I didn't name this chapter after the song because i have plans to name a later chapter after it, this song can be used on so many of these chapters idek. And thank you for subbing :) Onwards.
"And I am low and unwell
This is love, this is hell
This sweet plague that follows me"
- Flesh and Bones, Keaton Henson
The night before Celebrían and elves of Golden Wood arrived, Lindir had slept in his own room, forbidding Erestor or Glorfindel from entering his room, stating he needed his privacy. He did need his privacy, he needed to spend the night meditating, concentrating at leaving his emotions behind, he needed to feel nothing, else his heart will be ground into dust when he lays his eyes on the beauty that would no doubt be Lady Celebrían and Lord Elrond showering her in his love. He could not. He needed to cry his tears dry so none would threaten to fall in the presence of the Lady and her parents, he would do his best to make the lady comfortable here.
He fell asleep with tears in his eyes and awoke with a fresh bout of tears flowing from his tired eyes. When a servant knocked on his door, informing him of the gathering at the reception area to welcome the elves from Lothlórien, he lied and told the servant he was ill and wished to be left alone. His tears were not dry, his wishes of crying himself spent did not come true, and he could not face the guests of Imladris the way he is, he would not dishonour Lord Elrond so.
And so he stayed curled up in his bed, sobbing his misery and heartache all over again like the day he had overheard Elrond talking to Glorfindel. He could not do this, he told himself he could but he really couldn't. He didn't want to see Celebrían, he didn't want to see Elrond happy with Celebrían instead of him, he didn't want to be understanding of Elrond, he wanted to curse and shout at Elrond, he wanted Elrond to think of him, he wanted to be the one happy, why could he not be the one happy? Why couldn't he be the one getting married? Why was he the one who had to be understanding and selfless? Why couldn't he bear children? Because yes, that was the problem. He couldn't bear children. Whereas Celebrían could. It wasn't because Elrond didn't love him, it was because of his own fault, fault of being born an ellon. Deep down he knew that that wasn't his own fault, if it had to be anyone's fault, it would be the Valar's, but the Valar was always right, right? He didn't want to think anymore, he went back to clutching his blanket and crying in hopes of easing the pain in his heart, to no avail.
Erestor looked on as Elrond kissed Celebrían's cheeks in greeting, he understood why Lindir wasn't here, and he did not want his friend to be here either. "Mae govannen Lord Celeborn, Lady Galadriel, Lady Celebrían." He greeted the three with his usual cold demeanour. Servants were left and right, taking the royal elves' luggage and directing the Galadhrim guards to their rooms where they could rest and the stable boys were pulling the horses away.
"Allow me to introduce, this is Erestor, my Chief Counsellor." Elrond said, mostly to Celebrían as she was the only one who hadn't seen Erestor before. Celebrían gave him a warm smile that was returned with a nod and nothing more. "Do not let his cold demeanour put you off, he treats everyone that way." He reassured his love. "Come, you must all be tired from the long trip, I will show you to your rooms so that you may rest a little and freshen up." Erestor nodded to the lord and lady as he gave way to them to walk past, he had more pressing things to do than to act as guide. A look at Glorfindel told him that the blond warrior would follow him to Lindir.
"Lindir, its Erestor and Glorfindel." Erestor knocked at Lindir's door. "Go away!" Was shouted through the door. "Lindir." Was all Erestor said. There was silence, then some shuffling of bare feet against marbled floor, the door opened a peek. "Please Erestor, Glorfindel. I just need to be alone." Lindir pleaded with red rimmed eyes, his face red and swollen from crying. Erestor took in the sight of his pitiful friend and sighed, "Alright. I will have meals sent to your room." Lindir thanked them before shutting the door again.
"How long do you think he will 'be ill' for?" Glorfindel asked Erestor when he was sure they were out of earshot of Lindir's room. Erestor sighed, "Valar knows."
They were seated at the head table in the feasting hall. Elrond on the farthest end, with Celebrían opposite him and Erestor on his right, and to the right of Erestor was Glorfindel, who had Galadriel and Celeborn opposite him. "Travellers from Imladris often spoke of a talented minstrel with eyes and hair the colour of honey and a voice that made all the birds stop singing so they themselves could listen, would we have the chance to see him perform today?" Celebrían sounded so carefree when the elves around her stiffened at her question. "Ah… You must speak of my Chief Minstrel, Lindir. It is most unfortunate but he is ill today." Elrond answered, voice slightly tense. "Ah, a pity indeed, I had been looking forward to listen for myself what the travellers call 'voice of the purest of beings'." Erestor did not think Lindir could hate Celebrían, her childlike wonder at their realm had made her instantly coddled and loved, he doubted anyone could hate such an innocent being.
next chapter will be Lindir leaving his room and meeting old friends who care. please remember that comments and kudos give me fuel to continue on this sad heart wrenching journey with you guys. Also, i was planning to write a sequel to this with Lindir and someone else, I was thinking of Cirdan because i absolutely love him, but i don't read the silmarillion so I dont really know how to portray him and his history, there's only so much you can understand from wikia. So suggest who you'd like Lindir with and I'll see what i can do :)