On the morning of my exam, there was an ugly blend of snow and sleet alternately. It was so cold that the trees were shivering in clusters, trying to keep warm through sheer numbers. The wind bit through the castle walls and everyone was bundled like it was the end of the world. The temperature had dropped twenty degrees to -22 Celsius overnight. The contents of spilled goblets froze within seconds of hitting the floor. The exam was horrid, the day long and the whole shit-cake finished with Potions. Even though someone had lit a fire in the dungeon, its heat seemed to dissolve into the air. My breath froze upon exhaling. My partner was a red-headed girl with glasses. She was utterly inept at brewing anything whatsoever. Within moments I had been forced to take over the whole endeavor while she read the steps to me; she was better at this job.

The class finished and left as fast as they could, rushing to their beds or common rooms to fight a losing battle to get warm. I packed slowly, methodically and as usual. I felt his looming figure behind me, but did not pause.

"Good evening, Severus." My voice was steady. My hands did not stop moving the vials and jars.

"Piroska, how was your exam?" He said it cooly, without emotion.

"It was just fi-" I was cut off as an invisible rope of cotton forced its way down my throat and silenced me, undulating like a snake down into my lungs. A vial of dragonfly wings went sprawling across the table to shatter in a cascade of shards as I flailed to grasp my throat and wand.

"A wand won't help you now." His voice was cold as steel.

I calmed my mind and focused on breathing. I found I could if I did it through my nose and air came to me in sharp, icy whistles. My hands were slowly brought above my head by similar ropes, pulling me across the table and securing me in place.

"Ah, what a specimen. Perfectly average. Perfectly usual." His voice hummed like velvet. One long, cold finger pulled my robes above my waist and unbuttoned my pants. "Oh, but we won't start there, will we?" His sneer was apparent even in this voice. My body trembled as he spoke the curse.

If you've ever felt your entire body breaking, bone by bone splintering and lacerating the surrounding tissue until you'd rather have your eyes pulled out than continue on, you'd know how it begins. If you've ever felt your teeth, one by one, shattering and having glass shards shoved back into your bleeding gums, you'd know the pain of clenching your teeth against the other, more horrible pain. If you've ever been forced into a fire and felt your skin blistering, bubbling, and peeling off in great gorey chunks, you'd know a fraction of the pain a single spell ends with as you fall limp. He wracked each individual part of me with such exquisite pain. By the time the rough, dexterous fingers made their way across my body, eliciting only primal responses, my mind had finally gone into shock. Every gentle caress, every sensual kiss caused my body to convulse and flinch away in fear. No more were his black eyes exciting and mysterious. No longer did his full attention grab my heart strings.

Once he had let me go, whimpering without control but softly to myself

(and hopefully not loud enough for Him to hear),

I stood in a state of confusion for the first time just outside his room. A trickle of blood was congealing or freezing on my inner thigh, I didn't know which. My eyes were red and puffy but hard. My fingers were blue from the cold and my nose red. Every piece of me screamed in phantom pain.

"Miss Oliver, what are you doing here?" A silvery voice echoed out of the darkness. A tall man with a long, white beard seemed to appear out of the gloom quite through magic. My heart raced.

"Headmaster, I-I..." I could not put together a coherent sentence.

"You look quite pale. Are you quite all right?"

"I'm...cold..." I said lamely. His eyes flashed bright blue in the murk. We stood for a moment, neither saying nor denying what we both knew I was doing deep below the castle.

"On your way, then, Piroska. No need to catch something. Best get warm up in bed." He went to grab my arm gently and I flinched away, moving up the stairs jerkily, in phantom and real pain.

I floated along, unable to think. My mind was still in shut down and even walking was enough to hold my full attention.

Dumbledore knew.

Bill intercepted me as I arrived at the entrance to my house. I feigned a smile and walked right on into the common room after answering the riddle:

What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries?

A towel

A horrible, crushing force hit me as I lay down. I curled into a ball and sobbed. A darkness overcame my vision and the world dissolved into nothingness.

Used. I had been used.

A delicate kiss flashed past my eyes and then the horrible, blinding pain returned. A gentle look augmented into a malevolent snarl. A desire to see him again contrasted with a baser fear.

I was in his room again and our bodies were against each other. They were clammy and sticky from sweat and come and his hand came up to stroke me...

Dumbledore knew, but still I didn't go to him. And Bill...

Sobbing wracked my entire body until I heard the pitter-patter of feet on the stairs.

What had changed?

I shriveled up into a little ball and slept a mercifully dreamless slumber. Wind howled bitter against both the glass windows and the stormy night beyond.