Before you say anything about my failure to update during Thanksgiving break I would just like to say I'm sorry. I didn't have nearly the free time I thought I would and when I got back to school I had a term paper, a major project for my major, and then final exams. But I now have a full month of no school. No homework, no projects, no papers, no future exams to worry about. Zip, zilch, nada! So my full attention can be put on you guys! Now, I'm not promising anything this time (because that just seems to jinx me) because I honestly do not know how much free time I am going to have. But I will try my hardest to update a lot over break. (And this was started just before Christmas and then I was busy and had writers block and things just did not go according to plan.)
It wasn't five minutes after Valentine had left to go fishing with Luke that there was a knock on the front door. Clary sighed a little as she pulled her hands out of the dish water and dried her hands. There was another knock at the door as she walked towards it. Opening it she was met with golden eyes and a smirk.
"Someone's a little impatient." Clary said, not opening the door any wider.
"But I brought pie, peach actually" Jace said rising the bag in his hand to eye level, and then brought another bag up. "And ice cream. What's pie without ice cream?"
"Peach?" Clary's eyes widened. Jace's cheeks reddened a little and Clary had to stifle a giggle.
"I called Magnus, he said it was your favorite," Jace shrugged, still red. "So, are you going to let me in?"
"Fine." Clary smiled as she opened the door for Jace. "I just have to finish the dishes and then we can get started on our project." Jace just nodded and followed Clary as she walked back to the kitchen.
It didn't take Clary long to finish the dishes from breakfast. Jace even jumped in and dried the dishes and helped put them away. When that was done they positioned themselves at the kitchen table and got to work on their project. They were almost done when Jace suddenly cleared his throat, causing Clary to look up at him just to see that he was looking at her.
"What?" Clary asked, a little self-conscious.
"I was just. . . It's just that . . ." Jace sighed, seeming frustrated, and slumped down in his chair a little.
"What is it, Jace?"
"Can I ask you something?" Jace asked tentatively.
"Yes," Clary answered slowly, confused.
"And you promise you won't get mad?"
"What is it, Jace?" Clary asked again, a little nervous now.
"I was talking to Magnus and he said, well, he didn't tell me anything really, but he said I should ask you . . . Well, actually he told me not to, but. . ."
Clary couldn't help but be amused by Jace rambling. It wasn't like him to get tongue tied or to beat around the bush. He was always so strait forward.
"Jace," Clary placed her hand over his to stop the words tumbling out of his mouth.
He took a deep breath and started over. "I was wondering if you would tell me what happened. To your family I mean, on Halloween." Jace looked at her cautiously.
Clary's normal reaction would be to get mad and close herself off from him, to yell at Jace that it wasn't any of his business. But as she looked at him, Clary saw that he really was just curious and wanted to know why. There was no malicious intent in his eyes, granted this was Jace and while he could be rude and snarky, he wasn't intentionally cruel. He wasn't asking because he was being nosy, he literally just wanted to know.
Clary sighed a little and leaned back in her chair. She didn't really want to tell Jace, not because she didn't want him to know, but because she didn't want looks of pity from him. Another sigh fell from her lips. Clary had always hated telling people the truth, or at least the truth she was willing to tell. But Magnus had told her that she needed to tell Jace, and as much as she hated it he was right. Plus Jace was just too resourceful and would probably find out on his own eventually and Clary didn't want that to happen. She didn't want to be blind-sided by his sudden knowledge of her family.
"You don't have to." Jace said when Clary stayed silent. Shaking her head a little, Clary forced a smile onto her face for a split second and took a deep breath.
"No, you'll find out eventually anyways." Clary shrugged, attempting to not appear as if the subject bothered her as much as it did. She failed because Jace frowned a little.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Just, just give me a minute." Clary's voice gave out towards the end. After a few more seconds Clary dove in, at first she wasn't even aware that she was actually talking out loud, but once she did realize she didn't dare stop because if she did she wouldn't be able to finish.
"Jonathan had an all-day soccer tournament a couple hours away. It wasn't anything big, just a tournament that the team always went to every year. My parents were always good about going to every match that they could make. This one was no exception, only this time my father had had to work so only my mother went. I had stayed at Simon's house Friday night and since Mom had had to leave really early to get to Jon's match I didn't go, that and because I had a dance I was going to that night and I wouldn't have had time to get ready if I had gone with mom because as soon as she got home she was going to take me to the school.
"I got ready and waited for her and when she wasn't home when she said she would I called, just to see where she was at. When I did I learned she was still a good forty-five minutes away. She explained that there had been delays and a few matches had lasted longer than normal so Jon's final match had finished up later than originally planned, and then she had to wait on him to get done in the locker room. Normally the coach didn't let players go home with their parents on away games, but Saturday tournaments were the occasional exceptions since they were usually a long ways away. Along with all of this the weather was getting bad, and while it had only sprinkled a little at home, it was pouring where Mom and Jon were and Mom was driving slower because of it. I won't lie I was mad. Dad was working a double shift and Mom had promised that she would be home in time to take me to the dance.
"I argued that it wasn't fair, that the dance was going to start before they got home and I was going to be late. Mom said she was sorry but there was nothing she could do. Jon must have heard that I wasn't happy because Mom just said she would get home as soon as she could and passed the phone of to Jon. He immediately apologized; it wasn't even his fault really. I was still mad at first and in all honesty was being a little brat, but Jon still apologized. He told me that he would make it up to me, however I wanted. Jon was always like that. It didn't matter if there was a logical reason that I was upset or how irrational I was being, Jon never got mad at me and he always made it up to me. By the end of the phone call he had me laughing and we were joking around. When we hung up I tried to wait patiently, but as it got later and later and they still weren't home I couldn't help but be angry with my mom. I kept thinking that if she hadn't decided to bring Jon home then she would have been able to beat the weather and get home in time to get me to the dance, if not on time then only a few minutes late, even though the reason she had signed Jon out was because mom was supposed to help chaperone the dance and wouldn't be able to pick him up when the bus got back. Originally I had argued that he could get a ride home from a friend, but mom wouldn't hear of it, so I let it go. So when it was nearly an hour after the dance had started and they still weren't home I was starting to get really angry at my mother and was planning to through a fit when they did get home.
"I was just about to call them again and demand to know what was taking them and where they were when there was a knock at the front door. At first when I opened the door I was confused why Luke, my dad's partner, was outside with his cruiser. He didn't tell me anything at first just that I needed to come with him to the hospital. I don't know what it was, if it was the look in his eyes, his tone of voice, or his posture, but a bad feeling started to overwhelm me and I just shook my head and started to back away from the door. He ended up grabbing me and hauling me to his car, with me fighting him the entire time. By the time we reached the hospital I had calmed down a little. Luke led me into the ER and I saw that my father was already there. At first I started to pull away from Luke until I noticed how my father's shoulders were shaking and I instantly stopped dead in my tracks.
"There's this four-way stop right outside of town. It's not really necessary, but it's there none the less. According to the cops who had worked the case my Mom hadn't stopped completely, just sort of slowed down and sped right back up. Well, there was this guy who wasn't from the area and he wasn't paying attention and supposedly didn't see the stop sign. He was already going faster than he should be and he didn't even slow down, just kept driving. He t-boned my mom's car on her side. The doctor said my mom died on impact. Jonathan had still been breathing when the paramedics arrived, but just. He died seconds after getting to the hospital."
Clary took a ragged breath and wiped a stray tear running down her cheek. She hadn't even noticed that she had started crying. Looking Jace in the eye, she pushed a strand of hair out of her face.
"The worst part is that I was mad at my Mom. I was mad at her for something that wasn't her fault and circumstance that she couldn't control. She was trying to get home as quick as she could for me, and I was mad at her, and she died. My last words to her weren't 'I love you', but me complaining to her about not keeping her promise. That and Jon wasn't even put off at me for being a little brat. He just took it all in stride like he always did and told me he would make up for it. They were next to scraped off the highway while I was too worried about missing a stupid dance."
Clary stopped and took another ragged breath and pressed the palms of her hands to her eyes to keep the tears from falling. She took a deep breathe to steady herself as her hands fell back to the table and she looked at Jace. He seemed to sensee that she wasn't done talking yet and had remained quiet.
"Normally, Mom would just stay on the main highway. It takes a little longer to get to our house but there's more lighting and the rain doesn't sit on the road nearly as bad. But because she was trying to get home she took the side road because it was the quickest way to get to our house." Clary paused for a second and then looked Jace dead in the eyes. "If she hadn't turned off the highway they wouldn't have gotten into that wreck.
"My father threw himself into his work after that and it was advised that he go to grief canceling, but he never did. At first he was fine for the most part, but then the charges against the driver were dropped. I mean, they weren't much, just a year of being behind bars, but it was enough for my father to have at least a little piece. My dad was irate when they told him, but there was nothing he could do. Instead the guy got a fine and a mere slap on the wrist and that was that.
"I didn't notice the changes until the first part of my freshman year. He started drinking more often during the week, and then that turned into just drinking larger quantities, and then one day he got really drunk and he just snapped. I don't even remember what it was about, I think I came home late but I'm not certain, but he got mad and he slapped me. I could tell in his eyes that he instantly regretted it. Things just progressed from there. And, while he's never said it out loud, not really, I think he partly blames me for their deaths."
Clary shrugged a little to try and make the end of her sentence seem a little lighter, but she could tell that Jace didn't completely buy it. To Clary's surprise, however, Jace wasn't looking at her with pity. She couldn't really name what she saw in his eyes, but it definitely wasn't pity.
"It's not your fault." Jace said softly, reaching across the table to place his hand over hers.
"I know." Clary didn't even need to see Jace's expression to know he didn't believe her because she didn't believe herself.
"I mean it, Clary," Jace insisted, "none of that was your fault."
"Yeah, well, it doesn't make it any easier." Clary shrugged.
Jace sighed as if frustrated. His eyes narrowed for a few seconds as if he was trying to think something out and then they closed for the briefest of seconds before opening with an almost resolute expression in them.
"Isabelle and Alec aren't really my siblings." Jace breathed out; almost as if he didn't say it quickly he may still change his mind. Clary didn't even get the chance to say anything before he continued. "My parents died in a house fire when I was eight. I was staying at my grandmother's house when it happened. After that I lived with her for a while until she died when I was ten. The Lightwoods were friends of the family and really close with my parents so they took me in and adopted me."
Clary opened her mouth and shut it, not sure what to say. She repeated this action a couple of more times before she could finally find form words.
"So that's what he meant."
Jace looked at Clary as if she had lost her mind. "What who meant?"
"Mr. Banner. One day after class when I was talking to him he mentioned that we had more in common than I thought. I didn't know what he meant. Not till now."
"Oh." Jace frowned a little.
"But that does explain why you look nothing at all like Isabelle and Alec. Plus I was wondering about the blond hair with your genealogy map."
"Yea, so I guess now we both know each other's pasts now. Does that make us even?"
Clary looked at Jace for a few moments, really looked. It made since now to her, why Jace had the personality that he did. He had lost those closest to him at such a young age and had to be bounced around some. He was the sole survivor of his family. Jace knew just as much as Clary did what it was like to lose your parents, because while Valentine was still breathing he wasn't really alive, not really. Clary's father was no longer the strong man whom she had looked up to when she was young; he was broken and falling apart at the seams. It all made since to her now, Jace's sarcasm and attitude was his defense system. It was his way of making the world think that he was perfectly fine and that nothing bad had ever happened in his life and at the same time keeping people at a distance. Just like Clary's secrets and how she always tried to brush things off. She didn't open up to people because she didn't want to have to go through the pain of losing yet another person she cared about.
Jace knew the pain of waking up and not being able to see a loved one's face, hear their voice, be held in their arms, it was a pain that never went away, not really. It hit her then, even more, how similar they were. It was no wonder they were always at each other's throats. They were both stubborn and set in their own ways. They were fighters, survivors, and they both had their secrets. Granted Jace being adopted wasn't necessarily a secret, but Clary figured it wasn't something that Jace just told everyone. She also figured that he wasn't one to tell people why he was adopted.
"How about some pie?" Clary asked, shaking her head from her thoughts. She stood up and as she did she could feel Jace's gaze on her.
"Don't forget the ice cream."
"Wouldn't dream of it."
Neither of them needed to say it, but suddenly they were on equal ground and they understood the other. Jace may still be a jerk sometimes in Clary's opinion and Clary may still seem ridiculous to Jace when it came to her loyalty to her father, but they now had a better grasp of the other. And somehow, the two of them had started talking about their parents as they ate their pie and ice cream. This wasn't that new to Clary, she still talked about her mom occasionally with her friends, but this was the first time she had been able to talk about her mother and her brother and truly laugh and not force back tears with a smile. It was also nice, hearing about Jace's birth parents.
A few hours later they were done with their project and Jace was getting ready to go home. He was zipping his bag up when he suddenly stopped and looked up at Clary.
"Can I just ask you one thing?"
"Sure," Clary said, a little unsure.
"I know we've basically been over this a thousand times, but . . . why are you so loyal to your father?"
Clary sucked in a breath and rocked back on her heels for a second before answering.
"He's my dad," Clary shrugged. "And I know that if he would just get counselling of some sort he wouldn't need to drink and he would be fine. He's just too stubborn to do it. My father does love me and I know he hates himself a little more each time he does hurt me, he just hasn't been able to find an anchor yet."
"Why doesn't he just stop drinking then?" Jace asked, arms crossed, as if it was the answer to everything in the universe.
"He's sick, Jace, he can't help it and I'm the only person he has left. I know you don't believe it, but my father is a good man. He's a wonderful cop, and before our lives were turned upside down he was a wonderful father. We use to do so many things together, my father and me. He taught me how to fish, how to swim, how to play any sport imaginable, he took me to my first art museum, and he bought me my first pair of skates. When I was little he would tuck me in at night before my mom would read me a bedtime story and every night when he came home he would help me with my homework while mom finished cooking supper. He's my father, Jace, and all of the good memories I have of him outweigh all of the bad. I could never go to the police stations and tell his co-workers that he has a habit of turning mean when he's had a little too much to drink."
Jace sighed a little. "Alright. Fine, we'll do this your way. But if you wind up in the hospital again you better have a definite plan on how to get him help because I will go to the police."
Clary nodded. "Thank you." She didn't really feel like fighting with him over this again, so she just left it at that.
Jace picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder as his phone started to ring. He pulled the cell out of his back pocket and held it up to his ear and Clary followed him towards the door. Clary was too lost in her own thoughts to even pay attention to Jace's end of the conversation. It wasn't until he let out a heavy sigh that Clary tuned back in.
"What is it?"
"Nothing, just Isabelle being her lovely self. Just be glad you don't live with her." Jace rolled his eyes, opening the door. Clary smirked a little.
"I guess I'll see you Monday then." She said, holding the door open as Jace stood outside.
"Yea, and next time we do something like this let's just go to my house."
Clary raised an eyebrow. "I thought you said we wouldn't get anything done at your house."
"We probably won't but at least it will be easy to stop Isabelle's nonsense. That and you still haven't met my little brother." Jace's face brightened a little at the end of his sentence.
"Max." Clary smiled. Jace gave her a confused expression, causing her to continue. "Alec mentioned him one day in our first hour class."
"Oh. Yea, well, from all the manga book things I saw in your room he would think it was a candy store."
"He reads manga?" Clary asked, ignoring Jace's comment.
"It's all I ever see him read anymore."
"I would ask you what he reads, but I doubt you would know."
Jace frowned a little at this, but seemed to shrug it off. "It's not really my thing and I never know what he's talking about anyways. But still, even without the comic book think, I think you two would get along, that and you should meet the rest of the Lightwood clan."
"Sure, maybe one day I can come over for a little bit."
"Great, see you later." Jace smiled before leaving.
Clary watched him drive away before closing the door. Somehow Clary felt like today was a huge mile stone in her relationship, whatever it was, with Jace. Perhaps now they could be friend without tearing each other's head off every other day. Clary smiled at the idea. She hadn't expected to be so relieved when she had told Jace the truth, but it was like a weight had been lifter from her shoulders now that he did know. Clary also hadn't expected for Jace to spill his story or for them to start talking about their family with such ease. It was almost weird, how in one afternoon they had grown so comfortable around each other. But if Clary was being completely honest with herself, she liked it.
Later that night after supper when Clary was in her room she had had the sudden urge to draw and was sprawled out on her bed. Clary just started sketching absent-mindedly, not really paying attention at all to what she was drawing on the paper. It wasn't until she had finished and looked back at the finish picture that she saw that she had been drawing Jace. He had one hand held in front of him, as if he was offering someone to take his hand. Invisible wind blew his mess of hair so that a few strands where in his eyes and the smirk that his lips were curved into wasn't the normal snarky one, but the more compassionate one that Clary had seen him use only a few times. But none of this was what really startled Clary. It was the beautiful pair of strong wings that were spread from Jace's back. All of this together made he seem like a determined guardian angel. Clary gulped a little at the image because she suddenly completely realized that Jace could either be a guardian angel or he could make her already upside down life even messier.
So, this has very minimal editing, but I figured you guys were getting a little put off at me for not updating for so long. Once again I am so sorry, but I do hope you like this chapter.