Chapter 18 – Dust in the wind

A/N: I like reactions, even if they often seem to involve pushing my theoretical face into the mud. But they didn't this time, so thank you very much! Please continue reviewing. I'm planning on finishing this story and your messages give me small boosts every time. I'm afraid this one is a bit on the short side though. Sorry about that...

Also: Extra sorry for the double update. Honestly, I was drunk and wanted to correct something. I can't really remember what ;)

I close my eyes
Only for a moment and the moment's gone
All my dreams
Pass before my eyes with curiosity

Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind

(Dust in the wind – Kansas)

Work continued as usual at Seattle Grace Mercy West. The gossip level went down for every day that passed. Meredith was starting to think about buying a machine that read "days without incident:" and the number beneath it. Today it would have read "4". Four days since her and Derek's confrontation and she was still reeling from the feelings it had stirred up. Anytime she had come in contact with the man (which was inevitable, considering his mother was still staying in the hospital) had become awkward affairs. Derek was constantly looking at her with longing in his eyes and Meredith in turn had really started to regret her words. In truth, she missed him terribly. Before, even after he had left her, they were at least friendly with one another. Now she didn't dare speak to him except in direct connection to work.

"Mer-bear!"

Meredith jumped.

Right. Amy.

"Sorry, Amy. What did you say?" she asked and smiled apologetically.

Meredith had really had time to catch up with her friend these last few days. Right now they were standing enjoying a cup of hospital coffee on the bridge, speaking about... Well, Meredith hadn't really been listening.

"I heard your friend's getting married," Amy repeated and rolled her eyes at her friend's absent-mindedness. "That's exciting isn't it?"

Meredith nodded slowly and grinned. "It is. And it's not that long left. Chris wanted it to happen as fast as possible so that her mother wouldn't have time to intervene."

Amy laughed. Then they went silent, sipping their coffee in peace.

"So, where are your thoughts right now?" the younger woman asked.

Meredith thought quickly.

"I was thinking about-… The President," she blurted out. Then she grimaced at the choice. Amy narrowed her eyes.

"Bullshit. You just made that up!" she exclaimed.

"I did not," Meredith defended, trying to act casual. "He's been on my mind a lot lately."

What the heck?

"Riight… You've been thinking a lot about- the president…" Amy clarified slowly. Meredith nodded and itched her cheek. Amy tried to hide her smile.

"Okay. So what's he been up to lately?" she asked with raised brows. Meredith's eyelid twitched as she tried to keep her poker face on.

"Err- he… he held a speech," she said finally, looking away uncomfortably.

"Really? Was it good?"

"Uh- no. I would say it was a failure," Meredith continued uncomfortably. She had a feeling this conversation was headed in a different direction than she wanted.

"Oh? So you disagreed with what he had to say?" Amy asked, trying to not look too amused.

"Um, not really. But it ended badly. Bad… outcome." Meredith gulped and looked away from her friend. Amelia seemed to realize the seriousness of the situation and sobered up.

"So it was important?" she asked gently. Meredith shrugged.

"I guess so. He tried do make a point, but it was too late."

Silence.

"He tried?" Amelia asked when Meredith didn't elaborate.

"Yes."

"Well, trying is better than nothing I'd say," she stated helpfully, trying to make her friend spill the beans.

"Sure, but as I said. It was too late," Meredith sighed and put her head in her hands.

"Why?" Amy tried to meet her eyes, but she wouldn't look up.

"It- it just was. Too much time had passed…" Meredith muttered and finally looked up. Amy took a closer look at her and realized she looked absolutely exhausted. Take that and add a major load of sadness and you had a pretty broken looking doctor.

"By the way, why do you care?" Meredith continued. Amy startled at the turn of the conversation. She had forgotten herself.

"What? For your in formation, I'm very… interested in-… politics," she spluttered.

"Ha!" Meredith guffawed. Then Amy took her friend's shoulder and looked at her sincerely.

"Mer... I know he is an idiot, but he is very, very kind. And he really cares for those closest to him. He has a good heart. Maybe he deserves a second chance," she said with a low voice. Meredith breathed out and seemed to be contemplating Amy's words. They were silent for quite a while.

Then Meredith cracked up in a grin.

"Amy, are you in love with the president of the United States?"

Meredith's day proceeded in a slow manner. Time passed and she wasn't really aware. When the knock on her office door came she was unprepared to say the least, to see who was standing outside.

"Meredith," came a voice. An as familiar as unwelcome voice. The sound of it made the hairs on Meredith's arms raise and her entire body tense.

"Mother?!" she gasped. Her chair scraped loudly against the floor as she stood up suddenly.

Much to her own disappointment, Meredith's ears were not deceiving her. In the doorway leading to her office stood no one but the proud and stately form of Doctor Ellis Grey.

"I see you've taken a step down in your... standards," the woman stated, unmoved by her daughter's apparent distress. Her eyes swept around the office condescendingly until they finally landed on the shocked blonde head of the woman standing gaping behind the desk. Ellis gave no acknowledgement to the fact that she hadn't contacted her daughter in thirteen years, nor did she dignify said daughter with even a hint of affection.

"Mom, what on earth are you doing here?" Meredith demanded. If the pope himself had stepped into her sanctuary she would have been less surprised.

"I'm here for work," Ellis said and took a step inside the room. Meredith instinctively took a small leap backwards in response. "An old colleague of mine demanded I come her for her surgery. Believe me, I wouldn't step inside this city again if I didn't absolutely have to."

A beat. "Wait, I'm head of General here! How did I not know about this?" Meredith asked, confused.

Ellis snorted. "There was no need to inform you. I'm here to do my surgery, then I'm leaving."

Meredith crossed her arms awkwardly and tramped with her legs. Her mother kept looking around the room in disdain and as Meredith watched her carefully, something suddenly clicked.

"Um, mom… why did you come in here? Do you want something?"

The room was silent for a moment. Ellis looked a bit uncomfortable where she stood in her white coat over a black, fitted pen skirt and dark blouse. Suddenly she sat down on her daughter's couch and pursed her lips.

"I heard you left your husband," she started. Meredith cut her off.

"Is that why you're here? Mom, Mark and I broke up months ago!"

"I just found out. This is serious, Meredith-" Ellis stated decidedly.

"You and I haven't spoken in over thirteen years, mom! Why is this even a topic of conversation?" her daughter interrupted.

"…and now you're frolicking around with some other surgeon-" she continued as if Meredith hadn't spoken.

"Tell me what you want!" Meredith demanded.

"I won't have my daughter embarrassing herself publicly in this manner. It shines a bad light on you, your career, this hospital… And-"

"And what? On you?!" Meredith cut her mother off, positively livid. Ellis didn't answer.

"Have I made you look bad, mother?" Meredith continued menacingly. There was a gleam in her eyes that would have forced a less imposing woman than Ellis Grey backwards a few steps. "Have your high-and-mighty surgery-buddies started asking about your uncontrollable daughter, huh?" She asked quietly, breathing heavily. "Who can't even keep a husband, and even more, is brutally rejected by the only man left that even gave a flying shit about her?" Her voice rose considerably towards the end. Apparently she was incapable of speaking to her mother with any semblance of calm.

"Oh boo-hoo," Ellis muttered. Meredith tried to hide the pain she felt at the words.

"You brought this on yourself, Meredith. I have no interest whatsoever in what type of romantic quarrels you put yourself in," she continued with a raised eyebrow. Ellis stepped closer. "It is your incapability of keeping your dealings private that concerns me. The fact that these inconspicuous news reached me all the way across the country should be an indication to you of how badly you have handled these situations."

Meredith stared at her mother in disbelief. She felt as though she was being slapped across the face continuously.

"Surgery and a private life don't mix. I told you this a long time ago!" Ellis exclaimed. "I also told you that you wouldn't make it… That you didn't have the strength and skill of working in this type of field. And would you know, I was right..." she stated and rolled her eyes. Meredith cut her off before her mother could speak any further.

"That is enough," she said. Ellis silenced and stood still as she waited for a continuation.

"Get out of here," Meredith demanded in a low voice. Her mother looked like she was ready to object.

"Get. Out." Meredith said again. This time she left no room for arguments.

They both stood still for a minute, both of them wondering if the other was going to say something else. They listened to the ticking of the clock on the wall and felt the tension crackling around then.

Then, with a sigh, Ellis straightened her back and walked out of the room with swift movements. The spot where she had been standing looked oddly empty afterwards. Like she had brought a piece of the room out with her as she went.

Meredith shrunk back down into her chair. The ticking of the clock on the wall was the only sound that could be heard outside of her raging thoughts.

This is not happening. She isn't here. This isn't real.