Okay not as much seriousness in this chapter cause' I hope to get back to the halarity which I hope I did. Thanks to my reviewers especially someone called Just-Jess who wrote me a rather lovely review so thank you whoever you are. To all my followers and favoriters thank you guys as well and to all the guests who continue to come back and read thank you as well. Hope everyone enjoys and hopefully you find it funny cause I did reading it.
XXX
"So I guess this means we'll have to put a hold on the Bucket List until the Hummer is out of the garage." Emma stated, "I guess that means a whole 48 hours of doing absolutely nothing but eating, eating and oh more eating." Emma smiled. She really was in heaven.
"Not exactly Miss Swan."
Emma sighed. Well there went that at the window. She checked her watch and noticed it was a new record for Regina crushing her dreams. "Point three five zero of a second." She mumbled.
"What?" Regina asked not catching what Emma had said.
"Nothing." Emma reached over too the journal that Regina was flicking through as they walked down along the footpath of the small town. "So what are we doing?"
Regina pulled away from Emma as she weaved in between some citizens. "Well apparently they have sail boats for hire here."
"Still not getting the connection here. You want to sail in a sail boat?" Emma asked with one eyebrow raised as she pulled Regina back by the womans jacket as a group of teenagers in a car barely missed her whilst whistling loudly out their car window at the brunette.
"Thank you Miss Swan and no I don't. I want to learn to sail."
Emma blinked a few times. She wasn't sure what was more disbelieving. Regina saying 'thank you' to her or wanting to learn to sail. Emma swallowed and decided not to focus on the former in case the woman took it back and remained in a terrible mood all day, instead focused on the latter, "You want to learn to sail?"
"Number 52, Learn To Sail." Regina handed the journal over to Emma.
Emma glanced down at the page taking in the title before looking at Regina. "Why hiring a boat and not getting proper lessons?"
"Because Miss Swan we are perfectly capable if we put both our minds together to figure out how to get a boat to move." Regina sounded confident.
Emma cringed she didn't want to let the brunette down but her brain didn't work mechanics of sailing. God she had a hard enough time doing her job as savior, looking after their son and working as Sheriff. "You sure that's a good idea?"
"Miss Swan are you saying your not capable of learning to sail a sail boat?" Regina raised both eyebrows.
Emma grimaced this time. She hated to admit it but she didn't think she was and she didn't want to make a fool out of herself in front of Regina. "I just think it'd be smarter to get lessons first."
Regina sighed but aquiesced, "Very well Miss Swan."
XXX
"I don't understand what made you change your mind Miss Swan?" Regina inquired as she stepped onto the sail boat they had hired for the afternoon. "Usually when your set on something you don't change your mind."
I wouldn't have either if that guy hadn't been looking at your ass for the past twenty minutes and then when he turned to face you he couldn't help but ogle you - god woman try wearing more appropriate clothes that don't allow men too look at you like your a piece of meat. "Let it go Regina." Emma growled out. She was beyond furious at the horny old man that was to teach them to sail. Oh hell no she was not allowing that man within forty feet of Regina.
"Very well Miss Swan," Regina conceded and turned to the young teenage boat attendant. "Thank you."
"No problem ma'am," he said dreamily as Regina started to get in the boat. "Here let me help you." He moved to help Regina into the boat but was pushed away.
Emma jumped into the boat first and held out a hand for Regina which surprisingly the brunette took without a word. Once Regina was safely in the boat and starting to strap on the life vests Emma turned back to the pimple faced teenage boy who was leering at Regina as if it were possible he'd ever end up doing anything with her, as if his dreams had all come true, as if she was the most beautiful sexy woman he'd ever seen - that last part had to be true Emma thought to herself. Rolling her eyes Emma snapped her fingers in front of the young teens face breaking him away from his captivation. Handing him over a few dollar notes as she shook her head she said, "Too old for you buddy. Go grab a soda." With a pat on the back she turned and left the disappointed boy behind.
Five minutes later and both Regina and Emma were strapped into a life vest. No hormonal teenage boys in sight and ready to start their preparations to set sail.
"Well let's get these sails raised."
Emma nodded. "I feel like Jack Sparrow right now."
"Really Miss Swan. Jack Sparrow?"
Emma blinked. "You know who Jack Sparrow is?"
"Miss Swan I'm not that old or that anal retentive that I don't know who Jack Sparrow is."
Emma shook her head with a small grin. "Never said you were but now we're on the subject how old are you exactly?"
Regina glared at the blonde, "You should know never to ask a woman her age."
Emma squinted curiously in the harsh sun. "Is that your way of telling me your really old? Because your really hot for an old lady." Emma froze upon realizing what she had just said, she didn't know which she'd be more in trouble for the 'hot' or the 'old' but she was awaiting the shit storm she knew was going to come.
"Miss Swan perhaps it's best you think before you speak."
Emma scoffed, "Yeah well try telling my mouth that. Sometimes my brain and mouth don't connect as well and my mouth just shoots of the first thing that comes to it."
"Most of the time," Regina mumbled.
Emma looked up from her spot on the deck towards Regina. "Huh?"
"Nothing Miss Swan."
Attempt #1
Twenty minutes later and Regina had released four of the five sails. With a smile she turned around to find the boat empty. No sign of Emma. No sign actually that the woman had been there. Had she been dreaming this whole time that the blonde had followed. Although it wasn't impossible she didn't believe it was a dream. She had proof the annoying woman had been with her, just look at her Hummer that was more then enough proof.
"Miss Swan? Were did you go?"
"Uh Regina could you give me a hand?"
Regina looked around then up and blinked a few times at the blonde hanging upside down leg hooked within in the ropes of the mast. Arms dangling freely towards the ground, her face red from gravity of the blood running to it and one leg dangling away from her body. Regina noticed the slight expanse of white skin that looked smooth poking out from underneath the tank top that had been tucked carelessly into the jeans the blonde was wearing.
With a weak smile Emma chuckled nervously. "I had a little troule with the sail."
What was she possibly going to do with the blonde?
Attempt #2
"Good job."
Regina turned to Emma who smiled brightly at Regina's excellent job raising the sail that had taken the brunette fifteen minutes to untangle from Emma who landed with a hard thud on the deck. "Thank you Miss Swan now if you would be so inclined as to prepare to leave dock."
"Right what shall I do?"
"Untied the ship from the docks," Regina nodded to the docks. How much trouble could the blonde possibly get into untying a ship from it's docking position?
Emma unlooped, looped and unlooped again until the rope came loose. With a smile she proudly turned to face Regina who was already following the next set of rules. A strong gust of wind blew through and the boat jerked to take off sending Emma propelling backwards and into the water.
She sputtered and spurted the water as she surfaced her life jacket doing it's job efficiently. Holy crap it was cold she thought to herself as the boat carefully sailed away from her. "Hey!" Emma called waving her arms in the air, "Wait for me!"
Regina stopped what she was doing and her head popped up from it's spot to search the boat that was now empty once again. Looking up at the mast she expected to see the blonde once again hanging from it having entangled herself within rope but no such sign was present. "Miss Swan what happened now?"
"Regina!"
Regina blinked, she swore she had heard her name.
"Regina!"
Okay now she was positive that was her name. She moved to the bow of the boat jumping over ropes and bucket until she reached the back and noticed a figure waving her arms frantically about.
"Wait for me!"
Oh crap how do you stop the boat? Regina looked around. This really wasn't good.
Attempt #3
Emma shook slightly as a small gust of wind blew over her drenched clothes. The sun was peeking out from it's place behind the clouds giving her just enough warmth that she didn't freeze. Regina had managed to find a way to stop the boat but had forced Emma to swim the distance to it afraid if she turned it around she could end up anywhere and never being able to stop the boat.
"Miss Swan pull that rope there we need to be able to turn the boat left before we leave the our Ocean altogether."
Emma nodded having noticed the dot on the horizon as the docks they had pulled away from not an hour ago. She pulled the rope and with Regina's help the boat tipped and started left. With another proud and confident smile Emma took a step back caught her foot in a large rope and slipped falling backwards and overboard but not before grabbing onto the nearest solid object for support. That didn't work well. The solid object went overboard with her and with a splash they both impacted the cold harsh water.
"Miss Swan!"
Emma cringed maybe she should remain underwater. I wonder if I can breathe underwater because the look Regina's giving me looks like I'm going to have to learn fast Emma laughed nervously. "Sorry."
Regina turned from her spot treading water with her life jacket securely doing it's job at the boat sailing of into the sunset with no passengers on board as if it were an abandoned ghost ship. She turned back to Emma, "Start swimming Miss Swan."
Attempt #4
They had managed to reach the boat and after of few attempts of climbing on board Emma had managed to - not so graciously get on board. She had followed Regina's instructions to the 'T' to get the boat to pull to a stop and bob slowly in the water as Regina swam to catch up to it. Emma had hauled her in and smiled sheepishly luckily for her Regina had yet to try drowning her. Note to self; water plus Regina equals not a good combination.
"Just out of curiosity there are no sharks around here right?" Emma asked curiously.
Regina shook her head. "The men had both said there weren't sharks anywhere in the vicinity and that they have shark nets up."
Emma nodded. "That's good wouldn't want to get eaten by jaws." Emma smirked when Regina nodded and went to work with boat. "Oh my God!" Emma screamed, "SHARK!"
Regina's head popped up looking around the boat and out over the expanse of water.
Emma cracked up laughing. She couldn't actually believe the brunette had fallen for it. "Oh my god, classic." Emma cried out with laughter. "You should have seen your face." Regina smirked and Emma swallowed rather loudly as Regina made her way towards her with a predatory look in her eyes, "Now Regina let's not do anything hasty. I was just joking around." The next thing Emma knew, her arms were flailing in the air, she was falling and the cold water was back encompassing her in it's freezing grasp. The life jacket inflated and it pushed her to the surface. It really was getting it's work out. Emma sputtered and spurted once again.
Emma watched as Regina leaned against the bow of the boat and waved with a smirk on her face. "Regina?" She called weakly as she watched the boat sailing away with a smirking Regina on board.
Regina cupped her hands around her mouth to project her voice as she called out to the blonde bobbing in the water, "Watch out for the sharks Miss Swan! Net's don't always work!"
Emma looked around her nervously good to know - now.
Attempt #5
Emma sat on the deck. In the spot no more then ten minutes ago she was told not to move from, from a certain brunette. "Regina my ass is getting sore and I think I've got splinters in it. Can I stand up?"
"Miss Swan your in the habit of being disastrous so just sit there."
"But Regina," Emma whined.
"No Miss Swan now just sit there."
Emma sighed but did as she was told. Reaching out she pulled on a large rope that didn't budge another tug and a loud whirring was heard for a split second. Looking around the deck she awaited the storm that had to be coming but she couldn't find Regina.
"Miss Swan up here."
The polite yet hard tone in Regina's voice caused Emma took look up. Regina was dangling upside down from the mast much like she had been before and she wore a pretty pissed of look. "How'd you end up, up there?" Emma inquired the last she had seen her she was doing something with the ropes on the deck.
"Magic Miss Swan. I flew - how do you think I ended up here?!" She snapped with the retorical question.
"I don't know that's why I asked you." Emma said.
Regina took a deep breath to calm herself down before asking, "Miss Swan what have you got in your hand?"
Emma looked down at the thick brown rope. "Umm a rop-ooh." Emma dragged out upon realizing. "Sorry."
"Just get me down Miss Swan."
Attempt #6
"Hey Regina look what I found." Emma held out a flag with a skull and cross bones on it. "We really could be pirates. Can I put it up?"
"If you must Miss Swan. Just...try not to damage anything."
"Yes!" Emma did a fist pump to the air took a step back preparing to turn around but landed in a bucket that caused her to fall back and grab hold of a rope which tugged at the sail and forced it to crumble down upon Regina who stood up underneath the large sheet. "You know what the flag's not important." Emma said before moving away from the white blanketed sail figure.
XXX
"So what's for lunch?" Emma inquired.
Regina nodded to the basket that had yet to be included in any accidents, "There's sandwiches and wraps in there take which ever one you want."
"Sweet you want anything?" Emma asked as she moved towards the bucket.
"Just a bottle of water."
Emma stopped and turned to Regina, "Regina you gotta eat. Come on I think the boat can last a few seconds without you."
Regina sighed but aquisced. "I'll take the tuna and tomato wrap."
Emma nodded and squelched the need to fist pump the air. "Thanks."
A few minutes later they were both sat in stored fold up chair over looking the sea. Emma with a soda can down beside the legs of her chair while she ate a chicken teryaki wrap that surprisingly tasted like heaven. Regina sat next to her bottle of water down by her chair as she ate her own tuna and tomato wrap.
"Where did you get this from it's nice?" Emma asked taking a rather large bite from hers.
"The man Mr. Lorais gave us lunch on the house. He was a rather nice man."
Emma scoffed, "Right it was all out of the kindness of his heart."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Regina questioned Emma.
"It means the only kindness he was thinking about was his lower half."
Regina swallowed her bite before speaking. "Is that what you think?"
Emma scoffed and looked towards Regina, "Considering he was staring at your ass the majority of the time you were talking and when you looked towards you her decided if he couldn't stare at your ass he could stare at your tits."
"Miss Swan!" Regina choked on a piece of tomato. Once she got it under control she glared at the blonde, "Do you have to be so crass?"
"It's being truthful. I'd prefer it if you didn't wear such shirts anymore and you weren't so...flirtatious towards everyone." Emma stated choosing her words carefully. Seduction and flirtation were two different things. Not much difference but they were different none the less.
"Excuse me? What I do and wear is none of your business." Regina stated and opened her mouth to continue but felt a large pile of water start to soak the footwear she was wearing for sailing. "Miss Swan I think there's a leak."
"Well it wasn't me. I use a bathroom. Although now you mention it I really do have to go." Emma said chewing on her wrap.
"No Miss Swan we're sinking!" Regina cried out as she jumped to her feet as water flooded the deck.
"Nice one Regina but it's not working. Now back to what we were talking about, your clothes have to change at least get better clothes that cover your...assets." Emma awaited the yelling that should have come and when she looked in Regina's direction she found the woman hauling buckets of water over board. "Holy crap!" Emma jumped to her feet noticing the water flooding the deck, "Don't panic. What the fuck do we do?!" Emma screamed, "Were going to sink."
"Miss Swan direct us to shore!"
"Regina we ain't got time! Everyone overboard!" Emma yelled and made for the bow of the ship preparing to launch herself over board but was caught by hand preventing her from jumping.
"Miss Swan don't panic and direct us to shore."
XXX
Emma and Regina stood on the cross mast as the boat continued sinking. The moment they stepped of the mast the boat sunk the rest of the way under and Emma was reminded of Jack Sparrow and the first time you saw him in the movie with his sinking ship.
Regina looked from the sunken boat to the in-disbelief Mr. Lorais standing in front of her looking out over the ocean at his lost boat. "How much?"
XXX
"So let's never do that again," Emma said as she and Regina walked down the street under the lit footpaths. They still had just a little over a day to kill before the Hummer would be spick and spam again.
"For once Miss Swan I happen to agree."
Emma nodded. "So what now? Dinner? Can we go to the bar? They might not sell nice food but I need a drink."
XXX
A few hours later and Emma and Regina found themselves running through the town, officers with flashlights chasing after them. Last time Regina ever lets Emma suggest the bar. God so many incidents where to start;
Incident #1 (Mistake #1)
Never let Emma suggest the bar. Never should have.
Incident #2 (Mistake #2)
"Come on Regina it'll be fun." Emma said with a small slur as she handed over the tequila shot. "Just one shot trust me you'll like it."
One shot had turned into another and another and another and soon enough she had quite a few shot glasses lining the bar bench and a large crowd behind her cheering her on as she continued taking shot after shot. Fuzziness clouding her senses.
Incident #3
"Hold this up like that," A young man who went by Travis spoke as he handed Regina a hunting rifle. "Aim for the bottles."
Regina did as told but the bottles were so blurry. She took a pot shot and the bottle shattered. A round of applause went up and Emma cheered her on to take another from her spot right behind her. Regina did and a second bottle shattered, she was good at this even slightly drunk. Regina stumbled and Emma caught her somewhat shakely from being just as drunk - okay maybe they were a little more then a little drunk.
"Take another shot," Emma whispered once Regina was steadied out.
Regina nodded took position and waited for Emma to back away before raising the gun and pulling the trigger. The window of the Sheriff's car behind the bottles shattered and the crowd quickly dispersed when the car alarm sounded.
"Walk away," Travis said.
Both Emma and Regina complied dispersing with the crowd but not before Regina had enough sense to quickly shove the gun back into Travis's hand.
Incident #4
"Okay hold this," Emma handed Regina a roll of toliet paper as they stared at the police station. "Ready?"
Regina nodded. If she hadn't of been drunk - slightly drunk, she would have had more sense then this. But with the haziness in her head she followed Emma as they ran around the police station TPing the place until it was all colors white. They laughed once their job was complete.
Incident #5
Regina would never request a bottle of water from a drunk Emma again. Ever again.
After the request Emma had sworn she would get Regina that bottle of water. The bar was closed and all shops even teh service station but that didn't stop Emma from climbing the fence and up into the roof until she found access.
Fifteen minutes later and a line of falling and damages to the store, Regina found herself with a bottle of water and a warmly smiling Emma. Yeah it was sweet in someway but Regina swore she would never ask a drunk Emma for a bottle of water again.
Looking at the store she noticed chip bags scattered around with chips all over the place. The roof caved in and store shelves tipped over. Yep never again.
Incident #6
"Come on Regina let's do it."
Regina should have known better but followed Emma as the woman opened the driver's side of the police car and jumped inside with Regina slipping into the passenger seat. Oh yeah if she had her senses she would have been smart enough to realize that she was making a big mistake. Instead they were lost or screaming somewhere in the black depths. Alcohol won over her sensibility.
Incident #7
They may have gotten away with it if Emma hadn't flicked on the sirens and they hadn't sped around town honking the horn and yelling at the newly made bar friends around the town who cheered them on. Regina hadn't even noticed the line of police cars flashing their lights behind them.
Incident #8
Regina had noticed the police cars the moment it came over the intercom, radio, loudspeaker and megaphone that one of the cops was using as he hung out of the car. "Oh shit, Miss Swan do something."
"Right," Emma nodded and slammed her foot on the accelerator as she took of winding through the streets the police behind her.
"Miss Swan they're gaining. Forget this ditch the car."
Emma did what she was told and pulled to a stop before Regina and her piled out of the vehicle and took of down the street in a fit of laughter.
And that was how Regina and Emma had ended up being chased down the street with police tagging along behind them calling for them to freeze. Oh god they were so screwed. Luckily no guns were pulled on them.
They rounded a corner and Emma yanked Regina into another alley and around another corner as police ran past them flashlights disappearing into the vast distance. "That was awesome!" Emma called out.
A hand fell on Regina and Emma's shoulder. "I'm glad you two had fun."
Regina and Emma gulped and spun around to face the police officer who had a rather large smirk in place. Yeah Regina would regret it in the morning but right now she actually found she had enjoyed letting her hair down for once and doing something so out of the ordinary and so unlawful.
XXX
Regina groaned as she sat up her head pounding. She looked across from her spot on the small cot and found Emma sitting in the same position with a sheepish smile on her face.
"Mornin' Regina," Emma smiled.
"What happened?" Regina asked.
"I don't know all I do know is that you slept for nearly whole day. So good sleep?"
Taking in her surroundings, "Miss Swan why are we behind bars?"
"Well," Emma chuckled nervously, "It's a funny story really."
Regina flashbacked to the incidents of the previous night and remembered her hand getting cuffed as she was placed in the back of the police car with Emma as they both laughed out loud at something they found hysterically funny.
"Miss Swan. Tell me we are not in jail?"
"Not anymore at least."
Emma and Regina's heads both popped up in surprise at a surprisingly familiar voice.
Oh god no Emma pleaded with whatever saint or god that could hear her that it wasn't who she thought it would be. Turning to face the front of the bars as the officer unlocked Regina's first. Nervously she smiled and waved with a nervous chuckle, "Hi mom."
Regina cringed but nodded curtly, "Snow."
Okay so Snow joins the fray and this chapter might have been a little OOC but that's what this story is about. Snow will more than likely only be involved with one or two chapters but I had to bring her in. For Regina and Emma to sort things out I believe Regina and Snow have to come to some sort of truce and the only way for that to happen is for them to be in the same room with one another. So yes Snow will be in one or two chapters. Hopefully you enjoyed.