Chapter 20
So this was intended to be posted before my winter break ended and I went back to school, but needless to say that did not happen.
And once again, had intended to try to update this during my spring break and that, also, didn't happen. Don't worry, I hate myself a little too.
Gasping a little, Clary woke up with a start. She sat up in bed, wide eyed and chest heaving, as she looked around, temporarily disoriented. It took her a few seconds before she remembered she was at the Lightwoods and Isabelle was sleeping on the other side of the large full sized bed. Not being able to sit still, and not wanting to wake Isabelle up, Clary carefully slipped out of bed and padded her way to the door. Closing it softly behind her, Clary leaned against it as her eyes adjusted to not having the moon's light brighten up the darkness a little. Eventually Clary was able to make out the shapes of different thing in the quiet house, but she didn't know what to do now.
She didn't even realize she had started pacing up and down the hallway until she stubbed her toe on the random in-table that decorated the hallway. Breathing in a sharp breath, Clary shot her hand out to keep the vase that sat upon the table from moving. With a sigh of relief Clary went across the hallway and sunk down against the wall, bringing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms securely around them. Still trying to calm down a little and push aside the images that kept racing across her mind, Clary just sat there, not keeping track of time that slipped away from her.
"Clary?"
Clary's head shot up and her eyes landed on Jace. His hair was messier than usual, something she didn't think was possible, and somehow still looked good on him, equally as baffling to her. Jace was also bare chested with a pair of athletic shorts hanging low on his hips as he rubbed the side of his eyes with the palm of his hands.
"What are you doing out here?"
Clary forced a smile. "I couldn't sleep and I didn't want to wake Isabelle."
Jace looked at her, as if trying to detect any false truth to what Clary had just told him. Clary expected him to continue whatever it was he was doing after seeming to accept Clary's answer, but he didn't, instead he made his way over to her and slid down the wall so that he was sitting beside her.
"What about you?" Clary asked, turning her head towards Jace.
"I was going to get a drink of water."
"Oh."
There was silence between the two of them for several minutes with both of them staring at something across from them.
"Why couldn't you sleep?" Jace broke the silence as he turned his attention back to the red head beside him.
Clary shrugged her shoulders half-heartedly, bringing her knees even closer to her chest. "Just woke up and couldn't fall back asleep. Restless I guess."
Jace gave her a measured look but didn't say anything right away. Clary expected him to start grilling her, but that wasn't the case. Instead, he just sat there, silent again.
"Want to go down stairs with me?"
Jace's sudden words caused Clary to jump a little. Looking over at him, Clary nodded. Seemingly satisfied, Jace stood up and then offered his hand to Clary. She took his hand a little tentatively and he helped her to her feet. Clary followed Jace silently to the stairs and down to the living room of the quiet house. Making his way over to one of the sofas, Jace didn't bump into any furniture. Without any form of hesitation, Clary followed the golden haired boy and curled up on the opposite of the same couch, back against the corner by the arm rest.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Jace asked, tilting his head to the side. There was just enough moonlight coming through the windows that Clary could see the softness in his eyes. She wasn't sure if it was concern or him just being kind, but she could tell that he was trying not to be his pushy, over curious self.
"I . . . I don't know." Clary's brows furrowed a little and she brought her knees up to her chest.
"I'm . . . I'm not going to push you, or force you, to tell me. You know that, right?" Jace asked, looking at her earnestly. Clary still wasn't use to this side of Jace, the side that was patient and caring and that generally just wanted to help her. She was much more use to his cocky, irritating self. The side of him that just pushed and dug until he either got what he wanted or Clary stormed off after a sharp snide of her own.
"I know." Clary said quietly. Jace moved just the slightest bit closer to her and turned his body so that he was fully facing her. After closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, Clary mustered up the nerve to tell Jace. "You really won't just accept that I couldn't sleep will you?" Clary asked as she looked up at him.
"Not in the slightest." Jace smirked a little, his attitude easy and laid back, but Clary could tell it was mostly an act.
"Didn't think so." Clary forced the barest of smiles. "It was a bad dream. I woke up and I couldn't shake it, so I went out into the hallway to try and calm down."
"What was the dream about?"
"My brother." Clary responded quickly, more quickly than she thought she would. Jace seemed to be taken off guard for a moment, rather it was from her response or the lack of hesitation or both, she didn't know, but he quickly regained his composure. He didn't say anything, just sat there looking at her, waiting for her to continue when she was ready.
"It started out like most of them, Jon and I just doing something together. Sometimes we are playing soccer or basketball or throwing a mall around, sometimes we are just talking or watching a movie, and sometimes it's some memory." Clary took a deep breath here before continuing. "They're usually happy, but sometimes they go wrong.
"The summer before Jonathan died we would go to the park and pool a lot. There was one day where this freak storm popped up. It had started out nice, sunny and warm, so we had gone to the park to just mess around. We didn't do anything special, we just had fun, but I remember being really happy. We were just kicking a soccer ball back and forth when it just started pouring. Everybody else left to go home, but Jon and I stayed and played in the rain.
"We were in the process of walking home when it changed. I was a little bit ahead of him, when suddenly he grabbed my shoulder and spun me around to face him. He had been dressed in a blue tank top and beige shorts when we left the house, but when I turned around he was in his soccer warm ups. Blood covered his clothes and face. I was about to ask him what was wrong, but seeing him stopped me.
"He said it was my fault," Clary looked up at Jace, meeting his eyes. He was doing a very good job of not showing a reaction, but Clary thought she could just barely make out an emotion that was somewhere between surprise and sorrow. "I asked him what he meant and he just said it was my fault, that I was the reason he and mom were gone. He came after me and I woke up."
Silence fell between the two of them again. Then, Clary felt warmth touch her hand and started a little, looking down she saw Jace had placed his hand on hers. Looking back up, she was surprised by how close Jace was to her now; she hadn't even noticed him moving closer to her.
"It wasn't your fault."
Clary opened her mouth to disagree, but Jace stopped her.
"No." Jace's voice was forceful, yet still kind. "It wasn't your fault, I don't care what you say or think. I don't care how many times we have to go over this. What happened wasn't your fault. It was a freak accident and no one could have prevented it."
Clary opened her mouth a couple times, but it just resulted in her closing it again because she really didn't know what is was she wanted to say. If she was being completely honest with herself, she didn't know what to say. Sure, Clary had heard all of this from Magnus and her other friends frequently, but this was different. Jace was different. He had just popped into her life and no matter how hard she had tried to keep him out, in the end it didn't matter. He had wormed his way past most of her defenses and demanded that he know what was going on in her life. Clary had never put such blind trust in someone, but once she had stopped fighting him, Clary had found that it was fairly easy to trust Jace. Something that Clary knew should scare her, but for some reason it didn't. There was just something about him that made her feel at ease and want to open up to him. Yes, there was still that little voice in her head telling her to be careful of what she let him know, because there were some things that Clary didn't know if she would ever want someone else to actually know.
"Clary," Jace said again, bringing her out of her thoughts. Meeting his eyes, Clary could make out just a tinge of worry in the dim lighting. Clary didn't notice that Jace had moved one of his hands so that the palm of it was cradling the side of her cheek gently until he moved his hand to brush a strand of hair out of her eyes.
"Jace," Clary responded, trying her hardest to not blush even as her cheeks started to gain a tinge of pink. She had never been gladder for the lack of proper lighting. "I'm fine, really."
"It's not your fault." Jace repeated, obviously not believing her.
Clary let out a humorless chuckle. Deep down she really did know that she had to stop blaming herself, that it really wasn't her fault, but for some reason she just couldn't let that feeling go, no matter how hard to tried.
"It's not that easy." Clary's voice was soft, quiet, but just loud enough for Jace to hear. She was prepared for him to tell her that it was, but that wasn't what came out of his mouth.
"Then I'll be here for you when you need someone."
Clary could feel her eyes widen at Jace's statement. It came out so easy and genuine that it left Clary with no a single doubt that he meant it and it surprised her. It surprised her how easy it could be with Jace, how easy it was to trust him.
"Thank you."
After that they didn't really talk, Jace just simply nodded and seemed to relax a little before standing up and heading to the kitchen, waving for Clary to follow when she didn't immediately get up. Trailing behind him, clary watched as Jace got his glass of water, offering her one and it being turned down, and then they made their way back upstairs. Jace paused in front of Isabelle's door, causing Clary to hesitate as she reached for the knob.
"If you have any more bad dreams you can come tell me." Jace stated in a soft voice as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
Clary merely nodded and then watched as Jace made his way back to his room. When he reached his door Clary slipped back into Isabelle's room and closed the door with a soft click. With a deep breath Clary removed herself from against the door and treaded her way to Isabelle's bed, where she slipped back under the covers. She was surprised the next morning that she had actually fallen asleep fairly quickly and that her mind wasn't plagued with thoughts of her nightmare.
…..
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…..
After that first initial night at the Lightwoods things were quiet and fairly uneventful. Valentine was drinking less and in better moods, more like himself. Clary was able to spend several afternoons at the Lightwoods and weekends as well. And a plus for Clary, her ribs were healing up nicely. She was just about to start thinking that things may stay that way, that her father was better and that her life could be normal again, but she should have known that history likes to repeat itself.
Clary had just gotten home from being at the Lightwoods again; Magnus dropping her off with a smile and a promise to text her later that night. The instant Clary walked inside she knew something was wrong. She could smell the stench of alcohol and with a glance in the living room Clary could make out the crushed and scattered remains of way too many beer cans and whisky bottles.
Clary hadn't made it more than a couple steps in the direction of the stairs when she heard Valentine's booming voice, calling her name. With her breath caught in her lungs, Clary hastened into the kitchen to find her father at the table with a bottle of rum, no chaser. His eyes were red rimmed, hair a mess, and clothes winkled. With a cold gaze he stood up and stalked towards her.
"Where have you been?" Valentine growled with breath stinking so much of alcohol it made Clary's stomach turn a little and she had to force herself not to cringe.
"I was at my friend Isabelle's." Clary said softly, meekly, not wanting him to get more riled up if she could help even though she knew that was wishful thinking.
The sounds of her father's hand and her cheek rang through the kitchen as Clary's head turned with the force of it and she stumbled back a step.
"Don't lie to me."
"I'm not, I'm sorry." Clary all but whimpered, trying her hardest to keep the tears out of her voice, but her cheek stung and she was so confused as of to what brought on his sour mood this time after so long and she was so mad at herself for thinking things would get better.
Valentine grabbed a fistful of her shirt in both hands and shoved her up against the nearest wall, causing her head to slam painfully into it. "I said don't lie to me." He snarled, eyes hard.
Clary didn't even get out another apology before another hit connected to her still stinging cheek and she was being thrown to the ground. With barely just enough time, Clary curled up on herself as the first kick connected to her still bruised and aching body. Not even caring to ingest the list of profanities her father was throwing her way along with each swift kick to her tiny body she tuned him out, the only sound reaching her ears being the rapid beat of her heart and her stilled breath as it continued to be knocked out of her just as she thought she would be able to inhale a proper lung full of oxygen. It took Clary a few moments to realize the blows had stopped and she slowly relaxed her body just barely and looked up at her father, but not meeting his eyes.
"Be useful and clean this mess up." Valentine barked before walking away with his bottle of rum. Clary could hear his footsteps retreating as they went upstairs, most likely to his room.
Unfurling herself, Clary laid on the cool tile of the kitchen for a few minutes as she tried to regulate her breathing to the best of her ability. Her ribs were bruised again and one felt like they could be crack again as well, but Clary knew there was no going to the hospital this time. She was running out of cover stories for her more prominent injuries and she didn't think another fall down the stairs or possible awful bike wreck would slide this time.
Stealing herself, and locking her jaw a little, Clary forced herself to stand up and clean up the wreck her father had left her to clean up. It was slow work, but much to her respite, Valentine didn't come back downstairs. Once she was done, she made something for dinner, left it in the stove to stay warm, and left a note on the counter top letting her father know where his food was and what to do if it needed reheating. She then took a very long shower and just let the warm water hit her body, it was a bit painful, but it also helped to relax some of her stiff muscles. Done, Clary changed into warm pajamas and sunk into her bed after taking some left over pain meds.
The next morning Clary was careful to not rile her father back up even though he seemed pretty docile. In fact, Valentine didn't even seem to remember yesterday considering he had been surprised to see her when he finally made his way downstairs. Clary was also extremely cautious to not let her father see that every movement and breath hurt all over again, worse than the first time. But he didn't seem to notice, still hung over from last night.
When the day was over and Clary was sliding back into bed she dreaded the idea of having to go to school in the morning, where Magnus and Jace would be quick to analyze how she was doing. As far as they were concerned nothing had happened, because she hadn't told them anything, hadn't even let anything slip when Magnus had texted her Saturday night. Hopefully with things going so smoothly lately they wouldn't notice right away. Clary was starting to relax until she remembered she was finally released to do gym again, something that she had no way of getting out of. Clary groaned a little.
Tomorrow was going to be awful.
For those who have been on limbo for almost four months I am extremely sorry, this chapter did not want to be written and was fighting me tooth and nail. I literally worked on this off and on this once since the last update and for some reason I just had the worse writers block ever. I am also sorry to the newer readers, but I have two weeks of school (so don't expect an update soon) and then I'm on summer break. I am going to try my absolute hardest to update this a couple days after I'm back home from school. Hopefully the next chapter won't be so resistant.
P.S. Sorry it's so short as well.