Chapter 25
Was it normal for a mother to cry at the thought of her child choosing such a thing?
Belldandy didn't know, but, she couldn't deny the weight it put on her heart. Deep down, she wanted nothing more than for her child to be happy. If that meant choosing the path of a demon, she would allow Megumi to do just that without reprimand…but, as her youngest started to toddle around on two small feet, she sighed at the red markings that seemed to stay in their place more often than not.
Holybell picked up the youngster, greeting the small yet happy child. She may still be a goddess yet, master. I wouldn't worry over her. Even still as the angel said this, she could feel the strong energy, demonic waves telling otherwise.
Belldandy nodded as she went about cooking dinner, something she still chose to do by hand. It isn't so much that I worry, Keiichi will always watch over them, so I have nothing to fear. Still, she knew her angel could see beyond the simple action of dicing carrots. Are the heavens not enough for them?
Holybell stopped smiling then, and looked at the child she held protectively in her arms. As she flew about in a gentle motion up and down to entertain her, a thought popped into the angel's head. She stopped flying a moment later, landing deftly onto her feet, in full form. Master, do you doubt heaven so much? Holybell asked, putting the toddler on her hip.
Belldandy shook her head. I doubt myself, Holybell. I wonder, have I been the proper mother to my children? She plopped the chopped vegetables into the cooking pot, and then, took her daughter from the angel. I've been a full time goddess, and there are times when I'm away from them for years on end. Urd's with them all the time, but I can't be here, not like I should be. Even you do not come down for a visit as often as I should send you. It's simply too much of a power drain to send you so far away.
It was unavoidable then, just as it is unavoidable now. Holybell told her goddess. Our love for them is endless, and they know that. You have never been an unkind mother to your children, and Keiichi is a demon of his word. He protects them wholeheartedly. If they are to be demons, he will never turn a blind eye to them.
That's true…because he can do what I can't. Belldandy was a wonderful goddess, but that came with a price. She was devoted to the heavens, and all that it would entail. He can sway the hearts of many. After all, isn't that why we chose to love him, even knowing what he is? Belldandy held the child, hugging the toddler close to her. "Oh, Saria if only you'd change your markings. Then I could take you to heaven with me without fear."
"She'll suit her name well, either way." Urd said, coming in to get a quick snack from the pantry. "She'll change, she's too cute to be a demon." It was a touching sight to see the young child cuddling into her mother, looking as if she just might fall asleep. "Go put her down for a nap, I can keep dinner from burning."
Belldandy was actually quite tired herself, so the idea of a quick power regeneration appealed to her, and she nodded, needing the time to herself while the house was still peaceful.
It was only a few hours on earth, but it had seemed far longer before Keiichi returned with their eldest in tow. Megumi wanted to keep the dress, and even if it looked far too revealing for earth or heaven, at least for a child of her age, he allowed it. Hild was right after all, there were some goddesses who wore little to nothing, and, it wouldn't do in the demon realm at all to be conservative.
Besides, Hild was right behind him, and that alone made him keep his mouth shut. As Megumi bounded through the door to show her aunt her latest outfit, Keiichi followed the pulse of his heart. Belldandy had been upset all day, he could tell. She'd suppressed her frowning, and had even seen their child off with a smile, but now, the woman he loved was on the verge of tears. As he finally found her, he wordlessly held her close.
"Out of all the beings, why does it have to be Megumi?" Belldandy asked him, her true feelings on the matter finally spilling from her eyes. "My daughter is a demon." She buried her face in his shoulder. "What in creation have I done?"
Wisely, he said nothing. There was nothing he could say, having never felt so troubled over such a thing. Instead, he tightened his hold. Any words would be meaningless from him, but thankfully there was someone else there who could talk, and she refused to let this choice slice such a deep rift between mother and child.
Hild would never, ever, allow someone else to make that very selfsame mistake, while it was within her power to do something about it.
"You raised her with every ounce of love you had for her, Belldandy, and that is all any mother can hope to accomplish." With the queen of hell herself standing in the doorway to Saria's room, the couple parted from their embrace. "Once they choose their path entirely, you have to learn to face it…to accept that they are entirely who they've decided to be." Hild stepped forward then, gazing at the sleeping little one…her powers too, were already decidedly demonic. She would be one to choose early in her life. "This is the risk we take as parents to such offspring."
"It was a risk I wasn't truly prepared to take." Belldandy said weakly. She thought she had been, but it went against her nature as a goddess to swallow down the finality of it all. "I never assumed it would hurt so very much."
"We can love them, protect them, and even worry day and night about them." Hild thumbed over the red marks the infant had, and smiled at her. "However, the one thing you cannot do, is question why. As soon as you start placing the blame on anyone, even yourself, you form a rift that was never meant to be made. Take my advice, don't let it cut into you…chances are, if you do, you'll lose them forever."
Hearing those words made the pain in Belldandy's soul worse, and she nodded weakly. "Then, what would you suggest that I do?"
"With the strength of the goddess that you are, dry your eyes and congratulate your daughter for being welcomed among her peers as a demon from the depths of such a domain. Take pride that she is the rightful heir after her father. Lastly, take comfort that you have not somehow wronged your child. Know that this is her path, that she so chose." Hild told her. "From one mother to another, that's an order."
Before Belldandy could say anything to those heavy words, she was silenced by the child in question "Grandma, did mom say it was okay?" Megumi asked, peaking in from round the corner.
"You are under my jurisdiction. You'll do as I tell them, and that's how it is." Hild said to the child before turning to Belldandy. "However, you are the one I must ask. I can't force you to come along, though I think you might want to join us."
"Go on, Belldandy." Keiichi whispered to her. "Girls night out, you should be there."
Already riddled with guilt, Belldandy took a moment to decide. She looked over to the crib, where her youngest was resting peacefully, and then to Keiichi. "Are you sure?" She asked him.
"Of course dad's sure!" Megumi barked, coming over to her mother grabbing the woman by the hand. "Grandma's going to show us the stars. Are you coming, or not?!"
…
"Get out from under the table, Hikari." Urd groused, bored and somewhat annoyed.
"Well, what else am I supposed to do, offer her tea like mom does?" Hikari lamented, and rightfully so, there was a female demon, the ruler of the hells no less, prancing around in their house. It would make most adults fearful, and she was merely a child. "I'm don't like her, so I'm staying right here."
"No, you'll do nothing of the sort." Urd said then, taking the chance to glance under the table. "You don't need to hide, either." With a sigh, she offered a smile laced thickly in exasperation. "Hild's a pest, but she wouldn't actually hurt you."
"She's still a demon." Hikari said then, only forcing Urd to nod.
Try as she might, the second class goddess couldn't argue that logic. "That she is."
"Aren't you afraid of her?' Hikari asked, her soft voice trembling as she cuddled into her aunt.
Urd's mouth felt dry, and she took a long, hard sip, of her sake. "No Hikari, I'm not afraid of her." Urd said then, knowing her personal fear was something far more distant and personal. "She's my…" Urd sighed. "We're related, and like it or not, you're her granddaughter. You can hate her all you want, but you don't have the luxury to be afraid."
"How is she my grandma again?" Hikari asked, eyeing the hallway as if at any moment the demon is question would come walking through. That was a thought Hikari didn't relish.
"It's hard to explain." Urd groused, feeling miffed about that detail. "It's more of a self-proclaimed title than anything, but Hild likes to think of you three as her grandchildren. That's how I know she wouldn't hurt you…at least, not in the way you think." Urd didn't bother to say that abandonment was an entirely different and possible option, as she didn't think it to be prudent information for the young goddess to have.
She had other matters to tend to.
Urd wasn't at all amused to see a demon other than Keiichi, or her nieces in the house. In fact, it flat out disgusted her that. The mere implication that Hild would come around with such a wounded parent, frankly sickened her. Belldandy was already mourning the loss of a goddess that never truly had the chance to be one. Megumi had always been a little demon, always, and she simply would forever remain that way. It was in her very soul to desire the darker truths of creation.
However, talk of the stars made Urd gulp, and her desire to start a verbal warfare died in her very throat.
That all too distant memory rang in her mind, no matter how many times she tried to push it out. "This will probably be the only time I'll ever advocate that a first class goddess should fraternize with a demon like Hild." Urd told her sister, all the while, prepared to blast her mother with everything she had, if the ill-begotten ruler of hell so much as hugged her. "But, if it's just this once…you should go, trust me."
Uncertainty gripped the room with cold fingertips, but Belldandy reluctantly agreed. The three females went out into the back yard. The stars were clear as crystal, as there were no lights to dampen them. The moon seemed shy, as it glowed behind the few clouds that lingered in the sky. The air was cool, crisp, and tasted of the freshness found in only the remote areas of earth. War had not touched this place, Belldandy hoped it never would.
"Hold hands, and we'll jump." The instruction caused Belldandy to look at Hild in question, but the female demon didn't answer her. Belldandy, Megumi, and Hild joined hands, and what seemed like only a little hop, had the power to carry them into the void of space. Earth was not as lush, and there were areas of black that littered the ground. Still the planet seemed to glow with captivating beauty.
"Whoa, so cool!" Megumi said, though she held onto her grandmother when Belldandy let go of Megumi's hand.
"You can fly here." Hild had not hugged her granddaughter in return, but rather stayed still, encouraging the child to let go. "Tonight, my young apprentice, you learn that creation is grand, and this is only a small part that you see before you." When the child let go, Hild gave her a gentle push. "Go on, explore."
Megumi looked to Belldandy, who nodded her approval. "Keep in sight." She warned her child, not wishing for the girl to go too far.
"I will." Megumi chirped happily before twirling in the space that seemed to go on forever.
The two adults sat unmoving, taking in the sights with ease. "Will she and I, become like you and Urd?" Belldandy murmured. That was her greatest fear, though she had never given a voice to it before. Now the reality was all too tangible, and the possibility almost seemed like a preordained future.
"Everything happens as it should." Hild told Belldandy, as they sat among the darkness of space. "The doublet system was not made to keep each other at arm's length…we do that well enough on our own. It was made to protect families from each other, in cases such as this. It was the hope of your father, that with the system, it would prevent half demons from killing their own kin." Hild shrugged, still angry about that.
"Regardless, it is embittering, isn't it?" Belldandy said quietly.
Hild only nodded. "What he failed to understand, was that his child was incapable of harming others, because she chose to be a goddess. it isn't in Urd to be that way." She offered Belldandy a bemused chuckle at that. "I would suspect, that he thought Urd to be a little monster at first, unsure what to do with her. Anzasu was there wan Urd was born, so I knew they would share an inherent bond."
"I always kept some form of hope. I prayed I could quell Megumi's attitude, that if I could ease her, she would be a gentle person." Belldandy had seen space herself many times from behind the computer screen at the help center, but never once had she thought to bring her children to see such a sight. She had never looked upon it in person either. Now, though, she found herself taking solace in Hild, yet again in her life. "The older Megumi gets, the more brash she becomes. I fear for her, and what she could end up doing."
"Keiichi is not a violent demon by any means." Hild replied with a shrug. "Besides, she's young. She has every right to get a little moody now that her powers are in full swing. I would fully expect to her get worse before it gets better, but she will even out, eventually."
Belldandy nodded. "It was the same with Skuld." She recalled her little sister's boundless energy vividly. "She was a late bloomer though. Megumi's much younger than Skuld was, when she began her training. I'm also afraid Megumi will do more than toss a few weak bombs at people when she's upset."
"Megumi is a demon, and she will do things that make such a fact abundantly clear." Hild smiled, understanding Belldandy's worry. "However, she is still half goddess, and that does make all of the difference."
Belldandy nodded. "I suppose so." It still didn't answer all of her pressing questions, and it didn't put to rest her ultimate unease. "How does one raise a demon who's reached magical maturity?"
Hild was unsure. "Children of dual natures are more complicated, I'm afraid." Hild swallowed hard. "They're not as strongly influenced by their guiding star, but one could say that only welcomes internal conflict. That's why they seem so haphazard when they're young. Urd went through quite a difficult time of it as a young goddess. Your children, goddess or demon, will likely face the same mental disarray."
"I would think that's just a bit problematic." Belldandy replied, now even more worried than before. She could remember Urd welcoming every brand of trouble one could imagine, even as a child. Good intentions were also something Urd still lost sight of, though, she was much better than she was in her youth. "The mood swings from magical attunement aside, should I expect the usual goddess complications, or is there something else I should be concerned about?"
This was the conversation she'd wanted to have, but, having reached the crux of the issue, Hild could do no more than mentally berate herself. "I would expect all of the normal demonic tendencies, such a pathological lying, stealing, cheating, and instigating fights that turn aggressive quickly." When Hild thought about it, demonic youth were either afraid of anything and everything, like Xic, or they were little hell raisers to the extreme. Hild feared that Megumi would likely give her parents a difficult time of things. "We demons seek things that please us, and are quite indiscriminate to the ramifications. That goes for everything we do, from intimacy, to deciding what to eat for breakfast. You might need to have particular conversations with her a little earlier than you might expect."
"Is that so…" Belldandy asked, earning a nod from Hild. Her cheeks colored pink at that.
"A goddess takes about seven thousand years or so to reach an age that they're actually interested in illicit acts. Before then, the idea of romance is chastise, if at all. I doubt a goddess is even capable of thinking of such things before then. Heaven tends to lock away sexual drives until the youth reaches a capably reproductive age." Hild went on to say, trying to make her point abundantly clear. "A demon will take interest in such things at around Megumi's age when adolescence strikes hard. We don't inhibit them, that's a parent's job."
"That'll be difficult then." Belldandy nodded with a bit of a sigh. "I know nothing of normality within the demon realm, and quite frankly, neither does Keiichi." She knew that he had not yet lived long enough to know all that there was to understand. "I doubt Urd will approve of it, but, perhaps I should admit defeat. Perhaps it would be best."
"I knew you'd think that, and I can't disapprove of that enough." Hild said sternly. "How well Megumi grows up relies heavily on your strength." Hild had every intention of looking after Megumi's best interest. "I should have continued to raise Urd jointly with her father, but I felt that she would be a better goddess without my influence. I was highly mistaken. She has no idea how to control that darker side to herself, and when it runs rampant, it endangers her."
"How did you know that I was planning to suggest that Megumi move to the demon realm?" Belldandy asked her. "I was sure not even Keiichi knew."
"It seems like a good idea." Hild shrugged. "I should know, I tried to leave a half demon child in heaven, thinking they would know what to do." Still, her voice grew serious. "Your children walk a very fine line, Belldandy. If they do not learn how to properly control both holy and unholy power, they will never be safe from themselves. Now is the time in their lives when they require both of their parents the most."
"Do you truly believe that?" Belldandy asked, trying to detect any hint of lying. She found none.
"I'll leave that to you." Hild murmured. "It doesn't matter what a person believes, Belldandy. It relies entirely on what that person does."