"I think you've had enough…"

Alfred glanced up from his desk, squinting at the figure in the doorway. "I really don't have time for your sarcastic shit right now, Ivan." His head sank back onto his desk, groping blindly for his bottle.

Ivan shrugged and walked in, shutting the door behind him. He sat down in front of Alfred, resting his hands in his lap. "No drinking on the job, yes?"

"Rememb'r what you said to me? About the assassinating thing?" Alfred grinned, eyes hazy and distant. "Looks like it might happen after all, eh?"

Ivan frowned. "I didn't know you were close to Beilschmidt."

Alfred slammed his fist on the table. "I wassn't! But he was a good man. He always tried to do what was best. He stuck too close to the rules, yeah, but…" Alfred found the bottle at last, taking a long swig. "Did you hear about it, Ivan?"

Ivan shrugged off his suit jacket, sighing.

Alfred continued, ignoring Ivan's disinterest. "They had to do a DAN—NDA—the thing on him. DNA test to identify him. God, and that other one is missing. The Vargas brother. They have no idea where he is."

"I didn't know. Feliciano?" Ivan's eyebrows drew together, and his frown deepened.

"No, the angry one," Alfred answered, lifting his head off the desk. "There's talk about terrorists'n'assassins and…" He sat back in his chair, rolling away from the desk. "Why're you even here?"

Ivan shrugged. "Honestly, I came to make sure you weren't dead."

Alfred laughed and snorted, hand coming up to cover his mouth. "You do care, you Commie, you." Alfred hand fell. "I don't want to go home. It's been so quiet since she's left."

"You shouldn't have divorced her, then."

Alfred shook his head, rolling his eyes. "No, I needed the money. How's your sisters?"

Ivan folded his coat, shrugging. "They are how they always are."

Alfred ran a hand over his face. "Shit, the investigator's comin' tomorrow. I'm going to look like absolute crap."

Ivan folded his coat into a pillow, putting it on Alfred's desk. "I do not think so. Maybe like you're hung over, but you never look like crap. It's why you got reelected."

The blond head collapsed onto the pillow. "Thanks, dude. Your seat isn't even gonna' bewarm by the time we gonna' have to replace you. Oh!" Alfred's head lifted an inch. "Who's gonna' get knocked first? You'r'me?"

Ivan stole Alfred's bottle, taking a long drink. It was barely half empty; Ivan wondered if there was another one hidden underneath Alfred's desk. "You."

Alfred moaned. "Fuck," he drew out the word. "I don't even understand why they were both killed. Ludwig was a straight laced mother fucker, Stevenson was shifty, sure, and Vargas was practically a call girl to the lobbyists."

Ivan hummed in agreement.

Alfred laughed. "How many times have I done this?"

"Done what?"

"Gotten shit faced and then called you?"

Ivan smiled faintly. "Only when you're drunk enough and can't remember the next morning." He continued to drink from the bottle. "This is good."

"It was a divorce anniversary present from the Missus."

Ivan's head ducked as he smiled. "I really wished I could have met your wife before you so rudely got rid of her. She and I sound like we would have gotten along."

Alfred snorted. "Well, you both were sarcastic fuckers, so there's that. You both also suck my v'ry life force from me." Alfred threw his hands in the air, keeping his head on the table. "You were also pale blond, but that doesn't have to do with anythin'."

Ivan put his feet up on the desk.

"Ludwig…" Alfred sighed. "He didn't deserve that. Yeah, he was such a Democrat it hurt, but… He was a good man. He brought good things to the table."

Ivan sighed. "For someone willing to throw people under the bus willy-nilly, you're awfully soft when it comes to certain people. You shot down every idea Beilschmidt presented. You bludgeoned it to death, yes?"

"Well, yes, but following that logic, you should be assassinated too, Ivan. He was good. Better than you."

Ivan shook his head. "Remember our talk, Alfred. He would be better than you, too."

Alfred's shoulders slumped. "He was."

To nice anon who alerted me: thank you. I'm copy-and-pasting this from Tumblr, and Fanfiction doesn't understand converting different font styles.