A/N: Thanks to everyone who's followed/favorited and/or is reading but not reviewing.:)
WHY IN THE WORLD DOES EVERYONE LIKE MY DEPRESSING CHAPTERS?!:P 'Great', 'entertaining, 'tense', 'enjoyed'...okay then.:) Thanks for all the positive words, guys/gals/whoever you are:P:)
olaf99-I don't like making my readers cry.:/ Although I guess that means it was written well, right?:P Thanks, I'm glad you like my story:)
Optomistic-That's what I thought too. Warnings and then something happens anyhow are two big thumbs down to anyone. Personally I'd probably be really mad, but I didn't think that was really in character for Elsa. (Well, ok, she got a little mad, but mostly upset.:/) I tried to make Elsa's reasoning for her actions believable-I guess I did if you understood why.:P Elsa needs a great big hug...I haven't got anything else to say.:/
Fatten Saad-Thanks:) I'm still a bit glad Elsa and Anna don't have to deal with their parents anymore.:P Although yeah, since neither of them actually disliked their parents, both Elsa and Anna just got upset instead.:/
WarriorQueen 14-Thanks for the feedback about the trigger warning thing.:P I know Elsa and Anna spending lots of time together can't last forever since I still want the movie events to happen like they should, but I thought they needed a bit of time together after that.:) (Plus, I was thinking that Elsa really can't be left alone at the moment anyway. If they were in our world, Elsa would probably have to go to the hospital, I'm sure.:/) So...that's my excuse for letting Elsa and Anna spend a bit of time together.:)
ElsaIsAmazing-Thank you:) I'm glad both Elsa and Anna seemed believable:) And thanks for the idea. *fixes chapter 22* Ta-da, all fixed;)
CHAPTER 23 RECAP: For anyone who decided to skip the last chapter...Elsa and Anna found out their parents were lost at sea. Elsa accidentally froze her room and attempted (a not very well thought out) suicide, but Anna stopped her. [no, she didn't find out about Elsa's powers.] Elsa went to sleep in Anna's room, annnddd...that's where this chapter picks up.
On to the story!:) Now we get some happy stuff for most of the chapter*yay*
Later that night, Elsa woke up with a start at some loud noise. I didn't lose control, did I?! No, I didn't…wait, Anna's the one who's yelling this time. Not me. Elsa bit her lip, wondering what to do. She didn't dare touch Anna with her hands, so she poked her elbow at Anna instead. "Anna, wake up! It's just a dream! Please…"
Anna thrashed about and accidentally smacked Elsa in the face.
"Ow!" Elsa exclaimed, jerking backwards. Good grief, Anna whacked me in the face that one time when she was little, too. She couldn't be mad though; Anna didn't even know what she was doing. Elsa fumbled to light the kerosene lamp on Anna's nightstand; then hesitantly poked Anna with her elbow again and said, "Wake up, Anna…please wake up!"
To Elsa's relief, Anna finally woke up, blinking in confusion. "Wait, what? What…why?! What the-what happened? Oh, thank goodness you're ok, Elsa!" Anna said all in one breath. Without thinking, she threw her arms around Elsa and hugged her close.
Elsa tensed up all over. Elsa, don't you dare lose control. Anna doesn't even really realize what she did. "Anna, I'm going to…try to help, but you have to let go…of me first. I feel really, really…uncomfortable…"
Anna immediately released Elsa once she realized what she was doing. Oops, big oops. I'm surprised Elsa didn't hightail it out of here. Good job, Elsa. "Sorry, Elsa. I know that was way, way too much for you. I just…there was this horrible dream, and I thought you were…and I…that is, we…well, I'm just so, so glad you're sitting right there and you're ok…" Anna started rambling.
"Well, um…I'm no expert on trying to make someone feel better, but maybe you could…tell me what happened?" Elsa suggested, holding her hands clasped together in her lap. She had absolutely no idea how to comfort Anna or calm her down. Anna asked me to tell her what happened what it was me with the bad dream, so I think that's what I'm supposed to do now. I hope, anyways.
"Mom and Dad came back and found out what you were trying to do earlier and you thought they weren't real and they just let you go through with it and I couldn't do anything and IT WAS HORRIBLE!" Anna explained in a rush. Wait a second…I'm over here fussing over a bad dream and poor Elsa is the one who literally tried to get rid of herself hours ago. And yet she's still trying to comfort me. Something's wrong with that picture…
Elsa bit her lip, wondering what to say now. "Um…it wasn't real, Anna? Oh, Anna, I'm so bad at this! I don't know how to comfort other people. I don't even know how to comfort myself most of the time…which I guess is quite obvious…" Elsa, you're Anna's older sister. Figure out what to say. That bad dream is partly your fault. "Well…uh, I have no intentions of trying…anything like that again, so…that would never happen anyway."
Anna's heart went out to her sister, who was trying so hard to help Anna, even though she didn't really know how. Elsa's clumsy comforting attempts really do make me happy, though. She's just too much…the silly girl never thinks of herself. She didn't go and say 'Good grief, Anna, you're so immature. How do you think I feel?' or something. And she could have. It'd be totally understandable. "Thanks, Elsa," she told her, giving her a smile.
"I helped?!" Elsa asked in surprise. I was worried I was making things worse.
"Of course you did, Elsa. Why wouldn't you have?"
Elsa's face lit up. "I helped you, Anna!" she exclaimed happily. "I really did it!" I helped Anna! I didn't really know how, but I did it anyway.
Anna smiled back at Elsa, thinking that she sounded like a very pleased and excited five-year-old, but Anna was certainly not going to tell Elsa that. Not when she was genuinely happy at the moment. "I'm glad you're happy, Elsa. You look totally over the moon at the moment!"
Elsa gave Anna a quizzical look. Over the moon? Oh, oh yeah…idiom. Okay, I got it. Duh, Elsa! "I had to think what you meant by 'over the moon' for a moment," she said sheepishly. "I forgot it was an idiom."
"Oops."
"Oops is right! Next time, warn me and say, 'idiom alert!' or something," Elsa responded in a deadpan voice. The only thing that gave away that she was teasing was the smile on her face. Anna makes me so happy. I don't deserve to feel this happy, but I do anyway right now.
"We should hit the sack. Idiom alert!" Anna said, giggling. Boy, sometimes Elsa can be so funny. I wish she joked around more often. The only thing that dampened the moment for Anna was seeing Elsa's bandaged wrist, because it reminded her of what had almost happened to her sister the day before. (Yes, it's after midnight, so it's yesterday now, Anna noted.)
"Exactly, we should…go meet the sandman. Idiom alert!" Elsa replied, now giggling herself. This is great. I love spending time with Anna. I wish it could be like this all the time, but I can't. It'd be wrong…still, I'll NEED help with government stuff. Maybe Anna and I could sneak a few jokes and fun stuff in when I work on that. Right that second, Elsa decided that she would spend most of her time in her room and not reply to Anna; but whenever she had to take care of important business, she'd make sure Anna was there too. That way she wasn't disrespecting her late parents, but she wouldn't lose Anna completely, either. It's better than no Anna at all, anyways, she told herself. Maybe she'd eat her meals with Anna too…after all, a girl had to eat, right? And somehow food was so much more appealing when she got to eat it with someone, especially her sister.
"Elsa, I forgot about the sandman! Do you remember when I believed he was real no matter how much you went on and on that he was pretend?" Anna asked. "Looking back now, it was hilarious. And then one time when I bugged you wayyy too much when you were trying to go to sleep, you said, 'Ooh, Anna, the sandman's gonna get you!' and THEN I was like, 'But you said he's not real, Elsa!'"
Elsa thought for a moment before laughing at the memory. "Typical big sis/little sis conversation, right?" she said. "How old were we? Three and six?" Then her expression grew serious and she added, "But Anna, I can't believe I actually wanted you to go away and leave me alone then…what a dumb little kid I was…I hate telling you that now…" I was naïve and stupid; that's what…
"Elsa, you were a six-year-old girl trying to sleep while her toddler sister jumped all over her attempting to wake her up. You can't get mad at yourself for that," Anna replied. Great, now I've made Elsa think of something that makes her upset…
Elsa smiled faintly. I guess that's true. But now I would rather be completely safe for Anna to be around and have her jump all over me every time I try to go to sleep than have our present reality. "Your three-year-old self would have objected quite strongly to being called a toddler," she said.
Anna giggled and yawned. "You're funny, Elsa. I like your sense of humor."
"Thanks, Anna." Elsa found herself yawning now too. "I guess yawns are contagious?"
"Yeah…c'mon, Elsa, let's go to sleep. I love you."
Elsa turned out the lamp and scooched down under the covers. "I love you, too, Anna…thank you for saving me," she said quietly. "You're the best sister anyone could ever have." I can never repay Anna for what she did, but I'm going to try. I can at least tell her thank-you.
"So are you, Elsa. You are really, really misguided sometimes, but I know you care about me and do your best about stuff. Like earlier, I could tell you had no idea how to comfort me about that icky dream, but you tried-and did!-anyway. And you could've gotten annoyed because I was fussing about a dumb dream and you were the one who literally tried to…you-know-what; but you just tried to make me feel better instead," Anna told her.
"Anna, bad dreams aren't something to sneeze at. They can bother you for ages and make it hard to fall asleep. Believe me, I know…I think it was the least I could do to try to make you feel better," Elsa said.
"Still, dumping my issue on you wasn't very thoughtful on my part. You've got enough stuff to deal with…" Anna yawned, then added, "'Scuse me."
Boy, do I ever…Anna doesn't even know my biggest problem… "I don't care; making you feel better made me happier too. G'night, Anna," Elsa replied.
"Good night, Elsa."
Elsa smiled and scooted all the way over to the edge of the bed as far away from Anna as possible. Don't want to hurt Anna…I don't think I will though…I'm happy right now.
To Anna's surprise, Elsa was still fast asleep when she woke up the next morning. "Gerda, what time is it?" Anna asked, noticing that Gerda was still in the room from the night before. She briefly wondered why, but decided that it was probably to keep an eye on Elsa, which was true.
"Almost ten in the morning. Yes, before you ask, your sister usually wakes up quite a bit earlier, but I figured she needed to sleep," Gerda said.
Anna frowned and glanced over at Elsa. "Yeah, she does. I don't wanna wake her up."
Just then, Elsa stirred and blinked in confusion at the ceiling. Where am I? This isn't my room…wait, this is Anna's room… "Why am I in Anna's room?" she asked, pulling herself to a sitting position. "Oh…I remember now…Anna, I'm so sorry…I, well…I don't know…" I can't even explain it. I should not have tried to do that. If anything, just so I don't make Anna all upset.
Anna reached to give Elsa's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Maybe you can try explaining again later. I'll be right here for you whenever you're ready."
"Thank you for not…pressing the issue, Anna." Elsa looked down at her hands and then promptly ducked her bandaged wrist under the covers, not wanting to see it anymore. I don't know how to explain it. Why did I try that? That was an awful and rash decision on my part. Stupid. I can't leave Anna with trying to run Arendelle herself. That's my job now.
"Um…d'you want some breakfast?" Anna asked.
Elsa blushed when her tummy made some rather loud noises. "Evidently yes. I do apologize for being so…rude." She glanced at Anna when she heard her start giggling. "Oh, Anna, your hair is crazy-looking right now!" Elsa exclaimed, starting to giggle herself. "It looks like you've got a family of little animals nesting in it!"
"Oh, this?" Anna said, patting her hair as if it were the latest style. "Didn't you know? Nesting places for little animals is the latest style! Everybody's wearing their hair like this!"
"I think I'll stay out of style then," Elsa replied, thinking Anna's antics were downright hilarious.
"Suit yourself."
"Girls don't wear suits," Elsa shot back.
"What about birthday suits?"
"ANNA!" Elsa squealed in embarrassment. "Seriously, you did not just say that!"
"Seriously, I did. Why not? That's what everyone on the whole planet takes a bath in, right?" Anna said, still giggling.
"Indubitably," Elsa admitted. It's a good thing nobody is in here to hear this conversation except Gerda. That'd be very embarrassing.
"Wait, what?"
"Wait, what what?"
"Wait what what…wait, what?" Anna asked, now mixing herself up.
"Wait what what, wait what what?" Elsa quickly replied. "Y'know, Anna, I can keep going a long time with this…" she added.
Anna was simultaneously annoyed that Elsa had completely befuddled Anna's original question's intention and pleased to see that sassy little smirk back on her sister's face. Well, Elsa's pleased with herself at the moment. That's a VERY good thing, anyways. She thinks word games are the most amusing thing ever. Thinking carefully for a minute before replying, Anna said, "Wait what what, wait what what? Y'know, Anna, I can keep going a long time with this. So can I, Elsa. You wanna admit defeat yet?"
Elsa smiled, quickly processing Anna's addition to the speech. "Wait what what, wait what what? Y'know, Anna, I can keep going a long time with this. So can I, Elsa. You wanna admit defeat yet? And the Word Queen's resounding answer is no way! Switch-ay to-hay ig-pay atin-lay?" Elsa thought switching to pig Latin might make her sister lose their game faster.
Whoa, Elsa's good at this, Anna thought. "Wait what what, wait what what? Y'know, Anna, I can keep going a long time with this. So can I, Elsa. You wanna admit defeat yet? And the Word Queen's answer is no way. Switch-ay to-"
"The Word Queen reigns supreme!" Elsa exclaimed, interrupting. "You forgot 'resounding' from when I said 'and the Word Queen's resounding answer is no way'."
Anna pouted for a second before smiling at Elsa. I'm not gonna make Elsa feel bad for winning a silly game. She deserves to pat herself on the back for once, even if it's over something so silly. "Want to get some breakfast now?"
Elsa smiled back and nodded. "I'll just run down to my room and change my clothes first, okay?" My room is probably still full of ice and snow. Terrific. Elsa swung her legs off the bed and started to stand up; then promptly sat back down when the room seemed to spin around her. She blinked and shook her head. "Okay, take two here…" That was really odd. Maybe I'm still tired or something, I don't know.
"Are you all right?" Anna asked.
"I think I just stood up too fast." Elsa's theory proved correct when she stood up this time with no issues.
"Mmkay…but I'm still gonna keep an eye on you anyway," Anna said, giving Elsa a smile.
Elsa smiled back before going down the hall to her own room.
The first thing Elsa noticed when she stepped into her room was that the now-reinstalled door wouldn't lock. Elsa frowned before realizing it was probably because whoever had put it back on knew what happened and thought she might try it again. Well, I'm not. I won't. Because of Anna. As long as she's around, I know I can deal with anything. She decided she was going to have a talk with Gerda about that lock; no lock at all was just as creepy to her as the door locking on the outside. I want my privacy, thank you very much.
The second thing Elsa noticed was that every bit of the snow and ice had completely disappeared. Not just melted into puddles all over the floor. Completely, utterly vanished. Elsa just stared in shock. She had expected all that mess to take days to melt. What in the world happened?! I certainly don't mind…I'm not complaining, but what did it?! Is it simply because I wasn't in here last night or what? Oh, who cares why, it's gone and I don't have to look at it any more. Elsa quickly pulled a dress out of her closet and put it on before brushing out her hair and rebraiding it. She made a face at herself in the mirror before twisting the braid into a bun and pinning it in place. I still like my single braid better… Elsa was just getting ready to head back to Anna's room when she heard a knock on the door.
"Princess Elsa? Are you all right in there?" Gerda asked.
Elsa sighed and opened the door. "I'm fine. I was just getting ready to come back to Anna's room…Where are the tools for altering the locks? Something has happened to mine," she said, giving Gerda a meaningful look that said I know exactly what happened to it.
"They've been put away, princess." Figuring (correctly) that Elsa just wanted her privacy, Gerda added, "No one is going to come in unless you give express permission, except if you need help again."
"I'm not going to do that again!" Elsa complained. "No lock at all creeps me out. If I don't get my lock back, I'm going to freeze the area around the doorknob every time I come in here instead."
"Princess, just for a while, please. Just to soothe your old servant's nerves, hmm?"
"Well…okay," Elsa agreed, albeit reluctantly. Now that I'm thinking about it, Gerda has been more of a mother to me than my real mother. This is one thing I can do for her. "But make sure Anna knows she can't come in unless I say she can…"
"She knows that already. I quote Princess Anna, 'Anything that's gonna make sure Elsa's ok', unquote."
Now Elsa smiled. I'm…somewhat okay. I have something to be okay for now though. I'm going to be okay for Anna. She took a deep breath before asking, "Gerda…do you think it's disrespectful to my parents' memory to not stay in my room twenty-four seven and ignore Anna? I don't think I can…deal with that again…I just feel like since it's partly my fault they died, then I should try to…honor their memory?" Elsa looked down at her hands and fiddled with her dress sleeve, trying to make sure her bandaged wrist was covered.
"Princess Elsa, it is not your fault they died. You yourself told me outright that they would not have listened to you if you had warned them. If you want my honest opinion, princess, you should spend as much time with your sister that you're comfortable with," Gerda told her.
"I can eat meals with Anna?" Elsa asked hopefully.
Gerda frowned at her. "Princess Elsa, do whatever you want, for goodness sakes!" She's the new queen of Arendelle and she's asking permission to eat in the dining hall…
Just then, Anna came running down the hall. "Elsa, are you coming down for breakfast?"
Elsa looked at Gerda, who nodded at her to tell her to go ahead. "Yes…I can do that. I can do that." As much time with Anna as I'm comfortable with, she told herself.
Gerda headed downstairs, saying that she would fix the two girls' breakfasts in a jiffy.
Elsa stepped into the hall with Anna, pulling her door shut behind her. "I want my lock back soon," she told Anna.
"Yeah, well…about that…please don't be mad, but it was kinda my idea," Anna said, blushing a little. "I wanted to make sure you absolutely, positively could NOT be alone if something made you that upset again, even if you wouldn't open the door…"
Figures. I believe it too; that's just like Anna to do something like that. "Anna…I will not do that again. I have something to keep me okay, sane, rational, in my right mind, whatever you want to call it. That something is you. I know that now." Elsa replied, looking her sister straight in the face.
Anna smiled at her sister. Good grief, what a responsibility Elsa just gave me. If I'm the thing that's keeping her going, then I'm going to make sure I'm ALWAYS there for her. Always, always, always. "Elsa…if you don't wanna answer this, it's ok, I'll understand. But why exactly did you try that?"
Elsa bit her lip and turned away from Anna. I should tell her. She probably deserves to know; they were her parents too…but what if she hates me for it? "Anna, I…that is…ifItellyouwillyoupleasenothateme?" she blurted in a rather Anna-like manner.
Anna reached to give Elsa's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "I will not hate you no matter what you tell me. Besides, knowing you, whatever it is probably isn't your fault anyhow."
That's what Gerda told me. Maybe Anna will think the same thing. "I…knew there was a storm coming and I…didn't warn them. I was scared of being…put in the dungeon again, but mostly I just…wanted two weeks of freedom…I killed them, Anna!" Elsa crossed her arms around her middle and backed away a little. "I'll still understand if…you think I'm…horrible now..."
Anna frowned, thinking over what Elsa had just told her. Elsa did that because she thinks the shipwreck was her fault?! She's gotta be kidding! Not only do I know for certain Mom and Dad wouldn't have believed her, those two reasons are completely legit. Good grief. "Number one: Mom and Dad would not have believed you. Number two: Those reasons for not giving the warning are very, very legit in my mind. And number three…um, Elsa…do you remember just who suggested for you to not give storm warnings anymore in the first place?"
Elsa risked a glance at her sister. "You did…" Anna did tell me that. She's right.
"Yep! So if it's anyone's fault, it's mine," Anna announced. "Except it's really no one's fault. Come on, let's go get breakfast."
Anna took the fault away from both of us…Ingenious. Elsa still couldn't quite absolve herself from the whole thing entirely, but she felt much better. No, nothing she did was going to bring her parents back. Yes, maybe she should have given the warning. But if she had, she would have ended up in the dungeon for two weeks, and the exact same outcome would have occurred. It didn't matter what I did; the shipwreck was going to happen anyway. "Okay, Anna, let's go get breakfast. Your sister is finished with her introspection." Elsa smiled a bit at Anna, and the two of them headed downstairs.
At breakfast, Elsa was irritated when there was only a spoon by her place setting. "Gerda…I think you forgot the rest of my utensils," she announced, sounding just a bit miffed. When she didn't receive a reply, Elsa added, "I'm not going to do anything! Good grief, you and Anna are right in front of me. Wouldn't that be a rather stupid thing to do on my part right now, even if I wanted to, which I don't?"
Gerda frowned at her, not liking that rather dark logic even if it was true, and just said, "You eat cereal with a spoon, do you not, princess?"
"Well, yes…" Elsa briefly thought that maybe she would just use her authority to get the other utensils; then changed her mind. I'm not going to abuse my authority just for that. She sighed and began eating her cereal. "Thank you for breakfast, Gerda."
"Elsa, d'you think maybe we could…have a talk together when we're done eating?" Anna asked.
Elsa stiffened in her seat. What on earth does Anna want to talk about? "It…depends on what we're going to be talking about," she replied.
"How's about we start talking and if you don't wanna talk anymore, we stop?" Anna offered.
"That sounds fair." Elsa relaxed a little and finished her breakfast. She stood up from the table and said, "I'm going to be in the study upstairs, all right? I probably should…try to send a sensible reply to Weselton, I suppose." I really don't want to deal with that right now, but I need to.
The second Elsa was out of the dining hall, Gerda said, "Princess Anna, please hurry up and finish eating. I would rather your sister not be alone at all right now, and she likes being with you. If I stay around her, she feels like I'm fussing over her needlessly."
Anna stuffed her last bit of cereal in her mouth and jumped up. "Sure, of course. I don't want Elsa alone either! She needs people to stand by her and support her and whatnot…" She made a face before adding, "…'specially after what she tried to do yesterday. And yet, like, I kinda sorta understand why she did it. Mom and Dad hurt Elsa on the inside for so long she hasn't got anything good to think about herself anymore. Is it rotten that I think it's mostly-actually probably all-their fault that Elsa tried that? I do genuinely miss them and stuff, but…I don't know, somehow I'm more concerned about Elsa right now." Anna began biting a fingernail as she kept thinking. "And oh, oops, I just remembered I oughta be with Elsa right now instead of rambling. Sorry, Gerda!" She took off in the direction of the study.
Elsa jumped in surprise when she heard the door open to the study, and a thin sheen of frost appeared under her feet where she was sitting at the desk. "Anna, wait a minute, please!" she said frantically. Great, just great. How am I going to explain that?!
Anna had already waltzed into the room, but she didn't notice Elsa's little power mistake. "C'mon, Elsa, I wanna talk to you! Want to come to my room? I like having you in there…you know, 'cause it used to be both of us's."
Elsa looked down at the floor. I know, Anna. I like being in there too…I wish it was still 'both of us's', horrible grammar or not. "I'm sorry I ruined our relationship…sisters aren't supposed to abandon each other like I did to you," she whispered. "You have a horrible sister, Anna…" Elsa buried her head in her crossed arms on top of the desk. Conceal, don't feel; conceal, don't feel. You can't lose control in front of Anna, Elsa. She flinched when Anna touched her shoulder, but she didn't otherwise protest.
"Elsa, it's all right. We can fix that," Anna told her. "And you are the absolute farthest thing from horrible. The only horrible thing about you is the way you think about yourself. You've gotta stop thinking of yourself like you do."
"But I'm defec-"
"No, Elsa. You are most definitely not," Anna interrupted. "You come on to my room now. You can finish whatever letter thing you're doing later."
Well, yeah, I guess I could… Elsa followed Anna down the hall to her room.
Anna flopped on the floor in the middle of her room. "C'mon, Elsa, you sit too!"
"Okay." Elsa just sat on the floor a little ways from her sister. What am I supposed to say?
Anna relieved Elsa of the problem of not knowing what to say. "So, like I said, I wanted to have a talk with you about something."
Elsa frowned. "About what?"
"Just that, well, I've been thinking…I know this wasn't the first time you thought about trying that, just the first time it got that far. But before I couldn't talk to you or anything. So maybe, if you feel yourself starting to get thoughts about anything even remotely about trying that again, you can tell me right away and then I'll try to make you feel better and make the icky depressing thoughts go away. What do you think, Elsa?"
Elsa couldn't resist Anna's hopeful grin. That actually does sound like a good idea to me. "I think that sounds like a very good idea."
"Awesome!" Anna was surprised but happy that Elsa agreed that quickly.
"There's just one thing, Anna…" Elsa paused before continuing, "It's just that…well, I don't want to end up dumping my problems on you…I don't want to be a bother. You shouldn't have to worry about fixing your sister's thought processes just because there's something wrong with her. It's not worth your time."
"Elsa, you wouldn't be 'dumping' anything on me or being a bother," Anna said firmly. "Why would I have offered in the first place then, Miss I-Always-Like-To-Be-Logical?"
Elsa smiled a bit at that. True. Anna wouldn't have said that in the first place if she thought that. Anna's awesome.
"And no, I should not have to worry about fixing your thought processes, BUT ONLY 'CAUSE THERE SHOULDN'T BE ANYTHING WRONG WITH 'EM IN THE FIRST PLACE! There is nothing wrong with you. I like you just the way you are, Elsa. You're my sister. Well, you could lose the awful depressing tendencies, yes. But other than that, you're perfect just being you. Oh yeah, and on the contrary to 'not worth your time', you are ALWAYS worth my time and then some." An idea popped into Anna's head, and she added, "Repeat after me: 'Anna loves Elsa because she deserves it.'"
Elsa shook her head. Is she kidding me?! I can't say that. "Anna, I…oh, never mind! I can't say that…it's not…true…"
Anna scrambled over to Elsa and laid a hand on her shoulder. "You don't gotta say it right now, but it is true." She was determined not to push Elsa away again by trying to get her back to her old happy eight-year-old self too fast, too soon. "So if you're not going to say it, I'm going to tell you again. Anna loves Elsa 'cause she deserves it."
This time Elsa found herself mouthing the sentence along with her sister. The words felt funny and out of place on her tongue. Anna loves Elsa 'cause she deserves it. Anna loves…me…'cause I…deserve it? Could it be true, maybe a little? "It can't be true," she whispered. Elsa pulled her knees to her chest. I've never been a good sister to Anna. Not since I hurt her when I was eight. I'm just an accident waiting to happen, and that incident when we were little just proves it.
"Elsa, it is too true. I love you, and you do deserve it. You've spent way, way, way too long thinking you're worthless and hating yourself and whatever else. You can't do that anymore. I'm right here for you. Always." Anna paused, then added, "Ooh, I know! Tell me something about yourself you like, and concentrate on that!"
Elsa thought for a long minute before saying, "My sense of humor. I like it because it makes you laugh."
Anna resisted the urge to frown at Elsa's reasoning for choosing that particular thing. "Ok, that's a start. How about something you like about yourself that doesn't have anything to do with me?"
Elsa struggled to think of something, but she couldn't come up with anything. She glanced at her gloved hands and made a face. All she could think of right that moment was I'm defective because I have ice powers I can't control and hurt Anna with when we were little. "I'm sorry, Anna…I can't think of anything," Elsa admitted finally.
"Well, I can think of lots of things. You're responsible. You have this great vocabulary-I've heard you say words I don't even know. You're pretty. You have really nice penmanship-I've seen it. You-"
"Okay, okay, Anna, that's enough," Elsa said, smiling. "I suppose I would agree with most of those things…except for me being pretty. I'm okay looking, I guess, but I'm not going to make somebody drop dead with my looks. Average eighteen-year-old girl looks, hmm?" She hopped to her feet and went over to Anna's mirror. "Yes, I see an average-looking eighteen-year-old." Except for that, she thought, clasping her gloved hands behind her back out of sight of her reflection. Elsa stuck out her tongue at her reflection, making Anna giggle.
Anna went to stand next to her sister, making sure not to get too close. "You wanna know what I see in the mirror right now?" Without waiting for a reply, she continued, "I see a pretty girl who picks on herself way too much and can be a bit pessimistic. I see my sweet older sister who's gonna be a great ruler for Arendelle. And then I see that girl's goofy little sister who loves her like crazy, is stubborn and impulsive, and is always gonna be there for her sister. So yeah. That's what I see in the mirror."
Elsa suddenly remembered another time the two of them stood in front of this exact same mirror together when this room had belonged to both her and Anna. 'Nothing's ever gonna get between us,' seven-year-old Elsa vowed. 'Nothing but air,' four-year-old Anna replied. Without considering what she was doing, Elsa slipped her hand into Anna's like her seven-year-old self had done.
"Whoa, Elsa, you just held my hand!" Anna blurted happily. A moment later, Elsa's gloved hand grew deathly cold and Anna frowned. "Elsa, why in the world is your hand so crazy stinking cold all of a sudden?"
Elsa's eyes grew wide and she immediately tried to yank her hand away from Anna. But Anna didn't let go, and Elsa's glove slipped off, making her feel even more frightened than she already did. Elsa clutched her bare hand to her chest and began backing away from her sister. What was I thinking?! I touched Anna! What if I had frozen her hand or something? You're a thoughtless idiot, Elsa. You aren't that naïve little seven-year-old anymore. If you can't keep yourself from doing stupid things, then you need to go back to your room, Elsa. "I need to go, Anna," she said quietly. Elsa turned and ran out of Anna's room back down to the hall to her own room. What on earth was I thinking? "I wasn't thinking. That's the problem," she muttered to herself.
When Anna knocked on her door a minute later, Elsa bit her lip before replying, "I can't come out right now, but I'll see you at dinner." Elsa sighed. This has to be the right thing to do…I can't spend all day with Anna all the time. It's too risky. I almost hurt her again this time, and I still had my gloves on. Stupid me…
"Are you getting the icky depressing thoughts again or something, Elsa?" Anna asked in concern.
"No, Anna…it's…never mind, I can't explain. But I promise you it's not that," Elsa answered truthfully. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Conceal, don't feel. Elsa, you aren't going to lose Anna completely again. You can talk to her at meals and through the door. Calm down.
Now Anna was confused. "Why in the world can't you come out? You can't get in trouble for it-you're in charge!"
Elsa scrunched her eyes shut, but a single tear trickled down her cheek anyway. I know I'm in charge. It has NOTHING to do with that! I just don't want to hurt you again. "I'm just trying to protect you," she said softly.
Not again. Please not again. "Elsa, you're just hurting yourself by staying in there. You aren't going to hurt me. I know you won't," Anna told her. She debated on opening Elsa's door, but decided against it, since she'd promised not to invade her sister's privacy.
Elsa didn't answer for a while. Yeah, I am hurting myself, but I'd rather hurt myself than hurt you. So I'm staying in here. I spent ten years in complete isolation; I can deal with it now. At least I can talk to you through the door now. I can come out sometimes. I just can't spend time with you like I should be able to. "I'm sorry, Anna…I'm really, really sorry."
A/N: Sorry for the depressing chapter ending...:/ Anyway, if it's not clear, Elsa's near-mistake scared her from getting too close to Anna anymore, so she's decided to stay in her room most of the time, but eat her meals downstairs and talk to Anna through the door. So yeah...
Next chapter coming soon!:) It might be a bit longer than usual though because I have school stuff I need to catch up with-_- And I gotta do another one-shot for when Elsa and Anna are little:)
P.S. WHO'S EXCITED FOR FROZEN FEVER?! I'm going to see it either tomorrow or Saturday 'cause my sis and I are going to go see Cinderella.;) Did anyone buy the Frozen Fever junior novelization book? I did...and got fussed at for buying a book 'that's for eight-year-olds'.-_- Well...I don't care what they're going to say;) (Bad movie reference, huh?:P)