A/N: Enjoy

IX
In Route
Beckett

Kate drove towards Castle's apartment feeling apprehensive as it began to rain. She kept seeing Rick taunt face. She had seen that look on other faces, faces of people ready to break. It hurt to see it on Rick. Part of her wanted to reach out and comfort him. Take him in her arms and hold the stress and fear at bay. The other part of her knew that to do so would expose there burgeoning relationship to the entire precinct, something to be avoided at all costs. Her effectiveness as a cop would be drawn into question by the mere fact that she was with Richard Castle. She knew that one day their relationship would come out into the open, hopefully once they had worn the rough edges smooth. She had not even told Lanie about there Breakfast dates yet. Something she would need to do soon or risk the Medical Examiner's wrath.

The metronome effect of the wipers on the window seems to beat out his name CAS… TLE… CAS… TLE… Making her think of the possible futures that the two of them might have, could they sustain relationship? Would they crash and burn? She had come to treasure his playful friendship. He had taken the rough edge Kate kept pointed at people to keep them at arms length and wore it smooth with his disarming charm. His easy going acceptance of her ,as is, had broken through her cold shell and warmed her to the possibility of a lasting relationship. Where once she went to work to escape from the world she now went to work to be apart of the world, a world that included Rick Castle, it was strange how things could change.

Her cell phone rang; looking at the caller ID she saw it was from her father.

"Dad?"

"How is my favorite child doing?"

"Dad, I'm your only child."

"All the more reason for you to be my favorite. I am just calling to remind you that I am still alive, retired but alive, in upstate New York. I haven't heard from you in about a month, so I thought I would check to make sure that you knew I was still alive."

"I am sorry the month has been really hectic…"

"With that writer fella being shot? I understand. He was one of your favorite authors, wasn't he?"

"Yes dad, Richard Castle, he is one of my favorite writers."

"He is the one who has been following you around and writing a character based on you."

"Yes, Dad" she knew where this was going.

"I hope I raised you better than to let him take advantage of you. I hear there was a steamy sex scene in the book. It wasn't biographical was it?"

"No, Dad I haven't had sex with him. That was just his imagination."

"Probably, wishful thinking on his part."

"DAD!"

He father chuckled. "Kate, I have long since ceased to have any say on what you do with your life. But a father gets lonely when he hasn't heard from his only child in forever."

"Dad it has only been a month, I am sorry I haven't called, but I have been very busy."

They talked of general things until she reached Richard's door. It was an easy conversation, one where both parties were close and there was no need for extraneous topics. Kate was glad that she had been able to draw her dad out of his alcohol induced haze and back into her life.

"You're doing okay aren't you Kate?"

"I'm fine, dad. Look I have got to go, I am getting another call and have to go visit a friend." Her call waiting beeped

"Alright Kate, but don't let it be a month before I hear from you again."

"Okay Dad, Love you. Bye." She quickly switched calls and rang the doorbell.

"Kate, where are you?" Came Alexis' voice from in the phone and behind the door. She sounded on the verge of panic.

I'm at the door, Alexis. Open up"

The door opened on a tearful teenager. Alexis phone in hand and a traumatized look on her face. With a small pitiful cry the Alexis launched herself into Kate's arms and began to sob.

"Alexis, sweetie, what's wrong?"

"Dad….. Won't…… "

Kate allowed Alexis a moment to cry before trying again.

"Alexis, I can't help unless I know the problem. What is wrong with your dad?"

Fear raced through Kate. All manner of gruesome scenarios flashed in her mind. Richard lying dead from a self-inflected gunshot wound burned into her psyche. Anger, fear, guilt all vied for dominence. Could she live with herself if Rick were dead? Would she want to?

"He won't come out… He's locked in. Won't talk to me…."Alexis sobbed.

"How long?" Beckett probed.

"About an hour…. He was working on Nikki then there was a loud noise and then he was locked in his room." Alexis was slowly gaining composure. "His laptop is in pieces"

"I am guessing that this has never happened before?"

"No" Alexis said in a small voice.

Kate moved purposefully toward Rick's study and his room beyond. His study was more cluttered than she had normally seen it. The pile of laptop pieces against the far wall did not help matters. The disarray of his study helped to raise her level of distress. While Castle was never fussy about cleaning, he did maintain a clean work environment. Seeing his desk a mess seemed to confirm her worst fears. Automatically she tried the door knob and found it locked. She inspected the knob and found a simple lock on the door. She strode over to the desk and searched the top drawer for a paperclip. While she would have no problem kicking the door open if necessary she figured that Rick may complain if he had to have the door jam repaired. She inserted the paperclip in the lock and with a swift flick of her wrist she popped the lock and turned the knob, Alexis right behind her. With visions of a Dead Author swimming in her mind she motioned for Alexis to stay at the door.

"Rick" she called as she moved slowly into his room.

It was her first time entering his sanctum and even with the tense circumstances she had to suppress a shiver. She had never really thought about what his room would look like but she was unprepared with the comfortable décor. It was neither sterile nor disorganized, but had a comfortable lived in feel to it.

"Richard" she called again.

The only sound she could hear was the sound of the shower running. The humidity in the room gave credence to the one hour time Alexis had given her. Her mind flashed back the first suicide she had seen as a cop. It had been a fairly famous basketball player who had just gotten divorced and then got cut from the team, he had played on. He had slit his wrists and sat down in his shower and bled out. It was a grizzly sight to behold. Her fear addled mind furnished an image of a bloodless corpse of Castle. She blinked back tears. She fervently hoped that she would not find her Richard in such a state.

"Damn it Rick, talk to me."

A wet groan sounded from the bathroom. At least he was still alive. She rushed through the bathroom door and her heart stopped. Castle was sitting in his shower with the exact same posture as the dead basketball player.

No blood….

Her mind screamed. She felt her consciousness tear as she was concurrently in the here and now and back in time walking in on the suicide. Her mind seemed to play both present and past at the same time. She forced herself to move toward the shower door.

NO blood…..

She grasped the stall door handle and steeled herself for the worst. She was unaware that tears had begun to fall from her eyes. She looked down to the shower mat and saw the bloody knife. Was that past or present? Did it matter? She bunched her shoulder to pull the door open. Seeing both bodies slumping out the door.

NO BLOOD…..

She stopped. The mantra her mind was screaming to her had at last made it into the forefront of her consciousness. The scene from the past slowly dissolved from her mind. The blood smears she had been picturing faded into the past and she was only in the present. She pulled the door open and looked down at Rick Castle. He was bare-chested, pale and the only color was the angry red scar where the bullet had past into his body. She felt detached from the current scene as the adrenaline faded from her blood stream. Her legs buckled, and she fell on the mat. Her dethatched mind noted that while Castle was not "cut" in the musculature sense he was in shape. She looked over him again to make sure that her brain had indeed been feeding her the correct information on the lack of blood smears around the stall. Besides his state of semi-undress he appeared physically whole. She looked into his face and saw the naked anguish and pain she had seem earlier in the week. His eyes were red and puffy, he had been crying. He seemed to take no notice of her as she stood up shakily and turned off the water. At last he seemed to come back to himself.

"Beckett….. Kate….. What?"

The quip she had on the tip of her tongue was stilled. She sank back down to her knees and reached into the shower and hugged the man she dreamed of. Equal parts relief and anger vied for her thoughts.

"Richard, you are scaring us."

"Kate….?" He said groggily. "When did you get here?"

"I have been in the apartment for about five minutes."

"You're here early."

"Rick it is after six PM. You have been in here for over an hour."

"No, No I just got back here from the precinct."

"No, Richard you have been writing Nikki all afternoon and then an hour ago you rushed in here and locked the door. Poor Alexis is about to have a breakdown, you have got to get a grip." She hoped that appealing to his paternal side would help him snap back to himself.

"Alexis… Is she okay?"

"I'm okay Dad; I'm just worried about you." Alexis sniffed trying to hide the fact she had been crying.

He slowly stood up and engulfed the two women in a bear hug. "I'm sorry you two. I don't know what happened. I don't remember much after going out this morning."

Kate felt a great comfort wash over her as Rick held her and Alexis close. Her mind seemed to flash the word FAMILY as she and Alexis were pressed together up against Richard's chest. The effect was ruined a moment later as Castle's wetness seeped through their clothes. Cries of dismay and a chuckle from Richard filled the room.

"Alexis may I speak to your father privately?" Kate asked.

"Of course."

"Alright Rick, just what happened, today"

"I'm not sure." He said as he moved into his walk-in closet to change out of his wet clothes. "I remember going to pick up your mask and then going to the precinct. I remember feeling kind of stretched and weird. I can remember getting into the cab and then nothing until you came in to share my shower."

"You may have been having a panic attack."

"Panic attack? No way!" He said as he re-entered the room dressed in khakis and a V neck sweater.

"Richard this is serious. Who knows what might have happened. You have got to go see someone about this."

"No shrink…."

"Look there is someone I can vouch for. Somebody I know can help you, and keep everything confidential. Doctor Simmons is a good guy. He does a lot of work with the NYPD. He can help."

She pulled him into an embrace needing to verify that her senses were telling her the truth. That she was not having a psychotic break while holding Castle's lifeless corpse in the shower stall. His warm body and strong hug convinced her that she was indeed in the present. She tensed as she played the only card she could think of, to convince Richard that she was serious.

"Richard, if you care about me, if you care about us, you will go see Doctor Simmons.", she took a deep breath. "You either go see Doctor Simmons or we're through."

She honestly did know if she could follow through on that threat and she prayed that she wouldn't have to.

"Rick, he was my therapist, I trust him. He saved my life."

His shoulder slumped in defeat. "You know I would do anything for you or Alexis, right.'

"I know." She leaned into him and drew him into a deep kiss, hoping he would feel the love that she could not give voice to, but felt none the less.

A/N: I have decided i have to stop listening to my son's EMO music while I am writing :?
Again I will apologize for the typo's spelling and grammer, Every other day posting is tough :