Chapter 9 - Merciful Christmas
Filius Flitwick was quite an emotional man. Even if he kept his students at a distance to have some order and gain respect, he still cared about them. Until the Christmas break he was busy enough to not think so much about the kids, but now – he had way too much free time.
He thought of the talented, muggleborn Hermione, who constantly needed to prove herself. He thought about Harry, who was clever but wasn't working so hard.
He would think of Neville Longbottom; poor boy was like an orphan with his parents in such a delicate, irreversible state.
But none of this could he change, no matter how compassionate he was.
He couldn't find peace, especially lately when he had a lot of time to think and worry.
Early afternoon found Filius Flitwick in one of the Greenhouses where he hoped to meet the one person who understood him the most, Pomona Sprout.
She was leaning over mandrakes, measuring their growth with her professional eye.
"Hello Pomona," a voice behind made her jump. "I didn't mean to startle you," added Flitwick quickly.
"Oh, of course you did Filius, and that's not so funny!" She replied with mock anger, wiping her hands off on her work-gown.
He smiled and took one of the pots, turned it upside down and sat on it.
"How are they?" He asked, gesturing towards the mandrakes.
"I needed to put on more heat. The poor things were cold. It wouldn't do them any good, especially now when we need them so much," she sat on one of the benches across from him.
Seeing him, she could tell that he was concerned about something. She knew him well enough and it wasn't unusual for him to be in this state around this time of year. She liked her friend, however, and it was almost Christmas. He should be happy, not worried about some poor soul that couldn't be helped.
"You didn't come here because of the plants did you, Filius?" Asked Pomona, her tone suggesting that she already knew the answer.
He shook his head a little and smiled. "No Pomona, I wanted to ask about them too, but there is something which has been bothering me for quite some time now."
"Tell me, maybe I can help?" She said, concerned. For years they solved problems together, this time wouldn't be an exception.
Filius watched her for a moment. Pomona was a kind, friendly soul in his eyes. Her traits were quite visible in her physical appearance.
In her flyaway hair, rounded face and dirty fingernails, which touched all living things with so much care.
It was in her eyes, her smile, her warm, soft voice that reflected her kind, giving soul.
"Tell me, what do you think of Miss Ivanov?" He asked after he contemplated her features.
"She can mix with the crowd actually, she isn't exceptional by any means,"
Pomona took off her hat and furrowed her brows a little wondering, why would her friend be asking her opinion in this matter. Could it change something?
"She has a theoretical knowledge; she knows many foreign plants, but that's quite understandable. She does live in a different country. Hungary?" She felt that perhaps by examining the girls abilities would lead to a more sincere opinion; one that neither praised nor underestimated her.
"Yes, I believe it's Hungary," she continued, "Miss Ivanov appears to know much but when she does something, it looks as if she has never planted a seed with her own hands."
Filius raised his eyebrows. Curious.
"Why are you asking about this girl?" She asked the question finally, growing impatient with his enigmatic attitude.
"Her first lesson was with me. She turned out to be one of the less talented students I ever taught. It's true that she's even worse in Transfiguration. Her magical signature is barely present. It's less in the magical equivalent of physical abilities and the ability to change the material structure of an object. I've noticed that it is more present in spells requiring mind magic. I believe she could do an Obliviate Charm if taught," He stood up, moved the pot closer to Pomona and sat again, leaning towards her as if to absorb her reply.
"Oh that's a shame. She came long way from Hungary just to be less than average. I'm sure that she knows so much in theory to cover her lack of magic. I know that my best student, Neville Longbottom, is not very strong in magical talent, either. Nor is he the smartest, but I do admire his love for plants. He reminds me so much of myself. I hope that he will choose a career in Herbology. It would be a waste if he didn't."
She could tell much about her favorite student, but she could feel that this wasn't the case. Filius often blamed himself for things he shouldn't and given his emotional nature, it was very often. Nevertheless it wasn't that he was brooding and crying, more like being concerned even if he shouldn't be.
"I thought that he was terrible at Charms, until Ivanov came. What troubles me is the fact that Minerva convinced me that expelling the girl would be the best solution. That we would be doing her a favor because she won't pass exams anyway and better to let her be disappointed at the beginning, not when she had spent a full year here."
Pomona looked at him disbelievingly. A moment passed and then she understood why Filius was in such a mood. Of course, after everything he had come to the conclusion that Minerva was wrong.
"And you believe that you can't show kindness to someone by expelling them from the beginning. You don't want to add to her misery," she did not ask it, she stated what now was obvious as much to her as was to him.
Filius's face brightened. That's why he came only to Pomona. She was the one who understood him perfectly.
"Yes, I regret it. We were both trying to convince the Headmaster, but he and Severus were insistent. I have a feeling that with a little help, she'll be able to pass the exams. If she wants to work hard, I won't be a stumbling block for her."
Pomona needed to keep up his spirits. The girl was still attending school.
"I think that you acted under Minerva's influence in the moment, but if nothing bad happened, you should stop blaming yourself."
By Filius's expression she could tell that the weight of guilt was somehow lifted off his shoulders. His look then became pensive and she could tell that he was thinking about something different.
Flitwick levitated a couple of dead leaves. They formed into the shape of an "S".
"Do you think that Harry Potter is innocent?" He asked.
"I want to believe so. Even if all the evidence is against him, why would he do such things?"
This question had crossed into Filius's thoughts, as well. Why would Harry do such things?
After supper, Katia was informed that her father is waiting for her in his office.
"Sit," said Wulfrick. She immediately knew that he was angry. She took her seat across his desk and lowered her gaze, her hands resting on her lap.
One passing glance at his face earlier told her that he barely controlled his fury, however when he spoke, his voice was terrifyingly calm.
"I think that I gave you too much credit. You foolish girl," his control gradually slipping away, as his voice became louder.
"You are an idiot, Katia!" He spat.
"You could kill yourself or be expelled for this stupidity!" He was practically yelling now.
"That's how I raised you? To act like a seven year old? To bring me shame and risk your life like it is worth nothing!?"
It was a very stupid idea, but she had to try. She spoke, instead of listening with her head bowed. Filch had changed a little bit of her understanding about respect, but it wouldn't work with her father, as he was the one who saw fit to this rule.
"I don't want you to be disappointed with me. I am so sorry, father," she said very quietly and risked a glance into his eyes.
It seemed to infuriate him greatly as he stood and slammed his palms against the desk in a very similar manner as she not so long ago in Filch's office.
"Shame that you weren't so sorry when you almost killed your roommate or yourself, you insolent girl!" He screamed, furious with her attitude. His face was reddened with anger and she could see a throbbing vein on his forehead.
She didn't know why she spoke again, as if against her will.
"I discovered something, and-" he stopped her with one icy look and surprisingly, the impulse which made her speak faded.
"Enough! You are dismissed," he added, calmer now.
She exited without a word and quietly shut the door behind her. Making her way to her room she almost collided with a girl. She stopped herself from a biting comment about watching feet and all.
"Is there anything I can do for you, Miss Ivanov?" Asked Maria, one of her servants.
Katia scowled at her. "Yes, you can get out of my sight," she hissed, but Maria still stood in place, like if she was waiting for something.
"Are you fucking deaf? OUT!" Roared Katia.
Her hands were shaking when she reached the white, double door.
"Miss?" Asked a male servant who just exited from her room.
"Don't speak to me," hissed Katia, her face angered. He only nodded and left her, being smart enough to not try to engage her into a conversation seeing her furious state.
Katia turned on the TV and slumped into sofa. She spent some time jumping from one channel to another, but there was nothing interesting.
What a useless box!
She left a music channel and just sat, lost in thought. Suddenly Hermione came into her mind.
They never spoke about personal matters of any kind. There was always an exchange; knowledge for knowledge. Surely the girl was disappointed with her lack of magic, probably expecting Katia to be good at everything like her but it didn't work.
Katia wasn't exceptionally good in other subjects, like Herbology or History of Magic. She liked Potions and had to work hard on spells. That was enough for her.
Funny. Even if she tried to think of Hermione, all her thought were school subjects. She couldn't tell much about the muggleborn except that she was smart and a bookworm. And nice.
Was it friendship? No, it was something, but nowhere near close to being real friends.
Whatever.
Her thoughts then drifted to another. She had to keep a watchful eye on Harry Potter.
Her father suspected that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named may be living in the boy's body. More like co-existing. Were it someone else to have this kind of suspicions, she would laugh out loud, but her father could be right in this case.
She nearly jumped out of her skin when a warm voice whispered her name.
Wulfrick chuckled at her reaction and patted the only available place on the sofa.
"May I join you?"
She moved a little to give him more space.
"Of course father, sit down."
His face, lit by a blue light coming from TV, was full of worry lines.
"I came to apologize, honey. I shouldn't act so harshly towards you," he said in a tone full of regret.
Katia shook her head and took his hand in both her hands. "I know that you were worried and we both react with anger when we're upset."
"You took it out on poor Maria. I heard you and I'm not pleased with your choice of words."
It was hard to tell it he was disappointed or amused. She voted for the second.
"It wouldn't be like that if she left while I told her so, instead she was standing like a cow in a dike." Wulfrick laughed at the seriousness in her voice.
"Try to restrain yourself next time, Katia. They are servants, not training sacks"
His face grew serious after that, as if he was considering something. Katia turned to him, sitting cross-legged.
"There is a matter I need to discuss with you."
"Of course," agreed Katia.
After a long pause, he continued.
"You may believe that Albus likes you, but the truth is, he doesn't have any kind of feelings towards you. He treats you well because he wants to fall into my good graces. As much as I'm ashamed to admit it, I also play this game. I want you to behave good and polite, because I want him to think better about me."
He looked like he was weighing words before he spoke again.
"You are my daughter, and he sees me in you. He doesn't know about your true heritage and he never will. We talked a lot the day I came to take you for Christmas break. He knows why are you there. He knew that before the holidays and that's why he agreed to accept you as a student. He must protect you and it must stay in secret. You must do everything to stay as ordinary as you can. Don't risk everything with your foolish actions."
"I know that they were foolish, father. I was just curious, speaking of my little sightseeing. If you mean that Parkinson girl, I was in a new place and she was getting on my nerves."
"You've learned for years how to control yourself and yet it's just slipping away more and more..."
"I know and I regret it. Father, I wanted to tell you something. I found a skin of something and I want you to send it to someone who can identify the creature. I want to know what it was."
"It can be arranged."
"You wanted me to tell you about Harry Potter. I saw him when the retard made a big dueling freak show. He speaks parseltongue, and he has made a Polyjuice potion."
"Albus told me about the snake's speech. It confirmed some of my suspicions concerning the boy, but we should wait till he makes a move."
"They should box him immediately. The Boy-Who-Lived may be someone else," she said coldly
"What if he's innocent? Have you ever considered this possibility, Katia?"
"Honestly? I don't care if he's guilty or not. He may be a modified version of You-Know-Who and I would prefer to prevent things from happening, than to sit and cry afterwards."
"And if you were in his place? Do you have no compassion?" He felt strange after hearing these words. Did he make a mistake during these years when he raised her?
"I am not and he'll never be in mine. I don't give a damn if someone who could possibly be a threat was upset because I did everything to avoid the worst scenario. I love my life and I think that I am not the only one. "
Wulfrick sighed.
"Katia, I thought and thought about your further education here in Bulgaria and I'm not sure-"
She interrupted him, before he had a chance to finish.
"Please, father you can't change your mind now!" she said flabbergasted.
"You are driven by revenge, Katia, and you are still so young," he tried to reason. Inside, he was torn, not really knowing which option was worse.
"I am more mature than you think. Not just because my childhood was as you know, but also because I've learned from you. I was surrounded by people who do this, I have Irina!"
"And Irina is vulgar. She has been a bad influence on you!"
"It might be revenge, it could, but it's not only like that. I want the children who live right now to not have memories like mine," She was getting desperate, trying to create arguments that would convince her father.
"I want to change something, I want to help. I am useless with a wand, what can I do against them? Martial arts can give me seconds in crucial moments but I can't fight against the wand with my bare hands! "
She sank on her knees, putting her hands on his lap.
"I want to mean something, I want to be somebody!" she cried.
He looked at her kneeling form, feeling that his heart was breaking in that very moment.
He had chosen her future the moment he learned that she bears a curse, but now he had second thoughts. How could he condemn this child for a fate like this? Was his thinking exactly like Albus's?
Using her time-turner like she was supposed to do, she'll be of age by the end of the third year and her Adept training will be finished and she would be mark at the base of her neck. Veronica would teach her how to choose robes and Irina would help with make-up and hair.
She would be a fully trained seductress, craving with every fiber of her being to be violated. And what then? She'd be sold to that sadist Malfoy? He shuddered at the thought, cursing himself at the same time when he felt a familiar tingling at the prospect of being subjected to Malfoy's ministrations.
"I beg you, father!" She burst out, taking his silence as a refusal, "I swear on Rasputin, on God, on my soul that I will do everything to bring the people who used to be Death Eaters down. I'll pass Delorge, I've worked hard on it."
Tears were streaming down her cheeks and she couldn't stop them, "What can I do otherwise? Sit and wait? It will destroy me, the mere thought that they're walking around as if nothing happened after they murdered my parents and many other good people. It's eating me alive!"
"Listen to me Katia, please. I know that you will give everything you can, but I do have second thoughts. I don't want to destroy your life by letting you finish your education here and become a plaything. Maybe I'm realizing it too late, but I was blinded with my idealistic plans. I wasn't thinking clearly on what I should do."
He lifted her chin to look her in the eyes.
"Look at me! What has this lead me to?"
Katia smiled through tears, her voice was shaking, but no one would doubt that she admired the man sitting opposite.
"You are a respected, wealthy, noble man with a great influences and you can look at you reflection and honestly say: I did everything I could to help defeat He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. You gave me a happy childhood full of acceptance and love, father. You helped me fight my demons. "
He sighed. The girl could do wonders to his self-loathing, but she wasn't able to understand what he was trying to say.
"You are right, but only partially. It also led me to be a pathetic excuse of a man who was too proud and blinded with his own greatness to realize his mistakes towards the person he cares for the most.
He looked into her tearful eyes and continued.
"We share the same trait, Katia. We tend to get obsessed about things and people and it often leads us to complete misery. If I let you-" he hesitated, "If I let you continue, it's as if I pushed the hatchling out of the nest and watched it crash against the hard ground."
She shook her head violently. "If you forbid me this education father, I'll go to them anyway. You won't keep me here like a prisoner. And maybe I am a hatchling, but I'll learn how to fly before I reach the ground."
He was defeated and Katia was right; she would do it anyway, she was stubborn. Nevertheless, without the things she should know before, without the knowledge she needed to survive, without the Adept training it would be suicide. He sighed.
"You have an exam with Aine Delorge tomorrow."
Severus Snape was sitting in his quarters, facing the fireplace. It's not like he had nowhere to go, but there was nothing for him at Spinner's End. Not that there was much here. He took care of building his reputation as unapproachable and unsocial and to be left alone. He didn't need pity from his colleagues or (Merlin, forbid!) his students.
His long, bony fingers were holding a copy of Potions Monthly, and he was looking at the same page for half an hour, not reading it.
He was thinking about Lily again. It would creep up on him like a rising tide. A little, happy detail, leaving a bittersweet feeling then to the thought that what happened was irreversible. It was a mixture of bliss and misery. Sometimes his pain was so intense that he felt it was ripping his soul apart, but he could never ever make the choice to get rid of these memories, to get rid of her. It was his obsession, his favorite way to torment himself.
Knock, knock, knock!
He reluctantly stood up, cursing the one who dared to interrupt his peace. To his utter misery, there was the blonde head of Lockhart.
"Oh, Severus!" He exclaimed and Severus fought the impulse to slam the door straight into his pompously smiling face.
"How good to see you!"
Snape arched an elegant, black eyebrow, trying to figure out what he could want this time…
"I was wondering if you wished to assist me with the next dueling club, becau-"
"No," Severus did not restrain himself this time.
"Katia, look at you! You're so tall!"
She was locked in a suffocating embrace and was being lifted from the floor.
"Irina, you'll break my ribs, let me go!" She squeaked, but inside she was happy that her friend, Irina Saburova missed her so much.
"How are you Katia? Ready for some girl talk?" she asked and smiled. Irina was a stunning beauty to Katia. With her blue eyes, thick, long blonde hair, heart shaped face and plump lips she was a typical Russian beauty.
She was curvaceous in all the right places or plump, depending on one's tastes. Her creamy complexion made her look very Slavic. Katia envied her looks, having rather small breasts and bum.
"So tell me, how is it there?" Asked the blonde.
"I've made a friend," said Katia, smiling.
"Is he tall, mysterious and handsome?" asked Irina, grinning.
"No, he's old, bitter, and drinks too much. He's the school caretaker and everyone hates him."
"Who are you and what have you done with Katia Ivanov?" Joked Irina, being puzzled.
Katia smiled, pushing her too long forelock out of her eyes.
"Seriously, Irina, it is weird that I even talk with him. I don't understand it myself."
"Neither can I. You're Ivanov, you are the first to show servants who's the boss. Where's the catch?"
"The problem is, that there's none. I was devastated after overhearing what teachers think about me. They tried to convince my head of the house that I should go back to Bulgaria. I met Mr. Filch and- you won't believe it – I told him how I felt and he invited me for a cup of tea and said that it would be fine. And it was," Katia started tapping her lower lip, wondering about what she said.
"It's quite obvious that he would comfort you. You are superior to him," said Irina with the tone meaning that it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Irina, in Hogwarts we are all equal, and the student body is inferior to everyone. Besides, he's not a bleeding heart. I think that under normal circumstances he would give me a detention, being nasty as hell. It was after the curfew already, so I broke the rule, and he loves to punish the misbehavers."
"Maybe he has a thing for you, you know," she winked and slid her hands around her large breasts.
"No, he doesn't, you fucking pervert," she said in a mock – angry tone.
"Then make him want you. You'll need his support to sneak out when you'll be an Adept," she frowned a little, seeing Katia's defiance.
"You have to do your job and don't get used too much," added Irina.
Katia sighed, Irina was such a bread head when it came to men, and she filled Katia's head with her folk wisdom as often as she could.
It required a long absence for Katia to look differently at her friend, but it didn't mean that Katia wouldn't take her words to heart. She spent most of her life with Irina and she wasn't a piece of rock to not be influenced by the girl. She shared her father's point of view.
"Remember," the blonde continued, "Every man is a pig and has a weak spot and you can find it and use it. Make them listen to you, make them want you. As many of them as you can. It always pays to have a wealthy or influential or both man at your beck and call. You don't need to fuck them, but it won't do any harm to have the ones who want to"
Reluctantly Katia had to hand it to Irina. She was right, but the thought of Filch being after her? No way.
"I have Delorge tomorrow," she changed the subject.
"Great! Have you chosen your initiatée yet?"
Initiatée was a variation from word fiancée and meant the first to encounter as an Adept.
"I thought about Lucius Malfoy," she said, thinking about that day in Flourish and Blotts.
Irina clasped her hands, her smile wide.
"Excellent choice! Don't you fucking," she just loved that word, "dare to change it, because I've dealt with him already and for cursed ones like us he is all honey and sugar!"
If she said that, who was Katia to disagree? Irina was six years older, a cursed one and a very good Adept.
Katia entered the Ballroom in Bulgarian's Nightfall – the House of Night that belonged to her father. Aine Delorge, her most dreaded professor was already there. Katia shuddered inwardly under Delorge's hateful glare. The woman was never a pleasant person, but Katia gave her a strong reason to be insulted and mocked and failed if she dared to make a tiny mistake.
The worst was that her father forced her to face the consequences of her stupid, childish mistake. The memory resurfaced, unwanted as hell.
"You enter the room, feet one after another in a straight line. Chin up, back straight, butt back, breasts forward, stomach flat," a thin, fragile looking woman in her late years shook her head.
"How many times you plan to fail an exercise? THIS is what you call graceful? You move like an elephant in a porcelain shop."
Nine years old Katia tried to follow every instruction but her muscles ached and she had enough already.
"You almost tripped, for Rasputin's sake! Again!" Yelled Delorge.
Katia sighed and started the exercise again. She felt tears forming in her eyes, but she waited for them to pass, taking deep breaths.
She followed instructions and after ten steps she was in the middle of
the room.
"Now look at my knees, do not dare to look higher. Back straight, you stand on the tip-toes,"
Delorge circled Katia and kicked her foot.
"Feet in a line, child! Now you slowly descend, still on toes. With one, fluid movement you move the balance from tip of your toes to the knees."
THUMP!
Katia's knees painfully made contact with the wooden floor.
"You are hopeless," said the professor and leaned down to look into girls eyes.
"Your crocodile tears earned you an hour of jogging tomorrow after Krav Maga. Get up."
Katia obeyed and stood with her head bowed, shaking with anger.
"Do you know," continued Delorge, "that Irina passed this long ago at your age? And look at you! You cannot perform the simplest task! Again, now!"
"Can I try to do only the descending part?" Asked Katia, forcing herself to be calm with all her might.
Aine Delorge smiled, but it was a cold, cruel smile.
"What do you think? You enter the room, feet one after another in a straight line. Move, NOW!"
Katia fell on her knees in the same moment as previously. She could see Delorge's cruel smile as she said "Again."
"No," whispered Katia.
"What!?" Asked the older woman, looking at her with a mixture of puzzlement and mockery.
"I know why your child died," said Katia, tears of pain streaming down her cheeks "you exercised him to death, you cruel bitch!"
With that she run out of the room as fast as her sore knees let her.
She took a deep breath to calm herself. She failed this exam in the summer. She trained for five months to try again. It was her third exam with Delorge and she never made it the first time, she would always repeated it.
Aine scowled seeing the insolent girl. She was very tall for her age, with almost no sings of womanly curves, too broad shoulders with all her hair combed into a ponytail.
Katia saw another professor, a woman she had seen only in corridors. She was teaching the Art of Seduction, which Katia hadn't started learning yet.
"Well, Ivanov," started Delorge with cold, unpleasant voice "Show us how you improved since your last failure."
Katia barely remembered her performance; as if she did all the moves she practiced in Filch's rooms, in a trance. She managed to descend on her knees with one fluid movement and concentrated on keeping balanced.
She focused on breathing calmly when she was finished.
Delorge cocked her head and whispered something to the other professor. Then she spoke aloud.
"As even the most lowly of God's creatures can express his grace, you've passed with five point five of ten points. It's the lowest positive grade, because you still have something in common with an elephant, though a thinner one than last time."
"Thank you," said Katia, looking at her feet.
"Now get out of my sight, because I don't want to look at this disturbing display of graceful movement a minute longer."
A/N: I promise that I'll try to update more frequently. Don't bite me :)