Hello!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this story - it means so much to me. However, I am unsure as to whether or not to continue... I don't feel that anyone is really enjoying it, and although I enjoy writing I'm not sure this story is going to be worth it!
Reviews would, as always, be extremely helpful - if you like this story, please, please say so!
Lots of love x
Clara doesn't want to wake up.
Not now.
Not for a very long time.
The sun, however, seemed to have a different idea. Bright, intruding shafts of light forced their way into her bedroom, preventing her from sleep no matter how hard she tossed and turned to avoid them.
She'd been tossing and turning in her bed all night, and until about an hour ago she'd all but given up the hope of some rest. But she was exhausted, and simply couldn't find the energy from anywhere within her to keep her eyes open for a second longer. She was completely washed out, and uncomfortable, no matter how much she shifted around in her bed. Sleep claimed her eventually, finally managed to grip her tight and pull her slowly under. She was grateful for it, at first, but as she was drifting off, a nasty little voice in her subconscious cruelly reminded her that she wouldn't be resting, not really, because the images that would haunt her slumber would do simply that - haunt her. They always had. And after a night like the one she'd just had, she knew they would be there, and be bolder and harsher and worse than ever.
They were, of course. They always were.
She rubbed her eyes, bitterly cursing the rising sun. It was meant to be there for good reasons, helpful reasons; it was meant to brighten the day and bring warmth and love and light to the world.
But Clara was cold, and dark, and she was alone.
She knew she couldn't carry on this way. She knew it right from the start, when it was all happening; she knew that it wouldn't be something which could be overcome and forgotten. She didn't, however, expect this. Nothing had prepared her for this. All these feelings... She didn't understand. She felt broken, that's what it was. She felt irreparably broken, and she couldn't think of any way to fix herself.
Well, no way that wasn't impossible. He was gone.
Only he wasn't. He was still there. But not him - not the him she needed so desperately. She knew it was stupid, and selfish, and almost shallow, but she couldn't help it. She'd been holding these feelings inside for far too long, and nights like the last one reminded her just how much of a mess she'd made it all, how she really couldn't go on like this any more. But she couldn't for the life of her think of a way out, not now.
For the life of her... Clara thought those words over again in her head, and began to shiver uncontrollably. No, she thought to herself. No, absolutely not. Stop it. Stop thinking like that. Stop it, stop it, stop it.
She couldn't help it. She didn't mean to think of it like that, hear those words in her head in that certain way, but she did. She did, and now she couldn't quite think clearly about anything, not any more. No more, she thought to herself, shaking her head firmly, as if that vigorous movement would somehow banish those awful thoughts from her mind.
No more.