Chapter 19 – Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me

A/N: All work and no reviews make Hanna a dull girl. (Sorry)

Last night I dreamt
That somebody loved me
No hope, no harm
Just another false alarm

(Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me – The Smiths)

Many years earlier…

It was Sunday morning. Meredith had just been dumped by her two month-lasting boyfriend Mitch during Lynda Grierson's party. She had caught him making out with the hostess herself and ran away through the crowds, silently crying. Mitch had followed her into a bike shed where he proceeded to tell her that he didn't think they should see each other any more.

She had had such high hopes. Her and Mitch had really hit it off from the beginning. They both had the same taste in music (Nirvana, to be exact) and used to stick their tongues down each other's throats while smoking joints in some obscure part of the school. She had wanted things to work out so badly. He had made her stop thinking about other stuff. When hanging out with him, the things at home didn't seem so goddamn dark and her studies not that goddamn important. As it was right now, both things followed hand in hand.

She had drunk too much last night, she was well aware. The fact that she was currently lying on the floor in her room looking at what used to be the contents of her stomach proved that much. It seemed she had just missed the electrical equipment in the corner and for that she was grateful. She was about to stand up when the Beast of Boston opened her door.

"Hurry up! We're going to be l…"

Ellis looked utterly disgusted when she saw her daughter's mess.

"Oh, for the love of…" she started, but turned her head away when the stench hit her nostrils. She hurriedly grabbed Meredith's hair and pulled her moaning and crying into the upstairs bathroom. There she pushed her daughter into the shower and turned on the water before she could even undress. The drops were freezing and Meredith tried to get out, but her mother pushed her back in again.

"This is outrageous, Meredith!" her mother yelled. "You're absolutely hopeless," she continued.

Meredith felt the tears spring forward again as she scrubbed at her arms with her fingernails. It seemed the filth would not go away. She tried to tune out the sound of her mother's ranting voice but to no avail.

"No wonder your father didn't want you. Now the carpet's ruined for good and we're both going to be late!"

The blood was swirling on the floor. Meredith hadn't noticed it and continued to scrape against her arms and legs with her nails. Then suddenly the water turned off and the curtain pulled away. Ellis sighed when she saw her daughter's pathetic form.

"Would you stop that?" she roared and pulled Meredith's arms away forcefully. The 16 year-old girl realized her damage and looked at her bleeding left limb in fascination.

"If you're not ready and dressed in ten minutes I'm leaving without you," Ellis muttered finally and exited the room.

Meredith followed her mother's form with her eyes until the bathroom door slammed behind her. Then she stepped up and turned the lock before shrinking down in the corner. When her mother came upstairs again and knocked and pulled at the handle she didn't make a move.

"Meredith! Shit, Meredith! Come out of there!" the monster yelled from the other side but Meredith continued to sit on the floor, soaking wet and staring at the small hairs on her knees in the fluorescent light coming from above the bathroom mirror. She sat there and waited until her mother had given up. After a while she heard the car door slam and the sound of an engine fading away into the distance.

Derek thought he must have been going crazy. Just a moment ago he had seen an impossible person walking through the lobby. Years and years ago he had caught a glimpse of Ellis Grey. He had been a young intern by then and watched the woman with respect inside an OR of Mount Sinai. The respect had faded as he heard stories from Mark about her mistreatment of her daughter and adultery towards Meredith's father.

Derek shook his head and continued to walk in the direction of his mother's hospital room. He was clearly imagining things. According to Meredith it had been years since she met her mother, and he thought it unlikely that she would reappear in the city where her distant daughter and ex-husband currently lived. If he understood it correctly, they hadn't parted in good terms.

As he stepped into the room he saw his mother switching the channels on the TV in the corner of the room. Amelia sat next to her in a chair and Nancy stood texting with her phone by the window. The other sisters had gone home the day before, having mothering duties to attend to.

"And there he comes!" Nancy exclaimed with a smirk. Derek looked confused.

"What? Am I late?" he asked. Nancy rolled her eyes.

"Good bye big brother," she said, giving him a bony hug.

"You're leaving?" said Derek. He sat down on his mother's bed and took a bite out of her sandwich, ignoring her attempts at swatting away his hands.

"Yes. I have things to do and people to see back home," she said with a grin. Then she turned her perfectly eyeliner-painted eyes toward Carolyn and gave her a slight wave. "Call me when you get home, mom."

"Sure thing, honey," her mother responded and smiled weakly.

As soon as Nancy was beyond hearing distance both ladies let out heavy gusts of air.

"Thank god you came. She said she wouldn't leave before you'd said goodbye," Amelia sighed, relieved.

"Oh dear, where did I go wrong?" Carolyn groaned. "That woman can gossip a person to death." They all laughed. Derek took another bite out of his mother's sandwich. Carolyn pulled it out of his hands decidedly.

"How are you feeling, mom?" he asked and sipped some coffee from her cup. Carolyn sighed exasperatedly and swatted him on his head before he could dodge her.

"I'm fine," she said and shook her head with humor. "You have money. Go buy your own food!"

"I do, and I have," he responded with a smirk. "But there's always room for more."

Amelia laughed at their antics. Then she froze as she saw someone standing in the doorway. Derek turned around quickly, expecting maybe Meredith who had come to check on his mother, but was disappointed by the sight of Addison's sad face.

"Hi," she whispered.

The two women in the room looked at him expectantly. Derek closed his eyes, sighed and stood up.

"Excuse me," he murmured, before walking out into the corridor and taking Addie by her elbow. They walked silently towards an empty on call-room.

Before they reached it though, they were stopped in their tracks by Christina Yang.

"Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd," she said. Addison looked up at her with a professional face.

"Yes, Yang?" she asked. Christina looked between the two people for a moment, then she shook her head, probably deciding she didn't care what was going on.

"The results are in on Triplet 2. I'm going in in half an hour."

Addison nodded in understanding and followed in her wake as she wandered off. Derek caught up to them and started walking next to his ex-wife.

"When are you leaving?" he asked her. Addison didn't look at him as she answered.

"As soon as this is finished. Then I'm giving this case to Doctor Johnson."

They were silent for a while. "Look, I'm sorry, Addie…" Derek started, but Addie cut him off.

"You know, don't bother. I know I should have given you up. I saw the way you were looking at her straight from the beginning," she said and met his eyes briefly. He was glad to see she didn't look too heartbroken.

They reached the elevator where Christina had already pressed the button, succeeding very well in pretending she wasn't listening intently.

As the doors opened, Addison turned around one last time and gave him a small smile.

"Tell your mother I said hi," she said, a bit louder than before. Derek smiled back at her and nodded as the doors closed in front of him. Then he walked slowly back in the direction of his mother and sister.

"What's left you brooding?" Christina asked her friend who had just sunken down in the bar stool next to her. She waved at Joe for some tequila shots and he walked over to them. Soon Meredith was downing her first shot of the evening.

"My mother's in town," she murmured bitterly. Christina's eyebrows almost rose up to her hairline.

"Ellis Grey is in Seattle?" she asked, amazed. She looked absolutely thrilled, but toned down on her enthusiasm when she saw Meredith's face. "I mean… Oh no, Ellis Grey is in Seattle."

Meredith couldn't help the grin that spread.

"Smooth", she muttered.

"I know", Christina countered.

"She said she's here for work, but really she came all the way across the country just to yell at me and tell me to stop embarrassing her." Meredith massaged her temple with one hand and swirled the lime in her shot glass with the other. Christina grimaced. "Ouch."

"Oh, Chris…" Meredith groaned. "What the hell am I doing?"

Christina gave out a calming noise. "If it makes you feel better, the satanic witch is going back to New York", she stated and smutted on her drink.

"She is?" Meredith looked up.

"Mm."

"How do you know?"

"The Shepherds were saying their farewells by the elevator", Christina confirmed, looking a bit bored with the subject.

Meredith contemplated this information. Did it matter? Did Addison leaving make things any different?

Yes it did. It definitely did. Meredith felt a lump in her chest fading away. She didn't know why really… The situation hadn't changed. Derek had made his choice. Meredith had told him that this was her decision. She was still hurt by his betrayal and didn't feel she could trust him again. Still, he had said goodbye to his wife. Was he sad to see her go? Did he in reality want to get her back when Meredith had rejected him? No. No, of course not. She shook her head. Even she wouldn't believe such a thing about him. Still… maybe he regretted his new choice. That was it. She needed to know.

"How did he seem?" she asked her friend. "Was he, um… sad? Or more relieved?" Christina looked at her with amusement. Meredith cringed herself at the sound of her needy and pathetic question.

"Um, I didn't really check", her friend smirked. "I guess he looked a bit… thoughtful", she finished. Meredith stared at her friend.

Thoughtful? What the hell is that supposed to mean?

"Good thoughtful or bad thoughtful?" she demanded.

"Jeez", Chris laughed. "I don't know! He looked like he had just said goodbye to his wife for the last time and was thinking about how that would affect the rest of his life", she said and Meredith looked away.

Maybe he was glad to see her go. She hoped so. Oh, what was she doing? She didn't need to know any of these things. Derek was none of her business anymore. He could feel however the hell he wanted about his wife leaving. She wouldn't give a rat's ass.

"How is the wedding planning going?" Meredith asked as a means of changing the subject. Christina's smirk disappeared.

"I don't want to talk about it", she said and swallowed a tequila shot. Meredith stifled a smile.

"Is your mother coming?" she asked. Christina shuddered.

"No. Thank god."

"What's eating you then?" Meredith enquired when her friend didn't elaborate. Christina sighed and contemplated her answer.

"I don't do marriages," she finally spit out. Meredith raised an eyebrow.

"I mean…" she looked around the room, as if searching for inspiration. "I'm not this kind of person," she sighed quietly. Meredith looked at her, trying to gauge her reasoning.

"You have cold feet." It wasn't a question. Christina nodded anyway and Meredith pursed her lips. Then she continued.

"Well, as I got married, cheated on, fell in love with another man and was brutally rejected… I might not be the best person giving out relationship advice." Christina snorted.

"However…" Meredith continued. "I have survived a wedding. And I know for certain that cold feet is something of a tradition among us wedding-getters."

Christina didn't look at her. Meredith tried again.

"Christina, you're Superwoman. It's okay to doubt sometimes. I haven't known you that long, but I know for a fact that Owen makes you happy." She smiled. Her friend took another shot in response, clearly uncomfortable. Meredith sighed. She swallowed another herself and rested her head on her arms.

"This conversation did not happen," Christina finally said. Meredith nodded. "Fine."

The next morning, as Meredith was checking on some patients she saw some kind of commotion outside of a closed door. She warily made her way over only to discover a group of interns listening by the door intently. Meredith waved them away with her hand and gave them all stern expressions. As they scurried off she noted that they were giving her strange looks. Shaking her head, she looked at the door number and realized she was standing by Carolyn Shepherd's hospital room. Unable to contain her curiosity she peeked through the window on the door and felt her jaw drop.

Inside the quite contained space sat Mrs. Shepherd on her bed speaking to no one other than her mother. Ellis Grey was standing close to the window, waving her hands as she spoke in a loud voice that seemed to fill up the entire room.

Meredith gaped at the disturbing picture for a moment, frozen to the ground. This was not a sight she had ever expected to see.

Suddenly she felt a presence beside her. Without looking up she knew who it was.

"Holy sh–…" came Derek's voice. Meredith met his eyes and saw that he looked as shocked as she felt.

This was going to be very interesting.