(Author's Note: Let me know what you think of this series! Is there any Earthly things you would like to see Loki encounter? Review! :))
Episode #2: Walmart
It was a lazy Saturday afternoon and Loki and I had been watching Full House, my favorite 80's sitcom. Loki didn't like it much, because of his hatred for Jesse. Uncle Jesse just so happened to be my favorite character.
"Why do you hate him so much?" I asked. We were cuddling on the couch, my head on his chest as we watched.
"He believes he is of more importance than the Tanner and the Gladstone," Loki replied. "He is nothing but a petty mortal like the rest. It is aggravating." I smiled.
"I think you're just jealous of his hair." Loki scoffed.
"I am not! My hair is far better than that of the Uncle," Loki said. "And I know you like it better." I smiled up at him.
"You're right, I do." I kissed his cheek and stood up. "I'm going to make us some popcorn," I said, walking into the kitchen.
"Is this 'popcorn' some sort of food?" asked Loki.
"Yep," I replied. "You'll love it."
As I sorted through my cabinets, I realized I was out of popcorn. I was pretty much out of everything.
"Hey Loki, I'm going to the store okay? I'll be back in like an hour, but during that time: no killing, no smashing, no blasting, no stabbing, and no threatening any neighbors. Got it?" I grabbed my keys and made my way to the door from the living room.
"Wait, I want to go with you," said Loki. I thought about that one. Maybe if I told him how to behave he wouldn't be that much of a problem. Plus, I wouldn't be gone very long.
"Okay but you're going to need some regular guy clothes, and all the previously mentioned rules I just stated still apply. Just let me do the talking, and don't threaten anyone."
"You're awfully bossy today," Loki said. "But I will do as you wish." He used his magic alien powers to equip himself with a green t-shirt and khaki pants.
"Ooh, you look nice." He smiled at me and I drove us to Walmart. Loki sat still in the car, still not used to how the vehicle worked.
When we arrived, there were Girl Scouts outside the store, selling cookies. I always tried to buy some because they were so cute; their little shining faces lighting up whenever you buy their cookies. I felt like if I had the opportunity to put that look on a little girl's face, I was going to take it.
Loki made it up there before I did. I tensed up and tried to catch up to him. These Girl Scouts were a little older, maybe thirteen, and Loki was looking at the boxes of cookies.
"What is this?" he asked. One girl bit her lip and giggled a little, and shyly answered his question.
"Those are Thin Mints," she said. "They're our biggest seller. Would you like to buy some?" I elbowed Loki and handed him five dollars.
"Give it to her," I said, and Loki held the money out to the girl. She gave him the cookies.
"Thank you," I called to her, leading Loki away before he said something to traumatize the poor kid. She waved at him as we left. I held Loki's hand.
"I think she has a little crush on you," I said. Loki smiled.
"Beauty is such a curse," he said dramatically. I laughed. When we entered the store, I prepared myself for the endless question of "What is this" from Loki. I got exactly that.
"Loki honey, I promise I will answer all your questions one day, but for now, let's just stick to what we need."
"Can I push it?" Loki asked, referring to the shopping cart.
"Sure," I replied.
That was a mistake. Loki took the cart and pushed it into a kiosk of oranges, sending many of them across the floor. He looked at me with a wince.
"My apologies. Your turn." I laughed and picked up the oranges. When they were all back in place, I began pushing the cart again.
Throughout the food section, I had to repeatedly tell Loki that you had to pay for it before you ate it. My budget was going to stretch quite a bit from all the food Loki had bitten into. I first caught him with a jar of peanut butter. He dipped his finger in it and put it in his mouth.
"Loki! You have to pay for it before you eat it!" I said, taking the peanut butter from him. He scowled.
"That's injustice," he said. "I am a god. I do what I want." He grabbed the peanut butter back and continued to eat it, getting his fingers quite sticky in the process. I gave apologetic looks to many passing strangers flashing us the evil eye. One man called Loki out, and I wanted badly to warn him.
"Sir, you have to pay for that!" the man said in a less than friendly tone, quickly walking up to Loki. I gave Loki the "please control yourself" look.
"I am aware of that," Loki replied calmly. I sighed in relief that he didn't harm the man, and quickly said something to calm his irritated expression.
"He has low blood sugar. I promise we'll pay for it, but he has to eat something or he'll pass out." The man's expression suddenly softened.
"Oh, I'm very sorry," he said. I felt bad for lying, but I didn't want Loki to cause himself or the man any trouble. The man left with a nod, and Loki resumed his consumption of the Jif brand peanut butter.
"I need some water," he said.
"Later, okay?" I said. "We don't want to attract any more attention."
"It is astounding how Midgardians strive to avoid each other," he said. Although shameful, that was true.
When we got to the health and cosmetic section, it was a whole new flood of questions. I put some mascara and lipstick in the cart and Loki studied it.
"What is that?"
"Makeup. It makes me prettier." Loki smirked.
"You do not need that," he said. I blushed.
When I was getting my shampoo, I didn't even notice Loki pick up a bottle and squeeze it into his mouth. He threw it to the ground and I turned around.
"Oh my God Loki, that's not food!" I said. Loki spit the shampoo onto the floor.
"I know that now!" he said. He made a disgusted face and people were starting to stare. Before I could do anything, Loki threw up on the floor where he threw the shampoo. I pat his back and a worker came into the isle.
"Cleanup on Isle 7!" she said. She looked at the bottle of shampoo on the floor and gave me a questioning look.
"I'll pay for that," I said.
Loki didn't say anything at the checkout. He simply glared at the bag lady and made her uneasy. When we made it to my car, he helped me put the groceries in the trunk.
"Are you okay?" I asked. Loki swallowed.
"You Midgardians need to better distinguish what is food and what is not," he said. I laughed, and he smiled a little. He opened my car door and I strapped him in the passenger seat.
"I'm never taking you to Walmart again," I said with a chuckle. Loki furrowed his brow.
"What did I do?"