Going Back
By: Katerinaki
Published: March 28, 2015
Beta'ed: No
Notes: This is a Star Wars, Post-Clone Wars AU that I've been sitting on. Hope you enjoy.
Chapter 1:
The Force rumbled a warning just before Kelreen dived out of the way of an incoming hailfire droid's missile. She deactivated her lightsaber as she hit the hard, dry ground and rolled with the concussion from the blast, but was back on her feet the next instant, green blade up and deflecting red blaster bolts that came too close to her body.
"You alright, Paddy?" the trooper to her right asked, his voice barely audible through his helmet and over the familiar, repetitive discharges from his blaster rifle.
"I'm fine, Hoot," Kelreen shouted, her lightsaber flashing up to catch a bolt that would've taken off her head. "We need to push on. Master Vos is expecting us to take this ridge."
"Yes, sir!" Hoot replied, firing off a rapid string of shots as he drove forward. They'd been trying to take this ridge for the last two hours. It was critical to their siege of the Separatists' Morguaki cloning facility here on Saleucami. Master Vos had staged two other battles simultaneously around the rim of the caldera in an attempt to draw droids and Morgukai warriors around the perimeter. Every soldier and every meter counted in this desperate struggle.
Kelreen stepped up as one of the Morgukai clones charged her, drawn to her green lightsaber like an Alderaanian moth to flames. She ducked the swipe with the Morgukai's vibroshiv and stepped inside his defense, bringing her lightsaber down in a quick cut to the Morgukai's shoulder. The clone growled in pain and anger, lashing out with a vicious swipe. The Morgukai, orange-skinned Nikto warriors, were all well trained by Anzati assassins who were some of the best in the galaxy. The Morgukai were a match for many Jedi, which made it all the more imperative that they take the rim quickly and shut down the cloning facility. Clones could handle battle droids with Jedi assistance, but the Morgukai could tip the scale, if the Separatists were allowed to continue.
Kelreen ducked again and dodged left as a blaster bolt flew past the Morgukai, hitting the rocks where she'd just stood. Her toes clenched in her boots as if she could somehow better grip the arid soil through the thick soles. She brought her lightsaber up, blocking a follow-through stroke, the green laser blade crackling against the cortosis. Almost immediately she was forced to parry again, and again. Her steps shuffled, trying to maintain her base on the rocky slope. She raised her saber again, parrying an overhead attack. With the lower ground and the strength and ferocity behind the blow, Kelreen's boot slid, throwing her off balance, down on one knee. Again, she felt the Force rumble in a distinct, immediate warning and Kelreen tried to throw up a desperate block for the inevitable downward strike.
Out of the corner of her eye there was a flash of blue, and the attack that would've cleaved her in two never fell, abruptly halted by a glowing blue blade. In one, quick flick the blade stripped the Morgukai's vibroshiv and lashed out, dealing a fatal blow right across the exposed neck. The head of the Morgukai preceded the body as it crumbled and lie still. A rough, weathered hand reached out and Kelreen took it, hauling herself back to her feet.
"Thank you, Master."
"You can't stay out of trouble can you, Padawan?" The wind and sun beaten face of Master T'Bolton looked serious, but Kelreen caught the slight twitch at the edge of his thin mouth and light crinkle near the corner of his eyes. He was a Lorrdian. Body language was important to him, and Kelreen knew how to read his.
"Trouble always finds me, Master," she replied, grinning and sweeping stray pieces of dark hair off her face.
"Mhm," Master T'Bolton murmured, raising an eyebrow as if to say 'Is that so?'
"I am a model Padawan, Master," Kelreen insisted.
Master T'Bolton's lightsaber flickered up, batting away a stray blaster bolt.
"Focus, Padawan," he admonished. "I would hate to have to make the long flight back to Coruscant for another 'model Padawan'."
"Yes, Master," Kelreen replied, bringing her lightsaber to bear in a more ready pose.
"We need to flank them. Take your squad up the left side. I'll keep them busy here."
"Yes, Master." Kelreen ducked another stray bolt as she connected her wrist comlink to the squad frequency. "Gills, Wick, Stak, Hoot, Razor, form up my location, five minutes. Copy?"
"Copy, sir," echoed back five different times.
Kelreen slipped back into the bulbous trees, pulling her hood up over her dark hair, the dark brown cloak blending with the lengthening shadows. She was already overheated; Saleucami's dry, arid climate sapped strength faster than fighting did. Her palms were sweaty on her lightsaber's metal hilt, her tunic was quickly becoming part of her tan skin, and the slightly too large pieces of plastoid armor she wore under her robe were cutting at her neck and wrists.
But more than any of that was the deep weariness in her bones and muscles, with Saleucami, with this war, with fighting in general. She and Master T'Bolton had been stationed on Saleucami for just under a month, but they'd been fighting in this war for the past three years, ever since the Battle of Geonosis that started it all. And in that time, Kelreen could count on one hand how many times they'd been home, to the Jedi Temple. It was very different from her time as an initiate or even the first year of her padawanship. Some part of her wished to go back to that time, when she was only focused on her lessons. She didn't have to worry about war then.
Less than five minutes after slipping back into the trees, a squad of five clone troopers joined her. They were part of her squad, but as the battle had stretched on they'd gotten stretched out.
"Hello there, Paddy," Hoot greeted her. "You seem to be in one piece still. Got the better of that Morgukai?"
"No, Master T'Bolton saved me, again."
"What's the plan, Paddy?" Razor asked. Her squad called her 'Paddy'. It was a nickname, just like all of their names. Gills was their best underwater operative. Wick was their demolitions expert. Hoot was their comms specialist. Paddy was a reference to Master T'Bolton's habit of calling Kelreen 'Padawan'. Many Jedi Masters did it. When they wanted to remind a student of their place and the need for humility, it was often 'my young padawan'. But many times it was a term of affection or endearment. For Jedi, 'my padawan' was synonymous with 'my son' or 'my daughter'.
The troopers just liked to joke about it, pretending that Master T'Bolton didn't actually know her name and so just called her 'Padawan'. That had quickly been shortened to 'Paddy'. It was their term of affection.
"Master T'Bolton wants us to flank them, catch them off guard. We need to take this ridge before we lose the sun."
"Alright, let's make some scrap," Stak replied, slamming a new power pack into his rifle.
The troopers of Kelreen's team were special. They were Advanced Recon Force Troopers, ARF Troopers. Stealth was their specialty. Each wore camouflaged armor that blended among the trees better than Kelreen's Jedi robes. They moved quietly and fanned out, not to the point that they could not provide support to each other, but it would be harder to spot them. Kelreen was on point as they slipped around, flanking the main Separatist force. The droids would be in for a surprise. As they slipped around the edge of the caldera, a tall, fiery tower grew up over the treetops accompanied by an almost deafening blast. Kelreen hoped it was Master T'Bolton's distraction. She checked his emotions surreptitiously through their bond and was relieved to find triumph, rather than pain or worse, nothing. Just like it was a Master's job to teach the padawan, it was the padawan's job to protect and look after the Master.
"Keep moving," Kelreen signaled. Just through the trees they could see battle droids, stationed around some sort of command hub. To their backs was a very long fall, into the caldera. The squad fanned out, sizing up the target. Kelreen counted three commanders and a handful of captains milling about, talking in their grating metallic voices.
"I have ten total," Wick murmured, looking through his electrobinoculars from behind the tree to Kelreen's left.
"I agree," Kelreen replied. "We'll focus there. If they can't give orders, it will be easier to destroy the rest."
"Yes, sir," Wick agreed. He signaled to the other troopers down the line, passing on the plan silently. At this point if they were heard or spotted, the offensive would fail. The droids could very easily back them off the edge of the caldera. Kelreen checked the Force, making sure there were no warnings she'd missed, but all she felt was the same general warning that had been present since even before the start of the war. She held up her hand and gave the 'go' sign.
The aftermath of a battle is many times as difficult as the battle itself. You are weary, and yet, there is no time to rest. Reports must be given, remnants flushed out, and dead buried. Especially the dead. Kelreen understood the need to take Saleucami. It was one of the "Triad of Evil" with Felucia and Mygeeto. Saleucami was the Techno Union world. If they could take it, the Republic could strike a devastating blow to the Separatists.
But during the aftermath of each battle, Kelreen walked over the fields and each fallen trooper was another weight on her heart. It wasn't fair. The Separatists lost nothing. More battle droids could be made in hundreds of factories across the galaxy. Kelreen heard they'd even been recycling the scrap metal from battles. The Republic lost lives. Each time, the list of names grew longer. They'd already lost Commander Ponds. Kelreen would have to add Hoot to that list. He'd been shot down by a destroyer just after they'd taken the command hub. Their squad was quickly shrinking, and Hoot wasn't the only life lost during this battle.
As she made her way back through the battlefield, Kelreen was able to pick out the tall form of her Master. He'd lost his robe at some point and stood with weary shoulders in battered, sooty armor and tunics with his normally tame hair askew. He spoke with Commander Neyo, the clone marshal commander in charge of the 91st Reconnaissance, their corps. Beside him stood Master Quinlan Vos, Master Rancisis's second-in-command and the Jedi General in charge of their sector.
"Masters," Kelreen greeted Master T'Bolton and Master Quin. "Commander Neyo."
"Padawan." Master T'Bolton placed a hand on her shoulder. "You did very well. It would have been a very long and drawn out night if you hadn't been able to destroy their command post."
Kelreen bowed her head. "Thank you, Master."
"Didn't I tell you she'd make a good padawan, T'Bolton?" Master Quin joked.
"You did indeed. I suppose you can be right occasionally, Quin."
Kelreen grinned as Master Quin looked indignant. She liked Master Quin. He was her second cousin, on her father's side, but even if they hadn't been distantly related, Kelreen was sure that they would've had a good relationship. As a fellow Kiffar, Master Quin had taken her under his wing when she was younger and still a Temple initiate. He'd been in and out of the Temple throughout the time, but while he was there he always made time to help her with her psychometric abilities, abilities that many Kiffar Jedi inherit. Master Quin had been the one to introduce her to Master T'Bolton, when he'd been back to the Temple and looking for his first padawan.
"How goes it elsewhere?" Kelreen asked.
"We've managed to establish ourselves around the rim of the caldera," Master Quin told her. "I've just been talking to Master T'Bolton and Neyo here about the possibility of a few reconnaissance treks, now that we can get into the caldera. We need to figure out how to bring down their shield generator."
"When do we go?"
"Tomorrow night," Master T'Bolton said. "Tonight, everyone needs to rest." He turned to Master Quin. "Will you join us for meditation this evening?"
Master Quin looked to Kelreen. "I will try," he said. "Master Rancisis has me running all around this kriffing caldera. We are worried that comlink signals are being intercepted. Choose your words carefully."
"We always do," Master T'Bolton replied. He dipped his head respectfully and Kelreen followed suit.
"T'Bolton, Kelreen, Neyo." Master Quin left, jogging towards the swoop he was using to get to each established base. He shot a wink over his shoulder just before flying off.
Kelreen turned to Commander Neyo. "I'm sorry, Commander," she apologized. "I never understood why Master Quin doesn't like clones."
"You don't have to apologize for him, sir," Neyo replied. "We don't like him either." The commander smirked, mimicking Master Quin's parting wink a little too accurately. Kelreen couldn't help her own grin.
"Let's get this place organized, Neyo," Master T'Bolton spoke up. "We need to be ready in case of a counterstrike."
"Master Tholme has been able to locate the shield generator and is working on a possible way to destroy it."
The news Master Quin brought to the command briefing was most welcome. With the shields still up around the cloning facility, the siege had been brought to a stalemate. Republic forces surrounded the Separatists' citadel, effectively blocking Separatist movements. But the Republic forces could not storm the citadel without great loss of life unless they had heavy artillery, which the Separatists' shield effectively blocked.
"How long does Master Tholme expect it would take to bring the shield down?" asked Knight A'Sharad Hett. Knight Hett was the only Tusken Raider knight in the Order and wore a mask over his face because the Tuskens believed it the height of dishonor to reveal their faces, even to family and close friends. It made it difficult to know when Knight Hett was being serious or when he was just being sarcastic.
"At this point that is uncertain still," Master Quin replied. "The generator is naturally heavily guarded. It will take time for Master Tholme to gain the necessary access. In the meantime, he will continue to sabotage the Morgukai cloning facility in an attempt to disrupt production and at least limit their numbers."
The rest of the command briefing was short and bittersweet. Master Rancisis declared they were now in good position to take the base, but would have to wait until the shield could be brought down.
"We will need the heavy cannons if we are to take the citadel with minimal losses."
By the time Kelreen left the briefing with Master T'Bolton, she no longer felt hopeful for a swift end to the siege. If anything, it felt like they would be stuck on Saleucami with no end in sight.
"What is on your mind, Padawan?"
Kelreen's attention was drawn upwards to her Master's concerned face.
"I'm just…worried, Master."
T'Bolton raised an eyebrow, questioning.
"The longer the siege lasts, the more we will lose. I—I know Jedi are not supposed to have attachments, but—"
"Do not confuse attachment with compassion, Padawan. Compassion for all life is essential to a Jedi. To feel for the loss of life is not against the Jedi Code."
"Yes, Master," Kelreen nodded.
"But Jedi do not let that loss consume them and influence their actions and thoughts. That is the path to the dark side. Rather, a Jedi feels and then releases the emotions into the Force. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Master."
"You are not alone in your concerns either, Padawan. They are present in every Jedi's mind. In mine, in Master Tholme's, Master Quin's, Master Rancisis's. We are always trying to find ways to prevent needless slaughter and end this war as quickly as possible."
"Yes, Master."
"Master Tholme will have the shield down quickly, and Master Rancisis will not order an attack until it is done."
Master T'Bolton's wrist comlink signaled. "T'Bolton."
"Sir, our reconnaissance teams have reported a large number of hostiles moving towards our position." Neyo's voice crackled through the comlink.
"Droids?"
"Negative, sir. Morgukai, in numbers that have not been dealt with before. We believe they may be planning to strike all strongholds on the caldera rim."
"Prepare for battle as quickly and quietly as you can, Neyo. I will be there as quickly as possible. T'Bolton, out."
As soon as he had cut the comm, Master T'Bolton was turning toward Kelreen.
"Padawan, I need you to run back to the command center and report everything Neyo just said to Master Rancisis and Master Vos. It's not safe to use the comms system again. Do you understand?" he asked with urgency Kelreen hadn't seen in him before.
"Yes, Master."
"As soon as you have completed your task, join me on the rim. Go!"
Kelreen turned and took off back the way they had just come, legs pumping, cloak flaring out behind her like a pair of dark wings. But rather than give her speed, her cloak just dragged on the flora and she shrugged it off in midstride in favor of speed. If she survived this attack, she'd come back for it.
Kelreen burst into the command outpost where Master Rancisis and Master Quin were bending over a holomap of the caldera with the Separatist citadel.
"We're under attack!" Kelreen burst out.
Masters Quin and Rancisis both looked up as she stumbled to a halt, using the edge of the projector to keep herself from landing on her face. Master Quin was the first to reach her.
"Slow down, Padawan. What's going on?"
"Neyo, from Master T'Bolton and my reconnaissance corps, reported Morgukai troops heading for the rim bases. Massive numbers."
"They confirmed it?" Master Rancisis asked, his tone as calm as ever.
"Yes, Master," Kelreen replied.
"Then we have little time." Master Rancisis moved past her and out of the map room, heading for his meditation space. Master Rancisis was famous for his battle meditations and he was a brilliant strategist. He would be able to get them through this.
Kelreen spun and head for the door again. She had to get to Master T'Bolton on the rim. He'd need all the help he could get. Morgukai were deadly, and an army of them could very easily overrun their base. And if their base was overrun… Fear clenched at her heart. She couldn't lose Master T'Bolton. She had to get there!
"Kelreen, stop!"
"I have to get back to Master T'Bolton. He told me to go to the rim as soon as I delivered the message. He needs my help!" she insisted frantically. Even now as she stood talking to Master Quin, the Morgukai could have her Master overwhelmed.
"Padawan, focus." His tone made her stop automatically. It was the authoritative tone of a Master, one that brooked no argument, only obedience. From the beginning of her time in the Temple crèche Kelreen had learned to be obedient to Knights and Masters of the Jedi Order. But Master Quin rarely ever used a tone like this. Not with her.
"If you go out there in your current emotional state you will get yourself killed," Master Quin told her. "Focus." He set two fingers on her forehead, just over the green line across her brow that symbolized the Nayqus clan. It was something he'd done when she was still young and had been flustered for a sparring tournament. It was a reminder that her mind needed to be centered before a fight. "Fight with this, Kelreen," he'd told her. "There is no emotion, there is peace."
Even now, the gesture miraculously centered her just as it had back then. She felt the Force wash over her, rippling and surging around her as the battle all around the rim began. But she did not allow herself to get caught up in the tumult; rather she held her ground, an island of calm amidst tossing waves.
"Go to your Master now, Kelreen," Master Quin spoke. "And remember the Code. Especially in times like this."
"Yes, Master."
They parted ways and Kelreen began the trek up to the rim. Her footsteps were quickened as she heard the unmistakable sound of blaster fire, but her mind held none of the franticness. Her legs pumped and her lungs sucked in the now cooler night air. Her lightsaber had found its way into her palm before she'd even left the command center behind. The sounds of the battle grew closer and Kelreen picked up her pace. The fierce snarls of the Morgukai and the clipped communications of the clones rose into the night, and above it all the cries of pain echoed out over the caldera, each one a step closer to victory or defeat.
Kelreen spotted the fight just at the edge of the rim, near a spread of the same bulbous trees Kelreen and her squad had used for cover only a few days ago. The Morgukai had used them too, as a way to sneak up on the troopers. It seemed the Force had been with the Republic when the reconnaissance squad had spotted the imminent attack. Without even that small warning, the Republic forces would have been decimated.
As it was, the clones were having difficulty. Kelreen could see they were giving up ground. Master T'Bolton's lightsaber flashed a blue beacon in the thickest of the fighting near the caldera edge. Kelreen ran for that beacon, knowing it was where she could do the most good. She threw herself into the fray, green lightsaber darting this way and that, rhythmically and methodically aiming for Morgukai heads and necks and any other potential weak points in their armor. As Kelreen fought, her mind stayed blank, only acting and reacting. Her body was tired; it was late in the night. But that no longer mattered as she dealt blow after blow, fighting offensively in hopes of dispatching each enemy quickly and moving on to the next. The Force coursed around and through her, lending her exhausted body strength.
Kelreen never fought so hard in her life. Each opponent was so skilled; it was only a matter of time before one blow got through. Kelreen didn't even see the Morgukai behind her, and she only sensed the warning surge just as the blow fell.
"Kelreen!" The Force shoved her out of the way of the Morgukai electrostaff. Kelreen tried to roll with the unexpected Force-push that could only have come from Master T'Bolton. She lurched to her feet, turning to her Master who had been facing three Morgukai at once, just near the edge. He had been holding his own, but the Morgukai capitalized on the distraction. They surged forward at once and overpowered Master T'Bolton. Kelreen's eyes widened in horror as she saw the blow of a vibroaxe fall and her Master, the man who had been the closest thing she had to a father, was rent open from shoulder to navel. He staggered backwards, eyes wide with pain and surprise and fell off the edge of the rim, disappearing from view.
Someone screamed. Kelreen's head split open, like someone had chopped her in half with a vibroaxe. The pain tore through her and she staggered, desperately trying to see through eyes that didn't want to work. Her vision narrowed as her mind finally managed to focus on just one thing. Killing all the Morgukai. She leapt forward, using the rising Force to assist her kick. She landed it square in the chest of the central Morgukai, sending it flying off the rim just like her Master had only brief seconds before. It screamed the entire way down, but Kelreen didn't hear it. She was already decapitating its brother and then moving on to the next, severing the third's hand in a quick blow, and then using the Force to sweep it off the edge as well. She paused, watching the body fall, flailing as if somehow it could sprout wings and fly away from the inevitable impact. It hit one of the trees before the ground, but that wasn't going to make any difference. Kelreen felt the brief satisfaction that her Master's killers were dead. Now for the rest.
Another in the seemingly endless line of Morgukai clones charged her. Kelreen raised her lightsaber. Each Morgukai that attacked her, she battered out of the way. It was child's play now. No Morgukai stood a chance against her as Kelreen slashed and hacked her way through the Separatist ranks, taking no more than a few seconds with each that fell to her blade. Each time another one fell, she felt the satisfaction of knowing that there was one less despicable creature that would kill her troopers and threaten the lives of her fellow Jedi and friends. She felt powerful, drawing on the Force as she'd never done before. She felt like she could take on Grievous, or Asajj Ventress, or even Count Dooku himself.
"Sir! The Separatists are falling back. What are your orders?" asked Commander Neyo. Indeed the Morgukai forces were retreating back into the caldera.
"Follow them!" Kelreen ordered. "Don't let them escape!"
"Yes, sir," Neyo replied, turning and barking orders into his helmet comlink. Troopers formed up into squads and pushed after the retreating Morgukai, peppering them with blaster fire and taking some with their backs turned. Kelreen led her usual squad with Gills, Stak, Razor, and Wick, now only four troopers. They fell in among the other squads, pursuing the bulk of the Separatist forces as they tried to scramble back down the caldera walls. They fired down on the Morgukai, occupied with trying to make the climb in the dark and unable to defend themselves from above.
"Focus your fire on the main body," Kelreen ordered. "Neyo, have the snipers pick off the ones that make it to the caldera floor."
It was a massacre. If any Morgukai made it down into the caldera, Neyo's snipers shot them down where they stood. The floor of the caldera was littered with bodies, as was the ridge where the stronghold had stood. When Kelreen was certain the clones had the situation at the rim in hand, she returned to the base.
The bodies of clone troopers littered the battlefield, standing out in the moonlight with their white plastoid armor. The battle had been a success, but there had been heavy losses. The pain in Kelreen's head and chest flared in reminder of just how heavy a loss they had sustained. Master T'Bolton was dead. She'd allowed herself to become distracted and in doing so had forced him to save her. He'd taken the blow because of her. He'd died, because she hadn't been focused. The frayed edges of the tattered training bond remained in her mind, an open wound worse than any cut she'd sustained in the war thus far. It bled pain and sorrow into her heart as well as anger at those who had been responsible. She'd killed them. She'd sent them tumbling over the cliff too, but it wasn't enough. They hadn't paid enough for what they'd done, taking her Master from her. Kelreen wanted to throw them off the cliff again.
Her anger surged and she felt the strength that she had had during the battle. It permeated through her weary muscles, renewing her, fueling her resolve. Kelreen knew, somewhere in her mind that this was wrong. She was a Jedi; she shouldn't be feeling anger towards the Morgukai. They fought for their side, just as the clones fought for the Republic. War made them enemies, but they were still beings. She shouldn't be feeling satisfied that they had been destroyed so utterly. But that didn't change the fact that she was. It didn't change that she had taken pleasure in killing the Morgukai who had killed Master T'Bolton. Kelreen didn't know what to feel.
Kelreen knelt by one clone she sensed wasn't quite dead. He held on, but the wound to his abdomen was obviously fatal. Kelreen felt his pain and tried to use the Force to ease his passing. It was difficult to call on peace when she felt so conflicted herself. As Kelreen tried to regain her focus, she missed the quiet footsteps behind her.
A lone Morgukai straggler hadn't retreated with his brothers to be picked off by the remaining clones. Instead he gripped his vibroaxe in hand and slowly picked through the littering of clone and Morgukai corpses, intent on the figure of the Jedi, crouched over the body of an injured clone. Her eyes were closed; now was his time.
Kelreen sensed the warning and brought her lightsaber up to block the blow just in time to keep her head on her shoulders. She rolled out of the way and onto her feet, facing the Morgukai that had lingered. It snarled at her, taunting her into attacking. Kelreen grimaced back just before swinging her lightsaber in a low sweep meant to take out the Morgukai's kneecaps. It leapt out of the way, spinning and gaining momentum for another stroke. Kelreen ducked, spinning inside, intent on running the Morgukai through. But her foot caught on a stray blaster that had been left on the field. The blaster went off as she stumbled, shooting a bolt that flew away harmlessly, startling her and making her hesitate. It was only a split second, but it was just enough time for the Morgukai to land a blow to her shoulder. The vibroaxe fell with such force that the plastoid armor was unable to stand up to the attack. The blade pierced through and cut into her shoulder. Kelreen heard a sickening crack that seemed to echo over the otherwise still battlefield. Her legs buckled under the force, driving her to her knees, absorbing some of the blow. More pain shot through her arm and torso, joining with the pain in her head and chest, as they impacted the ground. It overwhelmed her and Kelreen only saw a flash of blue.
Kelreen had been injured before. She'd been shot more times than she'd care to admit. She remembered accidentally being hit in a spar with another padawan. That scar was still visible on her upper arm, just below the Nayqus triangle. Each time, she'd woken up in the Jedi Temple Hall of Healing, either with her crèche master, or more recently with Master T'Bolton, sitting by her bed and waiting a bit anxiously.
This time was different. She didn't wake up in the Jedi Temple this time. And the face she saw at her bedside was not the weathered visage of her Master. Instead, she stared up at a durasteel ceiling and looking back at her was the tan face of Master Quin, his yellow clan tattoos cutting across his cheeks and nose.
"Kelreen," he spoke softly, "How do you feel?"
Horrible. Her shoulder was on fire, her body felt stiff, and she had a bantha-sized headache.
But worst of all, something was wrong. Something was changed in the Force. Some ripples had been created and were rolling towards her.
"Where am I? What happened?" she asked, fearing the answer.
"You are aboard the Integrity. You took a vibroaxe to the shoulder. Your armor took most of the damage. If you hadn't been wearing it, you likely would've been killed. As it is, your collarbone is shattered and you will have a very big scar."
That wasn't all. Something was missing. It hung in the air between them, but Kelreen was afraid to ask and Master Quin seemed hesitant to tell. But she had to know, or rather, she had to confirm what she thought she might already have felt.
"Where is Master T'Bolton?"
She saw the answer before she heard the reply. But it did nothing to lessen the shock. "One with the Force."
She'd known. In the back of her mind, she'd known before she'd even asked. As soon as she'd woken up, she'd remembered. The Force-push, the surprised expression as Master T'Bolton was slashed across the chest, the few brief seconds he'd looked to her before tumbling off the edge of the caldera rim. Those ripples she'd felt, they stemmed from the vacuum that had suddenly been created where her Master-Padawan bond had been. It was severed before its time and the ragged edges remained in her mind, like flayed nerve-endings in an open wound. They caused her pain and were largely the origin of her headache.
She remembered what had happened afterwards too and shame crept into her heart. She'd given in. She'd given in to the pain and the anger. She'd let her feelings overwhelm her. She'd killed those Morgukai in anger and had urged her troops to kill those who were defenseless and trying to escape. That was also some of the ripples. She'd dipped her finger into the dark side and now it tried to insinuate itself into her mind as a dark shadow, wrapping around the old bond and the memories of that battle and the anguish she'd felt at the loss. Guilt slammed into her. Not only had she failed to protect Master T'Bolton, but she'd failed in his teachings too. She'd dishonored his memory in killing the Morgukai with such brutality and vigor. She didn't deserve to call him her Master any longer.
"Anger leads to hate." Master Yoda's voice echoed in her mind. He'd told her before, when she was just an initiate still and had fought with another padawan after he'd made fun of her for her clan tattoos. He'd called them stupid and ugly and she'd lashed out at him in her rage.
"We must not give into our anger, Padawan. First we are Jedi. Always, we fight with serenity. Never in anger." She could hear his voice, as if he stood right next to her, lecturing her again. Master T'Bolton had told her the same thing so many times. It was so easy to get caught up in the whole war. She heard the troopers talking about revenge, about settling scores with the Seps. Master T'Bolton constantly reminded her that they were Jedi. They fought for peace. Kelreen could hear the words so clearly in her mind. If she closed her eyes, she could almost imagine Master T'Bolton standing next to her.
"I've been in contact with the Jedi Council," Master Quin told her. "I have been assigned Master Rancisis's command, and you will return to Coruscant."
"Wait, what happened to Master Rancisis?"
Master Quin looked down solemnly and again, Kelreen knew.
"Who else was lost?"
"Durnar, Xeltek, and Ausar Auset. The attack was a diversion. Sora Bulq used it to infiltrate the command post. He murdered Master Rancisis, and the troops that were left guarding him."
Her anger flared. Murder. Sora Bulq, once a Jedi, murdered all of them. And worse yet, the battle had been a diversion. Master T'Bolton's sacrifice had been for nothing.
"I can't leave," she said firmly.
"Kelreen, you are severely injured. You can't fight until you have healed."
"I've been trained to use both hands, Master, you know that. You need my help. The cloning facility's shields are still up and even now they are amassing another Morgukai army!" Kelreen tried to get up. She had to prove that she could still move, still fight. Her shoulder hurt, but what was a bit of pain when troopers were out even now, fighting and dying for the Republic? She couldn't give up. Not when her Master had—
"Kelreen, no, don't move," Master Quin insisted, rising to his feet as she struggled to sit up. "All you will do is injure yourself further. You need to rest and return to the Jedi Temple."
"No!" She tried to push upright, but pain lanced through her shoulder and she shifted more weight to her uninjured side. Kelreen gritted her teeth and pushed through it. Master T'Bolton would've pushed through it. Master T'Bolton would've done it for the Republic, for all the people it represented. He would've done it to end this war, and for the troopers so that they could know peace for once in their short lives. Master T'Bolton would not have given up!
"Kelreen don't! You'll undo all the work the medics have already done. Kelreen!"
She ignored him. She could do it. She was strong enough. And once she was on her feet, she'd return to Saleucami and lead her troops to a victory over the Separatists.
"Padawan."
Kelreen froze. That wasn't Master Quin's voice. She turned her head with much pain to look to the entrance of the medical bay. She recognized the face. She'd seen it before, first at the Temple, and then all across the Holonet. But even before the war, he was famous among the Jedi. The only Jedi to kill a Sith in a millennium.
Master Obi-Wan Kenobi of the Jedi High Council stood in the doorway, arms crossed, blue-grey eyes blazing. But what was Master Kenobi doing at Saleucami? He wasn't stationed there.
"Quin."
It took Kelreen an extra moment to realize Master Kenobi was not talking to her, but to Master Quinlan, who had moved up to the other side of her bed.
"Lay back down, Kelreen," he said softly, placing a hand on her uninjured shoulder and guiding her back down. Kelreen felt the weight of the Force behind his words and any other time she would've fought the suggestion. She was so tired, though, and her whole body hurt at this point, not just her shoulder and her head. But more than anything, the deep feeling of loss was resonating in her heart and mind. Her determination had overridden it at first, but now that stubbornness was cowed and it opened her to the gaping hole left by the loss of her Master and the sudden severing of their training bond. As she let Master Quin guide her back onto the bed, all of the ripples suddenly crashed down upon her with the force of a tsunami. Master T'Bolton was gone. She was alone, an orphaned Padawan.
Her eyes stung and watered. Kelreen tried to hold them back; she couldn't cry in front of Master Quin and Master Kenobi. Crying was not the Jedi way. There is no emotion, there is peace. But if there was no emotion, then why did this hurt so much more than the wound from the vibroaxe?
"Sleep, Kelreen," Master Quin suggested, placing his hand over her forehead. "You are safe. All you can do now is sleep, heal."
Her eyes grew heavy and she blinked a few times, the excess water in her eyes flowing down her cheeks.
"Sleep."