AN: Here you go, I tried to incorporate all of your ideas.
As I nervously await the arrival of my father, I cringe at the thought of telling Monica about my plan to commit suicide. Mom keeps telling me everything will be fine, but how can I be so sure? Monica will be devastated, she wants to help me through everything. When she finds out that I didn't even try to talk to her she will be so upset.
As if the whole Monica situation wasn't bad enough, Dad will be three times worse. He will think that I didn't want to tell him, because it has been two months since the incident. I have pushed him so far away already.
I am snapped out of my thoughts when I hear a knock at the door. My head shoots to look at the door. Mom senses my panic so she quickly rushes to the door. I see my father standing outside of the door looking more like a man then a woman.
"Nora, where is my son?" He says and rushes into the apartment.
"It's good to see you too Charles." She says closing the door behind him.
"Mom could you go get Monica?" I ask. She nods, she doesn't leave before shooting a death glare at Dad. I take that to mean 'don't do anything stupid'.
"Chandler, what's going on?" Dad asks.
"About two months ago there was an incident. In that incident," I squeeze my eyes shut before I continue. "I was shot." No! There will be no more tears. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I just wasn't ready." I say, for the first time I look into my father's eyes. I don't see anger, I see pity and sorrow. Why isn't he saying anything?
"Well," He says and takes a deep breath. "Wow."
"But the whole thing has made me realize how much I love you. I regret never telling you, but this whole thing has made my defenses work twice as hard." I tell him.
"I love you too." He says and walks up to hug me. After he breaks the hug he tugs at my shoulders and looks into my eyes. "I am so proud of you. Not just because of this because of everything you have done." He says and smiles. Just then Mom walks back in along with Monica…. And all of my other friends? I give my Mom a nasty look, but she mouths 'I tried.'
"Chandler, honey, what's going on?" Monica asks as she runs up to me, pushing some of her hair behind her ear in the processes.
"Why don't we all sit down?" Mom proposed. Everybody made their way to their separate seats, but Monica never left my side. The room was dead silent but that was soon interrupted by Mom slamming something on the counter. I cringe as I see the golden bottle resting on the counter top. "Chandler, why don't you tell everybody what you wanted to do with these pills." She proposed.
I feel Monica's eyes locked on me. I really don't want to tell them. But I guess I have to. "I-uh-I wanted to overdose." I finally admit. I see Monica's reaction first. A sob escapes her mouth and she reaches out to grab the counter top. I then see Joey's reaction. He looks angry, I don't know why. Ross, doesn't look mad, sad, surprised, he just sinks back into her chair. Rachel, oh god, Rachel. After we talked in the hospital we have been closer. But now she looks devastated. Phoebe looks, steaming, just like Joey. Why are they angry?! Dad looks shocked, even though I think he saw it coming. "Look it got painful. I didn't want to be depressed anymore." I finally say.
"So you were just going to give up?! Without even talking to us?!" Joey yells. I bite the inside of my check, so hard that I draw blood.
"I can't do this right now." I say to Mom. She walks over to me and grabs at my trembling arms. I try to break free by she tightens her hold on me.
"Hey! Chandler, no. Calm down its ok." I whimper as I try to get away but she just tightens her grip again. "Chandler listen to me! You can do this, I know you can." So much for no more tears. "Remember I will be right here."
After Mom let's go of me Monica walks up to me. "Why didn't you talk to me?" She asks.
"I thought that you would get mad and then break up with me." I say, tears still flowing down my checks.
"Over something that we could move past? Something that we could fix." She asks. I shrug in reply. I stare into her eyes and I see hurt. I guess that is understandable, I would be hurt if she didn't come talk to me.
"Hold on! That's it? He tried to kill himself!" Joey yells.
"I thought about it! There is a difference between trying and thinking!" I shoot back.
"OK, no yelling." Mom says.
"Do you think that I am that stupid to actually do that?" I ask.
"Why would you even think of doing it anyway?" Phoebe asks.
"I am in pain, and I had convinced myself that it was never going to get better, I thought that this was it. I was living with pain." I say pulling Monica a little closer to me.
Nobody reacts they just stare into nothing in shock, except Mom. "Also I feel like you guys sometimes don't really understand what my mind was going through that night." Suddenly all eyes are on me. "I was going through many emotions, one fighting to stay alive, two trying to hear what ever Monica was telling me, and three fight for you guys. Wow it feels good to get that off my chest." I say in one deep breath.
"Chandler what do you mean fight for us?" Rachel asks.
"I knew that if I died that would be like it for you guys hanging out together. Joey wouldn't want to stay in the apartment, or most likely not be able to afford it. Then with Joey gone Phoebe might leave too, because you two have always been close. Ross probably wouldn't leave, he might just separate himself for a while. Rachel would probably realize that this might not be the best option for her, thus leaving just Ross and Monica." I say, I didn't realize the meaning behind my words till I actually said them.
"What about your parents?" Ross asks. Without warning a sob escapes my mouth. I see my parents shoot glances at each other before running up to me and both hugging me at the same time. It isn't long before all of my friends join the hug, putting me in the center.
"Ok this can't be good for my chest." I shudder. After that I feel all of them pull away. "Hey guys can I have a talk with just Monica and my parents?" I ask.
"Ya, we'll be over at your place Mon." Ross says and they all exit.
"Mon there is something that you should know." I say and take a seat at the kitchen counter. I see Monica look at Mom before looking back at me. I roll up my sleeve and show her the scar that now marks my body.
"Did you do that to yourself?" She asks, backing away from me slightly. I nod.
"Baby, I am so sorry." I whisper so only she could hear me.
"No I am sorry, I have been caught up in the moment. I was too stupid to realize that you were hurting." She says and comes around the counter and hugs me.
"Chandler?" I hear Mom say. I look up at her and see her smiling. "You've made me proud." She says and joins the hug. "Charles?" I hear her ask.
"Ya sure why not." He says and joins the hug. I smile up at Monica and lightly press my lips to hers. We break the hug and Monica has her eyes locked onto mine. I watch as she takes my hand and places it on her stomach…
AN: Hehehehe I know so evil, please review.