Ok, you didn't think I would forget that it's Friday, did you? I really like this chapter and I hope you do, too!
Chapter 10: Almost there…Leia was jarred awake to the sound of her door chiming insistently. Grabbing her robe lying next to the bed, she threw it on as she hurried to the outer chamber to see who it was. Briefly, she wondered what time it was and wished she had checked the chrono on the way. "Who is it?"
"It's me, Sweetheart. Open up," Han called back from the other side.
Leia released the lock and the door slid open. Han stood there with what she thought was a rather relieved expression on his face.
"What do you want, Han?" Leia inquired more sharply than she had intended. She pulled her robe a little tighter and ran a hand over her hair in an attempt to smooth it down. Leia knew she definitely looked worse for wear right now. Thinking about everything facing her, she had tossed and turned all night.
Han's expression changed to his more familiar mask, "What's the matter, Your Worship? Nervous about gettin' bonded to the most handsome pilot in the galaxy?"
"Funny, I thought I was bonding with you," she shot back, her mood now beginning to match her tone. "Did you want something?"
Actually, Han had wanted to see her before the ceremonies, but lacked an excuse. When he ran into her attendant searching for her, he conveniently volunteered to check her guest quarters. He had a good feeling that he might find her there hiding out. He was concerned about her. The bonding aside, she was undertaking the responsibility for an entire system's welfare. Even if it was in name only for the time being, there was a very real possibility that she would preside over the throne as an active ruler at some point. He knew that Alderaan had to be onerously influencing her stress level. She was the strongest being Han had ever encountered, but she was still human. Judging by her drained appearance, he was right about how she was dealing with it. A surge of protectiveness raced through him. He ached to gather her up into his arms, kiss her, stroke her back and tell her everything was going to be all right, that he was there for her.
Solo stepped past her, allowing the door to slide closed behind him. "Your assistant is goin' crazy lookin' for you. What's the matter?"
"I must have forgotten to set the alarm," she dismissed, watching him walk right in as if she had invited him. It was true, she had forgotten to turn it on. When she first went to bed, her mind had been in overdrive thinking about her feelings for Han. As the sleepless night wore on, thoughts of Alderaan crept in and set up camp. After that, sleep had been next to impossible until the wee hours when she must have finally dropped off. "Han, you have to go."
Han knew that Leia was nothing if not punctual and responsible. She wouldn't just forget, especially not for something as important as the impending events of the day. He was determined not to let her try to this write off as if it didn't matter. "Tell me what's goin' on."
"I told you. I overslept," the visibly fatigued Princess insisted.
He softly traced the curve under Leia's eye with the tip of his finger, "Then why does it look like you didn't sleep at all?"
Solo wanted to convince himself it was something more easily handled, that it was only the idea that she was bonding with him that was bothering her and ignore the rest of the logical reasons, but that was only a wistful wish.
"This isn't about the bonding, is it?" Solo pushed.
Leia couldn't think about that at the moment. She shook her head, but said nothing.
His voice became gentle, "Then what is it?" When she still didn't answer, he knew he would have to be the one to say it. Han grimaced, "Alderaan."
As he said the name, tears instantly welled up in Leia's eyes and she knew that she wouldn't be able to stop them from falling. Trained to control her emotions, Leia was not one to openly cry, but she was just too weary from the building burden and sleepless night. Once Han had spoken the word, her resolve to hold it inside failed.
Han had only seen Leia break down once in all of the time he had known her. And that was not long after the Death Star had obliterated Alderaan. He had held her that night and she had cried in his arms. After that, they never spoke of the incident again. Han never told anyone what had happened, not even Chewie. He had been there for Leia then and he was here for her now. Maybe that was why she was able to let the overwhelming feelings go in front of him. Leia trusted him then. And now, she needed him.
The Princess turned away and pressed fists to her eyes, covering her pain-filled features as the silent tears streamed down her cheeks. Han stepped up close behind her and wrapped his arms around the front of her shoulders, crossing over her forearms that she held against the front of her body like a shield. Easing her back to lean into his protective embrace, he whispered soft, encouraging words into her ear, "It's alright, Leia. Everything'll be okay. You'll get through this."
His presence felt so strong surrounding her like an anchoring oasis in a sea of chaos. Leia wanted to turn around, bury herself deeply into his strength and never again leave the safety of his arms. Here she didn't have to be strong because Han was strong for her.
As he whispered the reassuring words, Leia believed him. Secretly, she always believed him whenever he reassured her. Valiantly, she worked to regain her composure, hating herself for losing it in the first place. Breaking away from his embrace, she swiped at her tear-streaked cheeks with her palms.
"I'm okay," the Princess half-croaked, trying to find her voice. She took a deep cleansing breath, washing away the last traces of her episode. Without facing him, she apologized, "I'm sorry."
Solo tugged on her arm until she faced him and tried to lighten the mood. "Hey, there's nothin' to be sorry about. I hear all princesses cry on their bonding day," his baritone voice simultaneously soothed and taunted.
"I thought you knew. I'm not like most princesses," she rejoined, forcibly finding her good humor again.
Han groaned mockingly and rolled his eyes dramatically, "Don't remind me, Sweetheart."
"And what is that supposed to mean, Flyboy?" She narrowed her eyes. Okay, maybe not her good humor.
Donning his normal demeanor for their more familiar banter, Han appeared the essence of nonchalant cynicism. Underneath, he was relieved though. If she were getting all riled up, then she must be feeling more like her old self.
"It means, Your Worship, that you're not like any princess I've ever come across," Solo appraised in a way that seemed to imply that he had some personal experience in the matter.
Crossing her arms over her chest, Leia raised an eyebrow, "Oh? And how many princesses have you 'come across,' exactly?"
Immediately, Leia questioned her sanity wondering why that question came out of her mouth. In fact, she doubted it was something she really wanted to know at all. She resolved to be more careful when she was this tired, especially around Solo. First, she oversleeps, then she breaks down crying in front of him and now she is asking questions that make her sound like a jealous mate.
Needing to divert her Solo thought fast, "Jealous?"
"Hardly," Leia retorted, closing her eyes momentarily and looking away in frustration.
Seeing that he hit a soft spot, Han continued without thinking and full speed ahead. "Ya' know what I think?" He didn't wait for her to answer, "I think you wish this bonding was the real thing."
Only after he proclaimed it aloud did he stop to think. He didn't know why he had to go and proclaim it out loud, but he did. Sure, he wanted to know, but he hadn't planned on saying anything about it. Now, he had done it stupidly, without thinking, and she was sure to react negatively. Still, since he knew Leia's negative reactions all too well, this could turn out to be almost as informative.
"What?!" She gaped in studied disbelief. Her defense came loud, fast and furious, "Solo, that is one your most arrogant delusions yet!"
Maybe a part of her agreed, but there was no way on this side of the known galaxy that she would ever tell him. Never. She wasn't even happy about admitting it to herself. "Now get out, so I can get ready," she ordered with finality.
Han's smug grin was spread from ear-to-ear. He knew the more she protested, the closer he was to the mark. "Whatever you say, Your Worship," he sing-songed as he turned around and left.
The Princess looked around for something to throw at him and his arrogance, but, unfortunately, nothing that would be satisfying was handy. She settled for soundly slapping the locking mechanism on the side of the door. One of these days, she was going to have to kill him, that's all there was to it. Kill him or kiss him. Either way, it promised to be a showdown.
!* * *
Leia was perched in a raised chair while the wedding attendant styled her hair for the ceremonies. She stifled a yawn. While it was nearing afternoon, Leia was already prematurely exhausted from loss of sleep the night before. As the skilled attendant brushed her long hair rhythmically, Leia drifted off in to a light doze. It felt so good to relax, if only for a moment or two…
Han burst into the room as the finishing touches of makeup were being applied to her face. Her hair was unbrushed and pulled back in large clips waiting its turn for attention. The ceremony not due to begin for another hour, Leia was still wearing the simple white robe.
"I changed my mind," Han said resolutely to her image in the mirror.
With a warning glare at Solo, Leia turned to her attendant. "Will you give us a moment, please?" The confused attendant looked from the Princess to Solo, bowed and left. The Leia turned to face a determined Solo. "What were you thinking? What if she figures something out?"
"It doesn't matter anymore, Leia," Han said steadily.
"What are you talking about? What's the problem?" The Princess was uncertain what was he was doing here at all. She did notice he used her given name for once and she also noticed how much she liked it.
"I can't do it this way," Han burst out. Taking a breath, his voice softened, "Not with you."
Leia turned away to watch him in the mirror again. "Han, we've been through this. You know how important this is," she argued back to Han's reflection, not wanting to hear what he was saying, not wanting to understand. Denial of his intent was her only defense against her emotions that threatened to go out of control.
Solo stepped between the mirror and her chair to face. "Leia, I can't bond with you and have it be phony. If that's the way it is, get somebody else," he affirmed, pointing his finger at her. bogus
No, she refused to admit where he was going with this. There were more important things at stake. "There isn't time."
"I don't care. This isn't about anybody, except you and me." Solo placed his hands on the arms of the chair, effectively caging her in and forcing her to focus on him and his words. Han leaned down until his face was a mere few centims from hers, his intense hazel eyes staring straight into her. "I love you, Leia. And I know you love me, too."
Unable to speak, Leia just gaped at the handsome smuggler and tried to process his words. He loved her?! And he knew that she loved him?!
Han laid out the ultimatum in no uncertain terms. It sounded somewhat practiced, but he still stammered a bit at first, "Leia… I'd be honored…" His eyes sparkled, "…thrilled, Sweetheart… to bond with you, but I'll only bond with you today on one condition: that it's authentic."
Leia's heart sang with sheer joy, but she couldn't answer him. This could not happen. She was way too frightened to cope with the ramifications of allowing anything like this into her life. Leia's automatic fallback answer regarding her feelings eventually found its way to her voice. It was the same answer that she used on herself time and time again whenever her thoughts strayed too far in the wrong direction. "Han, I can't afford to let a personal relationship interfere with the Rebellion."
Han appeared at the ready to answer to that. "Nobody's askin' you to give up the Rebellion, but the choice is yours." Solo shook his head with his grin sliding up the side of his face, "It's all or nothing, Sweetheart. I'll be waitin' at the end of the aisle. If you meet me there, I'll know your answer." With that, Han straightened up and walked out without a backward glance.
Leia sat stone still. Her eyes squeezed shut against the galaxy. Sinking deeply into her chair, she wanted to disappear and never be found. She couldn't deal with this now….
"Princess Organa?" The attendant called softly again, "Princess? Princess Organa?"
Heart pounding, Leia's eyes snapped open and focused on a new voice calling her name. "Yes?"
"I'm finished with your hair and makeup. Would you like anything before you put your gown on?"
Finished? Straightening up from her slumped position, Leia looked into the mirror in front of her. Indeed, she was finished. But how did that happen? When Han had come in not even her makeup had been finished and her hair had still been in need of brushing and styling. The Princess didn't recall her attendant coming back in and Han had only left moments ago, hadn't he? "How long until the ceremony is scheduled to begin?" Leia asked, still hazy about what had just happened.
"About twenty minutes, Princess Organa," the attendant said, checking her chrono. "I'm sorry I had to wake you from your nap, but if you needed anything there wouldn't be time if I had waited any longer."
A dream! It had been a dream. Han had never been there at all; she only dreamt it. Before allowing relief to set in, she had to be sure. This was too important not to double-check. "Have I been asleep the whole time? Did anyone come in to see me?"
"I would guess you fell asleep about halfway through brushing your hair out. No one has come in, Your Highness." The attendant hesitated, but again asked, "Is there anything you require?"
"No, thank you," Leia said with a relieved smile, stepping down from the chair. "Let's put the gown on. There isn't much time."