healing spell and he looked up and seemed to recognize me as the next templar landed a roundhouse to his stomach, doubling him over in pain.
"Anders," I said, trying to keep my fear out of my voice, "This isn't real. These templars aren't here."
"Lucy, run," he said, on his knees, weaving, verging on passing out.
One of the templars was taking aim at him with a metal boot, but I cast a freezing spell at him and he promptly turned into an icicle.
"Anders! It's just a dream." I hugged him tightly to me and watched the templars descending on us. They definitely saw me now too. "Change the damn channel, Anders. This dream sucks."
Just as a Sword of Mercy was about to cleave us in two, the dream faded away. The cuts, bruises, and broken bones faded away just as fast on Anders. Now we were in the Circle Tower, the second floor I judged. I saw a fair-haired boy, perhaps fifteen years old, walking down the halls with a self-assured swagger, and not a few young girls following his progress down the hall with their eyes and sighs or giggles.
"Oh geez. Why am I not surprised?" I shook my head and followed him down the hall. He made a subtle sign to one girl who looked to be several years old than him, and then I saw them slip away into a storage closet.
I could've followed him in, but I really didn't want to see what he was doing, at age fifteen, to a girl easily two years older. I waited patiently outside. Slowly, the world around me evolved. The walls were growing fleshy, like they are in the Deep Roads when you're in brood mother territory. People around me began to hunch, shuffle, and grow fangs. Then I heard the most bloodcurdling scream I've ever heard an adolescent boy make. I flung open the door and saw that it led to a room much larger than a closet, and teenaged Anders was firmly in the grip of a brood mother's tentacle, his pants around his knees, and the brood mother was reeling him toward her mouth.
"Oh crap!" I shouted uselessly, since he could neither hear nor see me. Even I was horrified by the fact that the she-monster was either going to eat him or… eat him. I cast a little lightning bolt at him, one that would just sting, and he tore his eyes away from the darkspawn fertility goddess and made eye contact with me.
"Lucy!" he screamed, his voice deepening as he suddenly aged.
"Honey, make a nice dream!" I screamed back. "Something with less darkspawn."
The tentacle let go of him, and the room dissolved including the floor. I fell, and so did he. This dream-stalking business was terrifying, I had to admit. I knew that that I couldn't really be hurt, although in my lyrium trance I might feel a sort of psychic pain. I'd awaken just like out of any dream without taking any actual damage. We seemed to fall forever, but somewhere in the process we end up entangled together, arms wrapped around one another, and I could feel his panic, his terror, as he clutched me.
"I'm sorry, Lucy," he said over and over. "This is all my fault."
"Shush, Anders. It's only a dream. Nothing can happen to us." I smiled at him and covered his face with kisses. "You can make us fly, or land in a lake of feathers. Give this dream a happy ending, my love."
At those words, Anders really seemed to see me and respond to me. "Maker, Lucy. You don't know…" His words were cut short as we fell onto a bed, the one in Vigil's Keep. "You really don't know what you do to me."
"Nice landing!" I said, grateful for an end to the shared terror of his dreams.
He began unbuttoning the dress I was wearing in his dream, but I reached up to stop his hand.
"Wait, sweetheart," I said, capturing his hands with my own. "I have to say something."
"Hm?"
He paid no attention to my words. Freeing his hands from mine, he moved them from unbuttoning my dress to squeezing my breasts, thumbs teasing across my nipples, through my clothes; little Fineger's bolts flew traveled to my spinal column and then spread throughout my body, wracking me with pleasure.
"Oh, damn." His touch felt so good, I couldn't remember what I wanted to say. He was so… uh! It seemed like every inhibition he had was completely gone. It was amazingly erotic to know how badly he wanted me.
His hands pinned mine above my head, as he trapped my body with his own, rubbing himself against me.
"Maker, Lucy. You have no idea how long I've wanted this," he said, apparently forgetting that we'd been lovers for several months already.
His knee slid between mine, urging my legs open. I was only too happy to oblige, my resolve to discuss dream-stalking with him weakening to the point of complete collapse.
When the dream suddenly shifted, I found we were both naked. He was just finishing tying one end of a silken scarf to the headboard of the bed, the other end entwined my wrists together.
"Mm, honey. That is kinky!" I said, not even realizing he'd entertained such notions before.
He rubbed his erection against my center and teased me. Every now and then another Fineger's bolt would rocket down my spine, lighting every nerve up like a laser. He sank himself into me, torturously slowly, a cheeky grin on his face. "I'm going to fuck you, until you scream and beg me to let you come."
I gathered my breath sharply, amazed at the things he was saying and doing to me. This inhibition-less Anders was an awful lot of fun. I redoubled that thought as he lifted one of my ankles to rest on his shoulder, leaving me more exposed and open to his fingers which were seeking the very nexus of my pleasure. I cried out, nearing climax as he skillfully ran his fingers past my slickened nub.
"Oh, no. Too soon, Lucy. Far too soon."
There was a sparkle from his fingers and I felt the familiar feeling of a Magnus block sliding over me. I'd be locked into this feeling of trembling on the verge of an orgasm until he let me go.
"Anders!" I whined, piteously.
"Oh ho," he said, chuckling at my plight. "I don't think so, not yet."
Had I been like this in my dreams? What sort of kinky depravity had I displayed in my unconscious state?
With amazing control, he slowly thrust himself into me and pulled out slowly, over and over, carefully playing me like a virtuoso. I began to gasp and beg, whining most piteously. "Please… I beg you. Anders, no more. For the love of god, the Maker, Andraste… fucking Urthemiel, Goldilocks and the seven dwarves..."—I was babbling—"Just let me come!"
If I hadn't been so wound up in such a sexual frenzy, I might have noticed the environment changing around us, taking on a darker aspect, so when the darkspawn broke down the door, charging into the room, surrounding the bed, I wouldn't have been quite so terrorized.
~o~o~o~
"Fuck!" I sat up in bed, heart pounding rapidly in my chest, gripped by both panic and extreme sexual desire.
I was still in the compound, alone, and exactly where I'd been several hours earlier as I'd gone into the trance described by Luprous. There were no darkspawn. Not even the tiniest flicker of them in my senses, but I still tingled, and seethed with sexual frustration, feeling even now like I had long been denied. Is this what Anders had gone through? Had he pulled me out of nightmares, only to suffer the whimsies of my unleashed id? The only difference was, I could go find Anders, wake him up and make love until we both passed out. He'd had to bear up under it all without letting on to whatever I was doing to him at night, in my sleep.
I jumped out of bed, not even bothering to find anything for my feet, or pulling on a robe, and headed to the guest room. I was relieved to find the door was unlocked. I went in and crawled into bed with him.
"Lucy?" he said, waking and turning over sleepily. "Is everything all right?" He looked at me muzzily. "I was having the craziest dreams."
"I'm sorry, Anders. I didn't understand at all. I thought about it and I saw what you went through. Maker, how on earth did you manage that?" I shuddered, thinking of the nightmares and the sexual frustration.
"Hm?" He still seemed half asleep and confused by what I was saying.
I reflected for a brief moment about being considerate and letting him go back to sleep, but there was just no way I'd be able to drop off. If I were a good person, I would suffer quietly, tossing and turning until morning, when he'd finally wake up and then I'd throw myself at him shamelessly. I should commiserate with all he'd suffered when he had been dream-stalking me and I hadn't given him the time of day. I so didn't deserve him, because I wasn't a good person. I was selfish and demanding. And right now, I was horny as hell.
He was still looking at me, but his eyes were beginning to close again.
"Oh no you don't." I reached out a hand and trailed a line of Fineger's bolts from his shoulder to his hips.
That got his attention. His eyes opened and he looked truly awake this time. "Lucy? What… I thought you were mad at me?"
"I'm completely over that, my love." I rained kisses all over his face. "I just… well, do you think you could just wake up enough to let me take terrible advantage of you?" I ran my hands down his leg and then up. I was gratified to find he was already hard, maybe a remnant of the dream.
I could see the sleepy smile on his face. "I think I could see my way to letting that happen."
I chuckled quietly and I got to finish what we had started in his dream.
As I lay in his arms afterwards, finally succumbing to sleep after being in a trance most of the night and now in post-orgasmic bliss, I had fully forgiven him and even found his acts were totally justified in a twisted sort of way. I was lucky to have found such a sweet and caring man.
"I love you, Anders," I said as the Fade finally claimed me. If he responded, I never heard it.
~o~o~o~
The months rolled by and I found myself remarkably content. Anders handled most of the duties involving recruiting and came to the toilet factory to give advice on enchantments whenever possible. I'd weigh in on recruits from time to time, but Wardening was pretty far from my mind as my toilet manufacturing really took off. It was beginning to seem like toilets were going to become part of the Ferelden culture. I was even starting to see orders from out of the country.
Danny was closing in on his first birthday and he was a pretty coordinated tot, walking quite well for his age. He seemed to charm everyone he met with one of his smiles. If a frown should dare to cross his face, people would go to great lengths to erase it. I was getting a little worried that he might get spoiled.
Anders and Danny were becoming best friends. He'd entertain my son with little displays of fireworks. They went outside to observe insects and birds and any sort of thing a toddler would find fascinating, which was almost everything. They even arranged beetle races and Anders would spur on the little beetles by zapping them with tiny lightning bolts. No one could make Danny laugh like Anders. He'd light up whenever Anders walked into a room and, in his baby way, beg for magical amusements.
We spent a fair amount of time in the palace visiting with Alistair, Anora, and the prince Calenhad. We saw Loghain too. He came to visit reasonably frequently and always ended up with Danny on his lap. Anders would make himself scarce knowing how much his presence irritated the general and, well, frankly it went both ways. I'd have to put up with two sulky boys after Loghain's visit. One was sulking because he missed the surly general, the other was sulking because he couldn't stand him.
Then the Landsmeet came and my contentment was marred by a lot of nasty public accusations from Fergus, not all of them untrue. He told anyone who listened I was possessed, a witch, and whatever else he could think of. Sadly, he lost credibility by his drunken, boorish behavior. By the time the issue of Amaranthine changing Teyrns came up, pretty much everyone sympathized with me and I hadn't really had to lift a finger.
Nathaniel Howe was appointed Arl of Amaranthine and I announced I was passing the mantle of Warden-Commander to him—no, I hadn't bothered asking Weisshaupt, they'd didn't need to know. No one protested too loudly because they knew I'd be around just in case the darkspawn threat erupted again. Apparently they liked my track record.
What I hadn't anticipated was how popular the announcement would be that my son was to become Loghain's heir. I brought him with me that day and he was quite the center of attention after the day's meetings had finished. The sight of him toddling around, holding onto Loghain's finger, wearing his fancy velvet suit, melted hearts everywhere.
Then, a few weeks later, I looked at the calendar and realized it had been exactly one year since I'd said goodbye to Zevran. I spent the afternoon planting a tree in remembrance of him and everything he'd done for me, for us. I planted another tree right next to it for Riordan and I watered them both with my tears.
I was fortunate to have Anders waiting for me, watching my tear-streaked face anxiously, and ready to comfort me while I got through the first anniversary of losing Zevran.
"I love you, Anders," I said that night before falling asleep. "I am a lucky woman to have you with me," I whispered to him.
"I love you too, my princess." He wrapped himself around me and we fell asleep together.
Life was actually very, very good.
Zevran
The swarms of gulls circling the harbor were growing fat and lazy. The bodies dumped into the harbor steadily for the last year drew fish that fed on them. Those fish thrived and reproduced, drawing the seagulls in ever larger number. It had been a yearlong feast, and it was all due to the Crows and the largest internecine war the history of the assassin's guild. But every feast must have an end.
The entire hierarchy of the Crows had been reordered by Ignacio and a mysterious Rivaini woman named Daniella. For months, Ignacio's cell had remained outside the fray as the Crows fought. Always he was seen to be trying to broker a peace accord, but something would go wrong and yet another cell would be drawn into the internal war. Ignacio officially entered the fracas when he and the Rivaini murdered Don Bertollo and massacred several cells in an act of traitorous betrayal that would be spoken of, and admired, for ages to come.
A year after Zevran stepped foot on his native shore, he was preparing to leave. He toyed with the amulet around his neck looking at the dark skinned beauty in the mirror.
Is it as easy as removing this charmed amulet to leave behind all this death, paranoia, and scheming, and return to a domestic life with a young son and a beautiful woman? he wondered. Could he turn himself from ruthless assassin once again, into what his Lucia needed and wanted, or was this who he was now?
Hand hovering over the amulet, he finally pulled it away and left the amulet in place. No sense in returning to Ferelden as himself. He could go as Daniella, look around, see how things stand. If Lucy had moved on, he would… Well, no sense in finishing that thought now. If nothing else, at least he would see the child he thought of as his, as theirs; the child that should have belonged to all three of them: Riordan, Lucy and himself.
Ah, even after all this time thinking of Riordan made his heart heavy. To think of losing her too, that the three of them should be torn apart like this—he shook his heads wondering at the cruelty of the creators of this world.
He brushed back his long, dark hair and wondered what his amore would think at this transformation. She might find a dark, exotic woman attractive. Perhaps she wasn't so solidly— eh, what was that term she used—straight as she thought she was. Then again, if they were too intimate, the glamour wouldn't hold. Her mind would resolve the differences between what her senses told her and what she saw, eventually breaking the spell. Then she would see him for what he was, a man dressed as a woman.
That had necessitated one of the longest dry spells in Zevran's life. He didn't dare take a lover and risk revealing himself. Ignacio might have offered, had he shown any inclination at all, but the man and his obsession over Lucy revolted him. He was glad to be done with this business.
And he was free of Ignacio. They had parted amicably now that Ignacio had officially gained the highest position in the Crows—unofficially, the highest in Antiva—with Zevran's help. Because of this, Zevran was now, officially and forever, dead. He could walk through the streets of Antiva without his disguise and be safe from the Crows. Anyone who reported him would be personally assured, by Grand Master Ignacio himself that Zevran was dead and his ashes scattered in the harbor. Seeing Ignacio's cold, flat snake-eyes, hearing his even inflection laden with dangerous undertones, they would understand that what they had seen was definitely not Zevran and they were shockingly mistaken. If they somehow missed those cues, the fishes in the harbor would feed well again.
He finished packing and boarded the ship scheduled to leave with the morning tide. In another month he would be back in Denerim, back with his Lucia, and a part of the only family he'd known since he was very small. If she wanted him back.
At dawn, the ship pulled away from Antiva. The vibrant colors of the sunrise tinted the white plaster city to pink, and the swarms of seagulls circled the harbor looking a little harder for their next meal. Zevran watched the city from the stern as it grew smaller and smaller until it disappeared. From that moment on, he spent all his time at the bow looking for their next port of call.
~o~o~o~
Notes: My thanks to Biff McLaughlin for beta-reading! A shout-out to Zevgirl and Biff for their support and feedback, and my Elder Scrolls buddy, Heiwako. You should read their stuff, it is great!
I also deeply thank: tgcgoddess, Ana, drabsparrow, Shi, xKimathyx, Aynslesa, AislinnS0218, AndAgain, KrystylSky, Whirlygirl9, Biff McLaughlin, Isala Uthener, Zevgirl, KatDancer2, and Arsinoe de Blassenville. Your reviews are a real treat to receive! Thanks so much.
If you were reading this as a book, you might be sensing that there aren't a whole lot of pages left. I'm terrible about predicting how long my stories will be, so I won't even try this time. I think that "A Southern CA" would just be a few chapters long… Hahahaha! However, we are getting close.
Oh yes, I just wanted to mention two related stories if you haven't read them: "The Lost Chapters", and from the DA2 Universe "Tea with Bethany" which isn't really related except by coming from the Dragon Age universe. It is the only DA2 story I will ever write because it pretty much sums up everything I thought about it in one tidy chapter. (Insert evil laugh here).