A/N: Wow. 200 reviews, that's amazing. Thank you all so much for the reviews, I love you all so much, you have no idea how happy this makes me. I appreciate everyone who's read this story. Thank you.
Just to let you know, when I was reading through the reviews from the last chapter I realised a few of you said that we're still pretty much where we were at the beginning of the fic. I thought about it and realised this is true. I apologise for this and I'm going to try and work on this, I promise.
Finn stared at the ceiling of his living room as he lay on the couch. He hadn't moved for an hour now; his mouth was dry and his stomach almost growling, though he couldn't get himself to move. His mind was racing, and hadn't stopped since last night.
He kept reliving the last half of his party. From the way he had the urge to kiss Rachel, the girl he had sworn to himself that he didn't have feelings for; then seeing Sam pressing her against the wall and kissing her, the empty pit in his stomach and the pain in his chest at the sight; then realising the attention was unwanted, he pushed his way through the crowd to Sam and Rachel, ripped Sam off her, punched him in the face; then he told everyone to leave, the party was over.
It had been a lot more dramatic than Finn had intended. He closed his eyes for a second and saw the image of Rachel as she left. He face was shell-shocked, tears in her eyes, her hair dishevelled from being pressed against the wall. It had literally broken Finn's heart to see the strong, happy, bubbly Rachel in such a state. He had wanted to reach out, take her in his arms and tell her it was OK. Of course, Rachel had just run away from the party, leaving Finn with a hollow feeling in his stomach.
He opened his eyes again, not wanting to see Rachel like that again. He was about to fall back into his reverie when there was a knock on his door. He frowned, and sat up slowly. He wasn't expecting anyone, so it was a surprise to have someone at the door. Assuming it was Kurt or someone, Finn stood up and walked to the door. When he opened it, it wasn't Kurt at all.
Rachel stood in front of him. She was dressed casually, with some jeans and a grey, long-sleeved top. He hair hung in loose waves, and her face only had a little make-up. Even with such little effort, she still managed to look stunning. Finn was relieved to see again, he was worried that she wouldn't want to talk to him any more. He was even happier to see that she no longer looked so... broken.
"Rachel," Finn said, without even thinking. "What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to see you again." She admitted with a small smile. "And I brought coffee."
She held a to-go cup of coffee out to Finn and held another one for herself in her other hand. Finn accepted the cup gratefully and moved aside to allow Rachel to enter. He followed Rachel over to the couch, scanning the room as he did. He didn't want his apartment to be a mess for Rachel, and luckily he had woken up early and spent the time clearing up the remains of the party. Two bin bags full of rubbish were pushed against a wall, but other than that the room looked fine.
Rachel sat down on the couch and Finn sat down on the other side. Smiling to Rachel as he took the lid off his coffee. The scent hit Finn immediately and it was only then that he realised how much he needed the drink.
"Thanks for the coffee." Finn said to start conversation. "I really needed it."
"You don't need to thank me." Rachel brushed. "In fact, it's me who should be thanking you."
Finn frowned and turned to Rachel. "For what?"
Rachel laughed slightly, a sound that made Finn smile with happiness. "Do you even remember last night?" She asked in disbelief. "Or were you more drunk than I thought? I'm thanking you for what you did to Sam."
Finn looked down modestly and shook his head. "I did what anyone half-decent would have done."
"That's just the thing," Rachel said quietly, finding it incredibly sweet how free from vanity Finn was. "No one else has ever done anything like that for me before. I doubt they will again. It was very heroic of you."
Finn looked at Rachel, not knowing how to respond. As soon as they made eye contact, Rachel looked away again. "Well," Finn started, then hesitated. "I'd do it again if you needed it."
Rachel laughed slightly. "Can I ask you something?" Finn noticed how she suddenly sounded shy, but nodded anyway. "Why did you do what you did?"
Finn frowned and thought about it. He couldn't have imagined doing anything else, Rachel needed him and he protected her. "Because Sam was crossing a line that you didn't want him to cross. It seemed like the only thing I could do to help you."
"Well, I really appreciate what you did, I can't thank you enough. It's just..." Rachel paused, finding it hard to find the words she wanted to say. "No one's ever really looked out for me like that, you know? Usually people just stand by and watch while I get myself deeper and deeper into trouble. You're the only man who's ever taken action to protect me, even though I've done nothing to deserve your protection."
"Well," Finn said, looking down at Rachel and locking eyes with her. "I guess I just think you're worth protecting."
Rachel smiled, tears beginning to fill her eyes slowly. "Why?" She asked in a whisper. "I'm nothing but a selfish girl who's just a bar tender slash waitress at the local bar."
"When did you get like this?" Finn asked sadly.
"Like what?"
"When did you start hating yourself so much?" Finn watched as Rachel hesitated then frowned, not knowing what to say. "Remember our little picnic in Central Park when you told me that you used to dream of being on Broadway, and you had a tattoo of a star as a 'metaphor for you being a star'?" Rachel nodded. "That's not who you are now. Santana told me you were so ambitious in college, and I've seen traces of that in you, but that's not you any more. Why?"
"You wouldn't understand." Rachel said sadly. Finn could hear the strain in her voice. "I just gradually realised that I'm not good enough. Where I'm from in Ohio, I was a big fish in a small pond. But here in New York, I'm a tiny fish in an ocean full of bigger fish."
"Well, if it's any consolation, I think you're a pretty big fish." Finn told her, a smirk on his face at how strange it felt to say. Rachel giggled slightly and played with her hands. "You know Rachel, I can see through the charade." Rachel looked up at Finn in surprise. "This mask that you've put on to cover your true self, I don't buy it."
"What are you talking about?" Rachel asked.
"I feel this connection to you, Rach. It's like a magnet pulling me towards you; but it doesn't pull me towards the you that wears short dresses and goes to parties every night. It's the you that you hide away. The true you that you only let people see in glimpses that I want to see every time I'm with you."
"Why?" Rachel said with an uncomfortable laugh. "She's quite obnoxious."
"I don't think so." Finn said earnestly. "I think she's absolutely amazing."
Rachel looked up at Finn, surprised to see that he was already looking down at her. She had never had someone say anything like this to her, and had never expected it to be said. Especially by someone as amazing as Finn. He had such warmth in his eyes as he looked down at her, a natural kindness that radiated from him. It made Rachel want to be different; want to be a better person; one that didn't give up on her dreams when push came to shove.
Finn looked from Rachel's eyes to her lips. They were so pink and so beautiful. She was so beautiful. Like nothing he'd ever seen before. He wanted to much to kiss her, just to convince her that she's good enough. To show her that she's worth something and that people cared for her. But also because he'd never kissed a girl as beautiful as Rachel, and he doubted he'd ever get a chance to again.
As Rachel was looking at Finn, she saw him lean in to kiss her. This was all she'd ever wanted since she'd met Finn, but now that it was happening, she didn't want it to happen. Not like this. Not right now. She didn't want Finn to kiss this version of herself, because this version of herself wasn't worthy of it. She suddenly wished that she was a different person, someone who wasn't so selfish, so obsessed with drinking and partying, so... worthless.
Rachel turned to the side, so Finn's lips connected with her cheek instead. He hesitated, then pulled away with a frown. He had a hurt look in his eyes that made Rachel's heart sink, though she knew this was for the greater good.
"Finn..." She said carefully. "This isn't your fault but-"
"You don't have to explain." Finn stated. "I get it. You want to stay friends. It's fine."
"It's not that," Rachel assured him. "It's just the timing. This isn't a good time in my life."
"Rachel, you don't have to make excuses."
"This isn't an excuse, Finn! Look, you're a cop. You're such a good guy, honestly; you're so sweet and kind and not even my past boyfriends have treated me with such courtesy. But look at me. I'm just a broken girl from Ohio who came to New York to chase her dreams and lost herself along the way. I'm going to change that. I'm going to find myself again, the real me that you can see. I'll turn into someone who deserves you instead of hiding behind the stupid social events and parties that I do now."
"Rachel, I don't want you to change yourself for me." Finn assured her, flattered that Rachel would try and do this for him, though still not feeling good enough for her.
"Maybe not," Rachel said with a shrug. "But I do." She stood up with determination. "I'll see you soon, Finn." She bent over and kissed Finn's cheek, filling his nostrils with her scent that he had grown to love.
"Rachel..." He tried to get her to stop, but he knew he was fighting a lost cause. Her eyes held that strong resoluteness that she had when she wanted something.
He watched as Rachel walked past him towards the door. Finn was about to protest again, though before he had the chance, Rachel was gone, the door swinging shut behind her.
A/N: Finally, Rachel has decided to make herself suitable for Finn. Leave me a review to let me know what you think, or if you have any requests for a future chapter.