Chapter 14 – Illusionist

A/N: Why, hello! It's been a while, hasn't it? This is due to a lack of inspiration, a lot of moving and an incredible amount of studying. Forgive me. And please leave a review! I so love to hear from you all.

Black water radar doesn't show

Happy's a longer way to go

Still

I never told you cause I can't stall

For every star there is a black hole

(Illusionist – Amanda Jenssen)

The night before...

Joe's was packed to the absolute brim. Apparently there was some big game or other on the TV and all people working in the hospital who contained any amount of testosterone, seemed to have made their way across the street to watch it. Sitting at the end of the bar (already way too drunk to stand up properly) was Meredith Grey, exalting an air of serious hardcore brooding. What few men that dared to approach her she scared away with her bitter comments. Had Alex not arrived to sit by her side to share her tequila bottle she would have undoubtedly fallen asleep even before the first half of the game was over.

"What are we drinking to, Grey?" he asked and poured himself a shot. Meredith gave him a sideway glance, trying to signal that she wanted to be left alone. Sadly, he ignored her and lifted his glass in cheers.

"Fucked-up friendships and unfaithful spouses," she grunted and weakly bumped her glass against his. Alex sighed and downed the drink. Apparently, little had changed since he last spent the night drinking with her.

"Why are you drinking alone? Where's Yang?" he asked and poured himself another one. Meredith put her head in her hand and turned to face him completely.

"She got pulled into an emergency surgery," she stated, looking a bit less bitter than before. "How's your dad?"

Alex shrugged, not showing any surprise to the fast change of subjects. "He's OK, I guess," he muttered and swallowed his tequila. Then he took a flew more shots in an attempt to catch up with her. "Went home a couple of weeks ago."

"Have you spoken to him?"

The question was simple, but Alex couldn't find the words to answer. He jerked a bit when he felt Meredith's hand snaking up his arm to rub slow circles on his shoulder. It was surprising how comforting it felt, him not having had someone that really cared about him for a long time. They sat quietly for quite a while before their comfortable silence was interrupted by loud yells and whoops coming from the football fans that surrounded them. A drunk guy close by lifted his arms victoriously in the air, spilling most of the contents of his beer on Alex's sweater.

Alex yelped and pushed away from the bar in surprise as the cold liquid slowly drenched the fabric and made its way onto his skin. The tipsy Meredith started giggling and Alex, who was starting to feel the effects of the alcohol himself by now, gave her a glare. Then he gave an even deadlier one to the guilty beer-thrower before standing up.

"I'm going to the bathroom," he said sourly and pushed his way through the crowd of drunk bodies.

Meredith giggled a bit more and turned back towards the bar. Just a few seconds later though, the seat next to her was filled once again. Annoyed that another person dared enter her glum corner, her head snapped towards the person, intending to scare him or her off. When she saw the muscular man taking a seat next to her, though, Meredith rolled her eyes and turned her head away once again.

"Mark. Please go away," she sighed and poured herself another shot. The man next to her grabbed the bottle in her hands and put it out of her reach. Meredith narrowed her eyes.

"What are you doing?" Mark asked, without the normal and flirty voice she was used to hearing. Meredith's eyebrows rose.

"'m drinkin' myself into a stupor, Mark. What does it look like 'm doin'?" she slurred slightly. Then she lifted the shot she had poured to her mouth, but Mark snatched it out of her hands before the liquid even reached her tongue.

"I can see that. And apparently flirting with weird frat guys who just wants to get inside your pants. You're making a fool out of yourself." Mark hissed.

An irrational amount of anger boiled up inside of Meredith and before she could stop herself she had lifted her hand in a blind rage and slapped Mark's unsuspecting cheek with a surprising strength considering her intoxicated senses.

The sound of hand against flesh seemed to echo in the crowded bar. Heads turned towards the couple where they stood staring at each other in surprise. Meredith looked at her hand disbelievingly as the fact of what she had done finally reached her head. Then she straightened her back and arranged her face into an expression that said, "I totally meant to do that" and stared defiantly into Mark's eyes. Suddenly her drunken mind seemed clear for a second.

"My life isn't any of your business anymore, Mark," she said lowly. Still, the words were clear and seemed to cut through the air.
"Do me, this bar and the entirety of Seattle a favor and just. leave. Don't look back."

Mark cradled his cheek and gave her an incredulous look. He opened his mouth to retort, but was cut off by a hand on his shoulder.

"You heard the lady," a male voice stated.

There stood Alex; shirtless, drunk, and angry, holding a soaked sweater in his hand. Despite the difference in height, he looked quite intimidating, and Mark seemed to actually cower a bit.

Alex turned towards Meredith and gripped her hand with one of his, and the bottle of tequila with the other.

"Let's go," he said, and pulled her towards the doors.

"Morning…" Alex groaned and moved slightly in the bed. Meredith stared at him in shock.

The pounding in her head and the emptiness of her stomach told her last night had been filled with quite a bit of alcohol. She remembered fleeting bits of the evening; Like Alex sitting down with her and drinking. Mark being an ass… And also a weird picture of Alex standing shirtless in the middle of the crowded bar. She shook her head. This was mental. She was quite certain she had never had this much to drink in her entire life. Her memory wasn't usually this hazy the day after. Today she even had a huge black spot between leaving the bar and coming home, and she couldn't for the life of her recall whether she had actually slept with her drinking buddy, or if they had just fallen asleep beside each other. Naked. Curled around each other in an embrace…

Well… It was a possibility!

"I feel sick," Alex murmured and rolled off the bed before making his way slowly towards the bathroom.

Meredith lied still as a rock, listening to her own breathing. This couldn't be true. Oh god, please make it a dream. A horrible, horrible dream that now was over and needed to be forgotten. She slowly turned her head towards the bedside table to look at her alarm clock.

Holy mother of…

Quick as lightening Meredith dressed herself in the first things she could find, grabbed a pair of sunglasses and rushed out the door without bothering to shout anything to the man left behind. Her stomach was a complete mess, probably thanks to a bunch of vomiting the night before, so any thought of food was a no-no. She was completely exhausted and hurt everywhere. Meredith just knew this day was going to be a terrible disaster. Derek's face came into the forefront of her mind as she drove unashamedly fast through the Seattle traffic.

The morning snailed it's way forward. It seemed the entire hospital had been at Joe's the night before. Eyes followed her everywhere as she performed her duties to the best of her abilities despite her hung-over self. Meredith wasn't too bothered though. Months of being looked at and whispered about had put it's mark on her, and somehow it just seemed like a natural thing these days.

Derek was nowhere to be seen, thankfully. The scene leading to the drinking seemed like a very small thing right now, but she knew the other two people in that on-call room probably had it in fresh memory.

Sitting by herself in her office, munching at a sandwich, Meredith was startled by a knock on her door.

"Chris," she smiled when she saw her friend stepping into the room without being invited.

"Whoah," Christina grimaced. "You look like you've been eaten and then spit out."

"Aww, thank you," Meredith said sweetly and gave her friend the finger.

"Mature," Chris smirked and stole a piece of candy from a bowl on the counter.

They were silent for a while. Then Meredith broke the silence with a sigh.

"So… you've heard then?"

"What, about how you went home with Karev last night and left Sloan bleeding on the floor?" she asked nonchalantly. "I don't know what you're talking about…"

"Hey, that is not true. He was not on the floor. Mark was absolutely standing when we left," Meredith said surely. Then she turned a bit uncertain. "…I think?"

"You think?" Chris cut off.

"Yeah, well, I was completely sloshed!"

"I got that. What the hell happened last night?" Chris asked disbelievingly.

Meredith put her face in her hands and made whining noises.

"I think I might have slept with Alex," she whimpered. Christina sunk down in the chair in front of her.

"You don't remember," she stated. Meredith responded with a sight shake of her head.

"And you can't ask him because you... regret it?"

"Of course I do!" Meredith wailed. "It's Alex! We're friends..."

They both sat silently in contemplation for a while. Then Christina stood up to leave, but turned around at the last minute.

"I need a general surgeon in OR 2 in about twenty minutes, you want in?" she asked.

"Yes, please." Meredith nodded.

"Needle."

"Dr Yang," Meredith growled.

"Mm?" her friend answered distractedly. "Clamp."

"Why are you closing up?" Meredith whispered.

"I'm finished," she muttered.

"But I'm not!"

Christina sighed. "You can do this, Dr Grey. You don't need my help," she stated without lowering her voice. Some nurses giggled.

"Oh shut up," Meredith muttered and Christina seemed to smile from behind her mask.

The surgery had gone very smoothly and Meredith was more than halfway thorough the operation. It seemed some cutting had been the right way to take her mind off of this Alex-business.

What hadn't been, was the fact that the patient she was cutting into was a small kid. This meant that Alex Karev was stood right there opposite to her, holding a clamp or other, but mostly just looking at Meredith intensely. Worse, she could sense Derek's eyes from above in the OR gallery, together with about forty other people. Christina's leaving could become catastrophic.

"Well, I'm done," said the voice from beside Meredith. "You guys can take it from here."

Before Meredith had a chance to protest, her friend had walked out of the OR.

The sudden silence was deafening. Tension flared like a massive wall all around them. Time seemed to pass incredibly slow and Meredith felt drops of sweat forming on her brow. She coughed nervously.

Without noticing it her hands began to shake slightly and suddenly the blade slipped out of her hand onto the floor.

The clang seemed unnaturally loud in the massive room. Meredith's body froze, but another scalpel was in her hand before she had the mind to ask for it.

"Dr. Grey?" Alex enquired.

"Y-yes?" she asked, way too loudly. He looked at her with hard eyes and furrowed his brow.

"Are you all right?" he asked. Meredith coughed and made a hoarse sound.

"Of course. Why?" she stated and continued to work.

Silence fell over them again. Meredith dried some sweat off of her forehead with the back of one hand. Her breathing sounded shallower than usual. Was that really her heart beating?

Alex's next words came like a shockwave for everyone that heard.

"Is this because we slept together last night?"

The blade slipped again.