Chapter 16

Humans feel things, we feel pain, we feel hurt and we feel lost. Most of the things we feel mentally and physically are mostly hurtful and terrible. We don't like feeling that way, no one does. We hate feeling like we're hurt and we hate knowing it to but we can't help it, it's just part of life. I mean who really wants to feel that way all the time or even for a short period of the day it just makes us hate more when we should love more. So we found a way to make everything feel ok. We look at the happy side, we surround ourselves with people who get us and if we can't do that then we pretend. We pretend like nothing's wrong it's easier that way.

Pretending is just like hiding. We hide from the pain and suffering we're going through by pretending it's not there and that helps most of us through the day. We only pretend when we don't want people to worry or bring people down. Once we're done pretending for a day we go in our rooms and keep it up but for some of us we cry because sometimes it's too much to keep bottled up.

Last time on Was it Fate or Destiny:

No, I can't let him worry about me anymore. If he keeps worrying, I'm going to stay in the friend zone forever and I don't really want that to happen. Lucy thought and she put her phone down. Guilt will just have to live with me forever.

"I'm sorry Lu-chan" Levy said.

"It's fine" Lucy told her, "But let's plan together, how I can get Sting"

Levy smiled at this and they started planning. Both very experienced and knew all the best tricks after all they learnt from the best teacher, BOOKS.

Lucy woke up feeling depressed. Last night her and Levy talked but she called the whole scheme off for getting Sting she couldn't deal with love right now at least not yet.

She got out of bed and went to the bathroom and she looked horrific. Her eyes were red from crying and her cheeks were stained with dried up tears her hair was messy and sticking out everywhere yet at the same down flowing down her back with split ends. Lucy froze at her reflection but she didn't do anything about it. True she had cried herself to sleep last night and she had been fine when her friends came but when they left, she broke down crying. She didn't have diner or anything so she was hungry.

"It's Tuesday" Lucy said sliding down to the floor feeling helpless and lifeless, "A school day"

Lucy groaned she felt like just sleeping in and never going back to school again until she felt like she could walk out the door. She couldn't do that. She had to suck it up and deal with her shit life and move one or at least pretend to move on.

"Fuck this shit" Lucy yelled standing up and getting into the bath, "Life sure is a bitch"

Lucy as far as we know wasn't one to swear like that but she was pissed at the world and life. She was losing to many people she cared about. Her mum's gone and never coming back and her dad who knows if he's going to wake up from his coma, Lucy couldn't bear to lose anyone else.

She got out of the shower and combed her hair making sure it looked neat and her eyes were no longer red and her face was clear. She looked like herself; she just didn't feel like herself. She smiled at the mirror and it was easily seen as a fake smile but she hopped her friends wouldn't notice the difference.

"Rufus!" Lucy called as she went down stairs ready for school "Right he's with, I forgot"

Rufus didn't come home last night but Lucy didn't care that much. She just didn't want to be in that hospital, she wanted everything to go back to normal. She got out of the house, no food taken and not lunch packed but she didn't care. She went to the street and decided to walk to school and Natsu joined her.

"Hey Luce" Natsu said smiling.

"Hey Natsu" Lucy said back smiling too.

She was praying he didn't notice a thing and he didn't. So maybe she could pull it off for the rest of the day.

Natsu was walking and talking with her and didn't notice her eyes clouding with despair and pain. Lucy didn't care she didn't want to worry him she just prayed everyone else would be as dense as Natsu.

"So you should come" Natsu finished off as they neared school, "You just have to find a date"

"I'll think about it" Lucy told him not paying any attention to what he had just said.

"Well later Luce" Natsu said embracing her quickly before walking up to Lisanna and heading off to P.E with her.

Lucy walked to her science lesson and hoped Mira and Juvia wouldn't notice her current state and just smile back. She entered the classroom and was immediately hugged by the said girls.

"You ok?" Mira asked.

"Yea peachy" Lucy said smiling.

"Juvia was worried" Juvia said.

"We all were" Mira told her, "Just glad you're fine and smiling"

Lucy nodded and took her sit next to the window. Juvia and Mira sat together but debated whether or not one of them should move next to Lucy, that is until Sting walked in and sat next to her completely ignoring Loke. Loke then sat next to Max.

"You feeling fine Blondie" Sting asked.

"Peachy Stingy" Lucy said smiling at him.

Sting shook his head in absolute unbelief. The lips don't tell you about people's feelings it was just a gate for words it was the eyes, the only key to someone's soul was them. Sting just looked at her and Lucy gave up. She knew he would catch her anyway.

Sting however didn't question her and just got out his books. Ready for class and the teacher walked in.

Lucy wasn't concentrating enough and that was ok. She had other things on her mind, her dad, Sting and Sting. She glanced at him a few times wondering why he didn't say she was lying or faking or whatever. Sting was just accepting how she felt and not helping her at all. She could say she was pissed about it yet relived.

"Asshole" Lucy whispered facing the window again.

"Me?" Sting seemed to ask.

Lucy only nodded, not knowing what was coming over her. Sting looked at the blonde in front of him and just sighed and paid attention to the teacher. Lucy's anger was building up. She hated attention but she wanted his attention.

"You're being a real ass" Lucy whispered facing him.

"What do you want me to say?" Sting asked annoyed.

"I don't know" Lucy replied, "Maybe show you care a little"

"I do" Sting complained, "I'm letting you take your anger out on me and I'm not being bitch about it"

"That's the problem" Lucy yelled and the whole class heard and faced her.

The teacher faced the two and it earned them a detention and they had to stand outside of class for the rest of the lesson. Lucy was extremely pissed right now and she seemed to blame it all on Sting.

"This is your entire fault" Lucy told him.

"Sorry" Sting said sitting down.

Lucy went metal. Sting was being so, so, she couldn't describe it. She liked it when he saw right through her and teased her and was there for her but now he was just agreeing with her and it made her feelings seem real. She slapped Sting and Sting didn't move or ask what it was for he just looked at her emotionless.

"That pissed" was all he said and as he stood up, "You said your dad was fine"

"I lied" Lucy confessed not calm at all.

"So you're turning all the sorrow into anger and blaming me for it" Sting commented.

"I guess" Lucy confessed calming down a little.

"That's fucked up" Sting told her.

Lucy looked at him hurt. He had no idea what she was going through. She didn't know it but she was wrong. Sting knew exactly what she was going through and she wasn't helping by driving him mad. Sting was emotionless on the outside but on the inside anger was just bottled up ready to explode but he wouldn't let it out. He had learned to control it after all it only came once a year but Lucy didn't know that. Lucy didn't know how to control her emotions so Sting forgave her.

"Some of us can't deal with any more pain" Lucy yelled.

"Every thought that you're not the only one hurting" Sting yelled back, "That someone else might be feeling worse pain than you"

Lucy saw the sadness in his eyes but it vanished as fast as it came. She had never thought that Sting could be in pain or that he was hurting. For the first time since they meet Lucy read Sting perfectly and she saw his pain and despair.

"Hope" Lucy whispered.

"At least you have hope" Sting told her walking to his next class, "Some of us don't"

Lucy watched him go and she wanted to call out but her voice wouldn't come and so she let him be. She walked the other way to her next class, humanities. Sting was there for her but she was never there for him. She let a tear fall and she whipped it away. She had forgotten that she didn't know his past and she couldn't just expect him to always be there for her but she wanted him too, she wanted him to always be there for her forever if possible because she wanted more than his friendship. She wanted his love.

"Rogue" Lucy said sitting next to him and Loke.

"What up?" Rogue asked.

"Why's Sting sad?" Lucy asked finally forgetting about herself.

"He looks fine to me" Rogue said.

"He was super happy this morning" Loke piped in.

Lucy looked at them both. They knew Sting better than anyone and they were hard to read. Sting was important to them and they shared secrets. Lucy accepted the answer and was going to ask Sting herself. Hopefully he wasn't mad at her and he would understand where she was coming from because Sting was like that, he understood you when no one else would.

"Why are you looking for him?" Rogue asked curious.

"They had a fight outside class" Loke told him.

"We didn't fight" Lucy defended herself, "We just disagreed"

"Then you slapped him" Loke told her.

"How do you know?" Lucy asked.

"I heard the whole thing while sharpening my pencil" Loke informed her.

"Next time mind your own business jackass" Lucy told Loke and moved to a different place in the classroom.

I guess you could say Lucy was pissed out of her mind. Her emotions were everywhere and she couldn't seem to understand them herself. She took deep breathe before she felt calm and yea she felt like a bitch right now but she didn't give a fuck.

"What's up with her?" Loke asked oblivious to her emotions.

"How should I know?" Rogue told him.

"Sting's good at these sorts of things" Loke said sighing.

"I don't know how he does it" Rogue agreed.

"He just does" Loke told him, "He gets you when you feel no one else will"

"Are you gay?" Rogue asked, "It would be so cool if you were gay"

"Fuck you" Loke said, "I wish we had a gay friend though. That would be awesome"

"I know right" Rogue agreed.

They continued their conversation while the teacher came in and started to I guess teach. Lucy paid no attention and Loke and Rogue just talked through the whole lesson. Sting was in another class paying attention of course but at the same time wondering what he was going to do about Lucy. He couldn't help her because it was that type of week and he had to put himself first once in a while. He looked out the window and sighed.

Why am I always so, what's the word again? Laxus says it all the time. I'm too serious but I can't help it. Sometimes you learn to grow up way to fast. Sting thought then turned back to face the teacher, Man I'm depressed.

Sting sat through his whole class and waited till break time to talk to Rogue and Loke. I'll take a break from school for two days or four it depends how I feel. I'm just not in the mode for the day to come but its right round the corner two days from now.

The bell rang and Sting rushed out of class to homeroom where his snack was with Loke. Sting got there in time before Loke even opened the box they were supposed to share but knowing Loke he would have forgotten about the sharing bit.

"Thank heavens you haven't opened it yet" Sting said walking up to him.

"I was going to wait for you" Loke pointed out.

"Of course you were" Sting said sarcastically, "So what are you talking about?"

"Being gay" Rogue told him.

The look on Sting's face was priceless. His eyes were wide, his mouth was hanging open for flies to come in and his body was straight trying to processes this information. Loke and Rogue on the other hand just laughed at his reaction catching their stomachs in pain.

"How the fuck is this funny?" Sting asked composing himself, "My best friends gay and I never knew about it."

"We were talking about how cool it would be to have a friend who's gay" Rogue corrected him.

"Dumbass" Loke said as he stopped laughing.

"Jackass" Sting called him, "What brought on the subject?"

"Lucy was asking about why you were sad" Rogue informed him, "Then Loke was just like well Loke"

"She got pissed at me for no reason" Loke told him.

"Then he was all like how does Sting do it his sooo cool" Rogue said in a girly voice while smirking.

"Then this ass called me gay" Loke finished off, "Now we're here"

Sting just grabbed the box away from Loke and started eating his snack. They talked for a while till Lucy approached them. She was after all really hunger and had no diner or breakfast so she was hoping they would share. She couldn't ask the others for any because then they would get worried, you could say she was being selfish.

I'm not being selfish I'm just being careful. Lucy said to herself over and over again.

You want to worry only one person, he has a life too you know. Lucy's conscience told her.

What if I want to be his only life? Lucy argued.

Then you're selfish. Conscience told her.

I love him. Lucy told herself.

Then don't make him worry. Conscience said.

Just fuck off. Lucy yelled in her head.

Bitch please you and I both know I ain't going no where. Conscience reminded her.

"Luce you ok?" Sting asked, because she was standing right in front of him walking up a bit to close. Lucy was too busy arguing with herself to notice her body was moving on its own. Lucy realized and blushed all she wanted was food and her emotions and judgment was all over the place she didn't know if she could take it.

"I'm fine" Lucy said backing up, "Can I have some?"

"Sure" Sting said, handing her some pocky like nothing happened.

Lucy took some, but what bothered her was why he didn't ask about her own snack. She couldn't help feeling like she was losing all of Sting's attention, but she didn't want to sound selfish by saying that she wanted all of his attention. Besides she wanted to find out what was bothering him the most that he was so sad in the hallway.

"How do you do it?" Lucy asked.

"Do what?" Sting asked.

"Keep all your emotion bottled up" Lucy answered.

Sting was speechless and didn't know how to reply. He didn't think Lucy could see right through him and maybe he was getting too close to her. The bell rang saving his life and he walked out to his next class. Lucy watched him go with Rogue right behind him. She didn't know what to do, but she was sure she saw the pain in his eyes she saw it every time they were talking but she always said it wasn't there pretending it wasn't real. Her current state however allowed her to see right through him and she loved it.

"Pretending" Loke told her and went to his next class.

Lucy started at him, thinking about what he said. Pretending sounded like a good idea, it was like her world had fallen in place and she liked it. So that's what she was going to do. She was going to pretend everything was fine and stop over thinking her emotions. Lucy made her way to P.E smiling her smile pretending.

After school

Lucy was leaning over Sting's car waiting for him. They hadn't planned anything and this was just what she wanted to do. She had to talk to him, she wasn't fine pretending and she couldn't take it. Bottling up her feelings just wasn't her. She had tried all day but Levy and Natsu were on her case thinking she was sick or worried about her the whole gang was. She just wasn't good at it.

*Flashback lunch today*

Lucy walked to sit with the rest of her friends on the outside grass of the school. They were playing a game of guess who. It was a simply game, you pretend to be someone else and we have to guess who. The theme was famous people.

"So how ya been Bunny Girl?" Gajeel asked.

"Great" Lucy told him smiling, "You?"

Gajeel didn't answer; instead he guessed who Jellal was pretending to be and got it right.

"Michael Jackson" Gajeel said standing up and Jellal sitting down.

Lucy was left with Erza on her other side. Erza was worried about Lucy and she hadn't asked her how she was. Lucy was too busy looking at Gajeel that she completely forgot to keep a happy face. Her eyes were sad and lost now.

"Lucy?" Erza said a little too loud.

"Huh?" Lucy said facing her.

"Lucy please don't cry" Erza said pulling her into a hug.

Lucy panicked now everyone was rushing to her side making sure she was fine and their faces held worried expressions. Lucy couldn't handle it so she cried right there in Erza's arms doing the one thing she didn't want to do today.

*Flashback end*

Lucy sighed at the memory. She really needed that cry though she stopped being so depressed and she was sort of happy now. What worried her was Sting and she was going to find out what was wrong one way or another.

Sting reached his car and saw Lucy. He froze for a second before opening the driver's door and getting in.

"Can I join you?" Lucy asked smiling

"Depends" Sting said smirking, "Are you going to call me an ass?"

"Depends" Lucy told him, "Are you going to treat me like a dick?"

"Just get in Blondie" Sting told her.

"I'm already in Stingy" Lucy said sitting down in the front sit.

"I see you're in a better mode" Sting noted.

"I always am around you" Lucy flirted.

"As if" Sting said "Remember this morning"

Lucy didn't reply. What she said came out by accident, but she knew she liked Sting and she couldn't deny it. There was just something about him that pulled her to him. Rufus was right; you couldn't tell if he was being friendly with you or just flirting.

"I was in a bad place this morning" Lucy said in a quiet voice, "Sorry about that"

"So are you going to tell me what's up with your dad" Sting said clearly not reading the vibe.

"He's in a coma" Lucy told him plainly no emotions nothing, "I'm just afraid he'll never wake up"

"Hope" Sting told her.

Then Lucy remembered their conversation outside class and she realized they had skipped detention. Lucy forgot because she wanted to talk to Sting ASAP. Sting forgot because of what Lucy asked him.

They reached Lucy's house and Lucy invited him in. He accepted and they entered the house and went to her room. They were going to study for the science test next week Lucy forgot she had to listen in class this morning and she just wanted to spend time with Sting.

"Remember what you said about hope this morning" Lucy said.

"I was just blurting stuff out" Sting told her clearly lying.

"What if you weren't?" Lucy suggested.

"Then what would you think of me?" Sting asked.

"I would think you're arrogant, proud, and selfish" Lucy started, "But you would be fragile, caring, and independent"

Sting nodded after all that was what he used to be. He hated what he used to be and he couldn't go back to it. That's why he bottled up his feeling and pretended he was ok. It all happened that day, if that day never came if it never happened Sting, wouldn't have changed but he couldn't tell if it was for better or for worse but so far so good.

"Sting" Lucy said, "Why are you always so sad yet you seem so happy?"

Sting looked at her. She wasn't supposed to read him. She wasn't supposed to want to know him anymore. He didn't want her to.

"Why do you pretend Sting?" Lucy went on asking.

"Why not?" Sting countered.

Why not pretend that things are fine? Why make your life a living hell just because you can't get over the bad things? Why not go through life making yourself believe slowly that things were ok when in reality they weren't? Why not? Sting thought before he stood up to leave. In just two day's I'll stop pretending but I won't be around anyone for them to even care. Two day's and I'll stop trying to make the pain go away. Just two more fucking days.

Lucy watched him go. There were a lot of things she didn't know about Sting but one thing she did know was he wasn't a dumbass. She knew he was smart but she just found out that he runs away from reality, from his past.

Pretending is easy we do it all the time. It's an everyday thing really. People pretend for lots of different reasons and sometimes they have great reason and other times they don't. Pretending it's a crime it's just an escape from the truth that haunts you. It's the gate way to freedom for most. So why not pretend?

A/N: I hope you liked it. I tried making it long just for you guys. Review please that would mean so much to me. Tell me what you thought about it. Did you hate it or love it. Thanks for all the reviews so far. I'm hoping to get 100 reviews! Thanks for favoring and following my story. Special thanks to KittyKatBite for editing this chapter :D

L0V3 OUT!