Beside You

by blueeyedkunoichi

That's where I've always been and that's where I want to be. Sometimes things in plain sight are what can't be seen but it's only when they are absent do you feel they are lost. Will Kakashi's promise to watch over Maiha after her Guardian's death push her away forever or will he realize that very promise could bring them together. Slow burner rated M for later chapters.

7. Chapter 7 Pushing Foward

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto only my characters.

(AN) As always a big thank you to my AMAZING Beta cheekylips.

(AN) Please Read and review. Thanks!

Chapter 7 Pushing Forward

The Funeral was small and intimate. Maiha had asked Tsunade if she could have permission to sink Ai's remains in the lake of Konoha. Because Ai had such an important trade, as well as what she had done for the village as a medic-nin, Maiha's request was granted.

A small float was made and Ai's body was placed on it wrapped in a shroud. A canopy of sticks and twigs were stacked neatly over top and the raft was encircled by Ai's favorite flower, the sunflower. It was pushed out from the shore and Kakashi used a fire jutsu to set the float ablaze in order to cremate her remains. Maiha walked slowly out on to the dock alone and stood at the end as the fire consumed the raft and Ai's body.

Maiha played her flute as it was one of the things that Ai enjoyed. She played until the fire died down signaling that the body had been reduced to mostly ash. Maiha then used a water jutsu to pull the remains under the surface and into the sediment of the lake.

While the other mourners began to leave, she remained at the end of the dock. Kakashi walked out to her and put his arm around her shoulder.

"Thank you for helping with Ai's memorial Kakashi-kun. I hope this is something she would have wanted. She loved Konoha and now she will be part of it forever."

"I think that she would be grateful for how you chose to remember her."

There was a slight pause before Maiha spoke, "I still can't believe she's gone."

"It's never easy to lose someone so close to you." Maiha looked up at him and noticed him staring out across the lake. She knew that he had lost many through his life as a shinobi.

"Kakashi-kun?"

"Yes." he responded.

"Does it get easier as time goes on? My heart … hurts … so badly right now, it feels … like a kunai … has been shoved … through it." she strung words together as she began to cry again.

"The pain will diminish over time but it never really leaves completely. You learn to live with what discomfort that is left over. Then there are the thoughts that bring forth a smile. You may not have them right now, but those are the memories that you choose to keep in place of that hole in your heart. You and Ai shared a lot of happiness together. The tale of your relationship can be recalled just by thinking about all those wonderful times that you shared together. Don't let the end of the story tarnish all the chapters in between."

There were a few moments of silence which allowed Maiha to compose herself.

"Kakashi-kun, I'm sorry"

"Sorry for what Maiha-kun? It's okay to be sad at a time like this."

She embraced him, "Only someone whom has experienced so much loss could understand how it can consume you, mind, body and soul. Ai never told me how much you suffered inside. I would see you stand at the memorial for long periods of time not understanding why someone could be so lost in the moment. But now… now, I have a glimmer. I can never comprehend what demons that you may have battled throughout your life. I can only learn by your example that the mind is strong my heart will heal and my soul remains untainted as long as I move forward and bring the best of the past with me."

Kakashi was at first stunned by what Maiha had said. Then a feeling of honor pushed that aside by his realization that he had as much to do with her character as Ai. He was proud that his little kunoichi, although at this moment grieving, was competent enough to see through the deceptions of depression and pull away from the grips of despair in order to learn a lesson from what life had handed her.

"Thank you, Maiha-kun."

"For what Kakashi-kun?"

"For reminding me that I am still human."

Maiha gave him a small smile and settled back into her embrace, "Your welcome."

Maiha healed from the death of Ai, and over the next few years tirelessly worked on her skills as a shinobi. Team 7 had grown and matured with Naruto continuing on with his sage training, Sasuke joining ANBU and Sakura following the medical path.

Since Kakashi had a little more time on his hands, he began to train Maiha again as they use to when she was younger. Because of him, Maiha improved her skills and also developed a more powerful affinity to water jutsu.

"You are doing well Maiha," Kakashi's praise always brought a smile to her face and built up her confidence. "But I must say, your patience has improved greatly." he continued poking at her.

Maiha exhaled in disgust that he would bring her little temper tantrums up over her frustrating genjutsu training after such a long time, "I've grown up and I have more control over those childish emotions now." She crossed her arms and nodded.

Kakashi chuckled, "Much better but I still think you have a little work to do." Before she could get out her next defensive outburst he cut her off, "That's enough for today, and I have to rest up for a tough mission. I take leave tomorrow evening so if I don't see you, take care of yourself I'll see you when I get back." This always softened her demeanor.

From the death of Ai she now knew how important those words were. They weren't just words said before a mission to her anymore they were said to bring closure in case he didn't make it back. "Okay Kakashi, I hope all goes well for you please make it back safely."

As Kakashi made his way home Maiha strolled into the village. She stopped at the Yamanaka flower shop to pick up a sunflower and then headed out to the memorial. Now a habitual task, Maiha set the flower at its base and bowed her head in prayer for Ai.

"Well, it doesn't surprise me to see you out by the training fields." a young chuunin said as he strolled by.

"Oh hello, I haven't seen you two in quite a while but I have heard you are moving up the ranks. You two were always so talented." Maiha replied.

"Well it's not like you weren't, you were part of our team after all. Well that is until you dropped off the map."

"My skills are still sharp I would be ready at any time. I've nearly mastered water jutsu." Maiha fired back.

"Congratulations," the other chuunin chimed in. "Practice, practice, practice that's all I ever hear about you, 'how ambitious you are,'" he said smugly. "Good luck in a real situation with only practice, you have to use jutsu as a second nature to be effective."

"Yeah, sharp as a kunai without a point." They both laughed together. Her former teammates had always been extremely blunt and heartless, so they had no problem presenting things without the sugar coating.

"Have you even been on a mission since well, ya know…" one of the shinobi motioned his head toward the memorial.

"Well no." she responded despondently.

"I mean really, what do you want to do with your life you can't just practice forever. Plus you've been training with Kakashi, you should have been jounin by now." They continued to poke and prod at her.

Maiha opened her mouth to protect herself but came to the harsh realization that they had a valid point and there was no defense. So she just reverted back into her shell of safety not putting anything out to be trodden upon.

"All of that practice and nothing to show for it. You might as well become a teacher at the academy or at the very least settle down. You'd probably make someone a good wife someday, well that is if you actually talked to anyone more than you had to, you always were a loner." It was like they kept pulling her under the surface and wouldn't let her come up for air.

"Just another body with a forehead protector, there's no room in the military for someone like that." That was the anchor, they had wrapped it around both ankles and she was pulled to the bottom. Seeing that she would no longer fight back they took their leave.

"See ya later Maiha, we have some prep work for upcoming missions. But hey, think seriously about the settling down thing, from what I remember you were a pretty good cook that will make up for part of your domestic duties."

She watched them walk away and then drug her feet on the way back to the village. There would be no consoling her. She didn't want to bother Kakashi let alone admit that she couldn't stand up for herself, so she returned to her apartment and let the harsh words said by her former teammates confine her for the next week.

I just don't fit in anymore they're right. What good is a shinobi without a purpose? She picked up her forehead protector and stared down at it. Just another body wearing one of these, huh I'm trying hard but I am having trouble not believing them.

At the end of that same week Kakashi returned late in the evening from his mission. He finished his debriefing with Tsunade and returned home. I'll get a good night's sleep tonight and then go visit Maiha tomorrow to let her know that I have returned safely, but right now a hot shower and my bed are calling me, she'll understand why I didn't rush right over. He exhaled and set about his personal tasks. He always enjoyed the welcome home affection that she gave him even though it was only a big smile and an exuberant 'welcome back'.

Late morning the next day, he made his way over to her apartment and gave a knock on the door. The apartment seemed rather dark for daytime. After a moment with no answer he knocked again, as he was about to leave he heard the doorknob turn and her head appeared from around the door squinting from the brightness of daylight. "Hey Maiha I just wanted to let you know that I am back and healthy."

"Oh that's great, I'm glad you made it back safely." she gave him a small smile.

Noticing how dark it was in her apartment, her squinting eyes and how she kept the door barely open as a buffer from the outside world he asked, "Are you not feeling well?"

"I'm feeling a bit under the weather right now. I don't want to get you sick you need to stay healthy for all those important missions they send you on. I'll be ok in a few days I think." That should pacify him for a bit anyway.

He thought her wording was a bit odd but given her condition he let it go. "Okay get some rest I'll see you later." He felt a little sad that he didn't get his welcome home greeting considering the mission he was just on. She must feel awful.

"Thanks Kakashi." Her face disappeared and the door slowly shut. She leaned up against the back of her door and exhaled. Well I can't hide from him forever but at least I bought myself a couple of days.

Or so she thought. Kakashi was back over that evening with ramen, the next morning with breakfast and then again with dinner that night. Judging by what he was bringing her to eat he was on to her non-existent condition. "Can't get anything past that man, ugh, tomorrow morning it is then."

Kakashi came back the next morning and knocked on her door. He was pleased to see that she was dressed in her regular attire and had actually come out the door to greet him. "So you up for sparring today?"

"Yeah I think so."

"Field two is waiting for us."

"Okay, let's go," she gave a fake smile and headed off with him.

They began their spar but it didn't last long before Kakashi stopped it. "You are totally out of focus Maiha, this isn't like you. Are you sure you feel okay?"

"Yeah I'm okay."

"Have I done something to upset you? You don't seem mad but you aren't talking much."

"No Kakashi you haven't done anything to upset me, it's just me."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, "You have upset you?"

She paused, "Yeah I guess you could say that."

"Okay, I know that women can be confusing sometimes but Maiha you have never been."

So I am that predictable. "Kakashi, what does a shinobi do."

He exhaled, "Okay, seriously where are we going with this, you know how I dislike vagueness."

"When is that last time that I've been on a mission?"

"Well now let's see?" He thought for a moment as he placed his hands in his pockets and looked upward, before exhaling and then looking down at her again with more of an understanding. "Oh, I see, you are feeling disconnected."

She nodded without eye contact.

"Well I suppose I am partly to blame for that. I haven't exactly encouraged you to get back into the mix of things."

"This isn't your fault Kakashi, you are not in charge of my life, I am. If there is anyone here to blame it's me. How did I get so lost and directed away from what I should be striving for? Obviously they aren't in need of any kunoichi for anything they would have sent for me right?

"Well it doesn't quite work that way Maiha…"

She cut him off, "I know Kakashi, I was trying to give myself a little hope. They aren't looking for me because I am of no use. Just another body with a forehead protector," she said softly.

Those words stung his ears. He had heard them before as well as used them in his younger more hard headed days but now seeing the damage they caused when directed at someone made him feel at fault for participating in carrying them through the transition of generations. "Maiha maybe you just weren't ready to take anything on. Sometimes it takes time to recover from an instance that affects you the way Ai's death did. But hey maybe you're ready now. You just need to get your feet wet again no one would have expected you to jump right back in. Lady Hokage is pretty stern but she is also very understanding."

Maiha thought for a moment about his words and then smiled slightly. "Thanks for the chat Kakashi, but I've gotta go, I have something to do." and she bounded away.

"See you later." He exhaled and smiled under is mask. He knew exactly where she was going.

Maiha arrived at the Tsunade's office and met Genma outside the building going about his duties. "Hey Genma," she approached with a smile, "is the Hokage in?"

"Sure is Maiha, go on up."

"Thanks," she gave him a smile and headed up the stairs to Tsunade's office. Upon her arrival she knocked on the door. "Lady Hokage, are you in? It's Maiha."

"Come in."

Maiha took a breath exhaled quickly and pushed the door open to enter the office. "Good Morning Lady Hokage."

"Good morning Maiha, my, it seems that you have grown, how long has it been since I have seen you last?

"Since Ai's funeral." Maiha answered somberly."

"It can't have been that long, I am sure you have been sent out of the village on business." Tsunade motioned to Shizune for the mission log from the last few months.

"Um, Ma'Lady that is what I have come here to talk to you about."

Shizune handed Tsunade the log "Okay let's see here," Tsunade filled though it quickly, "Shizune why is this log so incomplete there is a gap in mission dates, I don't see Maiha's name anywhere."

"Lady Tsunade, if I may, there is no gap. It has been a long time since I have taken a mission," she said shyly but then picked up her tone "I am not exactly proud of my track record but I believe that I am ready to get back into mission status."

Tsunade smirked. "I can't believe that it has been so long since we have assigned you anything."

"Well to be truthful Ma'Lady, out of sight, out of mind." Maiha admitted that she hadn't necessarily made her presence known in the village to take on missions.

Tsunade looked around on her desk and picked up a scroll and tossed it to her. "Here you go nothing to exciting but it's a start." I expect that to be completed by this evening. By the time you submit your report I will have an itinerary set up for you to get back into the swing of things."

Maiha smiled with a nod and then went about completing her mission before returning that evening. She was presented with a myriad of shinobi ranging from special chuunin to kunoichi specially trained in tactics for espionage and seduction. It was a lot to take in but Maiha was determined to excel at everything.

It was a great mindset for an inspiring shinobi to have but for Maiha it was one of the faults that Kakashi repeatedly had to point out during their training sessions. She always had the idea that since he made everything look so easy she should pick it up quickly.

However, that was clearly not the case and she would consistently get frustrated with herself when she felt like she wasn't advancing fast enough.

But to no avail she did well during her sessions and in no time with the guidance of Tsunade and her staff, Maiha was back into rotation and gained confidence with each mission. Maiha showed great promise and was assigned low rank missions to be carried out on a solo status such as escorts and surveillance. The skills that she had cultivated over the years finally were highlighted in her effectiveness and efficiency to carry out her missions. Though she still had one talent that went unknown.

Under Ai's tutelage of chakra focus when she was a genin, Maiha had also learned some very basic medical jutsu.

She scoffed at the thought of her once being a sad little whelp of a shinobi that was confused and considered a useless part of the village. She was gaining praise from them and from the Hokage as well, creating an overflow of confidence.

"All right Maiha here is an important one," Tsunade tossed her the mission scroll, "With what you have shown us I think you are ready for this."

"Oh thank you Lady Hokage I won't let you down!" She nodded to Tsunade and bounced down the stairs quickly so that she could get outside to open up the scroll and find out what her important mission was. Her eyes quickly darted across the page; this is going to be monumental! Finally I can show them who I am and my skills as a shinobi!

Maiha spoke enthusiastically about her advancements to Kakashi as she gained more confidence with each one. "I'm sure this is all so boring to you, Copy Ninja." she joked with him.

"Not at all Maiha, I am happy you are doing so well and are pleased with your own progress." He saw how much more lively she was and how her personality was returning to normal. It had been so long since he had seen the Maiha that enjoyed each day of life that he had forgotten how alluring it was to be around her. He enjoyed sharing time with her not just as a comrade but as close friends. Just as he would be there for her as he promised on the day he informed her of Ai's death, he knew that she would be there for him though most likely he would never let her see that side of him even though they were so close.

In remembrance of Ai, just as Kakashi would visit the memorial as a ritual, they would visit the dock at the lake of Konoha on the night of a full moon. One night while enjoying each other's company by the lake, after some small talk Maiha informed Kakashi about an upcoming mission she had been assigned.

"Kakashi, I just wanted to tell you that I am leaving on my first lengthy solo mission tomorrow, so please take care of yourself while I am gone and I'll see you when I get back. I wanted to tell you so you wouldn't worry if you didn't see me around." Maiha couldn't wait to say those words to him and her tone revealed her eagerness as she spit out the phrase without anything in the conversation leading up to it. That and she was never very good at hiding her excitement, which he picked up on quickly when she was still young.

"Okay well thank you for letting me know," he said as he smirked under his mask. He could see how excited she was about the solo duty she was assigned. "Though I know that you are more than capable of taking care of yourself little kunoichi."

Maiha smiled, gave him a wave and walked off toward home to prepare for tomorrow.

Kakashi began his way home as well. As he turned down the street leading toward the downtown district he was met by Guy and Asuma.

"Hey Kakashi!" Asuma greeted him.

"Yo."

"We are on our way to the bar. Hey it's been awhile since we've all hung out together we are meeting Genma there and I am sure whoever he ran into on the way over. Why don't you come with us?"

"It has been awhile hasn't it?" He said trying to think back to the last time he had been out with his comrades. "Maybe I will join you."

"That's the spirit! It'll bring back that youthful vigor." Guy shouted as he gave him a rather aggressive slap on the back.

When they got to the bar they sat at their usual high top table in the back with some of the other male shinobi from the village.

"Hey Kakashi nice to see you!" Genma shouted over the bar noise.

"Yes I know, it has been awhile hasn't it." He had only heard it twice and he was already tired of the comment.

"Well welcome back to the gathering place how 'bout a drink? Hey, we need some service over here!" Genma yelled to the bar staff. It was obvious that he himself had been there awhile since his words were a little slurred. "So Kakashi, we were just talk'n 'bout women."

"Isn't that always the topic?" Kakashi asked, chuckling.

"Would you rather talk about missions and jutsu's?" Asuma butted in.

"Point taken," Kakashi surrendered. This was a time to relax, to shed a bit of the shinobi skin, to be just a man.

"So how about those up and coming kunoichi?" one of the shinobi at the end of the table said proposing the topic.

"Ahhh yes, the chuunin kunoichi are a feisty, strong-willed group!" Guy grinned. "They seem to be a lot of fun to include in the evening festivities and sure know how to have a good time."

"Isn't it funny that they were our students not that long ago and now they are our comrades," Asuma pointed out.

"Okay Asuma," Genma butted in, "Let's not make it all creepy now with the relationship connection."

"Uh, sorry," he said as he put his hand behind his head, "The sake must be getting to me."

"You know who I have never seen out and about," Genma pointed out, "Maiha."

"Oh yeah, she hasn't joined the group yet has she," Guy said giving a sly look to Kakashi. "So out with it Kakashi, are you keeping her away from us so that you can have her all to yourself?"

Kakashi looked at him, "No, she is an adult and is more than capable of making decisions on her own. I really hadn't noticed that she's never been out with the other girls her age."

"Ahhhhh yes Maiha, I am a sucker for beautiful eyes, and how can you resist hers," Genma said, "How can you control yourself around her Kakashi?" Genma asked. "Sparring with her must be difficult at times."

"We have a relationship with boundaries. She was Ai's girl. I have never really thought about her in that way. As I said before she is an adult, Maiha is capable of making her own decisions and I am not going to interfere with her love life. That is her privacy."

The table was quiet for a moment.

"Wow that was a safe answer if I ever heard one," Genma threw out.

"Sounds like Kakashi just released his grip boys," Guy said smiling brought his hands together with a clap and rubbed them back and forth. "She's now fair game." Guy couldn't help but try to irritate Kakashi. Since declaring him as his rival when they were younger he took every chance he could to show him up or get under his skin.

"Tsh. Maiha, you'll never see her out and about she's to inverted. Sure she's got some nice assets, they were great to look at on those long lonely missions we all had together. She's too quiet always kept to herself." Her old teammates were present that evening and had a lot to drink providing no filter to what they decided to say concerning the present company at the table, namely Kakashi.

"With all that training and practice Kakashi you should have taught her a few things about relations. At the very least she's never been out with a guy. She's fun to get all riled up, you never know what she will say or do to try to prove herself."

Kakashi knew that much was true as he light-heartedly would do the same to get her all riled up for fun but these two they were using her reactions cruelly.

"She would be a fun one to hook up with though, I bet she's just waiting to explode," he laughed.

"Yeah I'd like to talk to the guy that is involved with that, with her 'ambition' I'm sure it would make for a pleasant experience." Her two former teammates laughed it up at her expense.

Kakashi's exposed eye closed, his eyebrow slanted downward and his grip on his bottle of beer tightened making the wet label peal under his hand.

For once Guy seemed to read Kakashi's body language correctly, because he said, "I think you two should finish up your drinks and leave before we have to call in a medic," Both young men scoffed and then left.

Asuma offered some words up to Kakashi, "It was said to me once that becoming a kunoichi requires you to toughen up your skin and be ready to deal with treatment such as that. That being said I don't blame Maiha at all for not wanting to be on a team with those two anymore. They are loose cannons and careless, I'm sure she was in danger more than once, that's where all of her skills came in not just to complete their missions but to protect herself.

Kakashi's body posture softened a bit but after he finished his drink he slid off his chair and stood up to leave. "It's been fun but I think it's time for me to go."

The easy going fun air of the outing had been extracted from the evening so there were no hard feelings when he announced his departure. "See ya round Kakashi," the men from the table collectively called out and he strolled out of the bar back to his own apartment.

It was rather unnerving at the time to hear men talk about her in that way, though it gave him some insight to what they thought about her. He reflected on the context of what was said that evening and tried to think more subjectively. She was attractive, sure anyone could say that but he knew more than just what could be seen. There was a whimsical aura around her that accented her genuine nature. Though her temperament seemed to bounce around the emotional spectrum a bit he found it amusing when combined with her little quirks. It made her delightful to be around and he smiled knowing now that he was really the only one that knew her that well. It seemed to make their relationship more special and he rather liked that he could keep these feelings hidden in the privacy of his own mind.