AN: I totally cheated with this prompt because my original idea for it didn't pan out the way I had hoped (that's also why it's only getting posted half an hour before midnight today) ^^;

A Drone Named Jeffrey

Chapter Seventeen

Computer

"Al…most…there!"

The tip of my finger grazed the Energon crystal wedged in the rocks above me. Gravity immediately decided to remind me of its existence, and the rock beneath my foot gave away. I grunted and grappled to catch my balance.

Luck wasn't on my side, and I slipped on the rock and fell nearly fifty feet to land on my back. The collision was jarring enough to temporarily scramble my auditory and visual sensors, and I waited until my vision had fully rebooted. With a growl, I blindly reached out and grabbed a rock to hurl up at the crystal mocking me from above with its soft glow. "You're not the only crystal in the mine, you fragger."

Either my visor hadn't completely reset or that crystal just glowed a little brighter. Or I was finally losing my processor…that sounded like a more plausible explanation. Either way, it was still mocking me in its crystal-y way.

My joints creaked in protest, and I stood up and rubbed the back of my helm where a rock had dented it. "Alright Riley. Let's head to another section of the mine. One where Energon crystals are less mocking."

Silence greeted my statement, and I looked around the open space. "Riley?"

I tensed when I didn't receive an answer and began cursing my human to the pit and back while heading to the tunnel we had come in from. I knew it! I knew bringing Riley on my bi-monthly Energon raid was a stupid idea. But what did I do? I let those big ol' brown eyes soften my spark.

"But Jeffrey, I promise to be good! I won't run off unless you're climbing up a slippery wall and fully distracted. Just look into my big, puppy eyes, you sentimental moron! You can trust me."

Those weren't her exact words, but I'd like to imagine that's pretty much how it happened. And I—the sentimental, processor damaged Vehicon—fell for it. I need to reestablish my dominance in this relationship when this over.

"Jeffrey!"

I jumped before freezing mid-step. I transformed and peeled down the straight tunnel when the cry repeated, and for the first time since I started raiding these old caverns, I didn't care for the noise I made. I was going to squish my human for running away!

I screeched around the corner and transformed into a head-on roll, arm already transformed into my cannon and pointed in front of me. Riley shrieked as she was swung around, and the purple Vehicon that held her used his other arm to aim a similar cannon towards me. He paused and took a step back. "What are you doing here? I'm the only one assigned to this sector."

I didn't answer, optics fastened on Riley as she struggled in the Vehicon's hand. He didn't seem to care (or notice really), and I tensed when he swung her around. "Answer me, soldier! Give me your serial number and section commander."

A low energy alert popped up on my HUD, and I straightened from my crouch. My cannon retracted, and the Vehicon in front of me relaxed a little. I saluted the higher ranked Vehicon, acting the part of a remorseful trooper. "My apologies, sir. You surprised me."

The Vehicon nodded and lowered his weapon, but thankfully, he didn't drop Riley, who was staring at me with wide brown eyes. "Consider yourself lucky I didn't mistake you for an Autobot."

"Of course."

"Now serial number and section commander."

I tilted my head, keeping a close optic on Riley and forcing myself not to react when she grimaced and whimpered. "I don't have one, sir."

"Don't have…one?" The Vehicon froze. "Which one?"

"Neither."

"That's…not possible." The Vehicon's optic band flashed, and I could clearly imagine him attempting to compute what I had just said. A Vehicon without a serial number or commander? Impossible! "This is no time for jokes, soldier!"

"I'm sorry, sir." I pointed towards Riley, who was looking a little sick now after being flung around so much. "Is that a human?"

It took the Vehicon a moment to register my question before he looked down at Riley. "Uh, yeah. I found it wandering around the mine."

"Let me take care of it, sir." I stepped closer and held my hand out. His confusion would have been amusing had he not been squeezing my human to death. "You were the only one assigned to this mine, right? You must be a busy mech then. Much too busy to worry about a tiny human."

The Vehicon stared at me, and for a moment, I was worried that he wouldn't fall for it or had noticed that I wasn't exactly a generic Vehicon. It was dark enough for my coloring to look normal…I hoped. "And what would happen if the higher-ups learned you had shirked your duties for a tiny human?"

That seemed to jolt him out of his stupor, and he dumped Riley into my outstretched hand. "Yeah, you're right. I'll…finish my rounds. What was your serial number again?"

I gently gripped Riley against my chassis, and she immediately clung to my armor. "I don't have one. My name is Jeffrey. And Soundwave is a fairy from the land of candy and sparkles."

The Vehicon stared at me, completely frozen in place. After a long moment, I reached out with my free hand and shoved the locked frame backwards. Riley jumped at the loud crash it made when it connected with the ground. She sniffed. "What did you do?"

"Some Vehicons have really powerful logic centers. It was a glitch in one of the batches that Shockwave later fixed. Stuff that doesn't make sense just…doesn't compute."

Riley sniffed again, and I held her close as I stepped over the fallen Vehicon. "I thought he was you."

"You wouldn't have thought that if you had stayed close like I told you to."

Riley was completely quiet after that, and I started rubbing her trembling back.