Chapter 32

It took a lot of soul searching and courage building for Jethro to pick up the phone. He wanted badly to see Natalie but he didn't want to push her. As he dialed her number he thought of all the ways this could work out and to be honest most weren't good. He understood that her captivity was because a criminal had an axe to grind with him. Jethro also knew there were many more of them to come. When she answered the phone he smiled. He loved the sound of her voice. It was what had originally drawn him to the school yard. He said, "Hello Natalie, its Jethro. How are you?"

"I'm fine." Her voice was clipped and forced.

"Natalie, I wasn't sure how much time you needed, so I gave you some. Can I see you?" He stopped and waited to make sure she still was on the line. "Abby would like to see you as well. She is worried about you."

It hurt to hear the hesitation in her voice as she said, "Not yet Jethro. I want to see you but … I am seeing a counselor starting tomorrow. I want his advice on how to proceed with my emotions and all the baggage Clive Wesford left me."

"Natalie, we can't let him win. By dwelling on these thoughts you are letting him tear us apart. He will win." It broke Jethro's heart a little when she didn't respond immediately. She was taking time to construct a response and that was never good.

"I know, but I can't help thinking how it was for me and the others. I can't help but think about how if it hadn't been for you I wouldn't have been there. I need help working through it. Do you understand?"

He did understand. "How about a group outing? We could have a picnic in the park. We can have friends of yours and mine attend. My team, my family, needs to know you are okay. I need to know that too."

"Let me talk to the counselor first and then I will let you know."

"Alright, I can wait that long. Please let me know when. Talk to you soon." He didn't want to hang up because it felt as if he would lose her. Maybe he already had. To him it felt that way.

Chapter 33

Several days later Jethro was in his basement putting the first coat of polyurethane on the rocker he was making for Natalie when the phone rang. "Gibbs."

"Hello Jethro, it's Natalie." She said.

"Natalie, how are you?" Jethro asked.

"I am well, and getting better every day." she said and she continued with, "Jethro, about seeing you and the team, I willing to give it a try." He sensed a reserve in her voice.

"I would like it to be outdoors and somewhere we have not been together. I would like it to be just the team and us. Is that alright with you?"

"It is fine Natalie. We will do this any way you want. Where and when?" He knew this was a tenuous first step for her and had the potential to blow up in their faces.

"That sounds great Natalie. Can we all bring something? We will discuss it and let you know." Jethro said.

"I can call the others and let them know and figure it all out." Natalie replied.

"Okay that sounds like a plan." Jethro felt hopeful. "

I'll call you with the time." Natalie sounded like she wanted to get off the phone.

But even with the misgivings that Jethro had he was encouraged by what had just happened. He also didn't want to get his hopes up just yet.

Chapter 34

I hung up and felt uncomfortable. I had put myself out there and was unsure of the outcome. Am I ready to face those demons that haunted my dreams? I'm not sure. The doctor that I am seeing, feels it is important to "get back on the horse that threw you" as soon as possible. I am not sure that is fair to Jethro. I was falling in love with him when all this happened and I respect him for what he does, because he does it well. I am living proof of that. But on the other hand, if he had another job I wouldn't have been in that predicament. I really like him. I liked him enough to sleep with him. There hasn't been another man who earned my trust that much. I'm terrified there'll be another incident and I won't come back emotionally from it. I'll be seeing the doctor for a while. Let's just see what happens next weekend.

I'm still working on the brown quilt. I'm giving it to Jethro next weekend when we meet.

Chapter 35

Gibbs sat at his desk waiting for a case to be called in. He was working on performance evaluations and was having a hard time concentrating on them. Tony, Ziva and Tim came in and sat at their desks.

Ziva looked up at Gibbs. "Are you ready for Sunday?" If Ziva read him right the answer would be a no but knew he planned to go the extra mile for Natalie. They all were going with him.

Gibbs replied with a nod of his head.

Tony got called to receiving to pick up some evidence for an ongoing case. Tim went down to Abby's lab about another case.

Ziva looked at Gibbs and notice lines forming on his brow. "How are you doing in all this?"

Gibbs looked at her and she saw reticence to answer. He wouldn't want to show weakness to anyone, including her. He answered anyway. "I'm not sure. I want everything to work out, but it doesn't seem to be. Natalie is afraid to be near me and I understand that. I want her to be comfortable around me. If that could happen then maybe we could be friends. I want more but…" Ziva understood all too well. Her feelings for Tony had been real love for a long time. She wasn't sure she could be just a friend.

"What are you doing about it?" She asked.

Gibbs thought a moment. He got up and went to the window. Ziva followed him. "I don't want to push her. I want this to work out normally. This is what this picnic is all about. Ducky said that she has to take the first step. She will only see me if it is in a group setting and even that may not happen again after Sunday. Clive Wesford is going to win after all."

Chapter 36

Sunday came and it was a gorgeous day. The sky was pure blue, without a single cloud. The sun brought the temperatures up to 72 degrees. It was the picture perfect day. The team all arrived around 11:00 AM and began setting up for the afternoon. Jethro got the grill ready for when Natalie arrived. In the back of his pickup truck, under a tarp, was the rocking chair that he had made for her. He waited for her with a degree of nervousness not usually seen in him. The team had picked up on his mood. He watched for her car. He wanted to greet her by himself and give her the chair. 11:30 came and went, no Natalie. Noon came and still no Natalie.

Ducky drove up. He wasn't supposed to be here. "Hey Duck, what's up?" Jethro noticed the reticence that Ducky wore.

"Jethro, Natalie asked me to give you a message. She is not comfortable about this and won't be coming." Ducky continued with much concern for his friend. "She is leaving to move back to Connecticut to live with her son. She said that she was sorry and that she really tried. I am so sorry Jethro." Jethro sat down at the picnic table while Ducky walked to his Morgan and left.

"Boss, what's going on? As Tony walked towards the picnic table he saw pain on Gibb's face.

Gibbs put his head down and looked at his hands. "She's not coming."

"I am so sorry Gibbs." Ziva said.

"You guys have a good time. I'm going home." Gibbs said.

Abby went into worry mode and jumped in front of Jethro. "Gibbs, stay with us. We're your family and you need us now." Jethro just gave her the "Gibbs stare" and walked away. The entire team stood watching him walk away. There was absolutely nothing any of them could do for him.

As he walked to his truck he remembered the rocker in the back. He decided to go to her apartment and give it to her and maybe have a talk with her. Try to get her to listen and give them a chance. When he got to her apartment, he was met by the manager who said that Natalie had already left. He felt like he had been gut punched. He turned without a word, went back to his truck and drove home. When he got home he carried the rocking chair into his living room and sat in it. It made him angry that she had left without talking to him and sad at the same time because she had left and hadn't fought for them. As he turned he spotted the quilt on the couch with a letter attached to it. Jethro went over, picked it up and carried it back to the rocker. He draped the quilt over his lap. It felt like her love. It completely engulfed him with warmth. Jethro hesitated before opening the letter and then he began to read.

Dear Jethro,

I want you to know that I really cared for you very much and I really believe that I was falling in love with you. If this had been a normal relationship there would have been more for us. Clive Wesford interfered with our love in many ways and he is the reason I can't stay. I am terrified that it will happen again. There is nothing you or anyone could have done to stop him or can do to prevent another.

I am going to continue to get professional help so that someday I can go to a park or have a relationship without the terror that I now feel.

When I started this quilt I subconsciously thought of us together and it fit. The browns are the outdoorsy feel I get from you and the beiges and yellows are the openness of our feelings for one another. Please keep it and think fondly of the time we did spend together. I know that I will always remember Pre-Clive with much affection.

I am so sorry that I couldn't face you and the team today. If I had come I may not have been able to do what I need to do.

Keep well and Good-bye

Natalie

Gibbs sat back for a moment and thought about what she had written. He smiled and knew he would have good thoughts about Natalie. He stopped in the kitchen and got a beer, took out a steak and went to the basement.

Gibbs sharpened his pencil and started drawing plans for a new project. Two hours later Ducky arrived to help him work through his emotions. He found Jethro choosing and measuring wood for whatever his new project was. Ducky smiled to himself. It seemed Jethro had his own form of therapy.