Chapter 5: Griffons, less is more

Note: I would love for you to review. Constructive criticism is always welcomed. Any ideas you might have for a future episode, feel free to tell me. Sorry for taking so long, school has started up for me, but I promise to try and get chapters in.

I do not own any part of My Little Pony, nor do I own songs that I use.

Rainbow Dash and I were having a nice flight over Ponyville that afternoon. This wasn't to do tricks or to see who could go faster, just a nice peaceful flight. We were talking about our favorite hobbies, hers consisting of bugging the Wonderbolts and practicing to join them while mine were spread out over sports to reading when there was nothing else to do.

Suddenly we hear, "Rainbow Dash, Tommy!"

We looked down only to see Pinkie trotting after us. I waved a friendly hello but kept flying, I just wanted to enjoy my flight and talk. I didn't get my way. Rainbow Dash started flying faster and faster to try and avoid Pinkie. Let me put this strait. She didn't hate Pinkie Pie, Pinkie has just been hanging around her too much and it was starting to bug her.

I tried speeding up in order to catch up, but once Pinkie saw this she sped up as well. This made Rainbow fly faster, then me, then Pinkie continuously in this order.

"Rainbow Dash!" cried Pinkie.

"Not now Pinkie Pie, I'm trying to enjoy my afternoon," Rainbow called back.

"Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie called again.

I saw what was coming up in my head and I tried to find reason. "Um… maybe you should listen to Pinkie," I said.

This seemed to piss her off. "I've been spending time with her every day! I'm not in the mood right now!"

With one final burst of energy she sped to full force while I came to a halt in midair. I couldn't do anything but watch as she took a page from my book and flew right into the mountain I tried to warn her about.

Once she slid down, only one word escaped her lips. "Ow."

Pinkie Pie caught up, nowhere close to being out of breath. "I was going to tell you to watch out for that mountain."

I had a sad expression on my face. "I loved this part of the episode, but now that I'm friends with them it's just painful to watch."

Later that same day

Rainbow Dash and I were on top of a cloud in order to try and hide from Pinkie Pie. I wanted to spend time with Rainbow, but she was the one that wanted to avoid Pinkie. She looked down and saw Pinkie coming.

"Come on, walk by," she mumbled under her breath.

Pinkie walked up to the nearest pony and asked, "Have you seen Rainbow Dash?"

This worried Rainbow; she quickly started trying to burry herself in the cloud we were on. Pinkie kept asking random background ponies, none of them knew where we were. Then she got to Twilight…

"Twilight, have you seen Rainbow Dash anywhere?"

Twilight had a puzzled look and pointed up to our cloud. "Isn't she right up there?"

When Pinkie found out where we were Rainbow grabbed me by the arm and flew as fast as she could to escape Pinkie. She didn't end up stopping until we were on the opposite side of Sweet Apple Acres.

As soon as we turned around though, there was Pinkie Pie. "Hi."

"Hey," I said back.

Rainbow Dash just grabbed hold of me and we were immediately off again. Behind us I could see Pinkie just hopping at a slow speed. This time we didn't stop until we were within the dense brush of the tree that makes up the library. Rainbow checked all around for any sign of Pinkie, but when I looked down where she was sitting, I couldn't stay quiet. "Um… Rainbow Dash..." she looked at me and I pointed down. She was sitting right on top of Pinkie Pie's head.

"Hi again," she said.

Once again Rainbow grabbed hold. She tried faking out Pinkie and through me in the lake that we stopped at. What I saw was going to disappoint her.

When I came up, I was in the arms of none other than Pinkamena Diane Pie in a complete snorkeling outfit. She spat out the snorkel and said, "I need a favor Rainbow Dash."

Rainbow grabbed hold of me and almost took off, but then she just gave up trying to escape Pinkie. Pinkie promised it would be fun and we set off for Ponyville. When we got back the only thing she had Rainbow do was align a cloud to her exact specifications, I remembered what was going to happen and I couldn't help but start to chuckle to myself.

"Tommy, no spoilers," Pinkie called for me.

When Spike came outside the building holding a stack of scrolls Pinkie gave her the signal and she kicked the cloud. A shockwave of thunder was the result which scared Spike into dropping all of the scrolls he was carrying. "Son of a…"

I looked at him. "Spike, watch your language. You're only a baby dragon."

He looked at me like he wasn't sure what I was talking about. After a long pause we found out he had the hiccups. Between hiccups he said, "What… are you… talking about? I was… going to… say, 'Son of a gun.'"

He began running around to gather the scrolls, only to hiccup a burst of magical fire after picking up each one. They each disappeared and I knew what was going on.

"I hope Celestia's okay with receiving all of these blank scrolls," I said.

Spike went wide eyed and started to run for the library. Before he was ten feet ahead he called back, "By the way, nice one Pinkie. Now every pony for themselves! Please Celestia, don't send me to the moon!"

At first the rest of us were nervous that something bad would happen. Then Pinkie and Rainbow started laughing their flanks off.

"Can you think of anything funnier?" Pinkie asked.

"Only one," Rainbow Dash replied. Then she kicked the cloud causing another blast of thunder. After a loud screech of terror Pinkie started to hiccup as well. She seemed to find this just as funny as or funnier than the prank on Spike and giggled in between hiccups. Rainbow started laughing again and said, "I never took you for a prankster, Pinkie Pie."

"Are you… kidding? I love… pranks! It's all in good fun," she said between hiccups. I was still laughing up on the roof of the building while they finished their conversation. When I finally stopped, I realized I was missing my favorite skull necklace and Pinkie and Rainbow were gone.

"Damn it. I love a good prank now and then; couldn't they have just let me join in the fun?" I asked myself. "Girls, give me back my necklace!"

When no one showed up I figured that they had gone somewhere far away and did a quick costume change. By quick costume change, I mean I hid inside the nearest cloud and started drifting to find those two mares. Luckily I didn't need to look for very long, coming out of the joke shop was Pinkie and Rainbow. In one of the bags was my necklace.

I swooped down from my cloud and scooped it up. The girls didn't seem to care that I'd taken it though. When I put the necklace back on, I found out why. Right when I wrapped the rope around my neck it immediately disintegrated into dust.

I ran into the nearest restroom and switched into my white stallion outfit. I started trotting behind them, making sure to keep enough distance that it wasn't suspicious. The next thing I saw pissed me off. Rainbow Dash reached across her neck and pulled off something that wasn't there, and then I realized she'd covered my necklace with invisible spray.

"Pinkie Pie that was a great idea. I can't believe you asked the store owner to make a fake necklace. I wonder what the look on Tommy's face was."

I quickly ran and grabbed hold of my necklace and ran. "The look on my face was one of shock, then pure anger!" I called back. Then I ran to the nearest river and dunked my necklace deep within the freezing water. Slowly, but surely, I was able to wash the spray off the rope and then the skull. I put the necklace on and a shiver went up my spine. "Why do I have this feeling that something bad is going to happen?"

Meanwhile

"Pinkie, what's wrong with your tail?" Rainbow Dash asked.

When Pinkie looked back, she saw it was twitching back and forth. "Oh, that's my Pinkie sense. That sign means something's going to drop out of the sky."

"Drop on us?"

"No, just on anyone I know."

Back with my problems

I looked up only for a super heavy bag to fall on top of me. "Son of a bitch," I said. I opened up the bag to find that it was full of muffins. "Derpy!"

The infamous grey Pegasus dropped from the sky in front of me. "Yes Tommy?"

"Why are you traveling with a bag of muffins?"

She got a sad look on her face and tried her best to try and escape answering the question. You can't fool the master of deception though. Soon she explained everything. "I'm sorry, but I can't afford anything except muffins. I need something to feed my daughter, Dinky Doo. Without a job though, I can't do anything else. I need help, Tommy." By this point she was completely bawling her eyes out. I can't believe she is having so many problems.

I tried to remember all the fanfics and fan comics I've read and came up with three solutions. Selling muffins was probably out of the question at the moment, plus Ponyville and Cloudsdale already have mail ponies. That left one choice.

"Derpy, you were an assistant to Dr. Whooves, right?"

She nodded and said, "I'm still his assistant because his time machine broke. He can't pay me though, because, unlike you, his money wasn't transformed into the bits that we use."

Now, I was really pissed. No one messes with one of my friends, even if they're ponies, and gets away with it. "Well Derpy, I think it's time we paid a little visit to the doctor."

We traveled far outside of Ponyville to find the Doctor working on his time machine. It looks like he really was stuck, poor guy. He turned around and immediately I was bombarded with questions and his analysis. "Oh my," he said. "Why is it that most ponies here are nude all the time except on special occasions but you are in clothes full time?"

I explained how I was magically transported to this world by unicorn power and he seemed even more interested than before.

"Well, that's interesting, isn't it? I had to travel here on accident, none the less on my own free will, but you got to come here by force. I've been trying my best to get out of here but I can't seem to fix my machine. Yet you could have gotten out of here on your own free will and chose to stay. I wonder if maybe…" he never got to finish that thought.

While he was in the middle of his sentence I brought my hoof up and uppercut him right in the chin.

"My goodness, what was that for now? I don't recall doing anything to make you angry, and surely I didn't say anything that could've angered you." I grabbed hold of him and brought his face close so I could land a harder punch. "Now how is it that you grabbed me? I've been learning how to do that since I got here and I've always failed."

Once again I punched him square in the jaw. "Now listen here you little piece of shit. You are going to pay Derpy three times minimum wage for each day and week that she's been working for you."

This definitely knocked some fear into him. "I tried to pay her before, but as she said they won't take the British pounds that I tried paying her with."

I punched right in the jaw one more time. "You are going to go to the Princess. Tell her that I sent you. After that you are going to have her change the pounds to the equivalent in bits."

"Y-y-y-yes, sir," he stuttered.

"After you do that, you are going to pay Derpy the amount I stated before for every week she's worked for you."

"I can't afford that!"

"Then you're going to get a fucking job and pay her what she deserves. You will continue paying her until you finally leave and she doesn't have to be your assistant anymore." My threat finally got to him. I followed him until he got to the Ponyville train station and hopped on the next trip to Canterlot. "Now remember, you don't get back within the next week, and I'll find you."

"Y-y-y-yes s-s-s-s-sir," he said.

Once Derpy and I started our way back to Ponyville, a question popped into my head. I knew this wasn't going to go well, but I asked anyway.

"Hey, Derpy, how exactly did you get your eyes that way? Are they a birth defect or something?"

I was right; this did hit a sore spot. I saw that it saddened her to answer the question, so I told her it was okay for her not to answer.

"Sorry I asked that. I should've known it would hurt your feelings."

She understood that I didn't mean to hurt her and accepted my apology.

"Hey, Tommy…" she said.

"Yeah?" I replied.

"Thanks for all of this. You, helping me and Dinky Doo out and stuff."

I told her how it was all my pleasure and set off for Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. I was way off the story line right now. I finally flew all the way to town and found them out laughing by the lake.

"So, you already pulled your pranks for today?" I asked.

I was expecting a strait forward answer from the fastest mare in all of Equestria, but instead I got a super long one from the most random. "Oh, we had tons of fun today. We pulled a prank on Rarity with sneezing powder, Twilight with invisible ink, Applejack by painting her apples, and I pulled one on Rainbow Dash with ink on the telescope! We were going to pull one on Fluttershy, but I realized she's too fragile, too fragile I say."

I looked across the lake to see said Pegasus poking at a fake turtle that was meant to squirt her with water, a look of confusion plastered on her face. Seeing this already got me laughing, and for a moment I was willing to press the button that would squirt her.

"Well," I said, "how about you let me join in on the pranks instead of pulling them on me?"

Dash smiled, "Sounds like a plan."

The Next Day

I was flying to Dash's house to start the day of pranking when I hear a weird honking noise. What the fuck is that? I found my answer when I looked down to see Pinkie Pie trotting in the same direction wearing overlarge sunglasses, a red nose, fake mustache, fake arrow in the head, and a noisy kazoo in her mouth.

Since she was my friend, I thought it would be kind for me to land and trot with her to Dash's cloud palace. Thank god she took of all of her silly headgear; there was no way I would have been able to keep a straight face. I was having a nice time actually having a sane conversation with this pony.

I didn't realize we had reached the cloud until Pinkie shouted in my ear. "Rise and shine Rainbow Dash! It's a brand new day and…"

"Ouch!" I mumbled. "That hurt, but why'd you stop?"

I waited for the humming in my ear to stop and looked up. The answer to my question was staring down at us. From the edge of Dash's home, there was a griffon head looking down on us. From higher up, Rainbow Dash appeared and flew down.

"Gilda this is my gal pal, Pinkie Pie, and my boyfriend, Tommy Smith," she said. An eagle like cry came from the griffon and she landed next to me. She said 'hi' in a bored tone and Dash continued. "Guys, this is my griffon friend, Gilda."

"What's a griffon?" Pinkie asked.

Before anyone else could answer, I decided to join the conversation. I can't help that I can be a genius when it comes to these things. "A griffon is a creature that's half eagle, half lion."

"Don't forget, all awesome," Gilda interrupted me.

I knew she would stay about the same. Great, why couldn't this part of the show change and she be nice? "Yeah, most of them," I grumbled. While they did they're old school cheer, I tried thinking of ways to get rid of her early. Sadly, with each one I knew I would either fail or get caught.

"Tommy?" Pinkie asked, waking me from my train of thought.

"Huh? What?" I answered.

"I asked if you were ready to pull some amazing, super spectacular, fun pranks."

I knew wear this was going, but I decided to keep that to myself. "Sure, this is going to be great."

It made me happy to put a smile on Pinkie's face from saying that. "Great! Gilda, you game?"

Being the element of deception, I could tell each signal that Gilda's next statement was a lie. "Well, I love a good prank as much as every pony else, but Dash here promised me for a morning flight."

"Shit, I totally forgot. See yah guys, I'll be back soon," Dash said.

"Hey, how about I join you two?" I suggested.

"Sorry, dude, me and Dash need some girl time," Gilda lied again. Okay, what the fuck?! I know she dislikes Pinkie Pie, but what could she have against me… unless she's a filly-fooler. With that, Gilda and Dash set off.

I was going to follow them; no way was this freaking bitch going to tell me what to do. I started to change into a new costume, a pure black stallion with a long, white mane, white polka dots on his body, and an arrow notched in a bow for a cutie mark.

I was almost done with the costume when I looked back and saw how sad Pinkie was, that's when a light bulb went off over my head. I grabbed her buy the hoof and dragged her back into town. I found the collectors shop where I've been looking for anything that could interest me over the last few days. That's when I saw it, a giant, pink hot-air balloon. Large, blue balloon marks (kind of like her cutie mark) crossed right down the middle. It was perfect.

"How much for the hot-air balloon?" I asked the store clerk. He said it was a bargaining choice. I thought of a decent price for it, "Twenty bits." He agreed and I gave it to Pinkie Pie.

She looked up at it and her eyes started to water. She wrapped me in a hug, my glasses falling down to the end of my muzzle. "Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! I love it, now I'll be able to follow Rainbow Dash and Gilda on our own girl's time flight!"

An awkward smile spread across my face. I'm glad that I made her happy, but does she really need to do this in public? "Uh, you're welcome. You can let go now." Luckily for me, she did and immediately hopped into the balloon. Once she was out of sight I quickly finished getting into my costume and set off.

I made it up to the group of girls to find that Pinkie was already trying to join them. Gilda got Dash to race away from her, but Pinkie caught up quickly. She tried again, but again Pinkie caught up. From a separate cloud, I saw Gilda trick Dash into performing new tricks then tear a hole into Pinkie's balloon.

When Pinkie hit the ground, I was right next to her and patched her up with some duct tape. "Sorry Pinkie, I don't have anything better than duct tape." She understood and said how she had a sewing kit at home for later and set off again.

This time I saw Gilda threatening Pinkie and I lost it. Once she made Pinkie leave I put on a pair of giant glasses with thick lenses and made sure I flew right into Gilda, knocking her off the cloud. When she flew back up I quickly grew a fake accent, "Sorry, miss, I'm still getting used to these new glasses." After that, I flew like hell away from her.

Pinkie and I ran to the library and told Gilda off to Twilight.

"Then, she popped my balloon and told me to buzz off!" Pinkie yelled.

Twilight tried to convince Pinkie that she wasn't that bad, but then I jumped in. "Twilight, I was there. Everything she said was true! What reason would Pinkie and I have for lying…" I realized that last word wasn't my best choice and tried to find a way to end the sentence. "What reason would Pinkie and I have for lying in this case?"

"Well, that answer is easy," Twilight responded.

"What you talkin' 'bout Twilight?"

"You're both jealous. Pinkie is jealous that her friend time was cut short and you're jealous that your girlfriend wants to hang out with someone more than you."

Thoughts flew my head, all the lies lined up perfectly. "Okay, so I guess that would make sense. We're not making it up though."

"Yeah… sure."

Pinkie tried to babble on, but soon just stormed outside. I started following her but stopped and looked back at Twilight. "Some friend you're turning out to be." Then I left and stuck my head back in. "Oh, and one more thing."

She turned around, already bored of the conversation. "What?"

"I'm sexy and I know it." After that I ran as fast as I could out the door.

When we got back to town, Pinkie Pie and I grabbed ourselves a couple of milk shakes before sitting down. After getting about half way through, we saw a certain griffon scaring Granny Smith with a very rude joke. The stupid thing made Granny Smith run as fast as she could away, which is to say about half a mile per hour.

After we caught her stealing an apple and I was forced to hold Pinkie back in order to keep her from strangling the thief. "Keep back, Pinkie. We can't draw attention to ourselves."

Once I got her to sit back down, I saw Fluttershy trotting backwards to bring a family of ducks back to the local pond. Gilda saw her coming, but stayed on route so that she would run into her no matter what. When she did she quickly went berserk and screeched. Fluttershy took flight and went as fast as she could in the opposite direction. Pinkie was grumbling all the things she wanted to do to Gilda, this time I just ignored it and flew to follow Fluttershy. The poor girl was a wreck when I found her. I calmed her down and pulled her back to her house. She needed to get her head back together.

When she was back to normal, Pinkie Pie popped out of nowhere and dragged both of us back to Sugar-cube Corner. "C'mon you two, you have to help me set up for a party!"

We started helping while Pinkie set out to get Rainbow Dash for help. Finally, after about fifteen minutes after Dash came to help, we finished. I watched as tons of background ponies showed up to the party. In came Derpy and Dinky Doo, already looking happier from me helping them get hold of some money. About five minutes after them, Lyra and Bon-bon showed up. Immediately after they appeared, Lyra ran up to me and started hitting me with questions, forcing Bon-bon to follow.

"See, see Bon-bon, I told you humans existed, and he used to be one!" Lyra said. I tried to sneak away, but immediately Lyra grabbed hold of me again. "Now that I've proven that humans exist, there's only one more thing to find!"

Bon-bon and I stared at each other, knowing that what came up was going to give us some massive headaches. "Please tell me she's not going to say what I think she's going to say," I whispered.

"I'm afraid so," she remarked.

We looked back up at Lyra, a smile going all the way across her face. "We must go out and find sea-ponies!" I worked on trying to get away, but boy did Lyra have a tight grip. As she went on about describing sea-ponies I saw Rarity and Applejack come in, then Rainbow Dash finally came in and pulled me free.

A waited around the punchbowls for the party to start, drinking a few cups only to find that they spiked the punch. I felt the effects right away; luckily for me, the legal age in Equestria is only thirteen, why couldn't I have transported here sooner? In my dizzy state, Twilight Sparkle, Spike, and Fluttershy walked in and started up a conversation. A few background ponies showed up and finally the guest of honor came through the door.

Pinkie Pie ran up to her and gave her a nice warm welcome with a hand shake. What happened during the hand shake was classic, a nice hand buzzer prank. Gilda did not look amused, in fact, she looked quite angry from it. I had no doubt she would've yelled at that if Rainbow Dash didn't go up and compliment Pinkie on it. She put on a poorly made enthusiastic face and said that it was good before Pinkie introduced her to everyone in the room.

After being dragged to the snack table, Gilda gladly took a cookie and took an oversized bite. I counted down the seconds in my head. 3… 2… 1… now! Once the countdown was over the griffon's face became red from the neck up. She spewed a mouthful of flames and ran for the punchbowl. I did my best to stumble out of the way, but she just shoved me out of the way anyway. She took the only cup I hadn't used yet and tried to gulp it down, only to find that it was a dribble glass. The punch that was in the cup poured out of the holes near the end and onto Gilda's feathers. Once she noticed that none was going into her mouth she hurried to a different bowl and got a new cup. She extinguished the flames and walked back to our group.

Dash was laughing as hard as she could. "Oh man, pepper in the cookies and a dribble glass of punch. What a great prank."

"Yeah, hilarious," Gilda replied, an annoyed tone obvious.

Dash pointed out the table of presents made for Gilda and the griffon made her way to the table quickly. Every other pony followed at a normal pace; every pony except me anyway. I made my way at a pace that a guy who's never had beer and just had his first six-pack worth.

Gilda opened her fist gift, only to find it to be a can full of fake snakes. I made the fact that I was drunk obvious by falling onto my flank, laughing.

I accidently drew everyone's attention and Twilight brought me to the side to calm me down. With a simple spell, she quickly expelled all the alcohol from my system. I blinked a few times before I remembered what happened.

"Oh, Celestia damn it, I can't believe I embarrassed myself like that," I said. I gained my composure and joined back with the party group just in time for Pinkie Pie to bring out a giant cake with about ten candles on top.

"Oh, can I blow out the candles? Please, please, please, please, please!" Spike asked.

"Spike, I think that Gilda should. It is meant for her," Twilight pointed out.

Gilda popped out of nowhere and shoved Spike out of the way. "Yeah, pipsqueak, listen to your babysitter and get out of my way. Now, let's get on with this." She took a deep breath and blew out the candles, or so she thought. Immediately after she stopped blowing the candles relit and continued to burn brightly. Once again she took a deep breath and blew and again they relit. This cycle went on for about five minutes.

"Should we tell her they'll never go out?" I asked.

Fluttershy looked at me then back at Gilda. "Yeah," then Gilda tried again, "after twenty more times."

Once she finally gave up she burst out in anger. That didn't last as long as the show. With a loud screech she grabbed a claw full of cake and flung it at Pinkie Pie, who only licked it off with one swipe of the tongue.

"This is your idea of a good time!" she yelled. "You are all just a bunch of dorks! Especially you Pinkie, with your pathetic, loser, shitty party pranks!"

She kept her rant up while I slowly edged towards the door.

Gilda yelled for Rainbow Dash to leave with her but Dash refused. "You know Gilda," she said, "I was the one that set up all of those 'shitty' pranks that happened to you."

"What!"

"Yeah, so I guess that makes me the pathetic and shitty pony. Is that right?"

"No, Dash, that's not it. She tried to trip me up. I swear, it was all Pinkie Pie!"

Pinkie looked hurt now; she would never try to hurt someone. "What, I set this party up to try and improve your attitude. I didn't make any jokes the entire time."

"They were all me," said Dash. "I didn't plan on them all going off on you, and I'm sorry they did. But if being cool is all that matters to you, maybe we shouldn't be friends anymore."

"Dash, you can't be serious. You're going to pick these dorks over me?"

"That's right."

Gilda started to get teary eyed. "Dash, don't do this. I can't live without you." Where is this going? "Dash, I love you." HOLY SHIT, I WAS RIGHT!

Every pony's eye was wide in shock by this point. Derpy may not be able to see straight, but even she seemed concerned with what was happening. Dash looked at Gilda like she couldn't believe what she heard; her childhood friend was in love with her.

"Gilda, I'm sorry. I'm not gay. I have nothing against you being a filly-fooler, but I still can't be your friend if you will treat my friends like this. You should just leave."

Gilda slowly walked to the door and opened it. When she did a bucket of mud fell on top of her, soaking all of her white feathers brown. Tears came to her eyes and she flew away.

When every pony looked up to the top of the door they could see me lying down on top.

"What?" I asked. "She deserved it for acting the way they did." Dash and Pinkie quickly made up and I made my way back to the punch bowl. "Back to the party!" I yelled.

I have to admit; that was a fantastic party. That is until the next day when I saw what really happened on facebook. I have got to lay off the alcohol… is that Lyra? Oh shit.

After the Show

"Ladies and Gentle-colts, I'm proud to introduce one of the most famous singers of both Earth and Equestria. Here's Jason Aldean!"

The curtains pulled back to show a white horse with a ruby colored neck. "It's nice to be here."

"You, sir, bring redneck to a new level."

"Should we move on to the music?"

I thought it over for a second. "First I have one question. How do you like it here in Ponyville?"

"I love it here man, but I do have one thing to say. This is a crazy town."

Crazy Town My Little Pony Parody

Original song by Jason Aldean

"Roll into town, step off the bus,

Shake off the 'where you came from' dust.

Grab your guitar, walk down the street,

The sign says 'Ponyville: where you can live free'.

But I have found,

It's a crazy town, full of neon dreams,

Every pony plays, every pony sings,

Foallywood with a touch of twang,

To be a star you gotta bang, bang, bang!

Bend those strings 'til the Hank comes out.

Make all the drunk mares scream and shout,

'We love it, we hate it,' we're all just trying to make it,

In this crazy town,

…

Pay your dues, and you play for free,

And you pray for a honky tonk destiny.

You cut your teeth in the smoky bars,

And you live off the tips from a pickle jar.

'til you find a cool new sound,

And you smile when the record man shoots you down.

It's a crazy town, full of neon dreams,

Every pony plays, every pony sings.

Foallywood with a touch of twang,

To be a star you gotta bang, bang, bang.

Bend those strings 'til the Hank comes out.

Make all the drunk mares scream and shout,

'We love it, we hate it,' we're all just trying to make it,

In this crazy town,

…

One year, they reposes your truck.

And the next, you make a couple million bucks!

It's a crazy town, full of neon dreams,

Every pony plays, every pony sings,

Foallywood with a touch of twang,

To be a star you gotta,

Bend those strings 'til the Hank comes out.

Make all the drunk mares scream and shout,

'We love it, we hate it,' we're all just trying to make it,

'We love it, we hate it,' we all came here to make it,

In this crazy town,

It's a crazy town."

When he stopped the normally empty theatre that I was using as a headquarters was filled with tons of cheering mares. "I think they liked the parody," I said.

"You can say that again."

"I think we should slowly back away from the stage. We'll meet up in Canterlot. Okay?"

"Sounds like a plan."

We started inching away. When we made it to the ends of the stage was when things went badly.

"Get them!" a random mare yelled. We took off as fast as we could and never did meet up.