yoooo prepare yourselves
It's warmer inside the diner than I expected it to be. Haruka and I occupy the same table that my friends took up this morning, and I feel myself smiling, silently thanking Nagisa for this little blessing. Haruka hasn't said a word and keeps his eyes averted.
Naturally I find myself thinking. We're the only people crazy enough to be outside in this weather. I'll bet the waitresses rolled their eyes when they saw us stumble inside.
"So, how do you take your coffee?" I ask, sliding the drink menu closer to him. He eyes it but doesn't take it. Instead, he folds his hands over the table and sighs.
"I don't."
"Of course, then what would you like?" I ask somewhat sarcastically. I should have seen that answer coming to be honest.
"I'll just have water."
"And how is that gonna help you warm up?"
"I don't ne-"
"You know, you're really stubborn.." I mutter, folding my arms. His blue eyes flicker to life for a moment and I smirk. It's easy to catch him off guard, I am forever thankful for that. I lean forward and keep my voice low. "You don't have to be so defensive, I mean... I'm not sure whether you hate me or not but... I'm really trying to make it up to you."
"I don't hate you," he answers almost too quickly. My pulse quickens over the sudden reaction and immediate relief washes over me when the words sink in properly.
"Thank goodness," I sigh and bring one hand up over my chest, "I was really worried you wouldn't forgive me."
What am I even saying? I quickly bite my lip to keep any more words from spilling out. I'm still unable to pinpoint why exactly I'm trying to hard to make him stay. Haruka presses his lips together, as if he were about to say something too, but changed his mind last second.
"Ready to order?" A woman's voice breaks the silence. I look up and smile.
"Yes, two hot chocolates, that's all, thanks." She nods, jotting down the order and returning to the back.
"I said water was fine."
"Did you? Must have slipped my mind. Can't think straight when it's this cold," I laugh, knowing Haruka didn't like to be teased. His unamused expression reminds me as well.
"Makoto..." My name rolls off his tongue so eloquently, in such a sweet voice, that I can feel myself beginning to melt right there at the table. Even though there is snow lightly tapping against the window beside us, even though there are dishes clanking and footsteps audibly nearing, all I can focus on is the way his lips move when he says my name. With the way my thoughts seem to run off track when I look at him, I'm probably staring, and he's probably waiting for me to answer.
"So you still tend to do that.." he says so quietly under his breath that I'm second guessing whether he said anything at all.
"Huh?" I snap out of my thought loop, but Haruka turns away. His eyes look down at his lap, his hands fold neatly into place, and his fingers compulsively brush against each other looking for skin to pull.
"Hey.." I mutter, wanting to reach across the table, wanting to lace our fingers together and keep his destructive habits at bay but...
Haruka's expression is troubled.
A deep frown adorns his features, eyes watering in the corners, and when he suddenly looks back up at me, his gaze is hollow.
"Don't act like you owe me something," he says, voice shaky and barely audible.
Huh?
"What do you-"
"You don't have to become my friend, or take me for coffee, or any of the things you're doing. Don't feel obligated just because you got drunk and made a mistake."
My breath hitches, the words that I want to say lost. My mouth still hanging open, I shake my head. He's wrong. He couldn't be more wrong. Maybe I was expecting too much when I thought this night would end well. That Haruka would forget about our very brief history to give me the chance to make a better impression. Was that naive of me? Was wanting a fair chance at falling properly for this guy asking too much?
It's right there, in that very moment, that I realized Haruka had the power to break me.
The sound of glass clinking against the table startled me. I jumped back, only to see our waitress had brought our hot chocolate.
Right..
We both stare at our drinks until she once again leaves.
"Can I ask you something?" I pull the cup closer to me, blowing gently against the rising steam. Haruka does the same, and he eyes the drink cautiously, before looking back up at me and nodding.
I raise the drink to my lips and take a quick sip.
Mm.. too much sugar.
"Why did you write your name on my mirror?"
His eyes widen considerably.
"Ah.." he starts.
I take another sip and find myself thinking how nice it is that the diner is quiet at this hour. Because if it weren't, I wouldn't be able hear the snow outside. I wouldn't be able to hear the pitch shift in Haruka's voice when he tries to answer a question he's uncertain of. I wouldn't be able to hear his fingertips tap against the edge of the mug before him with soft tiny thuds that match up strangely to my frantic heart rate. I truly am a scaredy cat... I'm even shaking in anticipation to a simple question.
Haruka wraps his hands around the hot chocolate, wincing at just how quickly it burned into his skin. I watch as he takes a tentative sip, and he doesn't scowl or frown for once. It actually looks like he kind of likes the taste. When he places the drink back on the table, I let my fingers crawl forward and I cautiously pull back his hands away from the hot surface. Warm to the touch, I would never get used to that.
Again, Haruka frowns.
"There's a fire in your eyes that I haven't seen in a long time.." he starts, "Yesterday was the first time since coming here that didn't feel alone."
His hand wraps over mine, the fingertips curling into my palm.
"When I'm near you, I'm more at ease."
He turns his head away.
"I've made a lot of mistakes... and to be honest I've stopped caring about what happens to me. But last night, your words reminded me of something important. Last night, I fell asleep in your arms and it was the sweetest feeling. You're too kind for your own good, Makoto, and I'm too selfish."
He bites his lip.
"I wrote my name because I just remember thinking that... I didn't want this morning to be the last time I got to kiss you... not like that."
He stands, just about ready to run off again. A light blush covers his cheeks, the red reaching all the way up to his ears. He really is bad with emotions, isn't he?
"Haruka."
I grip his hand firmly, pulling him back to the table. There's intensity, and a purpose; I've been told that before, the fire in my eyes... it sounded familiar.
"I don't feel obligated."
I can't help but smile at his startled glance.
"I don't feel obligated to do anything with you. I brought you for coffee because I wanted to get to know you, even though you might not like it. I offered to walk you home because I was worried about you. I told Nagisa to get into contact with you because I couldn't get your name out of my head. Your name, your clothes, your eyes, they're all over my apartment. It couldn't have been more than a few hours but it looks like it was enough... Whatever happened last night, it happened for a reason, right? And I'm sorry, with every bit of truth I have, that I forgot what happened... but I can promise you with absolute certainty that I will never forget your name again. All I want is..."
I stand up from the table and inch closer to him, until we are barely a breath apart.
"For you to give me a proper chance."
Was I naive? Probably.
Was I asking for too much? Definitely.
Did I care? Not even a little bit.
Not when Haruka's eyes lowered, not when I felt my chest seize and constrict in agony.
I tell myself that it's perfectly fine when I find myself staring at something so rare and genuine: Haruka's smile.
"A chance, huh?"
So here we are again, back at my apartment, in my room, with Haruka seated on my bed. It's not as bad as it sounds, I swear. I'm rummaging through my closet at the moment. Maybe leaving the diner so soon wasn't a good idea, because we fought through the blizzard to get back to my place and the snow soaked through our clothes a bit.
My hands settle on a plain orange shirt, which I pull out and toss to Haruka.
"That okay?" I ask, quickly looking for a shirt for myself too.
"It's fine."
Out of the corner of my eye, I watch him begin to lift up his shirt, revealing that smooth pale skin just above his waist, over his stomach, up to his chest... He pulls his long sleeved shirt over his head in a long, drawn out motion; letting his head fall back once free. His hair falls messily over his eyes, and yet they are still as vibrant as ever when they open again.
And suddenly, we're making eye contact.
My heart jumps into my throat and I quickly turn away. I shouldn't be embarrassed... I shouldn't! But it feels like he was teasing me. My hands shift through the hangers quickly, until I pull out a thin blue v-neck. Yeah, why not.
I pull off my own shirt and toss it into the laundry hamper nearby.
"Want me to throw your stuff in too? I can do laundry in the morning if yo-"
Fingertips, out of nowhere, are suddenly grazing my back.
"I-If you want."
I look over my shoulder at Haruka whose fingers were busy exploring my skin.
"Yeah, you can do that," he says. Two fingers slide along my side in featherlight touches, causing a shiver to run through me.
"Ngh.."
I spin around and grab his wrists.
"Do you ever stop moving your hands?"
He doesn't answer, instead his eyes settle on my chest, and I can feel his fingers itching to move. They bend and snap against my hold in a way I know can't be comfortable. So I sigh, accepting my question as unanswered, and let him go. Almost instantly, his fingers are back on my skin, running over all the marks he left me with, curiously gliding over the scarce few sunspots I have on my shoulders, learning every curve of muscle.
"Sorry.. I didn't mean to leave so much evidence," he smirks, "You seemed to really like it though."
I laugh nervously when he slides his palm down the front of my chest. "A-Ah.. tickles."
He stops his motions, looking up at me with a curious gaze.
"Remember anything yet?"
Unfortunately, I don't.
I shake my head, letting my hands come around his back. I pull him close, until his chest is pressed against mine, and my fingers nestle gently into his hair. "If it doesn't come back to me, will you tell me what was so important?"
His hands fall to his side, all previous emotion in his expression quickly voided. He pushes himself away from me in record speed, did I really disappoint him that much?
"Probably not, no."
He turns and walks back over to my bed, allowing his body to sink fast until his head hits my pillow. Is he a child? I feel like I've had that thought before... I pick up his clothes from the edge of the bed, leaving him a pair of gym shorts to change into as well, and I toss our clothes into the laundry hamper. I usually do laundry on Sundays anyway, so I'd get to it tomorrow. His jeans suddenly are thrown at my back. I glare back at Haruka who was now completely decked out in my clothes; I won't lie... he looks damn good in them. With his small frame, my shirt hangs off him a bit, exposing his collar bones and framing his shoulders. And my shorts settle just under his waist, flashing the top of his boxers.
Blue polka dot?
With him laying on my bed like that, my eyes settled on the deep curve of his hips, and I could feel my cheeks heating up with the thought of how badly I wanted to glide my hand over them. Agh! I can't get a hold of myself. I'm starting to wonder just how easy it was to actually convince me last night...
"Rude," I quickly snap, tossing the last of the laundry away.
"Eh?" he answers absentmindedly.
"What do you wanna do?" I ask, changing the subject and taking a seat beside him. He props himself up on his elbows and blankly stares at my tiny room. Yeah okay, it's nothing that impressive. I mean my apartment is really small; it's just a kitchen, a bathroom, and my bedroom. There's stuff to take up time with, but something tells me he isn't interested in any of that. It's not until he looks back at me again that I see a glimmer of interest.
"Probably the same thing you were thinking about a minute ago."
Fuck.
"Eh?! N-No, I wasn't-"
"You're no where near as innocent as you portray, are you?" Haruka states condescendingly. You know, I find that a bit unfair. That he knows the answer to that question better than I do...
"Well, what about you then?"
"Well, what about me?" He turns over onto his back, raising an eyebrow in a cocky glance.
"You would happen to know all about that, right?" I bite back sarcastically, "And maybe you just like having something over my head so you're keeping it all to yourself?"
I regret my words even before they leave my mouth. Maybe that was saying something I shouldn't have. Maybe that was crossing the line, I mean... I did make a point of saying that no obligations were being kept... But only a split second after the sentence leaves my mouth, I find myself pinned against the bed, with Haruka on top of me, glaring at me with such malice.
"If you don't remember... then it's your own fault," he whispers against my ear, "They are your own words and your own feelings. And besides... you know what they say, right?" His lips brush against the shell of my ear.
"Drunken words are sober thoughts?"
I shudder when his grip on my wrists tightens, when he slides his body against mine to lean in closer.
"Just be honest with yourself."
"I am honest with myself!" I say before taking in a shaky breath.
"Prove it."
I snap my head forward, meeting him dead on, our noses practically touching. That's easy to say from his perspective! That's easy to say when he's the one pinning me, when he's the one in control, with nothing to lose. The tension literally sinks into my skin, settling into my nerves. So he wants me to prove it, huh?
I pull my wrists out from his grasp; he may be determined but I'm still stronger. And before I have a chance to question my motives, my hands end up on the back of Haruka's neck, pulling him down and catching his lips. His muscles tense under my hands but he doesn't hesitate to kiss back. An immense heat and adrenaline build in my chest and it only makes me want more. His tongue easily brushes along mine and I part my lips further with anticipation of him continuing. Anticipation of him deepening the kiss. More of him, more of his taste, more of his hands, more of his skin, I want all of it. I dip my fingers down to the hem of his shirt and I waste no time sliding my hand under it and all along his skin. It's almost burning where ever I touch. Flushed, soft, just like his lips. I catch his bottom lip between my teeth and pull back playfully, earning the softest moan I've ever heard. My eyes slip open when I let go and meet his. His hands stop wandering, as do mine. I'm surprised when I can't seem to catch my breath or slow my erratic heart rate down. His chest rises and falls against mine, and when he subconsciously bites at his lower lip, all the heat that built up in my chest goes straight to another point of interest.
Oh god, he can't do this to me so easily.
"Was that proof enough for you?" I murmur with a lopsided smirk. But he doesn't give me the response I was expecting. His eyes narrow, leaning in closer. I gasp when I feel his hips grind into mine.
"Who said you could stop?" his voice lower than I've ever heard. He crashes our lips together again, immediately yanking up my shirt to my neck.
"Take it off," Haruka mutters in between kisses, and I obey without question, tearing my shirt over my head faster than I knew possible, pulling him back in the second it's on the floor. Again, he grinds our hips together, so slowly that it's agonizing.
"Mmn.." The noise escapes from my throat, but it's not enough friction, not even close. Our lips break apart and he stares down at me, knowing just how badly he's working me in. My hands grab at his waist, pulling him closer, almost pleading...
"You're insatiable," Haruka sighs, letting his head fall to my shoulder.
"You're a tease..." I pull at his shirt. He gets the message and straightens up on top of me. He rolls the shirt off and tosses it aside. His gym shorts follow after. I admire the newly revealed skin. His hair, now messier than before, falls just short of his eyes. The lust behind that look of his is obvious, and I'm betting I have that same flame. In my head, I've already pictured countless possible outcomes of this scenario, all of them quickly buried with a horrible realization.
God... was definitely punishing me.
Not that I didn't deserve it..
Haruka lowered his head to my shoulder again, leaving quick kisses over all the marks he left along my chest. I feel my nerves twist when his tongue slides along the sensitive patch of skin. The sensation runs through my entire body, and my fingers curl, digging my nails into his lower back. I hear him gasp, but his lips stay pressed against my skin.
"Don't worry, I won't leave marks this time," he assures me. I almost ease up a bit, expecting him to stop when-
"Aah!"
My back arches when his teeth bite along my collar bone. Again, and again, he sends nothing short of a dizzying pleasure running through me, his teeth biting down a little harder each time.
"Ngh.. Haru- AH!"
It's too much. My hands frantically push against his shoulders, pulling him away from my neck, still breathing harshly. He smirks when he catches my defeated expression.
"It's... too much..." I pant. Haruka rolls his eyes, sliding his entire body back and off of me.
"This part of you seemed to like it." His hand rolls over the front of my jeans, pointing out the very obvious state I'm in. It's becoming incredibly uncomfortable to stay in them...
"You wouldn't let me stop doing that yesterday."
I groan and let my head fall back when his hand repeats the gesture. I want him all too much to admit out loud and keep my dignity. What was left of it at least. His hand travels up to my naval and back down... and again... wait.
Is he hesitating?
"Makoto."
I push myself up off the bed. He stares at me from between my legs, hands placed just above my jeans, eyes pleading for a command, for the signal to cross that line. I glance at my nightstand drawer and its horribly empty contents.
My divine punishment?
His fingers settle on the button of my jeans. Maybe I'm not the only one who is insatiable.
"I don't have a condom.."
He nods in understanding, but his impatient fingers seem to want to continue regardless. The line was begging to be crossed... should I even be nervous? Technically, this isn't the first time that he's seen all of me but... it still feels new to me. I realize all too well that this is moving entirely too fast... and yet... I don't think I can force myself to say no. Not with his palm still moving against me like that; I'm already painfully hard.
"O-Okay.."
Haruka moves as soon as the word leaves my mouth, quickly unbuttoning my jeans and pulling them off my waist, revealing my green boxers and now obvious erection. Taking them completely off and tossing them to the side, he positions himself between my legs again, taking his sweet time and running his fingers along the edge of my boxers.
"Hnn.." I whimper as his fingertips dip under the fabric. He pauses to look up at me, but I don't even dare look back. I'm afraid that if I even look at him in that position it would set me over the edge. All I can focus on right now is keeping my breathing steady, my heart pounding loudly in my ears, and how cold his fingertips feel placed on my thighs. He's taking it slow for my sake, I know, but I don't think that it will help at this point. He hears me take a deep breath, and he uses that as his cue to continue.
He reaches for the hem of my boxers and in one long drawn out motion, pulls them to my ankles.
I shudder at the sudden sensation of cold air, trying to suppress my extreme self conscious of being completely exposed in front of Haruka. When I finally open my eyes again, it's exactly as I feared, the sight I see is already enough to push me to my finish. Haruka kisses my stomach, moving lower by planting kisses along my hipbones. His hand works in small ministrations around the base, and then without warning, I feel the hot sensation of his hand wrapping around me in such a way that I know only he is capable of achieving. I close my eyes again as he starts stroking up and down in those long drawn out motions I'm so used to by now. My hand comes up over my mouth, balled tightly in a fist.
I fight to keep my composure, but I feel my hips moving against his hand relentless of my attempts. His lips leave my skin and I'm left with an absence of something I desperately crave.
"Damn.."
I frown, leaning up quickly, "What? What's wrong?"
He shakes his head, "Nothing, I just thought I'd be able to hold back for a bit longer."
He leans forward and runs his tongue over the head of my cock.
"Oh god..!" I feel my eyes roll into the back of my head and I let my body sink into the bed again. His mouth covers the tip, and it feels too unbelievable for me to admit that I'm not dreaming. My hands immediately tangle in his hair, almost out of fear that he might suddenly stop.
No way.
No way in hell.
His head comes down and he takes more of me in, a burning heat that spreads throughout me so fucking quickly. My breath hitches and he begins moving faster.
"Aahhh... Haruka..." I moan breathlessly. I can feel him smile against me, he knows exactly what he's doing. He knows exactly how far to go and exactly at what speed and... it's so fucking warm...
I tense, each motion sending waves of pleasure to coil in my lower stomach. The better it feels, the harder I seem to pull at Haruka's hair. He groans and sends vibrations tingling throughout me, I swear, I'm already seeing white.
"F-Fuck..." I swear, biting my lip hard, trying to hold back but failing miserably. "Haruka.." his name rolls off my tongue effortlessly.
"Haruka.." I say it again. His free hand wraps around the base of my cock, now moving in time with his mouth.
"Ngh! Aah Haru!"
He stops.
My eyes open wide with the sudden loss of movement.
But it's only for a second... before he continues again. I can feel myself nearing my edge quickly thereafter. I imagine that Haruka can tell as well, because he picks up the pace yet again. His mouth takes me in completely and my eyes go wide when I feel myself touching the back of his throat.
"Haruka! W-Wait!" I gasp, "Don't! I'm g-gonna..!"
Haruka doesn't move away, nor stop. His mouth comes down around my cock completely again; I absolutely can't hold back, not when he does that. I arch forward, moaning loudly, and pulling at Haruka's hair harshly as I come, releasing all my pent up lust for the boy before me. He moves up and down a few more times before I lose all strength and fall back onto the bed. His mouth pulls off me with a 'pop' and he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand of any leftover cum.
"You..." my eyes grow wide, "You swallowed it.."
Haruka raises an eyebrow and looks up at me, as if were a completely normal thing to do. Instead of addressing my comment, he lowers himself down onto my chest, taking a deep breath and curling himself into my side.
My breathing still uneven, my legs feeling like jelly, I'm far too tired to propose a different idea. My arm comes around Haruka's shoulders, pulling him closer against me, taking in that incredible warmth that I seem to be obsessed with noticing, and that he doesn't seem to mind sharing. I look down at his face wearing an expression that can only be described as 'content'. I can't help but feel a bit guilty..
"Hey.." I mutter.
He stirs but doesn't move off of me, "Hm."
"Don't you... want..."
"No," he cuts me off.
Huh... I wonder why. This was enough? If I was in any other state of mind, I would question that or at least fight his answer... but my mind was in a euphoric state that I wasn't about to let go to waste. My gaze softens when I realize that he actually does look really cute when he isn't frowning all the time, and my heart skips when I watch him nuzzle against my chest even further, followed by a tiny laugh.
"What?" I ask in a soft voice.
He closes his eyes, "Nothing."
"What are you doing?" I ask when I feel his arm come over and around me. I feel my eyes fall closed as well, sleep quickly beginning to take me.
He sighs contently and mumbles almost inaudibly, "Listening."