A/N Seaweed: The reason for the lack of lemons is for the benefit of all. For one, I am never satisfied with the result and it could very well lead to a chapter haitus. Second, I wanted to explore the mental instead of the physical aspact of this sort of relationship. All this being said, there will still be some description of physical interaction leading up to the act.
The brooding, hot feeling in my stomach reminded me of one of my books: Blue versus White: The Difference of a Few Degrees. Bubbling acid seemed to make its way up my throat like liquid fire and quieted my demeanor. A usually brutal, honest person diminished to a zombie. Nothing ticked behind my black eyes. Nothing pierced my soundless bubble; neither the boys cooing behind me nor the near constant heat just a little too close to my hand. A vicious fantasy began to play its way through my mind. It was filled with torn clothing, blood and a cruel sneer. My heart was racing so fast that it felt like there was a foreign object within me that was prying its way out. My breath hitched in my chest. I was excited, not fearful. Not yet.
That rational bitch kept telling me I should go to Dumbledore. That innate, hungry whore within argued that Severus was merely 27, I 18. It was perfectly legal. The rational bitch retorted I should at least tell Bill; he was my closest friend. The whore: then again I didn't have many. And besides, he was a Gryffindor. He didn't understand the raw power, albeit oft at the expense of others, that Slytherins were capable of.
Class ended and I left in a daze, a hole burning in the back of my skull. He was watching. He'd always been watching. I made my way over to Bill, even as that whore tore and pulled my hair. He was relaxing in the courtyard, red hair ablaze and cool smile set against the page of a book on goblins.
In the gloom of his office, Severus glanced downward at his erection, full of anticipation. He wanted to spit at how pitiful he was. It was disgusting. How could a child control him? She didn't even know the extent of his lust! She was not extraordinarily beautiful. She was cunning, but not by birth. What drew him to her? He pondered the very thought a moment. It did not matter. Attraction was only a single figure in the equation. There was something beyond the necessity of physical contact. He wanted her to fear him. He needed her to fear him.
I didn't tell Bill. He asked with mild interest what had happened to my hands; there were little rivulets of blood trailing from ten crescent-shaped cuts. I dismissed the question and lost my force of will. Instead we spoke of graduation and how our studies were progressing. I sighed inwardly at my inability to trust even my closest friend. He had always been wary of my contact with Severus. He was a smart man. I felt a small shiver run down my spine. Suspiciously, I glanced around, discussing the future still, and saw his towering figure across the way. He was calm, collected, but worse still he looked angry...it was a disguised anger. It was with a feeling of dread that I bade farewell to my friend. My robes rustled smoothly as I stood and made my way to him. My heart beat out of my chest. The excitement was gone. I was nervous now. His eyes bore into mine. As the distance between us lessened I could see a violence behind his eyes that sent a cold chill down my body. His imposing form dominated the landscape. His cruel gaze criticized everything, everyone and especially me.
His eyes did not depart from mine as I stopped before him. Several first years slinked away from the vicious figure before them. Bill watched cautiously. His lips curved upwards. It was neither a smile nor sneer. A hand with long, cold, white fingers came up to slick back his raven hair. Some who feared him called it greasy. I called it silken. My brutal personality broke through.
"What?" I muttered harshly. His eyes gleamed in the evening light.
"Now, now. Where did that sweet girl go?" The mockery was clear. It stung. Over the past year, he had not been so cruel to me. Bill sat alert now, book discarded. Perhaps he read the rigid body language and adverted gaze. Perhaps he simply hated the professor. Severus smiled. I did not show that I hurt, but he knew. He did not even have to look in my mind to know.
"Follow me, Piroska," he drawled.
I hesitated and he began to frown. There was a part of me that had grown to love the man, a part that wanted what was happening. But I was stubborn. I wanted it on my terms.
"I have an exam tomorrow. I can't help you tonight." It was the truth.
His eyes breathed fire as the words bit in. His long, cold fingers came up to grasp me firmly by the arm. He dared me to defy him. I complied readily by glancing over to Bill. Bill walked right up and grabbed my other arm.
"Hello, Professor. I am sorry to interrupt, but I must steal Piri away from you now. We have a heinous Economics exam tomorrow on the curses of Gringott's Bank and I promised to help her study."
His eyes narrowed.
"Five points from Gryffindor, Mr. Weasley, for rude interjection in matters not relevant to you."
"I really must go now, Professor Severus." My eyes were pleading. I saw a flash of the kindness he had of late begun to show me.
"Very well," he hissed, defeated for the present. As his vice-like grip pulled away I felt a moment of guilt, like I had betrayed him. But was it I who betrayed him, or him me? As I wondered this very useless thing, the tempest began to boil. I had set a storm in motion far greater than I had ever dreamed.