I use another cigarette. It was the ninth or maybe the tenth.
I don't really know.
I shiver. The wind begins to come up and the sea rises. My feet hit the water, I shiver more and more. My entire body is even colder …
Then, I feel a presence. I don't need to turn around for recognizing this person. I knew who it was immediately.
He sits down next to me, without saying anything. During several minutes, he stayed here, silently.
- Jay called me, he says finally.
- It wasn't necessary …
- I don't think so. He is really worried …
- It's just temporary. He will get better.
I feel his gaze on me. I know he doesn't understand and I know he wants to do it. But I can't. It's not so easy …
- What's happened Erin?
- Nothing. It's okay … I'll leave… For a while …
- And am I supposed to believe you when you says all is good? He interrups me.
- … Just like holidays, I explain.
- And you still imagine that I continue to believe your lies …
- I'm telling the truth Hank!
- Not with me Erin. You can lie to everyone but not me.
I shrug my shoulders. I didn't want to justify myself anymore … I just want to … stay alone.
- Talk to me Erin. Don't do this.
- What?
- Withdraw into yourself.
- And I don't . I just want everyone stop asking me if I'm okay …
- I'm not everyone. And Jay neither. He's your future husband Erin. You can't run away every time you feel bad. Stop retreating you into silence.
- He's not …
I turn my face toward him. He looks surprised …
- He's not my future husband. I said no.
… And now, his surprise augmented … Much more.
- I should have listened to you. He's not a guy for me.
- That's the reason you're living with him, for months?
I don't know what to say. Honestly, I harldy understand his reaction. He was the first to disapprove our relation ... And now he speaks in Jay's?
- I needed you Hank.
The words just came out from my lips …
- I really needed you. That's Right … I wouldn't have lied to you. But… I didn't know what to do …
- You don't have to justify Erin. I screwep up, not you. Even if I didn't understand your choice, I should have to respect it.
- Well … Anyway it's over now …
- You can't say that Erin. And you can't either.
- That's life …
- No, it's not. You only do this because you're going through a hard time and you refuse any help.
I don't answer. I know he's right but I'm like that.
- I'm sorry Erin. I'm really sorry … I should be there for you.
I understand then he's not just talking about our situation … And I understand especially that he knows...