Thanks for all the support guys! Here's the next chapter ^-^ Also, I recently re-watched the hobbit, and noticed that in Bag End, Thorin smiles quite a bit! It's hard to notice, but if you look for it, it's there. So if he doesn't seem like just a grumpy old codger in this story, it's because he isn't.
query4: Bilbo does exist and will be mentioned, but I doubt he'll be making an appearance in this story.
Enjoy!
Emi padded back to her parlor, tucking the last bit of her light blue shirt under the waistline of the simple brown skirt she had thrown on over her trousers. She let out a small cry of distress as she came upon the sight of a dozen dwarves pillaging her pantry.
"What are you doing?" She squeaked grabbing a bowl full of apples out of Kili's hands. "No, no, not the turkey! I've been saving that!" She set down the apples in an attempt to save the precious meat, only to have the red bearded dwarf ignore her and continue with it to her dining room. Emi turned around in distress to see the apples had again disappeared. "Excuse me, those are not for eating! No, put that chair back where you found it! Right now!"
"I can't hear you lass!" the old dwarf holding the chair said, pointing at his ear as Emi ushered him back down the hall. The hobbit turned around in frustration and nearly got bowled over by a very large dwarf carrying her entire store of cheese wheels.
"That's four whole wheels!" she sighed, resigning. "Do you at least want a cheese knife? I'm pretty sure the mice have gotten to one of those."
"Cheese knife?" a dwarf in a strange hat said behind her. "He eats it by the block!"
"That's cranberry sauce not jelly!" Emi squeaked seeing the red paste being spread across a loaf of bread. "Will you put that back? That's wine you know!" The hobbit's hands massaged her face in anguish as the dwarves and wizard moved into the dining room and began eating. Emi peeked between stressed hands to see food flying through the air. She turned around to her now empty parlor and closed her eyes. "Why me?" She mumbled into her palms. Silence fell behind her and nothing but the sound of desperate gulps filled the room. After a few moments, several tankards slammed down on the table and several long exaggerated burps filled the halls, accompanied by loud cheers.
A small whimper escaped her lips and she let her head fall against the doorframe next to her.
Soon the dwarves began to get up and began milling around. A gnawing hunger grew in Emi's stomach, but she pushed it away as she moved to intercept her guests once again from destroying her house.
"That's a table cloth, please stop wiping your mouth on it. Get your feet off the table!" She was ignored. "Be bother and confusticate these dwarves!"
"My dear Emilie, whatever seems to be the matter?" Gandalf smiled at her in concern.
"What?" She looked at him angrily. "You ask me what? There are dwarves running about my house! Tearing it apart!"
"Oh, they're quite a merry gathering, once you get used to them." The wizard chuckled.
"Oh, go ahead and laugh!" The hobbit lass squeaked again. "You're not the one who's going to have to clean up after them! Do you know how much work it's going to be to get this place in working order again? They're filthy! Look." She said, leading Gandalf out into the hall. "Look at this. This used to be white!" Emi pointed to the floor, which was covered in food and mud. "I spent five hours cleaning that last week. Five Hours!" She repeated.
"I'm sure they'd be willing to help." Gandalf shrugged slightly.
"I don't want their help! I want them gone!" She hissed. "Why are they even here?"
"Excuse me." An incredibly sweet voice said from next to her. Emi squeezed her eyes tight before turning to look at a young dwarf with a bowl shaped haircut. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but what should I do with my plate?" Both the dwarf and Emi looked down at the plate in his hand.
"Here you go Ori." Fili said, coming up next to them. "Give it to me." Emi's heart almost leapt out of her throat as Fili grabbed the plate and hurled it like a rock over to Kili at the other end of the hall. Kili grabbed it easily before tossing it quickly into the next room, turning back just in time to catch Fili's own plate. Gandalf, dodging each plate as it came.
"Don't you dare!" Emi shouted. "That's the only good set of dishes I own!" The frazzled woman rushed into the dining room to see three of the dwarves playing some sort of rhythm game with her knives. "Stop that right now! You'll blunt them that way!"
"Ohhh did you hear that lads?" the hat wearing one teased. "She says we'll blunt the knives!" Kili's voice sounded from the hallway.
"Blunt the Knives bend the forks"
"Smash the bottles and burn the corks," Fili continued.
"Chip the glasses and crack the Plates," others started joining in.
"That's what Emi Brandy hates!" Emi looked around in shock and horror as her dishes and silverware began to get tossed around the rooms, from one dwarf to another.
"Cut the cloth, tread on the fat,
Leave the bones on the bedroom mat!
Poor the milk on the pantry floor,
Splash the wine on every door!
Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl,
Pound em up with a thumping pole!
When you're finished, if they are whole,
Send them down the hall to roll!"
One of the dwarves whipped out his flute and began playing a little tune on it, while dishes continued to fly around him.
"That's what Emi Brandy hates!"
"It's Brandybuck." Emi corrected under her breathe as she pushed her way into the dining room. But her eyes widened in shock to see all of her dishes piled, neat and clean on the table in front of her. The dwarves laughed around her, obviously enjoying the look of astonishment that appeared on her.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
All fell silent, heads, turning towards the door, smiles gone.
Gandalf broke the still, his deep voice rumbling, forebodingly. "He is here." In silence, the dwarves filed over to the door, Gandalf at the head. Emi glanced over shoulders; slightly annoyed that Gandalf chose to open the door, to her home. But she quickly dismissed the thought. The hobbit tried her best to squeeze through the others to see just who this new arrival was.
The wizard opened the door to reveal, big surprise, another dwarf. But, something in Emi, told her that this dwarf was not like any of the others. He had a head of long black hair, with strands of grey through out and braids running down either side of his face. A dark green cloak draped over his broad shoulders, partially concealing dwarven armor and a fur lined coat. His eyes, which turned to look at Gandalf, were a stormy blue color. And Emi could not help but notice the faint traces of relief in them as the new dwarf smiled ever so slightly.
"Gandalf." He said, walking in with a sense of regalness… maybe honor? "I thought you said this place would be easy to find. I lost my way," he said, unclasping the cloak from his shoulders and handing it to one of the dwarves nearby. "Twice." The newcomer glanced over at the wizard, slight amusement in his face at his own troubles. "I would not have found it at all had it not been for that sign on the door."
"Sign?" Emi's voice sounded, it seemed unusually high pitched in comparison to the dwarf's deep rumble. "What sign? There is no sign on my door!" she squeezed passed the others at last to look at the maroon front.
"No lass," Balin spoke up as Emi stared, open mouthed at the runes etched into the maroon wood. "That sign clearly reads, 'Burglar wants work. No reasonable offer refused.'" Emi stared at it for a moment for turning helplessly to her guests.
"That's not my sign." She pointed to it, voice cracking slightly. Gandalf quickly intervened, closing the door and standing between it and the distressed hobbit as some of the dwarves chuckled in amusement.
"Emilie Brandybuck, allow me to introduce the leader of our company, Thorin Oakenshield." At the mention of his name, the new dwarf straightened up and turned fully to Emilie.
"So, this is the hobbit." He looked her up and down for a moment before frowning slightly. "Gandalf, you made no mention that she was a woman."
"I don't see how it's important." Gandalf said simply, smiling slightly at the dwarf, who sighed before looking back at Emi.
"Tell me, Ms. Brandybuck, have you done much fighting?" Thorin asked, pacing around her.
"Excuse me?" Emi said, confusion evident on her face.
"Axe or sword." Thorin continued, coming to the front of her again. "What's your weapon of choice?"
"W-well…" Emi stammered. "Well… I prefer slicing bread to chopping wood… but I have a feeling that's not what you mean." She added as the dwarves chuckled at her.
"As I thought." Thorin smirked. "She seems more of a grocer than a burglar."
"Aye," Emi heard one of the dwarves mutter in the back. "Always nibbling at her stock." The hobbit's eyes flashed dangerously as she surveyed the other dwarves who had now fallen silent.
"Come." Thorin said to the dwarves. "We have much to discuss and I'm hungry." The rest of the dwarves and Gandalf filed after the dwarf leader into the now dark, empty dining room.
"You heard him lass." A red bearded dwarf said to her. "Get some food for him." Emi sent him a sharp glare before turning away to get something for her latest guest. Thankfully, there was a bit of stew left over, which she quickly heated and brought out with a remaining roll. A tankard of mead had already been placed before Thorin when she returned to the dining room. The dwarf leader gave a small nod of thanks as Emi set the simple, but warm meal down in front of him. The company of dwarves sat in silence for a little while, as their leader tucked quietly into his supper. Emi again moved into the parlor, trying to find anything left for herself, and coming up short, save for a small biscuit that had been left on the bottom shelf. The hobbit grabbed it and sat against the wall, listening to the silence in her home. Had she not been so cross at him for calling her a grocer, Emi might have commended Thorin on his manners. Instead, she just listened to the voices that began quietly from the room next to her.
"What news from the meeting in Ered Luin?" Balin's voice asked. "Did they all come?"
"Aye," Thorin's deep voice replied. "Envoys from all seven kingdoms."
"What do the dwarves of the Iron hills say?" Dwalin pressed. "Is Dain with us?" Silence filled the house again.
"They will not come." Thorin reported solemnly. Murmurs replied in disappointment. "They say this quest is ours, and ours alone."
"You're… going on a quest?" Emi spoke up cautiously, walking anxiously into the dining room.
"Emilie, my dear, let us have a little more light, shall we?" Gandalf said, as the little hobbit hurried up to comply. She returned with a candle as the wizard spread a map out on the table. Speaking in a low voice, Gandalf began. "Far to the east, over ranges and rivers, beyond woodlands and wastelands, lies a single solitary peak."
"The Lonely Mountain…" Emi read, holding the candle closer to the parchment in order to make out the crimson words scrawled across the top.
"Aye." The red bearded dwarf spoke up. "Oin has read the portents, and the portents say it is time." A couple groans sounded from the other dwarves, obviously tired of Oin and his 'portents'.
"Ravens have been seen flying back to the mountain, as it was foretold." Oin nodded, speaking forcefully. "When the birds of yore return to Erebor, the reign of the beast will end."
"Beast?" Emi asked quietly, feeling very lost at the moment.
"Well that would be a reference to Smaug the Terrible." The hatted one spoke up. "Chiefest and greatest calamity of our age. Airborne fire-breather, teeth like razors, claws like meat hooks, extremely fond of precious metals-"
"So a dragon basically." Emi cut him off quickly.
"I'm not afraid!" Ori said, springing up from his seat in the corner. "I'm up for it. I'll give him a taste of the dwarfish iron right up his jacksie!" Several dwarves shouted at this. Some telling him to sit down, others cheering him on. Emi was pretty sure she heard one of them say something along the lines of "There's a lady present lad! Mind your language!" But Balin silenced them all.
"The task would be difficult enough with an army behind us. But we number just thirteen. And not thirteen of the best, nor brightest." This comment got several more shouts, mostly angry ones. This time it was Fili who cut them off.
"We may be few in number, but we're fighters. All of us. To the last dwarf!" he slammed the table for emphasis.
"And you forget, we have a wizard in our company!" Kili added eagerly. "Gandalf will have killed hundreds of dragons in his time!"
"Uh, well now… I wouldn't say…" Gandalf stammered, shaking his head.
"How many then?" Dori asked.
"Hm?"
"How many dragons have you killed?" the question came again. Gandalf coughed in embarrassment. "Go on! Give us a number!" This time, all the dwarves began shouting; most of them stood up and began raising their fists aggressively. Emi stammered quietly, trying to calm them all down, unsuccessfully.
"Shazara!" Thorin yelled loudly, standing as well. At this, all the dwarves fell silent and returned slowly to their seats. Their leader regarded them all with a firm glare before speaking again, slight anxiousness in his voice. "If we have read these signs, do you not think others will have read them too? Rumors have begun to spread. The dragon Smaug has not been seen in sixty years. Eyes look to the East, assessing, wondering, weighing the risk. Perhaps the vast wealth of our people now lies unprotected." All doubt was gone from his voice now. "Do we sit back while others claim what is rightfully ours? Or do we seize this chance to take back Erebor?" He shouted this last question, the dwarves letting out cheers of approval. "Du Bekâr! Du Bekâr!"
"You forget that the front gate is sealed!" Balin's voice rang over the rest. The dwarves fell silent and Thorin returned to his seat. "There is no way into the mountain." The faces of the dwarves fell.
"That, my dear Balin," Gandalf spoke up. "Is not entirely true." The wizard twirled around his fingers, a large key seemingly appearing from nowhere. Thorin's eyes watched it in wonder.
"How came you by this?" the dwarf asked.
"It was given to me by your father, by Thrain." Gandalf told him. "For safe keeping. It is yours now." The wizard handed the key to a still awestruck Thorin, who accepted it gratefully.
"If there is a key…" Fili spoke up, breaking the silence. "There must be a door." Gandalf looked up at the blonde haired dwarf, amusement sparkling in his eyes.
"These runes speak of a hidden passage to the lower halls." The wizard said, indicating the map.
"There's another way in!" Kili whispered excitedly.
"Well, if we can find it." Gandalf sighed. "But dwarf doors are invisible when closed. The answer lies somewhere hidden in this map, and I do not have the skill to find it. But there are others in middle earth who can." He turned to Thorin now. "The task I have in mind will require a great deal of stealth, and no small amount of courage. But if we are careful, and clever, I believe it can be done."
"That's why we need a burglar." Ori spoke up.
"Not just any burglar." Emi scoffed, now knowing exactly what the dwarves were attempting to do. "You'd need the bravest, most skilled burglar ever to get past a dragon!"
"And are you?" Gloin asked, raising an eyebrow. Emi looked up at him in surprise.
"Am I what?" she glanced around in alarm.
"She said she's the best!" Oin laughed
"What? Me?" Emi exclaimed. "No, I'm not a burglar! I just meant you would need one! I haven't ever taken anything that I hadn't earned myself!"
"I'm afraid I have to agree with Ms. Brandybuck." Balin sighed. "She's hardly burglar material."
"Yes, thank you!" Emi smiled at the old dwarf, relieved that someone was on her side for once.
"Aye." Dwalin grunted, looking over the lass's slight frame. "The wild is no place for gentlefolk who can neither fight nor fend for themselves."
"Very true." Emi nodded in agreement. The dwarves began arguing again, some of them saying she would be a fine burglar, others saying she would not. To Emi, however, it was all just loud. She shrunk back slightly as the dwarves just got louder.
"Enough!" Gandalf barked, rising in his seat. His shadow seemed to elongate, covering the ceiling and silencing the dwarves who leaned back in fear. "If I say Emilie Brandybuck is a burglar, than a burglar she is!" Emi quivered in shock before realizing what the wizard was saying. Gandalf's shadow came back to its normal state and he continued in a much calmer, happier tone. "Hobbits are remarkably light on their feet. In fact, they can pass unseen by most if they choose. And while the dragon is accustomed to the smell of dwarf, the scent of hobbit is all but unknown to him, which gives us a distinct advantage." The dwarves seemed to, for the most part, accept this, and Gandalf turned back to Thorin. "You asked my to find the fourteenth member of you company, and I have chosen Ms. Brandybuck. There's much more to her than appearances suggest, and she's got a great deal more to offer than any of you know!" the wizard spared a glance at the confused hobbit. "Including herself. Thorin, you must trust me on this." The dwarf leader looked at Gandalf for a while before sighing.
"Very well. We'll do it your way."
"What?" Emi's eyes widened. "No! No I don't- I'm not-"
"Give her the contract." Thorin instructed Balin, ignoring the protesting hobbit.
"Please…" Emi pleaded, looking around at the others for help.
"Alright! We're off!" Bofur cheered as Balin stood, holding a folded paper out.
"It's just the usual summary of out of pocket expenses, time required, remuneration," the old dwarf listed. "Funeral arrangements so forth."
"Funeral arrangements?" Emi squeaked as Thorin grabbed the contract from Balin and thrust it into the hobbit's hands. Emi looked down helplessly at the contract before walking away a few steps and unfolding the contract, which fell past her knees. Thorin stood up slowly and leaned over towards Gandalf.
"I cannot guarantee her safety." The dwarf warned him.
Gandalf nodded. "Understood."
"Nor will I be responsible for her fate." Gandalf glanced over at the dwarf for a second before hesitantly replying.
"Agreed." Satisfied, Thorin leaned away from the wizard and stood, arms folded over his chest, while he listened to the hobbit read the long contract out loud.
"Terms: Cash on delivery. Up to, but not exceeding, one fourteenth of total profit, if any… makes sense." She sighed to herself. "Um… present company shall not be liable for injuries inflicted by or sustained as a consequence thereof. Including, but not limited to… lacerations…" She squinted at the next word. "Evisceration…" there was a silence before Emi padded over to the wizard. "Gandalf…" she said, pointing to a line on the parchment. "It says… incineration." She looked at him, eyebrows raised. Gandalf looked down at her wide eyes before glancing at Balin, then Thorin. Both of who were looking away purposefully. Emi turned to the entire company. "There's a chance I'll get incinerated?" she squeaked.
"Oh, aye." Bofur nodded. "He'll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of an eye." Emi paled completely. She made a little coughing noise that seemed to die in the back of her throat before she turned away and walked back into the other room, jaw clenching and unclenching considerably.
"You all right their lass?" Balin asked kindly.
"I-I'll be fine…" she nodded, still not looking over at them. She coughed slightly into her fist before pressing it anxiously against her mouth. "Just feeling a little lightheaded. I'm sure it'll pass." She took a deep breath before bending over. She needed to sit down.
"Think furnace, with wings!" Bofur smiled, coming over to lean against the door jam.
"Happy thoughts, happy thoughts…" Emi muttered to herself, spots appearing before her eyes.
"Flash of light, searing pain, and then Poof! You're nothing more than a pile of ash!" All eyes watched Emi intently as she breathed in and out slowly. After a few moments, she straightened up, smiled a bit and looked at Bofur.
"I hate you." And she dropped to the ground with a soft thud.
Gandalf sighed. "Very helpful Bofur."
Wow this is a long chapter... Maybe, it'll get some reviews? Please? It took a long time to write this one!