Again his voice rumbled into her being, stirring the tempest of emotions within her. The question didn't surprise her so much as scare her. Her breath caught in her chest for an eternity. Her hesitation was palpable. The desire to answer him with feelings she refused to admit to before was nagging at her – hard. She did the only thing she could besides admitting her feelings… she turned the tables.
"Now it sounds like you're the one conducting a test," she stammered.
Seeing his attempt foiled, Han straightened up and pursed his lips for a second, "Maybe I am. The way I see it, we have two options. One, we can stop dancin' around the issue and put it all to the test: the potion, our feelings, whatever… Or, two, we can forget the whole thing and walk away right now."
Watching carefully for her reaction, this time he leveled his stare so close to her that Leia began to tremble uncontrollably. Hoping he couldn't actually see her shaking, her eyes focused on his and she could feel his warm breath caressing her face.
"Do you want to walk away, yes or no?"
Leia's heart dipped at the question, but she couldn't summon her voice. She was far too busy sinking into the depths of his gaze. She had no choice. There was nowhere else she could possibly force herself to stare, except into his mesmerizing hazel eyes. They beckoned to her, drew her to them, seduced her. They told her things she didn't want to know, but desperately wanted to hear him say. She knew the look in her own eyes betrayed her, telling him things she still did not fully understand.
"… no," she said in a small voice. "Do you?"
"No," he murmured and shook his head slowly.
The elation of this small, but mutual admission was extremely encouraging. Both stood there staring and wondering how to proceed. Their eye contact only compelled their emotions to overwhelm them, almost beyond control. Han found himself focused on her lips and how sweet they would taste.
"Now what?" Leia was finally able to utter. Suddenly, an intense vision washed through her of being caught up in his strong arms, her hands entrenched in his hair, and being kissed so sensuously that she would have no choice but to...
"You tell me you love me," he breathed unsteadily. He didn't move, not wanting to take the chance that she would deny his demand. Valiantly, he fought the desire to pull her to him and kiss her until she confessed. He didn't care why he wanted her to love him. At that moment, all he cared about was that she did love him.
Leia's eyes answered for her immediately, but she still held back. From somewhere hidden within her heart, the undeniable urge to tell him that she did, indeed, love him was very strong. Yet, her fear of everything else… of Han truly returning those feelings, of not returning those feelings, him eventually leaving, the future, what it all meant… was still more overpowering. The Princess closed her eyes and drew a deep breath, willing her control to come back to her. She turned away and gazed off into the garden as if the answers were there.
"Suppose that was true… for the sake of argument," Leia finally whispered softly, unable to help herself. She didn't say the words aching deep inside of her, the very words he asked to hear, but it felt like a release of tension nonetheless. Just the idea of loving him felt wonderful coursing through her, but it also felt frightening and far too distressing to deal with. Besides, there was the Rebellion. It was what she was living for now. Here was her chance to put the idea of any romance to rest.
Han's heart thumped in simultaneous joy and fear. "Go on," he coaxed, trying to maintain a steady voice. She hadn't actually admitted to loving him, he had to remind himself. She was supposing. As if all she was willing to admit to was a possibility that she might feel something.
"It would just open up a set of new problems," Leia sighed, shaking her head.
He pulled back, forehead wrinkled, "Like what?"
Her emotions a jumble of confusion, she wasn't certain how to begin. She decided on conveying it in the least emotional terms she could come up with. "Like I'm a leader in the Alliance and you-"
Crestfallen, Han cut her off angrily, "Oh, I see. You don't think a princess and a guy like me-"
Quickly returning her eyes to his, it was Leia's turn to cut him off, "No. It's not like that at all."
Anger checked, Han was still unsure, "Then what is it?"
Han Solo would be just too hard to get over. She would bet everything she had on it. As it was, she didn't know how she was going to let him go when the time eventually came. Leia dropped her gaze, her voice full of regret and sadness, "You're leaving. Sooner or later, you are going to leave. I don't think I could handle losing someone else I…" The princess boldly lifted her gaze to meet his eyes, "I care about." He was her friend and she did care about him that way, she wouldn't deny that.
Han was happy at her admission of caring, but his face showed pain.
"You're right. I do have to leave to pay off Jabba and I might not make it out alive." He had thought about leaving many times, but could never bring himself to do it, yet.
Leia touched the sleeve of his ever-present flight jacket, turning pale at the thought.
Han grimaced and finally admitted to himself that he didn't want to lose her either.
"But, Sweetheart, I'm not leaving today or tomorrow. Besides, we Corellians are the closest thing to indestructible there is." Seeing only the tiniest bit of indulgent reaction on her face, he felt overly compelled to add, "Maybe I could come back – if I had a good reason."
It was the first time the princess had even heard Han say anything about possibly coming back. She permitted a small part of her heart to soar in hope, but refused to go any further in reacting in any way. Leia began strolling again and Han fell into step beside her. She considered what he had said, but was still aching from a loss that hadn't occurred yet. Naturally, the loss of Alderaan came in on the heels of that problem. It swirled in her brain with all of the other concepts that had come into being tonight. The idea of the bonding burst into her thoughts. Suddenly, a feeling came over her and she knew what she had to do, regardless of the consequences. After a few more minutes of gathering her courage, she cleared her throat tentatively.
"What?" Han asked.
Leia remained casual, "I was thinking. Maybe we should go through with the bonding. Nobody said we had to love each other to get bonded. In fact, many royal bondings have nothing to do with love. Plus, we can get a dissolution after I'm crowned."
"That may be true, but the answer is still no," Han said firmly.
"Come on, Han. You heard my uncle. You know what their facing. They need our help," Leia pointed out.
Han was reminded of similar words from Luke just before the Battle of Yavin. He wasn't falling for that again.
"That's their problem. It may even be your problem, Your Worshipfulness, but it sure isn't mine," Han finished, pointing to his chest with his thumb.
Perhaps Leia had been wrong about him, after all. After the Death Star, she had believed he wasn't a true mercenary in his heart. In addition, she thought the feelings of friendship that had now passed between them were real. Apparently, none of it mattered as much as she thought. Sadly, Leia quietly appealed to his mercenary side, "What's it worth to you then, Han? How much to make it your problem? I'm sure the King could be persuaded to make worth your while."
He was hurt by her words, wasn't she the one who professed that she knew there was more to him than money? Angrily, Han stopped walking pulling her to a stop forcefully by her elbow, "Is that what you think this is about? Credits? Well, I've got news for you, Your High and Mightiness. I do have some standards. Corellians take bonding very seriously. When we choose a lifemate, it's not because of credits or for some sham. And it's sure as hell not to uphold some ridiculous royal tradition!"
Leia didn't know whether to be impressed by his stance regarding bonding and yet another opposite instance of his self-proclaimed mercenary ways or be offended by his remarks against royal traditions. Her second thought was that she agreed with him about the stupidity of many of those arcane traditions.
"Look, Han, I don't always agree with royal traditions either. On Alderaan, we felt the same way about bonding as you do and that included the royal family. But, that's not the way it is here and there are more important things to worry about. Things like the people of this system."
"Save the speech, Your Worship. I've heard it before," Solo said, shaking his head in exasperation.
She couldn't give up. This was too important. "Han, hear me out. Please?"
It was the 'please' that did him in. Han could not recall her saying it to him in any way other than sarcastically. He blew out a breath and nodded his assent.
"The only reason this system has not been taken over by the Empire is because the people believe in the guidance of the royal leadership. If that breaks down, the Empire will be in here faster than we can blink. I can't let that happen. I can't stand by and let the Empire take another system if I can do anything about it."
Stand by again. The thought echoed through her mind. Logically, she knew she couldn't have saved Alderaan that day, but she never could shake the feeling that she had just stood by and let it happen. It haunted her.
"This is not Alderaan, Sweetheart," Han pointed out quietly and more gently, as if reading her thoughts.
"No, it's not," she retorted angrily. "Alderaan is gone! This is all I have left of my family and I'll be damned if I let them be taken away from me!"
Leia forcibly calmed herself with a few deep breaths. Screaming at him wouldn't help.
Nevertheless, Han was affected by her words and vehemence. He knew very well the feelings behind them. Long ago, in another place, he had felt them himself.
She took a step closer and laid her hands on his forearms, speaking more gently, "Han, for all of our disagreements, we have always been able to depend on you. You have never let us down when it comes to risking your life to save one of ours in the Alliance."
"That was different," Solo shrugged his embarrassment off, wondering why she was referring collectively to the Rebellion and not herself. It was for her - and maybe Luke - that he risked his life for, not the Rebellion.
"The only difference is that this time," Leia spoke softly, raising her pleading eyes to meet his, "I'm asking you."
A/N: Thank you for your reviews/favs/follows! I appreciate every one of them! MTFBWY!