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Chapter 4: Ironic, Isn't It?

Squeezing his eyes shut, Han whispered in a low voice, "You don't know what you're asking me to do."

"Yes. I do," said Leia, so sincerely that it caused him to reopen his troubled eyes.

Han saw the truth in her eyes. Pulled in two opposing and equally strong directions, he broke from her gaze and walked over to a nearby fountain. He sat down on the ledge, elbows on knees, dropping his face into his hands.

A million things jumbled through his mind. What was he going to do? He wanted to help her. He really did. But this… He had very few beliefs from his Corellian Clan heritage that he clung to, but the idea of bonding being sacred had always been particularly important to him. It was one of the very reasons he avoided it altogether.

Aw, Sweetheart … Leia, why this? Why now?

Could he bring himself do this for her? Solo would give his life for her without a thought. She had been right about that. He had always felt a strong sense of protectiveness towards the petite princess. That thought made something pleasant tingle at the back of his mind.

He supposed it had partly to do with how they met, partly to do with his kinship to her regarding their mutual loss of family, and partly that he cared about her. After all, they were friends when all was said and done. Friends. Maddeningly so at times, but friends just the same.

A warm feeling spread through his veins. Han Solo had never had many people in his life that he considered a trusted friend, but somehow he had picked up two in the last few years. Luke and the Princess had found their way into his heart and … Han smirked silently at his unusual choice of terms.

My heart?

The warm feeling became stronger, more encouraging. Well, he understood Luke. He was simply a good kid; like a younger brother. What you saw was what you got with Luke.

Leia, however, was another story entirely. 'Simple' was not a word he could apply to her. Princess Leia was single-minded in her goals on the surface, but a complex woman lurked underneath. It was a complexity that had intrigued Solo and begged him to tease her until she gave him a fleeting peek at the real her. He couldn't resist the challenge of her. He had to admit it was one of the things he enjoyed most about their relationship.

One of the things, something in him nudged coaxingly.

Han smiled to himself. Yes, there were other things. He admired Leia's strength, courage, determination, and her quick wit that matched his own and even bested him now and then, all wrapped up in one stunningly beautiful package.

You have to love her… love?

Why did that feel so good?

I love her?

The deep feeling increased tenfold. Han couldn't dismiss the notion that the elixir was affecting him.

I love her.

It was no longer a question. It was a realization of the truth. A truth he had long fought to deny to himself. Han felt like jumping up, taking Leia into his arms and twirling her around while kissing her breathless.

In fact, he was just about to when it hit him – the bonding. Solo's heart sank. Now it was worse. How could he deal with the bonding? He loved her, of that he was now sure. He was not as sure of Leia's feelings, however.

She had admitted to caring about him and alluded to possibly feeling more, but that was not the same thing as loving him. Han thought about their prolonged intense eye contact from before. He had believed he saw so much there, but maybe it had been wishful thinking. Leia hadn't said she loved him, she had asked him to bond to her. Han smirked to himself again considering the twisted irony of the situation.

Then sighed to himself, Well, Solo, if you love her, then you can do this. Do it for her.

The Princess stared at him for a long time, but he never moved or made a sound. After several minutes, she frowned and lowered her head to stare sadly at the stone walkway.

Han heard her soft footsteps on the path as she began to walk away.

"I'll do it."

Leia stopped in mid-stride at the sound of his voice, not entirely sure if she had just imagined his response. No, he had spoken. And he had agreed. She turned back to look at him and saw he had not moved a muscle from his position. Tentatively, she walked over and sat beside him, much closer than she normally would. She waited for him to move. When he didn't, she laid her hand on his shoulder and squeezed lightly.

Han slid his hands through his hair with a rough sigh, then sat up and looked at her lovely face.

Damn potion does work!

Willing him see the grateful seriousness in her eyes, Leia whispered, "Thank you, Han."

Solo stood up and took her hand, "Come on, let's go get some sleep."

She left her cool hand wrapped in his larger one as they walked back to her room. Leia's body felt numb, barely feeling the warmth surrounding her fingers. It was as if someone else was holding his hand and she was watching it happen.

They hadn't said a word the entire way back. As they arrived at the door of her room, Han dropped her hand and stood watching her. Leia palmed opened the door and faced him. Suddenly, she had no idea what she could possibly say to him. Things had become awkward.

"I'll call my uncle in the morning, so he can start with the preparations… if that's all right with you?" She couldn't meet his eyes. Never in her wildest dreams could Leia have imagined this particular scenario or feeling so strange in Han's presence.

"Sure, if that's what you want." Han didn't like this new tension between them.

"Well, good night," the Princess said, barely audible as she turned to go inside.

Han couldn't leave it like this. He grabbed her hand and turned her around to face him, "Princess."

Leia's eyes automatically met his at the sound of the tender tone in his voice when calling her 'Princess'. As it was, he hardly ever used her actual title and even more rarely with such gentleness to it.

Han didn't really know what to say, but he wanted to assure her. He cocked his head and gave his best lopsided grin, "It'll be all right, Sweetheart. Trust me."

How many times had she seen and heard that exact routine from him and been wary and frustrated? At this moment, it was the farthest idea from her mind. Instead, Leia had a powerful urge to fling herself into his arms and tell him she loved him. She loved him for doing this for her, she loved him for caring about her, she loved him for being the man that he was… she loved him. However, she only smiled at him and he squeezed her hand in return.

After another moment of staring into his expressive hazel eyes, she just had to laugh, "For once, I think I should be the one saying that to you."

"I always knew you wanted to call me 'Sweetheart'," Han smirked back, playfully. She rolled her eyes downward in momentary exasperation and Han's heart skipped a beat. He adored little things like that about her.

"Yet, it's uncanny how nerfherder just keeps coming out instead," she teased, her eyes now sparkling again. They had found their natural rhythm with each other once again. Things would be okay between them.

"Yeah, you'll have to work on that." His smile grew to a full grin. She always could keep up her end of their banter. Why did it always excite him when she did? He couldn't help leaning down and kissing her quickly on the forehead. "G'night, Princess."

Damn potion!

Leia was stunned at the action. Her heartbeat fluttered and she felt as if she were floating. Her flushed grin reached to her eyes, there was no hiding it. "Good night, Han," she said, quickly averting her gaze and making her escape into her room.

Han strode into his room with a stupid smile on his face, heading straight for the bed. Why did he feel so good about this suddenly? Well, there was Leia's undeniable reaction when he kissed her forehead. She rarely ever smiled like that. He had seen it on occasion, but she carried so much sadness deep inside of her, that true happiness almost never showed through on her soft features. And here he had been responsible for that this once.

He loved this woman. He wished he could show her, tell her, make her understand what she meant to him. At the very least, he wanted to explore the possibilities with her. Yet, he had sealed his fate. He couldn't make any sort of real move in that direction now. He couldn't let her think he wanted her to be his lifemate in the genuine sense of the word. That would just shove her away in no uncertain terms. No, he would have to win her over.

Shrugging off his clothes, Solo flopped into bed. He knew she felt something deep for him. He was sure of it now. All right, so maybe they were going about it backwards. Stranger things had been known to happen. And hey, truth be told, he had always loved her, from the very start. Han sighed just before closing his eyes, another night where Leia was his last thought before falling asleep. Shutting his eyes, he willed sleep to come quickly or he would find himself unable to sleep much at all, for his mind would willingly rather occupy itself with her, especially tonight.