Oops, do you know the rules of Catan? It's not that hard to follow. ~_~

I'm glad that these plans were made, really. Ever since I started at the university, the work load only got bigger and bigger as time went on. It's warranted though and I have no issues doing the work. I guess I just haven't realized how often I lock myself in my apartment to study instead of seeing the people I care about. Nagisa was completely right, it has been a really long time since we just hung out. Probably months...

The long gap kind of makes me nervous when I really shouldn't be. I always tend to run my mouth when it's just us. Nagisa and Rei both have a way of making me talk about the things I'd rather leave under wraps; maybe that's what I'm more nervous about. My personal secrets getting uncovered.

The walk to Nagisa's place is short. Literally, no more than a five minute walk. We live on the same side of campus which proves to be often convenient, like take for example... a few nights ago? The snowfall has multiplied since this morning, coming way up over my ankles now. Rin had a point earlier, I didn't dress for this weather appropriately at all. Yes, my scarf was flimsy, I'm not wearing gloves, the snow is getting into my shoes, and I feel like an idiot. I'm always fussing over others that I rarely stop to take my own advice. The cold blistering my exposed skin was getting on my last nerve; some time soon I would have to buy thicker clothes. Hah... with what money?

I reach Nagisa's apartment and not a second sooner am I running up the ice covered stairs to escape the bitter winter chill. I'm sure that my skin would develop frostbite without exaggeration if I stay out there for one more breath. Although I hold on to the hand rail like my life depends on it, and it probably does. Knowing me and how clumsy I am, I could already foresee my imminent death slipping on one of the top stairs and breaking an arm or something on my topple down. Before I would receive any help, I would have to listen to Nagisa's torturous laughter and Rei's over exceeding worries, in which case... maybe I would die from embarrassment before anything else. But I push that thought to the back of my mind when I realize I'm already on the second floor and that Nagisa's door was right at the end of the hall.

Nagisa has neighbors too... I wonder how he gets away with throwing so many parties that often run way past 2am. Do the people in this apartment complex just not care? Or does Rei cover their ground each time? It must be nice to be charismatic... I laugh to myself. Nagisa says that I'm easy to get along with, I don't really see it. I feel more like a nuisance whenever I start talking about myself to others. I'm not interesting, I'm not excitable like Nagisa, I'm not extremely smart like Rei... what would people see in me anyway? What would someone who doesn't get along with anybody see in me? Someone who doesn't go out of their way to speak with others... how would that even come up?

I knock on Nagisa's door and shove my hands back into my pockets. The wind feels stronger in this narrow hallway than it does standing outside in the open. They have heating, right? I sure hope so... I don't think I could survive another few hours feeling as cold as I do now. I wince as a shiver runs down my spine, and I'm incredibly thankful when I hear the locks clicking open. I take a step forward before the door even opens because of how desperate to get out of this weather. The door opens and I feel warmth when I bump into my savior.

"Sorry, sorry, it's seriously so cold out there," I stammer, pulling myself back, trying to suppress my violent shivers when the extreme contrast hits my skin.

"It's okay.."

That voice...

My eyes adjust to the lighting and finally come into focus. I see that clear blue which I still remember perfectly from this morning, and I feel my heart stop. Literally, it's completely still, I can't feel it, I can't feel anything, my entire body has gone numb. I can't feel anything aside from my lips curling upward into the tiniest smile when I only now realize it.

I'm so stupid... I should have known as soon as I felt his warmth.

"MAKO-CHAN!" I hear Nagisa yell from the other room. I pull myself off and away from the boy and without looking up, I shuffle over to Nagisa, kneeling beside him.

"Ah! You don't have frostbite, right?" he comments when I don't stop shivering, "Rei-chan is making coffee, you'll be warm soon!"

I keep my eyes trained on the table in front of us, only watching the extra pair of legs out of the corner of my eye. He doesn't move at first, but when he does, I feel completely on edge. He wanders into the kitchen beside Rei and out of my line of sight.

"Nagisa..." I whisper, leaning in closer to him.

"What?" he asks with a huge smile. What a little shit, he did this on purpose.

"Why is Haruka here?"

"You said you wanted to get in touch with him! And here he is! Sheesh, you need to make up your mind," Nagisa shakes his head.

"No, I do, I mean... I do but not like this..."

"What does that even mean?"

I sigh, letting my head fall into my arms as I pull my knees to my chest. I mumble over my elbows, "What are we playing?"

"Rei-chan wants to play Catan!"

"Oh no..."

"Nagisa, stay away from my territory!" Rei frowns as Nagisa places a road leading closer to his tiles.

"No way, there are good resources around you!" Nagisa tosses his cards to the side. Wheat, sheep, wood, and brick to pay for the settlement. He pays extra attention to making the pieces as even and lined up as possible, obviously to get on Rei's nerves. I knew this was a bad idea. Catan never ends well when we play. Nagisa is very tricky to deal with, especially for a strategist like Rei. I stare down at the few cards in my hand. I can't make anything yet, all I have is two sheep and two wheat. Rei's turn passes with nothing more than a roll of 12. Somehow, only Rei gets to pick up a wood resource, none of us are near the tiled 12.

"Haru-chan! Your turn!" Nagisa tosses the dice to him. I swallow thickly with anticipation. He hasn't spoken a word the entire game. The table is small and crowded so Haruka is seated to my right, and yet I don't think he's looked at me once. I wonder if that's just how he is or whether he's going out of his way to make me feel ignored. He tosses the dice, rolling 8. Checking the board, that means I get to pick up an ore. Haruka picks one up too and adds it to his hand. His eyes flitter from his cards to the board a few times. Suddenly, it seems like everybody had a lot more cards than me.

"How do I get these?" he asks, pointing to the docks on the board.

Rei puts down his cards face down, "Those are the trading docks, you just have to build a settlement on them."

Haruka nods, moving four cards aside and placing a settlement piece on the dock nearest him. I now understand why he was building roads towards the outside of the board. Was this a strategy?

"Erm.. you know, you can't win just by getting tra-"

"Doesn't matter."

"I... see..." Rei pushes up his glasses, raising an eyebrow at the strange strategy. Nagisa grins and reaches for the dice, passing them to me.

"Go, go, Mako-chan!" I take the dice and roll 3. Ugh, nothing for me... again, bad roll. The others pick up their resources and I realize just how bad my placement has been so far. Then again, I can't really do much on this turn to fix that. I can pick up a development card at the least, so I slide a sheep, wheat, and ore to the discard pile and take one. Flipping it over reveals Library... so I gain a point and am still in the game. The dice go to Rei.

His menacing smile proves that he has a plan up his sleeve. He rolls 11. That's another wheat for me and Nagisa.

"Rei-chan, I'm drowning in wheat, why did you roll 11?!"

"I have no control over probability, Nagisa. But I will have control of something else after this," he grins, holding up a brick and wood between two fingers. He waves the cards towards Nagisa.

"No..."

"Prepare yourself."

"Don't you dare take longest road away from me, I swear... I swear to god, Rei-chan, I will get you back if you do this."

"Sorry, I have to or you'll win. Don't be a bad sport," Rei laughs, placing his road after discarding the resource cards. He holds his hand out. "Hand it over."

Nagisa frowns, sifting through his pile of cards under the table. "Sorry, I just have so many it's hard to find~" he bitterly adds.

"Come on!" Rei groans. His fingertips travel up to his glasses, fiddling with the edge. Is that a nervous habit of his? I always notice that Rei needs something in his hands when he's on edge. He's probably questioning his power move knowing Nagisa's vengeful streak.

"Ahhh, here it is!" Nagisa sings, flicking the card onto Rei's lap. "I guess that means it's my turn!" He reaches for the dice. With a huge grin, he rolls 8. Ore for me again. I pick up my resource, as does Haruka. My eyes shift up at Nagisa eagerly looking over his extensive hand of cards.

"Honestly, I have too much wheat. Let's do some trades!" His eyes immediately meet mine.

"No! Nobody trade with him!" Rei immediately comments, fingertips already at his red frames.

"Don't be a bad sport~" Nagisa mocks him, "Come on, Mako-chan! I know you have sheep. Ore is common on his board, so you could probably build a city in like two turns! I'll give you a wheat for a sheep."

I hate this part of the game. I really hate saying no to people's trade offers. I don't need a city! I need to build roads, and that requires brick and wood, two things I don't have. But I guess building something is better than not building anything. The sheep are so cute though... I'd rather have them in my hand than in Nagisa's...

"Mako-chaaaaan!" Nagisa whines, rocking side to side impatiently.

There's no point in stalling, he knows I'll always cave. I shake my head and sigh, "Fine." I reluctantly hand over my sheep and take the wheat. Nagisa smiles, adding it to his hand. His eyes shift from me to Haruka.

"Oh Haru-chan!"

"I don't need wheat."

"Eh?! You obviously aren't maximizing your trading dock potential!"

I watch intently as Haruka's eyes flicker across the board to all the different docks. I can't figure out why... but he wants those trading docks... He's not even attempting to build regular settlements!

"I know you have ore. That's something I need more of. I'm willing to give you two wheat AND a brick for two of your ore. You don't need ore to get a trading dock, so let's help each other out, hm?" Nagisa beams.

"Haruka, don't be swindled by his words! You won't be helpi-"

"Done." Haruka hands over his ore.

"Pleasure doing business with you!" Nagisa laughs, exchanging the cards. I groan, this game is going to end badly very soon.

"Oh Rei-chan..."

"No."

"Just hear me out."

"No."

"But Re-"

"Don't even think about it."

"Three wheat."

"...no... wait... for what?"

"Wood."

"...no, you'll build a road and get longest road back."

"I swear to you, I will not build a road using your card, and besides, I just gave Haru-chan my brick. If anything.. you can use my wheat to build a city. Two points. I think that's a fair trade."

"Okay, but why would you make that trade if it's only going to help me?"

"Because I need wood!"

"For what?!"

"It's a surprise~"

"...ugh... I'm going to regret this." Rei finally admits defeat and pulls out the card for the exchange. Nagisa has something up his sleeve... this I know for a fact. And the second it dawns on me, I already know the damage was too far done.

"Rei, wait don't!" I shout only a moment after Nagisa has already swapped the cards. A look of dread appears on Rei's face when he turns to meet Nagisa's devious smirk. He lines the cards up in his hand neatly. Nagisa slowly pulls a single card that was face down off the table, turning it towards Rei. I hide my face in my palms.

Monopoly.

"You..."

"I'd like all my wheat back please," Nagisa giggles.

"NAGISA!" Rei shouts. Haruka jumps at the outburst, eyes widening. Nagisa holds out his hand to us. I groan in agony, returning the wheat Nagisa gave me just a moment ago. Rei is too angry to move. And Haruka...

"Do you know what that card does?"

Haruka turns to me and immediately I shrink away from him. His expression shows that he noticed.

"When Monopoly is played, the player can ask for any one resource and everybody else has to give the player all they have of it.." I quietly add, trying to work a smile into the explanation. But I just feel myself shake under his stare. My smile quickly breaks and I turn back to the table where Nagisa is forcefully picking out the wheat from Rei's hand. Haruka hands over his wheat too.

"You're a demon," Rei mutters, grabbing the dice and tossing them harder than he should have. They take this game too seriously... One die lands on the table as a 4, the other bounces off towards the corner of the room. Haruka instinctively grabs for it but doesn't reach up in time to catch it. Ah... it was nice of him to try at least. He follows the die until it stops in the corner.

"What's the roll?!" Nagisa yells.

"3," Haruka says crawling back to the table with it.

"7?! I rolled 7! This is justice... sweet justice," Rei shouts excitedly.

"What does 7 mean?" Haruka asks.

"Ah, 7 means you get to move the robber..." I point to the little figure sitting in the middle of the board, "but it also means tha-"

Rei cuts me off, "It also means that anybody with more than 7 cards has to discard the extra." He glares at Nagisa who looks just as angry as Rei did only a moment ago. "Come on, Nagisa. I know you have at least 6 wheat. It's time to pay for all your devilry." Rei teases, crossing his arms and waiting.

"I didn't think it was possible for me to hate you more, but you managed to find a way," Nagisa mutters, angrily throwing his cards at the board. I glance over at Haruka but it turns out he only has 5 cards, luckily making the cut off. I have three and Rei has exactly 7. Nagisa is the only one affected. His own plan backfired on him. Nagisa grumbles as he carefully picks out three cards to set away.

"That's it?!" Rei cries. Nagisa frowns and holds up his hand, now showing seven cards in his hand.

"I was just playing a good strategy... this is low, Rei-chan."

"What?! How would I roll a 7 on purpose?!"

"Somehow you did! It was just to spite my awesome strategy, you're so mean."

"You're gonna pull that when you're losing?! You're seriously just like a kid!" Rei grips the side of his head in agony, standing and walking around the room in frustration. "Are you ever going to allow me to win without getting upset over it?!"

"I should have kicked you out of the apartment when you look longest road from me!" Nagisa cries, now standing too. Haruka and I exchange a confused glance. I guess since I was used to this, it didn't surprise me as much to see them fighting over something so trivial. But this was, what I'm assuming, Haruka's first time hanging out with us. I didn't want him to be left with this kind of impression.

"Uh.. guys..." I speak up during a moment of silence between the yelling.

"WHAT?" Nagisa and Rei both shout at me. I shrink back again when they both glare daggers at me. Oh god... if they're just going to focus their anger on me maybe it's better not to say anything at all. Rei crosses his arms and Nagisa throws his arms to his side. I'm almost sure that they're just about ready to sit down and continue the game until... suddenly cards start slipping out of Nagisa's sleeve. Rei's eyes go wide and he drops to his knees, picking up the hidden resource cards.

"You've been CHEATING! That's how you built all those roads so fast?!" Rei shouts, tossing the cards onto the board, this time throwing off the placement of a ton of pieces. Well that was that. The game was over just like I knew it would be. Haruka slowly backs away from the table, curling his knees up to his chest. I feel sorry that he has to witness this level of ridiculousness. Nagisa balls his hands into fists and glares at Rei.

"Do you cheat every time we play?!" Rei shouts in turn before the blond has a chance to respond. So he pouts and his hands shake, and when he realizes he's not on the winning side of the argument, he turns to the door and storms out of the apartment. Rei is left speechless, and the two of us too afraid of affecting the delicate atmosphere to speak. Rei looks back at Haruka and myself, all the anger is gone from his features. I can't even count the number of times I've seen this happen. His fingers find the edge of his glasses, which he pulls off and on from their proper place.

"It's just a game, Rei," I mention quietly. His defensive stature disappears and he swears under his breath. With a quick nod, he runs out the door after Nagisa. A silence fills the room and my eyes widen. I'm suddenly realize that I've been left alone... with Haruka.

"S-So..."

Nagisa and Rei don't seem to be coming back... and five minutes of silence is more than I can take. I won't forgive Nagisa for this. I absolutely won't. What kind of a guy gets this upset over a game? I mean... I get why Rei got upset but why was Nagisa upset enough to storm out?

Every time I gather up the courage to say something, my eyes shift and lock onto his lips, or his neck, or his eyes and I forget how to speak. Nothing has changed since we all sat down to the table, he still won't look my way or ease up the tension in his posture. He definitely doesn't want to be here. Nagisa must have left out that I'd be here... or he used Rei as a method of persuasion. I can't see him agreeing to hang out just out of the blue like this... Nagisa must have put a lot of effort into this night. Then why would he just leave us two alone like this...

…

Oh...

Just... us two...

The color rises to my cheeks, just like it has so many times today already. Nagisa, this isn't what I meant. This is too awkward, and Haruka looks like he'd rather be dead than with me. This was the opening I was looking for I guess... so I suck in a harsh breath amongst my anxiety. This night will be wasted if this keeps up... I guess this is my only chance.

"Haruka?" I smile when he turns to finally face me, his eyes wide, probably surprised to hear his name in my voice. He's still guarded when he closes his eyes and frowns.

"What is it?"

"Ah w-well... I'm sorry about this... and those two. They fight a lot but I guess you expected this to be a bit more fun, huh?" I laugh nervously. Haruka shrugs, leaning back slightly.

"I don't know what I was expecting."

"I'm not sure when they're gonna come back, so... if you want to leave, I can walk you home."

I watch the way his expression intensifies, his jaw locks and he folds his hands over his chest. He truly is easy to read, and if I wasn't on his nerves before, I am now.

"Err... it's just... it's really late and it's dark. I'd be worried," I add, trying to relieve any misconception he may have about my offer. His eyes catch mine when the silence takes over again, and I swear they're even clearer than before. I could gaze directly into his heart if I tried hard enough, I very well might have too. But Haruka interrupts my thoughts yet again and stands, straightening out his shirt and heading towards the door without so much as a look back towards me. He stops by the already open door.

"Are you coming?" his voice lower than usual.

"Ah! Yeah!" I jump up, quickly grabbing my phone off the table and slipping it into my pocket, and rush to his side. Part of me is shaking, reminding me of the cold not even complete goodbye that Haruka left me with this morning. The door that was shut in my face and the image of his back that I was positive would be the last thing I saw of him. Yeah, I said I would close my heart and pretend he wasn't somebody who had managed to capture a part of me. I said I would pretend last night didn't happen, that our skin didn't touch, that his name wasn't written on my mirror, that his eyes weren't the most beautiful thing I've ever had the privilege of seeing up close. That definitely was something I said.

But part of me wants to feel it again, even if it's painful. My heart wants to know what caused those eyes to waver with doubt when we sat down to my kitchen table. What compelled him to stay the night, or to show up to Nagisa's place last night, and better yet now. I want to hear him speak without being guarded, what he looks like smiling, what his lips feel like pressing to every single tiny mark on my skin, I want to know all of it and most of all...

Why he left his name on my mirror... if he was already done with me.

If I could only ever relive the pain, I made my decision here and now. I would take it. I would take all of it again if it meant I could keep the memory of him. I'd walk through fire to reawaken the entire night, to remember a little bit more than just the shock of the moment. To stand by his side like this is a sin; and Haruka is a forbidden fruit that I've taken a bite out of. This incompletion is something I will mend. I'll fix it, I'll do whatever it takes.

I close the door to Nagisa's apartment behind me and linger for a moment. Haruka was already walking ahead but... I catch on to a bit of blond hair peaking out from behind the hallway's end in the other direction. I smile, now realizing what a blessing Nagisa has been on such short notice. The little blond holds his arm out and I can just barely make out a thumbs up sign from him. Well... I guess I was never really good at keeping secrets anyway.

I turn and run down the icy steps to catch up to Haruka, now well ahead of me.

"Do you always do that?" Haruka asks.

"Huh? Do what?"

"Fall behind? Meddle where you shouldn't? Things that are hazardous to your livelihood?"

"My livelihood?" I catch Haruka shaking his head.

"Those steps you just ran down are covered in ice. You could have slipped."

"I probably would have on any other day. I thought the same thing when I first got here, maybe you're a good luck charm." I laugh. I only now properly zip up my jacket and wrap my scarf around my neck. Haruka has a warm looking jacket, but no scarf, or hat, or mittens, or anything else that would normally be worn in this kind of weather.

"Aren't you cold?" I subconsciously mutter out loud.

"No."

I'm much more covered than he is and I'm already starting to shiver, yet he seems perfectly fine. He can't be lying.

"Are you immune to the cold or something?"

"Something like that."

"Hah, never thought I'd be hearing sarcasm from you."

Haruka sighs.

Maybe it was too crazy for me to think I would get a little more out of him. I don't know what to say or what to talk about. So I settle for staring at his fingers that are slightly curled in at the moment. He runs his thumb over the skin of his index finger repeatedly, before doing the same to the others. I can't help but think that it's kind of a strange habit to have. I watch as he switches, and now his index is running over his thumb.

Is he anxious or something?

His fingers curl in over his thumb, and his nails are now picking at his skin. The motion doesn't actually register with me until his other hand travels over and starts to pull at the now broken skin.

"Stop!" I yelp suddenly when it clicks, grabbing his hand.

Haruka looks startled from the contact. "What?!"

"Your fingers!" When I get a closer look, the broken skin wasn't bleeding, but it definitely looks agitated.

"Oh."

His response is so nonchalant that I wonder whether he even realized he was doing it. And just a breath later, he pulls up his right hand, stretching his fingers out in front of me to see. The skin around his nails was torn apart on almost every finger, leaving behind tiny scars and opened soft spots. I let his fingers uncurl in my palm and notice the same thing on the left.

"Doesn't it hurt?" I ask looking back up at him.

"Not really." Haruka pulls his hand away from mine and hides them in the pockets of his jacket.

"Why do you do that?" I'm concerned much more than I should be, I know.

"Not sure." He keeps walking, well aware that I was looking for a more extensive answer. There is one thing that I am now absolutely sure of when it comes to Haruka's personality. He is damn stubborn.

He sighs again when the look of disconcern doesn't leave my features. "I've done this ever since I was little. I don't know why, I can't stop... well, I actually haven't really tried to. It doesn't hurt so don't worry yourself over something so stupid."

I roll my eyes. Definitely stubborn.

The snow is starting to come down harder. It wasn't too bad when we left the apartment but I can't even see the other side of the street now. I wince as I try to keep up with Haruka, who actually seems to be having trouble seeing as well. I guess immunity to cold doesn't help visibility.. I smirk to myself at the trivial thought.

"Haruka, the snow storm is getting worse, how far is your apartment?" I speak up louder than usual. Maybe it's because of how bad I'm shivering.

"It's right across from the athletics building. The one with the pool across campus. It's another twenty minute walk from here." Haruka explains.

He lives so far! There's no way we would make it before the blizzard hit full force. The forecast predicted it to be as bad as two nights ago when classes were canceled.

"You don't have to walk me home, you know."

I glance up, bringing an arm over my eyes to shield myself from the snow.

"First of all, with the weather this bad, I wouldn't be able to sleep if you went by yourself.." I admit, "And second of all, this isn't good for our health, you know. There's a diner super close by here that I always go to, we can wait out the storm there if you'd like. It's open late."

That seems like the best idea for the time being. It's better than being out in the open like this. I couldn't feel my cheeks anymore, and no matter how much Haruka insisted that the cold didn't bother him, there was no way he wasn't feeling some kind of degree right now. I wait for a response, or at least for him to turn around and look at me or something. But neither happen.

"Haruka!" I shout, stopping in my tracks.

He finally turns to face me.

His eyes are coated with tears caused by the snow. His nose is running, cheeks blistered red, and I only now realize that his neck is completely exposed due to the lack of a scarf.

"You're some kind of idiot, you know that?" I murmur more to myself than him, yanking the scarf off my neck and throwing it around his.

"I don't need this!" he bites back, but I don't care. Not when it's like this. I wrap it around twice and afterward grab his hand, pulling him close behind me.

"Come on, I'll even treat you to some coffee."

It's very possible that I have lost my rational due to the cold, or my senses have been messed up somewhere along the line. But his fingertips intertwine with mine, and I swear I can feel him strengthening the hold. Even if the rest of him is frozen, there is warmth coming off his skin just like I always notice, and his palm matches perfectly with mine. His fingers curl in over the top of my hand and I can tell that in this moment, even if I were to let go, he wouldn't. Maybe even if it is just for this tiny moment, he is letting down his guard, and it's enough to make my heart burst with an overwhelming sensation of hope.

Hope that he hasn't completely shut me out yet, that I could still somehow find my way back into his heart.