Okay first up I've been getting a lot of PM and Reviews regarding that no one knows exactly what Mr. and Mrs. Powell did to Regina to hit the top of her 'shit' list but I didn't mention it last chapter as yes Mr. and Mrs. Powell will return in a future one for revenge against Emma and Regina, I am actually currently working on that chapter but it will be a large one and a future chapter more than likely around 9 or 10 or maybe 11 either way do not fear you will find out what Mr. and Mrs. Powell did and whether or not they get their revenge or Emma and Regina manage to embarrass them once again and escape punishment. Also I'd like to give a shout out to (polybi) who wrote me a rather amusing review that made my day. I'd also like to say thank you to all the people who review and favorite and follow. You guys keep me writing. Enjoy this chapter.
XXX
"In later news Mr. and Mrs. Powell were caught 'literally' doing the deed but not with one another. The shocking photos and video footage that has yet to be able to be taken down from websites and is currently spreading on the World Wide Web shows both Adam Powell and Lorraine Powell doing the deed with complete strangers - most shocking of all was the stranger caught with Mr. Powell; as a non-supporter of Gay Rights the actual caught in the act scandal of himself with another man begs to ask the question; What was he thinking? Both Mr. and Mrs. Powell have ignored any questions from the public and media. Is their relationship on the rocks or has it already ended and who were the mysterious people behind the camera? - Now onto the weathe..."
Emma snorted a laugh and looked away from the news reporter and down to the newpaper she held in her hands with the large bold headline SHOCKING SCANDAL another snort of laughter and she folded the paper in half and slid it to the far end of the booth out of her way.
"Do you ever think it'll die down?" Emma asked once Regina returned with two coffee's, a breakfast plate and apple muffin.
"Eventually." Regina said neutrally, "I have to admit that tech man ripped himself off. One hundred dollars just to keep the video and photos spiralling on the web." Regina scoffed, "Personally - I would have asked for more."
"In the last twenty minutes I've managed to get three thousand and something views." Emma said cockily. "If it keeps up like this by the end of the week I'll be more popular than that Kangaroo Boxing Youtube video."
"Yes well enjoy your fifteen minutes of fame Miss Swan."
Emma sighed. It had been three days since they had left New Orleans and the Mardi Gras festival behind, three days and four hours since Regina had last called her Emma. "You know since we have to spend like twenty four hours and seven days a week together, maybe, I don't you could call me Emma."
"Miss Swan this trip is not for us to associate on. In fact you would never even be here if you hadn't off been so pushy."
Emma squinted slightly. "Yeah well you didn't put up that much of a fight."
"You were under the wheel of my Hummer."
"Our Hummer."
"My Hummer Miss Swan and we are not having an argument over that."
"Just let me drive. Please?"
Regina shook her head. "That Hummer is never going to be allowed in your hands."
"You can't drive all the time Regina." Emma countered.
"Your not touching my car and that's final Miss Swan." Regina spoke in that voice that she would use to tell Henry that what she said was 'final' and that there was no arguing about it.
"I'm not a child Regina. You can't speak to me like that." Emma squirted sauce onto her eggs and bacon before looking up at Regina and pointing down at the plate, "Look I made a smiley face."
Regina sighed.
XXX
"Why are we at Harvey Farm?" Emma shook her head, "Correction why are we at a farm at all?"
Regina pushed the Hummer up the dirt path the farm house coming into view. It was fairly large with white wooden paneling. Clean and polished with a small garden out front and a veranda. "Because Miss Swan this is were we will be staying for a few days while I complete number thirty-two on the list."
"Thir-thirty two? How many do you have?"
"Enough to complete my life time goal." Regina said pulling the Hummer to a stop next to the old pick up truck with hay bales.
Emma sarcastically asked, "And what's that? Going crazy? Cause you don't need to try too hard."
"No Miss Swan." With a smirk she turned to Emma, "It's driving you crazy."
With that both Emma and Regina exited the large vehicle. Emma in a huff looking like a disgruntled child and Regina looking like the ever perfect picture of Mayor or Queen or basically Regina like whatever you wish to call it. You could just go with Regal her inner voice suggested whilst Regina made her way up to the two occupants waiting on the steps of the veranda. Sexy Regal. Emma swallowed and followed after Regina.
"So you two are the couple?"
Emma looked surprised but was immediately pulled to Regina's side by an arm around her waist. "That's us." Regina smiled warmly whilst Emma looked on confused an awkward smile plastered on her face. What portal did I step into this time? Where the hell is Jefferson's hat? It has to be around here somewhere.
The conversation went on a little longer as the two occupants explained they were husband and wife Felix Harvey and Belinda Harvey. They had four kids; twin boys, 9 years old a mischiefs, a teenage daughter aged 17 and a little girl 13 months old. Once the introductions were over and done wit- Wait me and Regina have been together for 7 years? I haven't even known her that long. I wonder what it would be like to be involved with someone like Regina for 7 years.
"Emma?" Regina clicked her thumb and forefinger in front of Emma's face snapping the woman out of her dreamy looking gaze that was aimed at Regina.
"Huh? What?"
"Would you like the tour of the grounds now or tomorrow in the morning?"
Emma looked between the innocent looking Regina and the aging couple awaiting her response. "Umm now should be fine."
The couple nodded and directed both Emma and Regina to follow them inside the house. There they spent the next hour and a half touring the farm house and the stables as well as the shed. Emma and Regina both asked a few questions having never spent time on a farm. The questions were answered in simple lay-man terms so that both parties understood one another. Coming onto six o'clock, Felix explained he had some chores to do around the farm and Belinda had to start dinner. With a smile Emma and Regina made their way out of the farm house to retrieve their gear for the four night stay.
Once out of ear shot Emma turned to Regina, "Couple? Seven years?"
"Sshh keep your voice down." Regina chastised quietly pulling Emma around to the back of the Hummer out of the line of sight of anyone who may be looking from the front of the house. "It was discounted for gay couples."
Emma blinked. "Really?"
"Yes they took down the price. Something to do with supporting gay rights or something like that." Regina shrugged twisted the key in the trunks lock and open pulled it open.
"So we're a couple?"
"Just for four days Miss Swan not a lifetime." Regina pulled out a duffle bag and a second bag on wheels. "Plus how hard could it be?"
XXX
Emma exited the room she was going to share with Regina for four nights - four nights of sharing a room and a bed with Regina. She didn't know whether to be ecstatic with that or absolutely terrified. I wonder if I snore? I'm sure Regina will let me know if I do. Emma was stopped in her path in the hallway by two light brown haired boys. "Hi?"
"Hi."
"Hi."
Emma looked at them curiously. In foster care she had know more than her share of twins and each and everyone she met were mischief makers, always pulling pranks or switching names. She hated identical twins for that exact reason. Sure there was no such thing as completely identical but without actually taking a blood sample, or a hair folicle or a saliva sample there was no way to tell them a part unless there was a birth mark visible or one such subtlety. These boys had none and she knew she was in for it.
"Anything you need?" The first one asked innocently.
"Yeah anything you need?" The second one followed.
She was weary. She was alert. She was at full defcon mode. She was prepared for the Man Made Disaster called 'twins'. "No I'm fine thanks."
"I'm Tim."
"No I'm Tim your Tom."
"No your Tom I'm Tim. Or am I Tim and your Tom?"
"Perhaps I am Tim and you are Tom. But maybe I am Tom and you are Tim." The second boy grinned mischievously, "Whose Tim?"
Emma looked between the two confusing boys who were grinning at her. Sarcastically she pointed at herself. "Well I know who I am. I'm Emma and that's all that matters." With that she walked past the trouble makers and continued down the hall. The two boys following her. Was it weird to feeling like you were being stalked if it was by two nine-year olds? Is it still classified as stalking at that age?
Emma breathed a sigh of relief upon finding Regina in the kitchen sitting behind the bench sipping a glass of wine while Belinda worked on chopping vegetables, the two boys were still following closely behind her. But now they were laughing and giggle and conspiring she thought to herself as she stepped up beside Regina.
"Miss Swan I see you met my two boys. I hope your behaving for our guests." Belinda looked down at her two young boys who nodded and smiled innocently.
"Yes mom."
"Yes mom."
Emma shook her head at the reply when the boys started giggling and ran away. She had a feeling that wouldn't be the last she saw of them. Just four days Emma. Turning to face the two women in the kitchen she asked, "Anything I can do to help?"
"Regina just asked the same thing. I'm fine but thank you. If only my children offered to help - with anything."
Emma nodded and looked down at the 13 month old baby who was sitting on her high chair at the counter on the other side of Regina. She smiled and pulled a face giving an innocent smile to Regina when the woman turned to face her. The moment she turned back she pulled another face different from the first earning a round of giggles. She gave Regina a 'What are you looking at?' face when the woman turned to face her which seemed to make the little girl giggle even harder. The moment Regina turned back Emma pulled another face but this time Regina was to quick for the blonde and caught the look. Emma smiled guiltily in Regina's direction and strangely enough the baby seemed to giggle harder then before and she swore she could see it mocking her. That's ridiculous Emma it's a bab-Oh my God! Did it just stick it's tongue out at us? Let me at it!
XXX
Dinner went by quickly. The two boys chowed down their foods while staring mischievously at Emma and she knew they were indeed plotting something to do against her. The 13 month old baby however decided that throwing it's food in Emma's direction was more entertainment then eating it. In the end Emma ended up with more food on her then the kid had ended up with in her mouth.
"I think you need a shower." Regina commented picking out pieces of shredded carrot from her hair. "Your outfit and the food makes you look like an all you can eat buffet."
Emma's eye twitched so bad that she had to remind herself that the woman standing in front of her trying to take hard parts of mushed up food out of her hair was in fact the very same woman that raised your son for ten whole years. The very same woman that you promised Henry you would bring back. I didn't promise I'd bring her back alive did I?
Exhausted Emma flopped down onto the bed, clothes still clogged with food, hair tangled with food and shoes still on.
"Miss Swan I will not be sleeping in the same bed as you if you don't take a shower."
"Well then Regina unless you can shower me were I am now it looks like you'll be sleeping on the floor. I'm too tired and cranky to shower."
Regina rolled her eyes. "Miss Swan you have tomato soup on your butt and I really don't want to know how it got there."
Emma shrugged and replied her voice coming out muffled from her face being squished into the pillow.
"I'm sorry Miss Swan I didn't hear you."
Emma yanked the pillow from underneath her head and threw it back towards Regina who caught it expertly. "I said there's your pillow. You know where the couch is, feel free to take a blanket." Emma grinned upon hearing footsteps retreating. A few minutes later and those same footsteps returned, barely aware of them in her almost sleep state Emma clung to her pillow for dear life befo- Holy Hell! "What the fuck Regina it's freezing?"
Regina smiled and dragged the blankets towards the door. "Thank you dear for the blankets. Your so sweet letting me have them." With a smirk she was gone leaving a wide eyed, fully awake Emma laying on her side staring at the door, drenched in food and hugging her knees to her chest to escape the bitter cold air.
XXX
Emma's eyes snapped open and her body shot up at the wet cold slippery liquid sliding down her face onto the pillow and now down the rest of her body. Panting and breathing hard her eyes took in her surroundings. Two young boys stood a plastic cup in one of their hands and a cheeky smile in place at the side of her bed.
"Morning."
"Morning."
With that Emma watched them take off through the bedroom barely missing Regina who stopped just in time to avoid colliding with them as the two little devils took off out of the room. God, what had she done in a past life to deserve this?
"Miss Swan how was your night?"
Emma glared the woman across from her looking fresh and rejuvinated in - "What are you wearing Regina?"
"I belive it is called a checkered button down shirt and jeans. I have yet to put on the boots." She smiled finished brushing her hair and dropped the hair brush into a small bag. "There are clothes for you in the bathroom for after you shower."
Emma groaned remembering how she had gone to sleep last night. She ran a hand through her hair and regretted it immediately when it got caught and end up tugging her head back in the large mass of knots and food.
"Well Miss Swan time to get up it's just past five in the morning. We must get ready for our day."
Emma looked to the little alarm lock on her side of the bed for an explanation, only to see that it was in fact 5:03 in the morning. Shining and flashing in it's little LED red light way Emma groaned, turned back to Regina and immediately ducked under the covers bring the blankets up and over her.
"Fuck that Regina. I don't get up at this time to save the world, so what makes you think I would get up at this time?" Emma heard some rustling and shuffling as she waited for a response when none came she spoke up again. "What could you possibly have on that list that requires you to be up at such an unholy time of the morning?" She waited once again and when no answer came she peeked out from underneath the blankets only to find a book sailing towards her head. Ducking in time it clattered against the head board. "Hey watch your aim!"
Regina snapped her fingers. "My aim was good it was your timing off ducking your head out the way that was bad."
Emma glared once again before picking up the book. "What number your Majesty?"
"I believe I told you it was thirty-two and some parts of our stay here will belong to forty-seven." Regina shuffled around through her bags till she produced another small bag of aeresol cans.
Flicking through the book she stopped at thirty-two and stared at it for a little while. "Learn the basics of working a farm?" Without waiting for answer she flicked the pages ahead until she reached teh fort-seventh page. Looking up at Regina for an explanation she asked, "Really? Milk a Cow? When are we going to do anything normal Regina?"
"You do understand the workings of a Bucket List do you not?"
"Regina-" she pointed down to the book "-you have milk a cow in this."
"Yes, yes I do Miss Swan and if you think that is weird your really should wait till a few more start showing up." Regina moved around to Emma's side of the bed and snatched the book away from the blonde woman. Pulling out a small picture from her purse she grabbed a glue stick sitting on her night stand and quickly swiped the glue over the back of the picture before smoothing it down onto journal paper, she repeated with a second small picture. Happy with her handiwork she closed the journal, shoved it into an inside zip pocket of a duffel bag and looked towards Emma. "Miss Swan. Shower." She pointed towards the bathroom.
Emma shook her head, "Nuh uh. I ain't getting up it's too early." Regina stared at Emma for a few seconds before taking on her Regal pose with mischievous smirk that reminded Emma of the two little devils. Was this family related to Regina? Like very very very - VERY! distantly?
"Miss Swan we can do this the easy way or the hard way."
Emma shook her head and rolled back over cuddling inside of the blankets. She was in her own pocket of warmness. A few fingers outside of that blanket told her that it was definitely freezing outside.
"Hard way it is then Miss Swan."
"What are you going to do? Magic me to the shower? Your not using magic remember? Your not using it for Hen-" Emma found herself flailing, screaming, falling -
Rustle! Bang! Crash!
Emma found herself face down on the cold wooden floorboards the matress ontop of her the blankets and sheets tangled up within her limbs.
"I'll see you in fifteen Miss Swan." Regina's smirk was obvious in her tone as was a hint of laughter as she waltzed out of the room all high and mighty in her ways.
Emma sighed. She had once again been outdone. She quickly snuck out from underneath the matress and from out of the tangles of sheets and blankets. Once she had finally stood up she looked back to the bed fram and the jumble of bedding hanging of off it. When had Regina gotten so strong as to lift a double bed with somebody on it? Once again with a sigh she made her way to the bathroom for a warm shower.
"Fifteen minutes my ass Regina. Try fifty." Emma snorted in disbelief. She had never had a shower that had been less than half an hour. Stripping herself of her clothes she jumped inside the small squared glass shower and slid the door shut behind her. Switching on the hot water she was immediately assaulted with the freezing temperatures and with nowhere to move in the small shower she screamed. "REGINA!"
Belinda looked to Regina who sat on the bar stool in front of the counter sipping on a cup off coffee a smirk barely being covered by the cup held up to her face.
"What was that?"
Regina placed the cup down and if possible the smirk widened. "I believe Emma has just found out the difficulties of farm water."
XXX
"Okay your both here that's good news." Felix said picking up a small tin bucket and handing one to Regina the moment Emma had stepped out from the back of the house. He handed her one once she reached their little group. "Alex should be here shortly."
Low and behold a teenage girl came scrambling up to the group stomping her feet, looking very much like an adolescent Emma in her actions but suprisingly to Emma she looked more like Regina in appearance. Note to self; Check for Regina's relations.
"Alex this is Regina and Emma they're the visitors your mother and I spoke about."
"Who else could they be?" The girl answer holding her chin up in a way that reminded her of Regina.
"I'm Emma," Emma raised her hand to make her presence known.
"And I'm I don't care." The girl countered.
Regina held back a chuckle as Felix sorted through some stuff.
"Where were you last night at dinner?" Felix questioned the girl who suddenly looked uncomfortable to reply. "I hope you weren't hanging around with Melissa."
With a stomp the girl waved her hands around in the air. "God why do you and mom have to be such assholes over who I hang out with?"
"Why don't you hang out with Patrick instead? He's such a nice boy."
"Oh boy," Emma whispered grabbed the crook of Regina's elbow and backed them out quietly. Retreat! her mind scream Retreat! We are being over-run! Faster you imbecile!
"Patrick's rich, has a car and an account and a house to his name once he graduates Law School."
"If you love Patrick so much, why don't you marry him yourself?" Alex kicked one of the tin bucket's into a stable door and stomped out and away from the group.
Felix turned away from his daughters 'tantrum' and to the two women who were carefully backing away. They were in complete sink as if marching backwards. Step together - step together - step toge-
"Oh shit! Please tell me that's not what I think it is?" Emma asked Regina who looked down at their almost joined feet.
"You know I hate to disappoint you Emma-"
Load of crap. Emma thought as she sighed once again. She didn't have to look down at the brown muck she was currently standing in, Regina's comment was enough of a confirmation for her.
"-do you want to go clean yourself up?"
Emma shook her head. "What more could happen to me today?"
XXX
Emma really wished she could take back those words. Those very words that had probably cost her whatever last bit of luck she had. Currently she was watching Felix milk one of the cows he had, working the utter until it suited him.
Pull. Yank. Spray. Bucket.
Emma was sure she could do this. It seemed simple enough. Although it looked a little wrong tugging on a cows utter, she could do this. The step by step guide was more then simple enough, what's the wor- don't say it Emma. Just don't say it. Once the step by step guide was done being shown repeatedly and one of the cows had finished being milked by Felix, Emma and Regina were placed in front of their own cows side by side - the bucket angled between their knees to accomidate the milk when they started.
Felix gave a few more instructions, instructing them not to spook the cows or it could start off a stampede of cows. If that were too happen he explained the best position was up and on top of the railings were the cows couldn't reach them on their way out of the pen in their very own horde. Both Emma and Regina nodded in understanding and then got started.
Emma pulled first earning a large spray of milk into the bucket. She was quite pleased with herself at how well she was doing as she continued milking the cow - and she probably would have still been fine if she hadn't looked over to Regina to find out how well the other woman was going. Emma spat, sputtered and groaned when a spray full of milk collided with her face. Her own untrained focus at aiming for the bucket had resulted in a face full of raw cows milk.
Regina laughed. "You look like a man's ju-"
"Don't say it." Emma shook her head and held up a hand to Regina. Regina apparently got the message and went back to the task at hand. Emma wasn't going to argue with that and quickly returned to her own task briefly wiping away whatever milk she could with the arm of her sleeve.
Twenty minutes later and they were both nearly finished with their cow. Emma believed she had gotten good enough with the task to look away to see how well Regina was doing and surprisingly not the woman was actually doing quite well and looked surprisingly in tune with her surroundings. With a mischievous smile off her own Emma aimed one of the utters towards Regina and squeezed showering the regal woman in milk and snapping her out of her concentration .
Regina glared underneath the bath of milk at Emma who was laughing so hard she was nearly falling over onto the ground from her crouched position. With a smirk of her own Regina aimed her own cows utter at Emma and bathed the blonde in the white liquid substance. Soon it was all out war between the two women.
Ducking. Squirting. Laughing. Squirting.
Yeah it sounded wrong but on the upside Emma had gotten Regina to laugh. Smiling to herself. There really was no better sound she had ever heard.
XXX
Regina brushed off the dirt from her clothes and tried to straighten them out to look as professional as possible. But with milk soaking through the shirt and jeans Emma found that Regina looked anything but professional and it was adorable.
As they stepped into the stables once again they found Alex Harvey talking to another young woman working around the stables grabbing saddles and other riding equipment. Immediately Emma prayed to whatever Gods would listen that they were not about to do what she thought they were.
Alex cleared her throat snapping the other womans attention over towards the two women. "You must be Emma Swan and Regina Mills."
"The blonde's Emma." Alex corrected.
"I'm Melissa," she nodded to the two. "Mr. Harvey asked me to set you guys up with some horses and too show you one of the common practices that we do out here. So pick your horse and I'll sattle it up." With a smile she went back to gathering gear.
Emma watched Regina set out for the horses still sitting in their stalls. Emma followed reluctantly. Would now be a good time to tell Regina she's never ridden a horse before? Shaking her head she gathered that it wasn't that difficult to ride after getting past the initial fear that they were taller then you and could crush you easily.
Ten minutes later and both Emma and Regina were watching as their horses were getting saddled up outside of the stables ready for mounting. Regina had picked an American Mustang 'Starburst' and Emma had picked a Stallion called 'Caniloni' it had reminded Emma that yes, she had yet to have breakfast and her stomach was rumbling.
"All saddled up and ready to ride. Just put your foot in the stirrup and swing your other leg around as you pull yourself up and over till your into the saddle."
Emma watched as Alex and Melissa easily lifted themselves into place before Regina quickly and gracefully did the same. Perhaps more skillfully then both girls had done and Emma briefly wondered how Regina did it and made it look so easy. With a gulp and inhale of oxygen Emma looked back to her horse, stuck her foot into the stirrup and tried pulling herself up and onto the horse immediately landing on the other side face down into the dirt.
Regina and Alex both laughed. Unable to control their loud laughter as Emma stood brushed the dirt off of herself and once again moved back to the horse. Would now be a good enough time to tell Regina you've never ridden before? Emma? Hello? Emma purposely ignored her inner reasoning. Sure it was sound reason but when did Emma ever listen to sound reasoning.
Answer: Never.
Once again Emma took hold of the pommel, stuck her right foot into the stirrup and hoisted herself up onto the horse swinging her leg over the other side. With a satisfied smirk she looked towards Regina and the two young girls, to see Alex and Regina clapping sarcastically whilst holding in their laughter. Sure she had made a fool of herself on her first go but she had succeeded in not doing so the next try. Sitting back a little she went to make a reply when the horse immediately reared up on it's hind legs and Emma found herself flailing and falling backwards until she connected with the hard Earth. Once again Emma found herself the laughing stock of two of the three other occupants. Looking over too the group she found out that she needed to correct that by the look on Melissa's face. At least she had the decency to try and look concerned.
Emma groaned stood up and tried again only to have the horse move away from her having herself hopping along after it with one foot in the stirrup and her hand clutching the pommel. Emma reasoned that the day could not get any worse then it already was.
XXX
It had taken another forty-five minutes to get Emma up and onto the saddle safely and to get the horse moving quick enough that they could reach their destination within reasonable time spans and not injure the blonde. Emma sighed. Sure for those forty-five minutes she had made a fool out of herself and had been more then enough entertainment for Regina and Regina Junior or better known as Alex.
Currently Emma was riding side by side with Regina as they followed behind Alex and Melissa who were idly chatting to one another barely paying attention too the two women behind them. Emma turned to Regina to find the woman smiling at the two girls.
"Their cute together." Emma nodded in the two girls directions when Regina looked towards her.
Regina turned back to the two girls and nodded solemnly. "Yes they are."
"You think that's the Melissa, Alex's father was talking about?"
Regina scoffed, "How many Melissa's could there possibly be out here?"
A perfectly valid question Emma reasoned when she looked around at the wide open space that was occupied by farm animals, streams, grass and moutains. The land around them seemed to stretch as far as the eye could see. Hill's rolled around in the distance as grass spanned across the land reaching into those same hill's.
"She seems nice enough." Emma shrugged, "I don't see why he wouldn't let them be together. I mean he obviously has no problem with the gay part." She nodded between herself and Regina.
"Parent's prefer to do what's right for their kids."
Emma looked at Regina weirdly. "What's right is letting your kids love who they want not pressuring them into being with someone they don't love and honestly I think those two love each other." Emma nodded once again to the pair of girls. Alex was currently playfully pushing Melissa as Melissa laughed and continued to tease the other girl.
"But is it not better to be married to someone whose rich, powerful and has everything you could ever want. Is love not material possession and even if it's not you don't get to choose who you love. Sometimes things just happen that get in the way." Sometimes little girls can't keep secrets. Regina finished.
Emma looked to Regina. "I remember someone telling me that 'Love' is the most powerful magic of all. Love is the only thing worth having and if you can't have that. Then what do you have?"
"Money. Status. Power."
"It's not worth it if you can't have love. Sometimes love is more important and it's worth fighting for."
Regina looked down at the reigns in her hands. "Sometimes fighting for what you love can be your undoing."
Before Emma could open her mouth to ask Regina what she meant by that Melissa spoke up pointing to the pens where a bunch of cows were currently grazing the paddocks they were locked into. Emma let herself and Regina's conversation vanish into thin air 'for now' she'd bring it up later when they had a moment alone.
Sliding off the horses - Emma not as gracefully as the rest - they released the horses and let them do what they pleased whilst they were busy with other things. Near the fence was a large carboard packet of - Gloves? Emma had a feeling she knew where this was going and immediately questioned for the first time since the Mardi Gras festival why they were doing this.
"Okay so since the nearest Vet's is quite a fair distance away most farmers learn to care for their animals themselves. So that's what I'm going to show you." Melissa made her way over to the glove's packet and pulled out one handing it over to Alex, then another handing it over to Regina and a third handing it to Emma who hesitantly took it. Melissa grabbed her own and slipped it on making sure the end rode up the whole length of her arm all the way up to the shoulder until it could no longer roll-up. "These cows are the few that we have that are pregnant. Altogether there are nine."
Emma felt like a school girl on an excursion being spoken to by a teacher. In her case the year was probably half her age or more. A look in Regina's direction showed the woman was listening intently.
"Mr. Harvey has already milked them and brought them out here this morning so were all good to go." She handed a bottle of OB Lubricant to Regina who squirted it onto her gloves hand and worked it over the latex before handing the bottle to a hesitant Emma.
Emma took it and stared at it curiously. Squirting it onto the glove she quickly rubbed it up the latex until it was all the way around it. It felt cool and slippery and now she was fully aware of what was coming next. Scrunching up her face she watched as Melissa moved over to the first cow who was currently locked into a head gate facing towards it's opening - towards it's freedom into the open land.
Emma and Regina both watched on one with interest the other with disgust as Melissa lifted the tail with her non-gloved and with the gloved hand made a puppet like shape with her hand where all fingers connected with the tip of her thumb.
"To get up the cows rectum you will have to push hard as the cow will be straining to push you out."
With that they watched as Melissa pushed her hand up the cows rectum all the while the cow moo'd and tried moving away in the small closed in chute.
"If the cow has built up feces matter stopping you from reaching your destination expel it." Melissa said in all seriousness as she retracted her hand scooping a large amount of brown matter out with it as the rest loosely fell from the cows behind.
Emma tried to contain it. She would swear on Henry's life that she tried to contain it. She gagged a few times before turning and hurling onto the grass behind herself and Regina. Regina jumped out of the way of vomitting blonde as Alex and Melissa both blinked at the woman.
"Is she alright?" Alex asked stepping up beside Regina.
Regina nodded. "She should be."
A few minutes later and Emma had cleaned herself up enough and had solidified her stomach - hopefully - enough to stop herself from hurling once again. The lessons began to pick up with Melissa's hand now fully inside the cows behind.
"You will have to move in far enough to feel if there is anything in the fallopian tubes or in the uterus of the cow. It should be located below your hand, as will the rest of the female's reproductive tact. You should be able to feel a hard cylinder like shape part of the way in. If your up to your shoulder in the cow and still can't find the cervix, you're too far in and will have to move back until you can feel the cylinder object below your fingers." Melissa explained making sure the group was listening before continuing. Her hand still up the cows behind. "If you feel anything that feels like the uterus is distended - like a small oval ball of liquid floating inside it or something that feels like a fetus, then you have found the cow is bred. We pretty much know that seven of the nine are pregnant however the other two you will be finding out if they are."
"How do we tell how many months along they are?" Regina asked.
Of course Regina would ask. Emma's inner self countered.
Melissa thought about that for a second, looking for the easiest way to explain. "If it's two months old it should feel about the size of a mouse. At three months the size of a rat. At four the size of a small cat. At five the size of a large cat. Six the size of a small dog and finally at seven the size of a beagle." Melissa nodded satisfied with her explanation. "Then pull out of the cow and I'll release it back into the pen. At no time what so ever do you release the cow from it's front gate. If you do you may find yourself running from a rather large animal. Are we ready to give it a go?"
Emma sighed as Regina nodded. This was so not to her liking. Turning to Regina she smiled sweetly at the woman before adding sarcastically. "Sweetheart why don't you go first." It wasn't a suggestion and she could tell Regina knew that. Surprisingly Regina nodded eagerly before stepping up to another cow Melissa had just managed to herd into chute.
Emma watched as Regina followed Melissa's step by step instruction down to the letter. The cow moo'd swung it's tail and huffed. Regina spent a few minutes working her hand around in the cows behind before confirming she could in fact feel a rat like size inside the cow. Happy with her inspection Regina retracted her hand and pulled out.
Next was Alex's turn who apparently had never done this either but she had quickly gotten the idea and had simply slid her hand inside a cow and measured the size of the object inside of uterus.
Once it came to be Emma's turn the blonde scrunched up her face but went along with it anyway. Sliding up behind the cow she held her breath. From a distance they smelled but behind them they really really reaked. "Let's get this over and done with." She followed Melissa's instruction and quickly inserted her hand into the cows behind. God hands were not made for this. Hands do not belong up a cows behind. It's so warm. Emma shuddered at the sensation knowing exactly were her hand was. Emma shook her head at Melissa. "I can't feel a thing."
"Oh right then pull out of her."
Emma did so and the moment the hand was retracted and she was around the front of the chute it shook and the gate shot open. Next thing she knew she was running. Legs moving as fast as they could with a huffing cow chasing after her. Sure it would have made more sense for it to have been a bull but she wasn't about to argue with the large animal chasing after her that it was the wrong species. For the second time that day she screamed. "Regina!"
"Hmm I thought I locked that gate," Melissa mulled over that as they watched the blonde run for her life the cow following after her.
"Should we uh - do something?"
Regina scoffed and removed her glove using the hand sanitizer immediately after it. "Please Emma has outrun and evaded a lot worse -" Malificent in the form of a dragon. A troll. An ogre. "-she'll be fine."
"Regina!" God what did I do to deserve this? "Regina!"
XXX
Emma entered the farmhouse with a laughing Regina and Alex behind her, a silently chuckling Melissa bringing up the rear. The moment she entered through the door and into the foyer slash kitchen slash living room slashed dinging room she found herself the center of attention. She had twigs and leaves in her hair. Her clothes were scuffed and dirt from her hurried climbing and her face was creased with all sorts of unknown substances - that she was rather happy not knowing what it was.
"What happened to you?" Felix asked with a raised eyebrows.
Regina and Alex continued laughing so hard that their explanations came out muffled and incoherent. Luckily for Felix Melissa answered with her own chuckles in between. "Miss Swan here was running away from a cow and found a tree. She decided to climb it and after I had gotten rid of the cow we had spent the next thirty minutes trying to get her out of the tree. She had gotten caught on a branch."
Okay so it was mostly the truth. She hadn't actually gotten caught on a branch she had just clung to the tree and refused to come down at all. Whining that the cow was going to kill her. At first Regina and Alex had been laughing but then Regina had stopped and had convinced her to climb down. Once both of her feet had hit the ground she had found herself as the reason too Regina and Regina Juniors laughing.
"I'm going to take a shower." With that she pivoted and walked out hearing Regina Juniors laughter fade in the distance whilst Regina followed behind her with small chuckles. The stairs creaked as she made her way up them and down the hall towards their bedroom.
"Miss Swan stop being a part pooper."
Emma's mouth fell open as she stared at the woman whose laughter was slowly dying down. "Party pooper? I was being chased by a crazed animal."
"It was a cow and it was gone a good thirty minutes before you decided to come down." Regina shrugged let out a snort of laughter and continued, "You were whining like a baby up that tree. 'It's going to kill me'." Regina imitated Emma before falling onto the bed in another round of laughter. " 'Please don't let it kill me' or how about 'I'm too young to die' or or 'I'm still too pretty'." Regina couldn't stop and still didn't when she heard the slamming of a bathroom door.
Emma switched on the shower and dove in quickly scrubbing herself clean in the freezing water. She scrubbed her body until she felt as clean as she could possibly feel without scrubbing away skin - washed her hair and jumped out drying herself off. Emma slipped on her singlet and jeans and was immediately stopped from what she was doing upon a loud screech that reverberated through the walls of the bathroom. Dropping her clean shirt to the ground she barged out of the room to find Regina standing on top of the bed looking down onto the floor.
"What's wrong?" Emma asked looking around the room for intruders.
"The-ther-there's a spi-spi-spider." Regina stuttered.
Emma looked down and sure enough a small spider no bigger then a dime sat on the floor in front of the bed. It looked to be looking up at Regina almost bored out of it's mind obviously not getting any amusement out of scaring a human. Emma looked up to Regina who was still staring at it whilst standing on the bed out of it's reach - then back down to it, then back up to Regina, then back down to it and repeat. After a few more times looking between the two Emma blinked and cracked up laughing herself.
"It's not funny Miss Swan! Kill it!" Regina ordered.
Emma ignored her and continued laughing.
"Miss Swan!"
Emma stopped wiped away her tears and looked up at Regina whose face held fear. "Yes your Majesty?" She mock bowed as she waited for Regina to speak.
"Kill the damn thing."
Emma looked down at the barely visible insect, then back up to Regina. "Regina it's barely the size of a dime. Besides what'd it do to you?"
"It's living and inside that's what it did."
Emma blinked a few times before asking seriously. "Your seriously scared of a spider? A tiny small itsy bitsy spider?"
"Miss Swan!" Regina calmed herself down and looked pleadingly at Emma, "Just kill it please."
Emma had never seen Regina look so vulnerable. So she quickly accepted picked up the nearest magazine, rolled it up and -
Smack. Squish.
"It's dead Regina."
Regina stepped of the bed far away from the small corpse. Straightening out her shirt she looked up towards Emma. "Let's never speak about this again."
Emma nodded blinking blankly. "Yeah sure."
Regina made move to walk out of the room but turned back to Emma who was staring at the empty body of the insect. "Mis-Emma thank you."
Emma turned to Regina to find the woman gone and the door closed. Who knew that saving Regina from a tiny itsy bitsy spider would earn her a thank you. With that in mind for the next day she walked around head held high, chin up and cocky.
She had earned a thank you from the ex-Mayor, ex-Evil Queen. She had earned a thank you from Regina. Regina of all people and that was a memory she would never forget.
XXX
Emma had just finished helping Belinda pack the pinic basket when Regina entered with a laughing Alex or Regina Junior. A smile spread onto Emma's face as she watched Regina and Alex discuss something that was obviously funny.
"Hey you two." Belinda smiled at her daughter and the former Mayor. "I've got something for you Regina - well actually Emma has something for you." With a smile she placed some plastic knives and forks and plates inside the basket before closing it and placing a folded up blanket on top. "We both figured since it's your last night you should enjoy it how you want."
Regina blinked at Emma who was shuffling on her feet uncomfortable with the sudden attention. It had actually been Belinda's idea of the pinic and Emma had agreed having seen a rather nice view of the land and of the sky from her early travels with Felix when he had taken her out earlier that morning.
Pushing the basket into Emma's hand she waved the two women off. "Go on you two. Oh and Alex, Melissa is looking for you."
Regina followed Emma out of the farm house and towards the old rusty pick up truck. Emma placed the basket into the back of the truck and motioned for Regina to get inside before circling around the other side and slipping into the drivers seat.
Regina sat curiously awaiting for an explanation and when twenty minutes into the drive and none seemed to be forth coming Regina opened her mouth to ask. "Where are we going Miss Swan?"
"I was out with Felix this morning and he showed me a nice little spot that would be good for a picnic."
"Why are we going on a picnic?"
"Because someone decided to tell the Harvey's that we were together. A couple. Now who could that be?" Emma questioned looking around the interior of the pick up before her eyes rested on Regina. "Just go along with it they're very nice people and they thought they were doing us a favor. Plus the spot me Felix showed me is real nice. A spectacular view."
Regina consented and sat silently in the passenger seat for the rest of the drive, silently watching the passing scenery and herds of animals. She had always enjoyed the open land Fairytale Land. It had always been a magnificent view of perfection. It was beautiful and spectacular in many ways. It always seemed to hold a aurora of perfection no matter where you looked or what secrets it held. That's why she had built her Castle on the very edge of the forest. It wasn't only to protect her from the Charming's - it was a nice way to wake up to the view everyday. To see that even in a world that is wrought with wrong, and no-good deeds, there was still beauty left to behold.
"Were here," Emma shook Regina's shoulder slightly.
Regina turned to Emma and glanced down at her watch. She had been lost in thought for fifteen minutes and within that time they had arrived at a small pasture that was fenced of and then opened into a large open free land area that dropped down to overlook the scenery of woods and meadows below as a large stream ran through the meadows. It really did look similar to Fairytale Land.
Slipping out of the vehicle Emma retrieved the basket, locked the rusting tin machine once Regina had hopped out and started for the free land overlook. "It's up high enough to see the sky and yet it's not up high enough that you can't get a good view of what's below the drop."
Regina nodded and followed along behind the savior. They walked for a good ten minutes until Emma finally came to a stop and settled down onto the grass. Regina followed the actions as Emma pulled out the food and drinks and utensils.
"Could you set out the blanket?" Emma asked and Regina nodded setting out the checkered material as Emma set the food down on top of it. "I told her you liked apple pie so she made you one. I'm not sure if it is as good as yours and it definitely doesn't come poisoned so it's not deadly."
Regina shook her head. "Nor was mine. It was just meant to put you too sleep."
Emma rose her left brow and looked at Regina oddly. "Is that really any better?"
Regina ignored the question and set out to poor herself some coffee from the thermast that held the warm brown liquid. "Your right Miss Swan this is a lovely view." She nodded taking a sip of the warm liquid.
Emma nodded and picked up a sandwich taking a large bite of it before speaking. "Yeah Melissa told me that she and Alex come up here every now and then but I don't think Felix knows about it."
Regina nodded and continued sipping her coffee.
"Regina-" Emma took a deep breath lowering her sandwich to her lap she turned to the woman. "-what did you mean this morning yesterday when you said that 'fighting for what you love can be your undoing'?"
Regina snapped her head around to face Emma. "I just meant that...sometimes...things...just...have...a way of destroying your happiness."
"Your weren't talking about Alex and Melissa then were you and your not now are you?" Emma inquired.
"Miss Swan I'd rather not talk about it."
Emma looked down at her lap before speaking. "If you ever need to talk to anyone Regina I'm willing to listen. If we're going to be spending a lot of time together I just want you to know - anything absolutely anything you want to talk about -" she turned to face the woman once again. "-I'm willing to listen."
Regina stared at Emma intently with a blank expression on her face as she tried to decipher the other womans true intentions but she could see nothing but absolute honesty. Should she tell her? Was it a good idea to tell the daughter of the woman who had ruined her life? Was Emma doing this just to find a way to steal Henry from her for good? What would be the point she already had Henry. What more could she gain? She could be in it just to hurt you. They always end up hurting you. The moment you let someone in they stab you in the back and twist the knife till the pain is nothing more then a dull burning ache from being in there for so long. Regina shook her head. No Emma trusted her as somewhere inside herself she knew she trusted Emma.
"I was around Alex's age when I fell in love." Regina started looking out over the meadow below. "He was a stable hand just like Melissa. He barely earned enough to live for himself but he was the kindest, gentlest and nicest man I have ever met."
"Daniel?" Emma questioned earning a nod from Regina.
"My mother despised him she wanted me to marry a rich man. A king. A ruler. Anybody who was somebody. Anybody who wasn't Daniel. Who wasn't a stable boy."
"You wanted to marry Daniel?"
"I nearly did marry him but- I was betrayed by somebody I trusted and Daniel was murdered by my mother. His heart ripped out and crushed right in front of me and I was forced to marry the king." Regina shook her head. "I will never deny that he was a wonderful father but that is the only good I can ever say about him. That man was a monster beneath everything and I will never forgive him for the things he did to me."
Emma waited for Regina to continue but the woman didn't. Emma knew that wasn't all there was to the story but she wasn't about to push when she had gotten Regina to open up this much. Instead Emma turned back to the basket and retrieved a small camera, a pen and the journal that held Regina's Bucket List.
Holding them out to the former Mayor she nodded to the journal and the camera. "I thought this memory would be better then a picture of a hand up a cows behind or me hurling."
Regina laughed having remembered secretly taking the photo without Emma knowing. "Very well Miss Swan." Regina scooted over beside Emma and wound her arm around the womans waist holding out her hand to extend the camera and catch a photo of the two of them.
Both smiled warmly at the camera as the flash encompassed the area for a brief second, capturing those moments that could never be repeated again. Capturing the few brief seconds of innocence. Of tree's howling in the background. Of the meadow swaying. Of the animals grazing. Of the stars above starting to twinkle.
Regina grabbed her pen opened her journal and ticked of number 32 - Learn the basics of working a farm and number 47 - milk a cow.
"So what are we doing next?" Emma asked.
"We're headed to Cedar Point."
Emma's sandwich paused half way to her mouth. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? Oh boy she had a feeling she was going to find out one way or another.
Finally finished this chapter did take a more serious turn it was all for a good reason. As someone pointed out in my reviews this story isn't just random - okay it is random but it also has a point to it. It's a story about self discovery for Regina and in some way for Emma too. Emma will need to be there for Regina throughout this story and vice versa so some chapters will be like this. I hope you enjoyed either way.