Chapter 13 – Eleanor Rigby

A/N: Sorry for the late update! I've been super busy with school and all that. To make it up to you, this is a freakishly eventful chapter for your enjoyment. Let me know what you think! ;)

Eleanor Rigby

picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been

Lives in a dream

Waits at the window,

wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door

Who is it for?

(Eleanor Rigby – The Beatles)

The next morning Meredith was late. She had spent all night trying to find sleep, and when she finally found it, the clock rang.

Naturally, the rest of the morning was a disaster. The lack of Derek in the house meant nobody had gone grocery shopping which meant no food. She cursed.

Hungry and frustrated, she found that there was no warm water in the house. Meredith cursed again.

She took a lightening fast cold shower after she remembered Derek had told her something about someone that was coming to fix some pipes this week. Then she noticed she had no clean clothes, seeing as it was Derek's turn to do laundry yesterday, which he obviously hadn't done. With another curse and a sigh she dug up an almost clean shirt from the laundry basket and made her way out.

It was no surprise that Meredith's mood was way down low when she finally exited her house, remembering her car was almost out of curses were flying out of her mouth like wildfire by now.

Her fingers shook as she took out her phone and angrily pushed the buttons to call a cab. She was just about to press dial when her cellphone died in her hands. At this point, Meredith was on the verge of tears. This was her life right now. She had a full mind to just lay down on the ground and stay there. But, since she liked to think she had more dignity than that, Meredith settled on jumping up and down angrily and screaming more curses into her hands.

Then a loud car horn across the street aborted her dark musings. She jumped in fright and, startled, looked up to find none other than Derek Shepherd waiting for her in, what seemed like, a brand new car. Meredith sighed and closed her eyes.

What in Christ's name is happening today? she thought and took a calming breath.

Straightening her shirt she slowly and warily made her way across the street. When she got closer Derek stepped out of his vehicle and offered her one of his dreamiest smiles. Meredith tried not to melt. It was hard.

"I thought you might want a ride for work," he chirped and waved his hand over the car in pride. "Whaddaya think?" Meredith eyed him suspiciously. He did not own a car when they spoke yesterday, and now here he was.

"It's nice. When did you buy it?" she asked him and Derek shrugged.

"A couple of minutes ago. Can't ride cabs everywhere I want, now, can I?" he said and walked around the car to open the door on the passenger side.

"Right…" she murmured and awkwardly slid into the car. As she waited for him to enter on his side she eyed the expensive leather and all of the different and complicated buttons. The car was very pretty and obviously not cheap. If she and Derek had been on better terms she would laugh and call this his mid-life crisis. As it was, she could only smile uneasily as he closed his door and looked at her. Way too close for her comfort.

There was a brief silence while Derek drove out to the motorway.

"You know what? I don't think you've ever let me drive you before. You were always adamant about taking the wheel," ha said, overly happy. Meredith fiddled with her fingernails and shrugged.

"I guess," she murmured and looked out the window. This car ride was fast becoming the most uncomfortable she thought she had ever ridden. The silence became extremely awkward, as neither knew what to say.

Weeks followed where Meredith tried to the best of her ability to avoid Addison, Mark and (though she wouldn't admit it) Derek. She was happy to say she succeeded somewhat, but it was not due to the lack of trying on Derek's part. The man seemed to be constantly trying to get her attention and start a conversation, but she kept distant and tried not to make any body- or eye contact when they did have to interact.

After enough time had passed, though, something inside Meredith settled. She got used to his attempts at friendship and stopped worrying about him stepping over the line. It all seemed to calm down between them. Still, it wasn't even a bleak shadow of what they shared before, and that made her sad.

"So, Meredith, do you have anything planned for later?" Derek's voice broke through her paperwork-concentrated mind. Meredith was sitting in her office and had been for the last couple of hours. She would not say this interruption was unwelcome. Truth be told, she was bored out of her mind. She slowly looked up at the man who was leaning casually in her doorway, just like he had done so many times in the past. He was smiling dreamily and she could not hold her own grin off her face.

"I'm having a drink with Christina at Joe's," she finally answered and looked down at her hands. Derek laughed at this, and the sound brought shivers down Meredith's spine.

"So when you say 'a drink' you basically mean you'll get crazy drunk and dance on the tables?" he asked and Meredith gave him a death glare. Then she winked and smirked at him.

"Shut up."

This form of peace did not, however, make it easy to watch Derek and Addie together. What in the beginning had been a strained relationship between the two had now become somewhat tempered. They ate lunch together, had started sharing their living arrangements again and actually exchanged in conversations. If she listened to the nurses, though, the two had had quite a few rows in the corridor. Apparently Addie had some problems with Derek's attempts to form a friendship with Meredith, and he was not bulging. All in all, it was a huge mess. A mess that Meredith really wished she wasn't such a huge part of.

When suddenly Addison pulled her into an on-call room one day, she cursed the day she had ever married Mark Sloan. Or even made contact with anyone ever for that matter.

"Addison…" Meredith tried and broke free of her ex-best friend's grasp on her arm.

"No, shush!" Addie silenced her and gave her a warning glare. "I have some stuff to say, and I want you to listen to me." Meredith almost rolled her eyes. This was gonna be good. Addison took a deep breath in preparation and coughed before beginning her speech.

"So, it has come to my attention that you and my husband have had this… this thing or whatever."

"I slept with him." Meredith clarified decidedly. "On several occasions." Addie gritted her teeth.

"Right." She stated flatly but with burning eyes. "And…"

"But then… you slept with mine too, Addie," Meredith said with an unaffected voice and a forced smile.

A beat. "Yes," Addie said, teeth still gritted.

"So… that should make us even, right?" Meredith tried and inched her body away from the person she nowadays referred to in her head as 'Satan'. Addie stared at her with an incredulous expression.

"Even?" she said incredulously. Meredith nodded slowly.

"Yes. Let's just put it all behind us and pretend it never happened," Meredith said patiently, discreetly trying to flee from this situation. Addison looked absolutely stunned. This was not at all what she had expected to hear.

"Well… I- I don't…" she stammered and Meredith tried not to laugh at her dumbfounded face.

"You go your way, and I go mine. Simple as that!" Meredith tried to finish and turned towards the door. She sighed to herself at how easy this dreaded meeting had been, when she suddenly got turned around by Addie's firm hand once again wrapped around her arm.

Of course...

"Wait, Meredith. You won't get away that easily," Addie fumed. Something seemed to have clicked in her brain and she was back on the warpath. Meredith was disappointed but braced herself. Addison started to talk again, and this time she was determined to say what she wanted.

"Since Derek and I got together again, everyone has been walking on eggshells. He won't talk to me, will hardly look at me… It sucks!" Addison looked frustrated and Meredith couldn't but feel a hint of satisfaction at the fact. This meant Derek hadn't taken Addie back into his open arms and forgiven the little mishap with the adultery. She smothered her smirk.

"Well, Addie. I don't know why you think I can do anything about your marital problems. They are absolutely none of my business." Meredith tried to move away, but Addie was still holding her fast.

"No!" Addie shrieked. "This is all your fault! All he's concentrating on is getting on good terms with you. We haven't even had sex!" she continued and Meredith's eyebrows rose. Warmth spread in her chest, but she quickly shook it off. This meant nothing. Derek just hadn't forgiven his wife for sleeping around. This not having sex-thing had nothing to do with her in any way.

Addie herself looked a bit surprised at what she just said, but seemed determined to get her point forward.

"I want you to stop encouraging him," she said decidedly and finally released Meredith's arm. The woman didn't even register being released. She was so shocked at what had just come out of her ex-friend's mouth that she couldn't move. The nerve! After what Addison had done towards her she had no right to ask anything of her. Satan was crazy. There was no other explanation for it.

"He's my friend, Addie," Meredith stated lamely, unable to force any more feeling into her voice. The laugh Addie produced now was ridiculously loud and false. It screamed of bitterness and defeat. Meredith cringed and backed a step.

"Friends?!" Addie yelled. "You're not friends!" Her voice was venomous and, to be honest, a bit frightening. "You said you loved him!" she continued, and Meredith blinked her eyes hard at the memory of the humiliation she'd felt in that moment. She did tell him that. And she had meant it. She still did. And now nothing was okay anymore. Her love was the reason behind this crap. Once again she was reminded of why all this was a mess she'd better get out of, but she didn't know how. Didn't know if she even wanted to.

"He said he loved you!" Addie continued to yell, unaware of her ex-friend's demeanor. Meredith opened her pained eyes again and looked into Addie's. She was surprised when she saw they were full of tears.

"My husband is a douchebag, Meredith. He left you and returned to me, and now nobody is happy. You have to stop, Meredith," she sniffled. "You have to leave us alone, or he won't even try."

Meredith didn't know what to say. Somehow this shouting match had taken an unexpected turn and a sudden rush of pity for the woman who had destroyed her life completely two times this year, rose to the surface. What could she do? What did she say? Before Meredith had a chance to put a thought to words the door flew open and an angry-looking Derek Shepherd strode inside.

"Derek, please leave," Meredith sighed, realizing he must have eavesdropped outside the door for some time, or he wouldn't look so furious. Addie dried her face with her hands, trying to regain some sense of dignity.

"No, Meredith. Addie has no right to speak to you like that," he said angrily, his hands turned into fists as he glared at his wife. She looked defeated at him and Meredith wished so much she was somewhere else right at this moment.

"It's not your place, Derek," Meredith tried again and put a hand on his shoulder. He opened his mouth to answer when suddenly Addison's sharp voice cut him off.

"So… how come you forgave him for leaving you even though he claimed he loved you, but you can't forgive me for having slept with a man you don't even have any feelings for?" She demanded, looking straight into Meredith's eyes. A long silence crept on as the words sunk in for all three people in the room. Gulping, Meredith prepared for what she was going to say next. She knew it was going to hurt, but also that it needed to be said.

"I haven't forgiven him…" She said quietly, and the silence turned to ice for a second. "… And with you I have neither obligation nor will to even try," she finished. Looking at Derek's face Meredith saw the impact her words had made clear as day.

His eyes were wide and hurt but still, she tried to remain impassive. Feeling her gaze, he looked away suddenly and raised a hand to run through his hair. Addison didn't say a word, instead focusing her stare somewhere close to her husband's feet. Meredith felt sick. She wanted, nay needed, to get out of here. Panic rose and her skin prickled as she looked between these two broken people and she swallowed hard.

Suddenly the door to the on call-room opened, and a fresh-faced and scared-looking intern peeked in. His voice wavered when he spoke.

"Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd, Mrs. Dorian is in pre-labor."

The interruption was so welcome everyone in the room breathed a sigh of relief. As Addison rushed out without a word Meredith looked awkwardly at Derek, who still wouldn't look at her.

"Um… I should get back to work," she stammered and ran, not even waiting for a response. The memory of Derek's crushed face was clear like a photograph in her mind.

Meredith cursed.

She needed a drink. Where was Christina?

The next morning Meredith woke up with a thundering headache. Her room was in complete disorder around her and she had no recollection of getting home from Joe's.

My god. She groaned as she stretched. What happened last night?

She looked around, trying to find some clue as to how and why she became so completely wasted and finally noticed a hairy arm slung carelessly across her abdomen. Suddenly she realized she was completely naked.

Crap.

Meredith sighed. Obviously, she hadn't been able to keep her panties on.

It was typical, really. Her college-tendencies to fall into bed with strangers after emotional turmoils had apparently woken up from its blissful slumber. She tried once again to remember anything from the night before, but drew another blank. Sighing again, Meredith prepared herself for her usual "I'm going to go take a shower, and when I get back you won't be here, so…"-speech and turned her head towards the large male in her bed.

When she caught sight of the short dark blonde hair she froze in her movements. Then she gasped loudly.

"Alex?!"