Chapter 4 - Insecurity
"I must admit that I was positively surprised that she hadn't turned out to be a complete dunderhead. She impressed you so much that you came here to talk about her success with me?"
McGonagall's voice was cold when she spoke.
"Unfortunately quite the opposite, Severus. The girl turned out to be a complete disaster during mine and Filius's practical exercises."
Another voice joined in.
"I checked her magical signature and compared results with Minerva. She's just above a Squib."
"She's barely a witch, Severus. At this rate it's impossible for her to pass Transfiguration and Charms."
Katia let the breath she was unaware of holding in out. So, the unavoidable had arrived. They would vote to expel her.
She closed her eyes recalling when the first time she showed any signs of magic.
The evening was cold and stormy and she was playing on the floor near the fireplace. Her mother looked at her from time to time, probably to see if she could move the toys without using her hands.
She heard a crack behind the window, but no lightning. Strange.
Her mother looked through the window and put her hands over her mouth, muffling a cry. She turned around frightened. A doll fell on the floor.
"Anthony, they're here! And our floo network is sealed! And we placed anti-apparition wards inside the house!"
"Hide Cally, I'll hold them back!
Her mother grabbed her by the hand and pulled her into the nearest bedroom.
"Cally, sweetheart. Come, hide under the bed. It's a game, you see? You can't come out until mommy says so. Do you understand?"
She only nodded, cold fear making it impossible to talk.
"That's my good, brave girl. Now stay under there and be very quite. I love you."
She crawled under the bed and waited, watching the living room through a tiny hole in the sheet. There was an explosion and the door disappeared, revealing two figures dressed in black with frightening, skeletal faces.
Her parents were thrown near the bed and were trying to do something, waving their wands, but those intruders were faster.
Her mother fell on her right side near the bed.
"Where is your filthy little brat, you mudblood whore?"
"No where. She's not here."
"Crucio."
Her parents were screaming at the top of their lungs as she sat hidden under the bed covering her mouth trying to not make any sound.
The horror dragged on endlessly and finally they said two unfamiliar words.
"Avada Kedavra!"
A flash of the green light flew from their wands and her parents froze, never to move again.
"We did a good job. A blood traitor and a pathetic excuse of a whore on the floor right where they belong."
"Your brother was a piece of cake. Let's go find their spawn."
She forced her breathing to slow down, but her little heart was beating so fast that they would surely discover her any minute.
"Try under the bed, I'll check the cabinets."
"Please mommy, make them not see me, please, make me disappear, please" she repeat it like a mantra in her head, her lips moving without making any sound.
The sheet was lifted and she felt a foul breath mere inches from her face. The man was kneeling, looking at the very place she sat. She looked down at her body and almost gasped aloud. She was invisible!
"The whore was telling the truth. There's nothing here."
"Nothing here either," replied a voice somewhere above her.
"So move your ass, Avery, before the place starts to swarm with Aurors."
They left and she still sat under the bed, the sheet lifted, her body shaking uncontrollably. Her chin was trembling so much that she couldn't close her mouth.
She never knew how long she sat there, afraid to move, to take a deeper breath, but finally she crawled out from under the bed and over to her mother.
Her face was twisted into a frightening grimace, her hair spread wildly like a black halo on the bloodied carpet.
"Mommy I know I disobeyed you, but the game lasted too long. Stand up now, Mommy."
Her words were barely audible and completely thick with both sadness and fear.
She heard voices outside the house and froze.
They where coming back for her. She wanted to escape, but her legs disobeyed her. Flames from the fireplace made the intruders visible. There were three men and one woman.
She recognized one; a man dressed in green robes, with long, dark brown hair tied into a ponytail and intelligent, blue eyes.
"Uncle Wulfrick?"
She tried to say, but only a squeak was audible, and her chin still trembled badly.
"Callista, child, come to me," he said in a warm voice and extended his hand.
"Tosh to malenkaya dievotchka, Vulfryg," said another man, taller and bigger than her uncle. "Ot tshorty zdielali! Blatz yego matz!" She couldn't understand a word spoken, but it was clear this friend of his uncle's was angry.
"Tihay, ona niet ponimaye nitchevo," replied her uncle in the same, foreign language.
A pair of arms encircled her and lifted her from the floor.
Years after that night, this foreign language would become more familiar than her native one.
"In my modest opinion we should speak with the Headmaster."
"Very well. I will make an appointment for 9.30 pm," replied McGonagall. Her steps could be heard echoing down the hallway, along with Flitwick's little ones.
Katia was halfway done with the potion by the time they left and Snape came close to examine her progress.
The substance inside the cauldron turned muddy when she threw leeches into it. When the mixture needed only a boomslang skin, she dug in her pocket for a while and took out a miniature bottle. Without hesitation she uncorked it and added a few drops of something.
Snape grabbed her arm and scowled.
"What do you think you are doing, spoiling the perfect potion with…what is this?"
He took the bottle from her hand and read the label: Neosynephrin-POS 10%.
"What is this, Miss Ivanov?" he tapped the bottle with one, long finger.
"It's a drug containing fenylofelefrine in a pure form."
Snape's scowl deepened.
"Explain."
"Fenylofelefrine is an amino-acidic synthetic substance which extends the activity of drugs in human organism. This bottle contains Muggle nose drops and by adding five drops I can lengthen the time of influence of Polyjuice Potion from one hour to two. Five more drops and the time extends to another hour. But if you add the whole bottle, the drinker is poisoned to death. "
"Muggle nose drops? How do you know?"
"I was taught by Vladimir Kashpirovsky and he patented this method last year. "
He knew the name. Kashpirovsky was a famous Russian Potions Master and his methods of brewing were unique and characteristic for using uncommon ingredients and methods.
"You know, that the secrets taught by your master are strictly confidential. You are not supposed to talk about them with everyone."
Katia smirked and clasped her hands in front of her in a very Wulfrick-ish manner.
"That is why I talked about it only with you, Professor. You are not everyone."
"What are you trying to gain, Miss Ivanov?"
"Honesty isn't a Slytherin trait from what I know, but I will speak truthfully with you. I know that you will be one of voices in tonight's discussion about my future or lack of it in Hogwarts. I wanted to prove that I'm worth something, sir. I have a feeling that if I convinced you somehow it would be significant."
Snape snorted and shook his head.
"You are dismissed Miss Ivanov."
"Have a good night, Professor." She smiled politely and exited, shutting the door silently behind her.
When she glanced at her watch, it was fifteen minutes past the curfew. The list was still in her pocket.
She made her way to kitchens quickly, her excellent memory helping her find a way in the labyrinth of corridors and passageways. She handed the list to one of the house elves, who had been waiting for it for quite some time, bid her good night and headed back to the Slytherin dorms.
A brownish, bottlebrush tail caught her eye. She quickened her pace to see a pretty cat in one of alcoves. It didn't run when she came closer, so she scooped it in her arms and stroked its fur.
"You are a sweet little thing, you know that?" she said to it. The cat purred when she ran her fingers through its long, silky fur.
Argus Filch was doing his usual rounds when he heard a strange, thick accent in a girl's voice. He smiled to himself. He was about to catch the first troublemaker of the new school year. As he rounded the corner he was unprepared for what he saw.
What struck him first was that Mrs. Norris wasn't hissing, and he couldn't feel a mild pulling at the back of his head. She wasn't calling him. As a matter of fact she seemed to be quite comfortable in the girl's arms.
"Do you have an owner little one? You seem to be lost and it's not pleasant to be lost here, alone, isn't it katchitchka?"
Filch was trying to stalk quietly, but the girl turned to him and smiled. She spoke before he had a chance to do so.
"Good evening, sir. I found this little kitty and I was about to search for someone who might be own her, but since you are here, maybe you would be so nice as to help me?"
That was different. The girl was polite to him and her smile looked genuine. Besides Mrs. Norris purred in her arms. He felt her soothing vibration in his body.
"It's my cat, Miss and you are in trouble."
Trouble, yes. Expulsion was a good description of trouble. She felt her chest tighten and tears forming in her eyes. Her usual composure was not important now. Probably tomorrow she would be packing and who cares that she was sad about it and had shown it? She swallowed and took a breath trying to calm herself.
"In trouble, sir, yes. I am in trouble. Professor McGonagall said that my magical signature is barely present, and I'm almost a Squib. She, along with Professor Flitwick, will vote to expel me because, like she said, I am a complete disaster and won't pass her classes."
She tightened her grip around the cat which nestled its tiny head in the crook of her arm like it was sensing her bad mood.
Filch was silent, not expecting such a confession from a student. He could understand her, being a Squib himself.
The girl lifted her eyes, holding unshed tears in them.
"What can be worse than being humiliated before all of my class mates, being laugh at by everyone and judged unworthy to attend here?"
He wouldn't be the one to add to her misery.
Argus Filch wasn't a sadist. It was lack of acceptance and humiliation that made him so hard-bitted towards the student body. They treated him inferior because he couldn't hex them and he, like every human being, wanted some respect. He wanted acceptance, but found it only in the Headmaster, when Dumbledore hired him and in the little creature that was everything to him, Mrs. Norris. She didn't care that he was bitter, had no magical abilities or wasn't socially accepted by the wizarding community. She loved his hands, when he was stroking her fur. She liked delicious things, which he picked especially for her, and a warm place in his bed, near the bolster.
He wasn't about to condemn the girl who was already feeling miserable and did nothing to disrespect him. Yet.
"Come with me," he said and turned around, not looking at her. He didn't get along with crying women. Besides, if she decided to flee, he would do nothing to stop her. He could do it to be at peace with his conscience.
Katia followed him through the long, damp corridors. She tried to remember all the turns and forks, but tears made her vision blurry, and she didn't care anymore. Maybe she should go to the dorms, but it was her first instinct to obey. He said come, so she went after him, still carrying the cat in her arms. Its presence comforted her somehow.
Finally he stopped and opened the massive, wooden door. He motioned at her.
"After you."
She entered and stopped near the big armchair, near the fireplace. There was also a bed, a wardrobe, some cabinets, the second armchair and a tea table. He nodded, so she sat down.
"Would you mind sir, if I held the cat for a while?"
Filch smirked and turned to lock the door.
"You held Mrs. Norris for a while already, but I don't mind if she doesn't."
"Forgive me my manners, sir. I am Katia Ivanov."
He sat in the armchair nearby and poured some tea into two cups.
"Argus Filch, I'm a caretaker here. I've heard about you, Miss Ivanov. You are the new transfer student from Bulgaria." He handled her a cup. "Drink, it will do you good."
She took it and smiled wearily. "Thank you sir."
"Was it really that bad? During your lessons, I mean."
"I should have lifted a glass full of water and put it on the table. Instead I dropped it and spilled the water. One girl called me a failure. I almost choked her after. I acted violently the first day. I started a fight because I couldn't hex them. They fear me, but they try to see how much they can do to me, when my back is turned."
"Why were you wandering after curfew?"
"Professor Snape must have seen my behavior yesterday and I had a detention with him. That was where I heard what the professors think about me."
Filch eyed her for a moment and sighed.
"I can understand how you feel. I'm a Squib myself and even as a caretaker I am often a target of those stupid kids. I regret sometimes that Dumbledore is too soft on them. They would show some respect for me if they knew that I could hang them by the ankles in my office or whip them raw."
Katia's mouth formed into a perfect "o". She would love to behave badly just to see what it's like…Bloody hell! Stupid, damned curse. She bit the inside of her cheek so hard that she could taste blood. The older she got, the more powerful the curse became, trying to take control over her at the worst possible moments.
"Don't look at me like that. It would be fun to see them hanging upside down, waving their limbs helplessly. But I'm not some kind of sadist."
"It sounds like fun. I could see Pug Face in that position, the Slytherin girl that is so rude. I broke her nose with the heel of my shoe. I shouldn't have said that but it doesn't matter now."
"Don't be so pessimistic. The Headmaster agreed for you to study and he doesn't like to change his decision. Besides, you are a member of Professor Snape's house. He would take your expulsion as a personal attack on his person and he's not the type who will take it easily."
Katia smiled and took a sip from her cup. It did make her feel better. Mr. Filch was bitter but good man. Even if only to her.
They sat in a comfortable silence for a while and finally Katia put the cat in his lap and stood up.
"Thank you for you support and the tea, sir. I believe it's time to go for me."
Argus also stood up, but without her grace. He heard his knees protesting loudly against the sudden movement.
"I'll show you the way to your dorms."
Albus Dumbledore was sitting in his armchair in his office, looking at a moving photograph. It showed a man in his mid-forties and a boy. It was hard to tell if the boy was a young looking adult with a boyish features or an actual boy. They were standing close, holding hands. In the background were mountains, snow on the tops of them.
Albus traced the smaller figure with his wrinkled thumb. He turned the photo over. There was a short sentence written in an elegant, cursive hand:
There will always be a warm spot in my heart waiting just for you.
With love,
Wulf
He heard the staircase moving and put the photo back in a drawer. Soon there was knocking on the door.
"Come in."
The door swung open, revealing his three employees, Minerva McGonagall, Filius Flitwick and Severus Snape.
"What brings you to me this beautiful evening?" asked Dumbledore, adjusting his half moon spectacles.
McGonagall crossed her arms. Not a good sign.
"Albus, you know very well what. I've sent you an owl half an hour ago."
He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.
"Oh yes... Sit down please. Would you like to try my lemon sherbet?"
"Thank you," said McGonagall, sitting opposite the Headmaster and taking the cake.
"We came here to discuss the case of Miss Ivanov, and we explained the details in the letter we've sent earlier," said Flitwick.
"The girl is not able to continue her studies here," added Minerva, as she swallowed a piece of cake.
"Now, now, Minerva. I believe that you judged her too harshly. Severus, do you have anything to add? I cannot believe that you want to dispose of her as much as the others do. I've seen her marks and she is excellent in Potions."
Snape's expression changed from scowling to… less scowling.
"I disagree with Minerva and Filius. The girl has potential," he looked at McGonagall "and I must say that I can't remember if I've seen anyone, except for myself, who enjoys the subject this much. I believe, that she is clever and despite her lack of magical ability, will be a worthy addition to this bunch of dunderheads I must teach."
"Severus, we are not talking about Potions. Her cleverness isn't enough to perform a spell or to do the proper transfiguration. She may learn a great deal about the subjects, but Transfiguration is mostly a practical subject. It requires some level of ability to perform the tasks."
Snape arched an eyebrow.
"So, you are saying that she can't produce even a spark from her wand?"
McGonagall put her empty plate down with a little more force then was required.
"She lifted a feather, a feather Severus, and failed to lift a glass full of water. It wasn't a goblet, just a small glass."
Hearing that, Flitwick joined in.
"She also moved the chair by an inch or two. Would that make her capable of passing my class? She was supposed to lift it on to the table."
Dumbledore brushed the drawer absent-mindedly, and when he caught himself at it, he felt anger building inside of him. The discussion was absurd to him.
He cleared his throat and looked at the three of them.
"I believe that we should give her a chance. She can-"
McGonagall interrupted him, standing up.
"Albus I said that-"
"Enough," said Dumbledore with a commanding voice. "The girl will remain at Hogwarts and continue her education. As a qualified teacher, Minerva, I expect you to tutor her. You can also give her additional assignments. She is smart, and can do a good of job by observing the students and writing about the reasons of their good and bad results in performing Transfiguration tasks."
"Albus you can't expect us to lower our-"
"That is not what I said. She can pass with the lowest grade by doing the simplest of your exercises and writing additional essays. That is my final decision."
They stood up, McGonagall shuffling her feet like an angry child.
"And Minerva?' McGonagall turned around, her face defeated. "Talk with her tomorrow and add to your plan an hour or two during the weekend to tutor the girl." It was somehow wrong to call her Ivanov.
When they left, he put his fingers to his temples. He was getting sentimental. And seeing Wulfrick not so long ago didn't help the matter.
What changed that he decided to take a woman and impregnate her? He was never into women, as long as Dumbledore could remember. Now the girl reminded him constantly of his younger years. Her accent, her gestures, her oval face, long fingers and her very Wulfrick-ish smile.
He felt a strange protectiveness towards her, wanted to do everything to make up for what he failed with her father.
Besides, Severus said that she had a talent in Potions. Maybe not directly, but he praised her somehow.
And it mattered.
He could justify his decision, taking Severus's opinion as a deciding factor.
It didn't matter that she was Wulfrick's daughter.
It didn't.
Katia couldn't fall asleep when she finally was in her bed. She turned from side to side, thinking about her uncertain future at Hogwarts and the reassuring small talk with Mr. Filch.
She came here not only to learn, but she had a certain task, and was determined to do everything to accomplish it.
She wasn't supposed to think about it now. First – do everything to convince the Headmaster that she should stay. Second – pass Graceful Movements in December. She needed to start searching for a place to practice undisturbed. No one could know what she was learning and, most important – why.
Wulfrick had almost fished Mark at her age. She haven't had even a tiny stain of magic ink at the base of her neck.
Tired of tossing on the bed, she reached for her bag and took the book covered in Cyrillic, Russian letters. There was a man with long, dark hair on the cover. His was quite handsome for to her with almost inhuman piercing eyes, a large nose and elegant, long fingered hands. He was dressed in black priest robes. He held one hand in his lap and the other on the armchair he sat in. The title read The Life and Death of Grigori Rasputin.
She knew the book very well. In fact she could tell what was written on each page, could see all the pictures when she closed her eyes.
He was the greatest Russian wizard and his fame matched that of the British Merlin. He could heal with his hands and foreseen the future of the royal family and all of Russia. People used to say that he was a holy demon with his incredibly silky voice and steel gray eyes.
Women would fall for him deeply. He welcomed them, claiming that his soul was pure and unstained, belonging to God, while his body was human and also had its needs. He was a hedonist, a lecher, but he wasn't selfish and tried to make people's lives better at every cost. In the end an Empresses cousin murdered him, but he didn't die immediately.
He was poisoned by a large amount of cyanide, then shot several times and finally he was put into a large sack filled with stones and thrown into the river. Later examinations showed bubbles in his lungs, indicating he had drown.
It was almost dawn when she finally fell asleep with the book on her chest.
A/N: Some translations and explanations for this chapter:
Tosh to malenkaya dievotchka, Vulfryg- Tosh – but, to- it, malenkaya – little, dievotchka – girl, Vulfryg – I transcribed Wulfrick's name to sound like the Russian could pronounce it. In the case of this name- it would be pronounced exactly the same in Polish, despite the huge difference between these languages.
Ot tshorty zdielali! Ot- something like "look what", tschorty – devils (plural form), zdielali – did their doing, or just did (something). You can read this more like: look what these ( morons? [put any matching word here]) did.
Blatz yego matz!- blatz means whore, yego- his, matz – mother, it's a common vulgar byword, rather an equivalent in English to "Fuck!"
Tihay, ona niet ponimaye nitchevo- Tihay – be quiet, ona – she, niet – not or no, depends on context; ponimaye- understand/comprehend, nitchevo – nothing. "Be quiet, she don't understand a thing"- it would be the best translation.
Katchitchka – little feline
Kashpirovsky – it is an authentic, living man. Those who live in East Europe probably heard about him.
In the 1990's he was a famous healer who hypnotized millions and healed through the TV. He was doing it very seriously, but my family and I sat in the evenings, listened to his "put your hands on the screen, one, two three" and laughed to tears. I've read that he's still famous in Russia and is planning to return. His name brings a smile to almost everyone who heard about him. His name is Anatolij, but I changed it to Vladimir.
Many thanks to my wonderful beta- Cat Paws and for my readers.
I would love to know what do you think about it, so please, review :)