For the next few months Lexa learned how to draw and paint. Her training and lifestyle had always precluded any possibility of this endeavour. Clarke showed her the basics with the limited supplies they managed to scrounge up in Tondc. Wanting to progress past the rudimentary sketches, she began ordering some of her people to find the materials necessary to make pigments out of, as per Clarke's instruction. Oddly this was the activity she took to with the most ease, and she found herself getting lost in her artwork day in and day out, semi conscious of the fact that Clarke was right there beside her, creating the same breathtaking view of what the Earth looked like from the sky, followed by flowing rivers and trees, flowers, horses and whatever other wildlife she had come in contact with so far. It was a great joy to be the cause of Clarke's enrapture, even if it wasn't in the way she would have preferred.

Every morning the canvas was blank and she could craft something new and wonderful. At first she didn't mind that none of her artwork was surviving the day, never to be looked upon again. After awhile this dilemma became irritating and she began to lose interest. But before she quit altogether, and while her skill was as good as it was ever going to get, she took the opportunity to paint Clarke's lovely face. She had stared at the girl at length over the course of their acquaintance and knew every tiny, yet defining feature by heart. So it was that she didn't even need to look at Clarke while she attempted to capture her strength, passion and beauty in a single image. This was an almost impossible task. Needless to say her first attempts were not worthy of the sky girl. It was nearly a week later before she crafted something that was.

As she was busy admiring her handiwork, the subject in question snuck up on her to see what she was so hypnotized by.

"What have you got there, Lexa?"

Snapping to reality, she tried to cover it up with outstretched arms. It was too late, the damage had already been done. Sighing, she stood off to the side at Clarke's insistence.

The sky girl scrutinized her likeness for what seemed like an eternity. Finally she turned to Lexa and said, "This is good. Like really good." Lexa flashed her a genuine smile, something that Clarke was mildly taken aback by. "Is this what I look like to you?"

Her heart hammered as she boldly said, "Yes, you are everything I depicted there...and more."

So much more.

Softly, "Do you like me, Lexa?"

She swallowed. "I care for you, Clarke. I've cared for you for a long time."

Clarke glanced away during the ensuing awkward silence. "This must be really hard for you." Then to Lexa's surprise and utter devastation, "I wish I could reciprocate the feeling...but I just can't. I haven't had enough-"

"Time." The word came out leaden and dead, like it were physically a stone dragging her down. In many ways it was. "Yes, I know."

They stared at one another for awhile, Lexa willing herself to keep her emotions in check.

Clarke took a step closer. "Maybe we...never mind, it's a stupid idea."

"Tell me your idea, Clarke," she gently urged. "Woods Gods know I am all out of them."

And they have not heeded my prayers.

"Well, I was just thinking...you can hug me if you'd like...if you think that will help you at all."

Lexa had struggled not to touch Clarke every day of this hell. To suddenly be given consent was overwhelming and she had to take a few moments to catch her breath before moving closer to the object of her undying affection.

"Thank you," she murmured as she encircled the girls waist and pulled her close. Being this close to Clarke, feeling her form lightly pressed against her own was difficult to handle. Regardless, she savoured the moment, breathing in her intoxicating scent, becoming light headed and dizzy in the process, as if she had drunk flagons full of potent wine. Lexa thought she might faint so she held Clarke more tightly for support. Clarke brought her own arms up to hug Lexa back and the commander could have wept, she was so happy for this slight reprieve of her suffering.

When they pulled apart, begrudgingly on her part, Lexa had the strong urge to kiss Clarke, but remembering the disastrous last time, managed to stomp it down. To avoid temptation, she took a few steps back. Clarke observed her pityingly, in a similar fashion to just after killing Gustus.

"I hope that helped."

"It did."

"When you get out of this time loop, and you will, Lexa, maybe we could try that again."

Voice husky with repressed emotions, "I'd like that very much."

Another five months passed by in which she learned about biological processes, human anatomy, and theoretical healing and surgical techniques. Just as was the case with the target practice, she was slow to learn at first, but steadily gained an aptitude for all of the strange Latin names and confusing metaphors and concepts. Thankfully Clarke had a very good memory and could teach her nearly everything her mother had taught her without the aid of books, and could even draw detailed diagrams to literally further illustrate what she was talking about.

Eventually Lexa wanted to attain some practical knowledge. They started by dissecting small animals, like rabbits and raccoons (for some unknown reason she felt badly about killing this latter creature, as if she had a personal connection to it). While interesting, this didn't quite do it for Lexa, so she set out to get a human corpse to cut up and study. For this purpose Quint was the hapless victim, one of the few people she had no issues with killing whatsoever. time loop or no. She studied his insides for a few days and then decided she wanted to move onto surgery and how to heal the way that the sky people did.

"Quint, come over here!" she ordered for the fourth time. She led him out into the forest, turned around and shot him. The bewildered warrior clutched at his stomach as he fell to the ground. Clarke ran over with the 'med kit' her people had left her and began guiding Lexa through the process of stemming the flow of blood for a 'through and through'. Gut wounds were the most painful but also took the longest to die from, and as such, Lexa had plenty of time to get her hands dirty before he expired. With Clarke's tutelage however, he did not die and Lexa felt a spark of pride at her accomplishment.

Then she shot him in the head.

The next day they covered bullet extraction. They often got stuck in ribs, so Lexa shot Quint in the chest this time, careful not to hit any major organs, at least not directly.

"Heda, why?" he groaned as he fell over.

Lexa knelt beside him on the forest floor and used her dagger to rip through his semi armoured shirt to gain better access to the wound. Clarke handed her the forceps. She placed one hand to hold him down as she dug into his oozing wound with the metal instrument. He thrashed around, whimpering until she had finally managed to retrieve it. The wound bled much more.

"Why is that happening?"

"Why do you think?"

"Besides the bullet nicking an artery, the bone may have shattered, causing a laceration further in the body cavity."

"Good. And what are you going to do about this?"

"If it is an artery, find the source and tie it off. If it is a laceration, remove the bone and pad down with gauze until the blood clots."

Clarke nodded and handed her the scalpel.

Lexa alternated between shooting and stabbing him in various different places over the next month, Clarke ever vigilant and ready to offer a hand if needs be.

After the latest such messy session, while they were sharing a drink, she asked, "Clarke, how did you bring Lincoln back from the dead? What did that glowing stick do?"

Clarke was leaning against the wall of Lexa's house, looking contemplative.

"Clarke?"

"It zapped him with electricity. Jump started his heart."

"Is this electricity similar to the electrical impulses in our bodies?"

"Yeah, it's the same thing. The stun baton synchronized the impulses of Lincoln's heart again so it could contract properly and pump blood and oxygen back to his brain. That's when he regained consciousness," she smirked slightly, "and you decided not to kill us."

Lexa returned the smirk. "I am grateful you did not make me kill you."

Clarke walked over and tapped their glasses together. "Here's to not dying." They took a sip and then she added, "So, I'm curious now...how many times have I died during this time loop?"

"None," said Lexa simply.

Clarke arched both eyebrows. "None? How is that possible? You know so much now. Months must have passed. Are you telling me that Quint, or the pauna, or whatever, didn't manage to get me at least once?"

"I did not let them," Lexa said quietly, glancing away.

Clarke took a lengthy sip while she mulled this revelation over. Then she sat down across from Lexa, stared deep into her eyes and said, "Maybe that's why you're stuck."

"I don't understand," Lexa replied, blinking in confusion, expecting another 'heart to heart' conversation and potential embrace, something she had been aching for ever since the last one.

"That first day...remind me for the millionth time what happened."

"Quint tried to kill you and I intervened-"

"Exactly."

"Exactly, what?"

Clarke bit her lip and fidgeted with her cup. "You prevented my death. Maybe I was meant to die that day and this whole thing has been the universe's way of making sure that happens."

Just like the purgatory theory, Lexa flat out rejected it as nonsense.

"You have to let me die, Lexa," Clarke said emphatically. Lexa gripped her mug tight. "If I'm wrong, the day will just reset. If I'm right...you'll finally be free and can go save our people."

"And if you're right," she said, letting her commander persona take hold to shield her from emotion, "how will I prevent the destruction of this alliance? How will I keep your people's trust?" She shook her head. "Your reasoning is highly illogical."

"You'll find a way. I have faith in you. You have to let Quint do it. Bring this thing round full circle."

Tight lipped and in denial, "I won't. So please stop suggesting such a thing."

"What do you have to lose?"

Everything.

I'm assuming the Clarke of this story has more medical knowledge than the one in the show.