Chapter 15 – Calleth you, cometh I

A/N: Can anyone smell the filler that was the last chapter? Mhm. I will try to make this one better. Continue with those more or less lovely reviews of yours. Also, you should really listen to the track I named this chapter after if you haven't already. Brings back some old childhood memories of mine.

More then ever: ignore my medical banter. I don't know what I'm talking about.

And I know we were both too young way back when we had our thing

And I know you're not the one I think of when the telephone rings

And I know that what we had wouldn't be called love by the ones that know

And I know it's been many years and a hundred love affairs ago

I know all that so well, but I also do know this

Calleth you, cometh I

And that's how it is.

(Calleth you, cometh I – The ark)

Edit: I've edited this chapter a bit to make things less confusing.

People rushed around her like crazy. Had her hand really let go of that scalpel? How was it possible? Where was the blood coming from? She must be losing her mind. Reflexes came in and Meredith's hands that had been unable to move just a second ago, now turned into the mending machines she was used to. That everyone expected of her. This was when her talent really showed, under pressure and where lives were at stake. Back in New York they used to call her the Ice Queen. Nothing could or would break her concentration once she set her mind to it.

Within ten minutes she and Alex had repaired the damage of her sloppy mistake, but nothing else was okay. Looking up into the gallery, she saw no Derek.

Maybe she had imagined the feel of his stare? God, she hoped so. Maybe he hadn't been anywhere near her when Alex exposed her. Maybe he hadn't heard. Or maybe. Maybe he had left when he did, had been disgusted with her. She wouldn't be surprised if this was the truth. But she really hoped not. There definitely had been enough drama in her life.

The tension was still high in the OR when they continued to remove what they were supposed to remove. Meredith barely concentrated anymore. The hardest bit was done and it was mostly downhill from here. She still hadn't answered Alex's question. Finally, she found the courage to do so.

"So… I don't remember a lot," she said with a low voice. Alex raised an eyebrow.

"I gathered that much. Maybe we should take this conversation somewhere else…" he answered just as quietly.

"So we did it?" she cut him off. Alex didn't answer. He met her eyes and winked.

"Oh god…" Meredith groaned pitifully. This was bad. This was really bad.

"Of course not!" Alex sighed exasperatedly. "It was raining. You got soaked, we went home to your place, you undressed and fell asleep immediately."

It felt like a stone, no a five story building, lifted off of Meredith's shoulders.

"I was still wearing my pants this morning, in case you didn't notice,"

She hadn't.

"…And my sweater was already off in the bar," he finished finally.

"Oh thank the lord," Meredith groaned. She breathed out heavily and felt the tension leave her body. She actually felt light.

"Hey!" Alex protested with humor.

"Sorry."

They were quiet for a while as they finished the last part of the surgery.

"We're done," came Meredith's voice. She looked around at the other people in the room for the first time, and realized it was these sorts of conversations that needed to stop if she ever wanted some privacy around here.

"Good work, everyone," Alex said, and both he and Meredith left to walk back into the scrub room.

As they stood washing their hands, Alex started talking again. "What does it matter anyway?" he asked.

"What?" she answered distractedly.

"We're both adults. Single," he said. "And if you're thinking about Shepherd, it only serves him right. He doesn't deserve you." Meredith could feel her heart warming. She wasn't used to compliments.

"Almost as little as Sloan in my opinion," Alex continued. Meredith smiled wistfully.

"You think so?" They were silent for a while before Alex spoke.

"You slapped him good last night by the way…"

"Ha!" Meredith grinned. "I did, didn't I?"

"Sure did."

They both turned off the water and started drying their hands.

"Hey Alex?" Meredith said.

"Mm…"

"Thank you." Alex looked at Meredith for a while before finally nodding in recognition. Then he walked towards the door. Before exiting he turned his head back towards her.

"You up for a drink tonight?" there was a twinkle in his eyes.

Meredith shoved him out of the room. "Ha-ha. Very funny."

Derek Shepherd was in total agony. Jealousy and rage had never been the most prominent characteristics of his persona, but right now they were right at the top of the list.

Leaving Meredith had felt like such a certain thing, like there was no other direction he could go without being untrue to himself. Now he understood that he was a stupid, stupid, oblivious idiot and that he deserved to suffer for what he had done.

Not only was life together with Addison awful in itself, he was making her miserable as well. Derek could see it. Truth was, the love he had thought of as fleeting for Meredith when he left her that awful day turned out to be growing every day. And it wasn't even her fault.

The more time he spent with his wife he realized how amazingly different they really were. The designer shoes standing on his shoe rack and the countless expensive dresses hanging in his closet just looked wrong next to his. Derek knew he had turned distant towards her, but he couldn't help it.

He felt himself longing for long nights next to Meredith, playing with the Nintendo 64. Bickering about anything and him kissing her to finally shut her up. For unhealthy food and unwashed laundry lying everywhere. He missed the smell of lavender flowing from her hair after she had just taken a shower, and her small form in his arms after they had just made love.

How could he have forgotten? Even for just a second?

And even more, how could she let him back into her life after what he had done? He had been asking for much, he knew, that day he begged her to be his friend again. Still, she let him in... Even if it hadn't been nearly the same.

And now she had found some one else. Alex Karev of all people. The car crash of pain had flooded into Derek like a log in the stomach when he stood watching in that OR gallery. It still managed to take him off his balance every time he thought about it.

To top it all off, his mother was here. And not in a visiting manner. She was sick, apparently. He had read the chart by her bed as she spoke of things happening back home in New York. He recognized her handwriting as soon as he caught sight of it. Of course Mer would be performing the surgery. He had witnessed her doing it two times back home. She would do brilliant, he had no doubt.

Derek smiled softly on the sofa in his office at the thought of Meredith's first success with the method. The first time had been an awful mishap. The patient coded several times on the table and had ended up not making it. Meredith had done absolutely everything right, but of course, it was a hard blow to her self-confidence. It had taken a lot of courage to try again, but it had been with great results.

Derek heard voices in the distance coming from outside of his door, but tuned them out as well as he could. Still, he recognized the voice of an especially gossipy nurse that had spread some of the worst information about his and Meredith's relationship and got mad. He quickly stepped up to close the door when he heard her name mentioned. Without being able to help it, he leaned out of the door a bit, trying to catch the topic of the conversation.

"I heard Jenny say they didn't do it," the gossipy one said, trying to be discreet but failing miserably.

"But Karev said it out loud! There's no doubt about it," said another one. A nurse, probably.

"Yes, but they continued to speak after that. You know- silently," the first one whispered. Quite loudly. When Derek heard the words his heart seemed to warm up just a little.

"What did they say?" the other one asked, intrigued.

"Oh, something about raining and taking their clothes off. I didn't pay attention," the first one said offhandedly. "But you know what this means?"

"What?" the other one asked.

"She's single! She's up for the taking. And with her ex-husband away and Doctor Shepherd back together with his wife, you know what will happen?"

There was a silence and Derek was so tense he could crack.

"O'Malley will finally take the plunge!"

The high-pitched nasal voice seemed to echo in Derek's head.

"He what?" he exclaimed, way too loudly.

Derek ignored the sound of the nurses gasping and then hurriedly rushing away. Meredith was not going to fall out of his grasp again. She belonged to him. And he didn't mean that in the caveman-way it sounded like. Derek would make this right, he decided. In any way possible.

It would have been so much easier if these sorts of patients could be handed off to someone else. This was Meredith's only thought as she looked at the X-rays in the woman's room. Days had passed since the scene in the OR, and she had not seen even the slightest glimpse of Derek since then. Perhaps it was for the best. Now, though, things were definitely going to change.

The case, which was quite serious, consisted of a woman with heart problems in need of a carotid endarterectomy. The problem was that the artery in question was way too awkwardly located for any normal form of the procedure to be affective. The patient had been to a doctor in New York, who in his turn had recommended Dr Grey at Seattle Grace Mercy West. Meredith had written an article years ago where she explained a new method of the procedure without any of the normal dangers coming up. The problem was that it was incredibly complicated and few people in the world would dare try it in fear of losing their reputation in case of failure. Meredith herself had performed five surgeries with the method, four successful, which made her quite confident. Still, she was always wary when it was suggested to her. What didn't complicate matters less was that she knew the patient. Well, not closely… but close enough.

"Mrs. Shepherd, I have looked at your tests and everything seems to be in order. The surgery will start this evening as scheduled, " Meredith said and turned towards the woman on the bed.

"Meredith, dear… Please call me Carolyn," the woman answered and smiled gently.

"Right. Sorry," the younger woman murmured awkwardly.

"We've known each other for over five years," Carolyn continued.

Meredith looked down at the floor. "I know, I know…"

Carolyn Maloney Shepherd had the uncanny ability to make people feel like children again. Like you wanted to please her and earn her approval in any way possible. Meredith was way too affected and she knew it.

"How's work going for you?" Carolyn enquired.

"It's… great. Fine. I mean, it's fine," she murmured in reply.

There was a short silence. "So… it's fine," the older woman asked with raised eyebrows.

"Yes."

Meredith went back to reading the lady's chart.

"How is Derek?"

The chart fell to the floor. Meredith shouldn't be surprised Derek's name came up. Really, she really shouldn't. But she was very much on edge and evidently couldn't think clearly.

"He's fine. Definitely fine," she blabbered and picked up the chart.

"Good. So, you're both… fine," Carolyn stated.

"Yes." Meredith said determinately. "You should know. He was in here half an hour ago."

"He was." Carolyn said, slightly amused at Meredith's apparent distress. "And you were lurking outside like a thief. Don't deny it." Meredith grimaced slightly at the knowledge that she'd been caught.

"I think there's something neither of you are telling me." Carolyn continued with a very suspicious expression.

Meredith swallowed. "Mrs. Shepherd…"

"Carolyn."

"Carolyn, Derek and I are just fine. I don't know what makes you think something's wrong," Meredith babbled. "I mean, he and Addie are back together, which is…" A gulp "great. And also, I am fine too, and also…" Meredith suddenly realized she was rambling and saw Carolyn's knowing look.

"I have to go," Meredith peeped and snuck out of the room.

Carolyn shook her head as she went. There was definitely something going on between her son and Mark's ex-wife, and she was determined to find out what.