(Author's Note: This one is for Shadow! :) Sorry for the lateness; enjoy!)

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Loki, Rachael Ray or her food; I really own nothing but my imagination. So don't get your panties in a pretzel. ;)

Episode #14 – Cooking

When I pulled up in my apartment complex and saw that my building was on fire, I wanted to turn around and go back to Starbucks to pretend I didn't see that. But I did, and I hoped with all my being that #1) Loki was okay, and #2) he didn't cause this. To my relief, he was fine, but…of course he was the cause.

I quickly got out of my car and ran over to a fireman.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

"Well, something in Apartment 203 blew up and set fire to the whole building, but luckily everybody got out and there are only a few injuries," replied the fireman. Apartment 203, that was my apartment. I thanked him and started looking around for Loki, until I saw him sitting on a nearby bench, watching the building burn as if it were a spectacular show.

"Loki!" I said, and as soon as he saw me his eyes widened. I marched over to him and he put his hands up in front of him.

"Amelia, before you blame me, I just want to say that it wasn't my fault."

"Did you set fire to our apartment?" I asked.

"Well yes, but—"

"—Then it is your fault!"

"No, it was Rachel Ray's fault!" Loki said. She told me to heat the pie for one hour at four hundred degrees, and then it just…exploded." I put my hands on my hips.

"What?"

"Alright, just let me explain," Loki said.

…

Loki was sitting on the couch right after I had left for Starbucks and the DMV (I had to get my license renewed) and he was flipping the channels on the TV. When he stumbled upon Food Network, Rachael Ray appeared on the screen.

"Hi, I'm Rachael Ray! Do you have someone in your life that you love, and deserves something amazing?"

"Yes," Loki replied.

"Do you want to surprise them with a tasty treat?"

"I suppose."

"Well I have the perfect recipe for a delicious Apple Pie! It's quick and easy, and that special someone will be deliciously surprised! We'll be back after a five-minute break to start baking!" Loki took this as an opportunity to do something productive while I was away. He got up and went into the kitchen, checking the inventory. He didn't know what anything was, but at least he knew what was there.

When The Rachael Ray Show came back on, Loki watched eagerly as the ingredient list came on the screen. It read as follows:

6 granny smith apples (2 1/2 to 3 pounds)-peeled, quartered and sliced 1/3 inch thick

2 1/4 cups plus 2 tablespoons flour

1 cup plus 2 teaspoons sugar

1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice

3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1 egg, separated, white beaten slightly

1/3 cup ice water, plus more if necessary

1/2 teaspooon salt

1/3 cup chilled vegetable shortening, cut into smaller pieces

6 tablespoons unsalted butter, chilled and cut into small cubes

"Smith?" said Loki. "I suppose I shall have to ask about this 'Smith' woman." He headed down to the lobby of the apartment complex and a woman smiled at him from the front desk.

"How can I help you?" she asked.

"I am looking for an elderly woman called Smith. Does she live in this building?" The woman looked on her computer.

"Yes she does, in Room 207."

"Thank you mortal," Loki said. (I can't believe there is an old lady with the last name of Smith in our building. What are the odds? But Loki swore it happened.)

Loki made his way to Room 207 and knocked on the door. The elderly woman Loki pinned as Granny Smith opened the door.

"Hello young man," she said.

"May I borrow some of your apples?" Loki said. "I need six. I am making an Earth pie."

"Certainly sweet pea," said the old lady, not even remotely taken aback by Loki's mention of an 'Earth-pie'. She gave Loki the apples and pinched his cheeks. He was a little startled, but thinking this was a custom, did the same to the old lady.

"Thank you for the fruit," he said. The lady waved him goodbye and shut the door.

Eventually, the last ingredient Loki had to get was the 'ground cinnamon'. Naturally, he went outside for that. Loki looked upon the grass very closely.

"Well if I knew what cinnamon looked like, I might be able to find it on the ground," he muttered to himself. It took about twenty minutes of sifting in the dirt for Loki had a 'brilliant' idea. "What if the cinnamon is in the dirt? That must be it." Loki scooped up a cup of literal 'ground cinnamon' and poured it in the bowl with the rest of the ingredients (which none of them were remotely correct).

Just then, Rachael Ray appeared once again on the screen, to give the directions for baking the pie. First, Loki was to preheat the oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Loki didn't know what Fahrenheit or oven was, so what he got from those directions were: heat with your blue scepter until it is 400 degrees. So Loki conjured up his scepter and pointed it at the bowl of…eccentric pie. He blasted it and when it had reached 400 degrees, the entire kitchen counter was black and smoking. Loki coughed and decided to move his baking into the living room.

He moved his bowl onto the coffee table in front of the TV and then observed that he was to 'beat the eggs'.

"Ooh! Finally something fun," he said, fetching two eggs from the fridge, or as Loki called it, the Jotun box. He put the eggs on opposite sides of the coffee table, since Rachael said to separate them, and proceeded to pound on them with his fists. However, he pounded them too hard, and broke the glass on the coffee table. Loki then cursed to himself and picked up the bowl out of the pile of glass shards.

When it came time for Loki to "roll the dough into a ball", he found himself in a predicament. His pie was not exactly a dough, per se. It was more of a brown mush with shards of glass, green apples, and balls of dirt. Loki looked at his creation.

"I must have gone wrong somewhere," he said. "Oh well, I'll skip to the baking."

As it turned out, the pie had to be baked for an hour. So Loki sat down, fired up his scepter, and 'baked' the pie. The thing about his scepter was, it did not stay on one level of power for that long. It increased its temperature and power until it destroyed whatever was before it. Therefore, before Loki realized what was going to happen, the scepter let out a huge blast of power and blew the entire apartment up in flames. Loki was shot out the door and fell down the stairs, however unscathed. Then everyone began screaming "Fire! Fire!" and scrambled all over the place.

Thus, brought us to the current moment.

"So you see," Loki said. "I was only attempting to surprise you with a Midgardian pastry." Loki hung his head in shame. I felt bad. He was only trying to make me happy. I could feel his frustration at doing everything wrong all the time. I couldn't help but smile at him.

"Well, you tried. And no one was hurt," I said. I wrapped my arms around him.

"Thanks for risking your life for my taste bud happiness."

"It was the least I could do," said Loki sincerely. And it probably was. I was just glad everyone was okay. But…

I am never leaving him home alone again. Ever.

Guess what, this is a real Rachael Ray recipe! (and if you know a lot about Rachael Ray and are disappointed by my portrayal of her, I'm sorry. I honestly know nothing.) But if you want to make her apple pie better than Loki, just google 'Rachael Ray apple pie' and go to town.

Also, who has read or is reading Marvel's new comic series, "Loki: Agent of Asgard"? I'm just dying to talk about it with someone! If you haven't but want to, you can find them at your local comic or used book store! :) (This really sounds like I'm advertising, I'm sorry, I just want to give credit where credit is due. ;)

Thanks for reading and please review!