CHAPTER 10 – Teach Me Not To Love
A heart is hard to translate
It has a language of its own
It talks in tongues and quiet sighs
Prayers and proclamations
And short shallow gasps
And with all my education
I can't seem to command it.
Florence and the Machine
Take me for a ride
Break me up and steal what's left inside
Warm my heart to remind
And hold my head up high
Feed me poison until I drown.
Muse
Raccoon City, 1997
Slowly, almost absentmindedly, Jill started typing away on her computer.
Not really seeing the flow of words that ran from the left to the right on her screen.
Her eyes kept wandering to his opened office door. Should she …?
Never has an entrance looked more unwelcoming. Frightening. Forbidden.
He hadn't looked at her, since she arrived this morning. Not a single time.
Her heart rate was on a dangerously high level anyway, when she had to climb the steps to the station. The question of how he would react, when he saw her constantly on her mind.
And what did she earn in the end for all this pain? Plain ignorance.
He didn't stay after he had his way with her last night. After he took her virginity.
She didn't even expect him to. But still it hurt her in an unwanted way.
When she was done with the first pile of paperwork after two hours, she decided to get up and get a cup of coffee. She didn't even like the black beverage that much. It tasted too bitter.
But so she had one reason to walk over to their break room. And past his office.
Just to test him.
But still. No reaction from his side. Not even a glance.
Although she didn't want it, a nagging feeling of regret and disappointment took over her.
What the hell had she done to deserve treatment like this?
At lunchtime she had enough. Determined she walked into his office and shut the door louder than intended behind her, which caused all her teammates throwing a look after her.
"Looks like someone is a bit angry", Chris remarked. Slight suspicion in his stomach.
What the hell was Jill going to do in Wesker's office? And mainly, what reason did she have to close the door behind her? He wished, he could have found an excuse to go to Wesker as well.
Just to interrupt whatever this was going to be in there.
But nothing came to his mind that would have been reasonable enough.
"You know women. Probably on PMS or so", Barry said, earning everyone's laughter of agreement.
"Guys, keep the volume down", Chris complained. "I got a hangover, man."
"I heard that drinking more should make it go away." Joseph. In a fake pity tone. "Shall I fix some Margaritas for you, Redfield? Or how about a Bloody Mary?"
Chris dug his fists against his temples. "Don't even mention the word alcohol, Frost."
"Don't they say the more the merrier", Barry chuckled. "That could also count for the cocktails."
"Or women", Joseph winked.
Approving laughter. The men definitely had their fun.
But the atmosphere in Wesker's office would soon turn to be quite the opposite.
The door had slammed shut.
And finally he looked up from his work. It annoyed her how far she had to go to get his attention.
"What do you want, Valentine?"
"I think we need to talk", she said, trying to sound firm.
"Talk about what?" Cold. His tone was cold and for a moment all courage left her.
"You know about what…" She cursed her blood that reddened her cheeks. "Last night."
"What's the big deal? You see that I have work to do …"
"What's the big deal?" Jill repeated, slightly opening her mouth in disbelief. Like a goldfish on dry land, desperately snapping for air. "Are you serious, Wesker?"
"For you still Captain Wesker", he threw in strained.
She took a few steps towards him, frustrated. "I'll tell you what the big deal is. Did you really think you could sleep with me and then ignore me the next day like none of it has ever happened?"
Now the warmth had wandered up to her eyes, making them water.
Shit, she didn't want to cry before him like some teenage girl.
"It was my first time … and you're not even looking at me."
Too late, a few tears were running down her cheeks, although her expression remained as motionless as she could manage. Her lips were slightly trembling and she had to bite hard on the inside of her cheek to not let the angry tears overtake her completely.
He took his sunglasses off and got up, under a sigh. Finally.
"Get yourself together, Valentine." But his tone was less frozen than before and he handed her a tissue that she took in her clammy hands, wiping it over her eyes.
"What are you expecting of me?", he asked, while she stubbornly avoided to look at him. "That I kiss you in front of everybody? We are at work. And I'm not fond showing an affection towards you inside this building. Or at least in front of our team. We'd like to keep this our little secret, don't we?"
Suddenly he was right before her, tilting her chin up with his left hand.
"Stop staring holes into the floor", he said and before she could answer, he laid his lips on hers, forcing them slightly open, tongues meeting. It was almost like it directly went down to her groin.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her body against his, annoyed with how needy she was. Leaving her completely breathless he parted from her, using his hands to release himself from her death grip. She couldn't let go at this moment. Just couldn't.
"Keep your schedule free tonight, Valentine."
All she could do was nod, eyes wide open.
He was still so close. She wished to lean in and kiss him once more. Taste him.
"Good. Now get out", he commanded. "There's still a few stacks of papers waiting for you, isn't there?"
When Jill exited their Captain's office completely flushed, drying tears on her cheeks, Barry was sure.
"On her period. Definitely", he said quietly so Jill wouldn't catch his words.
But Chris didn't feel like laughing anymore. There was something off with her.
Since she arrived this morning. And now it was pretty much confirmed to him that their oh-so-holy Captain had to do something with this.
Well, it would be up to him to figure it out.
The bedroom door almost burst out of its hinges, slamming against the wall with the force it was opened. Stumbling into the room came an entangled pair, kissing each other, melted together in passion.
"Gosh. Are you trying to destroy my inventory?", she complained.
But her tone of protest turned into a moan, when his hands found her behind, squeezing it.
"Don't you like it a little bit rough, Valentine?"
He leaned down, biting the skin of her neck. She moaned again.
Warm, turned on breath against her soft, unblemished skin.
"Do you know, how I could think of nothing else but this all day?", she admitted then.
"I must have left quite an impression on you then last night."
Jill kept in another sound of pleasure his assault caused inside of her.
"Of course you have."
Smiling, lips hungrily meeting again.
"It's all on my mind", she said, unstrapping his vest with a few skilled rips. "You. Inside of me."
"My … What do we have here? Jill being naughty."
His hands rubbed along the side of her upper body, getting closer and closer to lifting the hem of her shirt and an intense shiver wandered through her. Almost unbearable.
It only took one touch from him and she was already melting to a puddle.
"Show me some more", he said teasing and shoved her blue shirt over her head, making sure to briefly grope her firm breasts.
"If you'd finally get me to bed, I can demonstrate", she said, boldly grasping for his belt to undo it.
"Who said, I'd take you to bed?", he growled and pushed her backside against the wall.
"Please Wesker", she sighed, caged between the bedroom's wall and his towering height. "I can't do this yet … it's only my second time …"
"Are we bothered?", he said against her ear, taking her earlobe between his teeth. "I'm sure, you'll like it."
"Yes, I am bothered", she admitted, her skin burning. "Take me to bed … please."
He gave in. Getting on top of her. Bodies grinding against each other.
He entered her only half-way at first. Testing her limits. She was still vulnerable. Still tight.
But she accepted him, met him halfway, matched his rhythm.
She could hear how wet she was for him, when he retracted and plunged into her again.
Quick entries. Agonizingly slow withdrawals. Over and over.
She tried to urge him to take her harder. She was getting so close.
But he taught her to be patient. Capturing her wrists, entangling his fingers with hers.
Sure it almost drove her insane. But at the same time the control he had over her turned her incredibly on and she allowed him to do with her as he pleased.
In the midst of their performance he grabbed her right leg, bringing it up to his shoulder, taking her even deeper. Talking about being agile.
"Oh fuck", she breathed. That warm, tense feeling in her belly got to an unbearable point.
And he let her come.
She pulled him close against her, wanting him as near as possible, relished in her release.
She ended up making weak sounds like she was dying. The most welcome kind of death.
She was glad to be living in a house. So she didn't have to worry about the neighbors.
Too soon Wesker got up, grabbing his clothing.
"Are you leaving already?", Jill asked.
"Yes, dear Valentine."
"Oh …" She pulled the white sheets up to her breasts, suddenly feeling uneasy at being so exposed to him. "Why don't you stay? At least a little bit … I could fix us something. Or how about some TV?"
She felt helpless, when he turned around and she saw the last bit of his perfectly toned abs disappear under the shirt he closed. One button after the other.
Why did he have to look like a god? It made things even harder.
"I'm not that kind of guy. Sorry."
'Of course you're not', she wanted to say sarcastically, but she restrained.
"Then what do you want me to do? I've never really been with anyone before, Wesker … help me out here." A last attempt to keep him close to her.
"Well, you gave me what I wanted tonight. And I gave you what you wanted. I guess, we're even."
An unexpected pang in her heart. So that was it. He said it straight to her face.
He only wanted to fuck her. Have her spread her legs for him, whenever he felt like playing.
Just like this morning tears are pressing against her eyes, blurring her sight.
But she didn't want him to see it. Not this time.
She quickly wrapped herself in her morning robe. It was a pearly white.
"Show yourself out. I guess, you know the way", she said in a neutral voice and slammed the door to the bathroom shut. He didn't come to check on her.
Why would he?
Jill was running on the treadmill, when he entered. At a quite relaxed pace.
She waved and removed her headphones. "Hi, Chris."
"So Jill … how are you today?", Chris asked casually, grabbing for a few weights to lift.
Nothing but distraction purposes.
"Fine", she answered a bit short-winded. "You?"
"Good too. Just a lot of work. I can't wait to get some time off. Our Captain is demanding."
She softly smiled. "Tell me about it."
There was something strange about her. Something new.
She suddenly seemed so … grown up to him.
The way she stuck out her breasts. How her stature seemed to radiate confidence.
How her eyes seemed to be more aware of the environment around her.
And more aware of the looks certain men gave her every day at the office.
Who could blame them? Since the first day he met her at S.T.A.R.S. he had a crush on her.
But still … he didn't like her change. Not at all.
He decided to ask her. "So … I've seen you leaving Captain Wesker's office a few days ago. You looked quite upset. Has he been giving you a hard time?"
In his imagination he patted himself on his shoulder.
'Good tone, Redfield. Casual, not too nosy. Just right.'
He didn't want to raise any suspicion. Nor accusations.
She shrugged. "You know him. He was pretty mean with me …"
And that's even the truth, she thought to herself.
And the definition of a 'hard time' could be slightly altered in her case. She made him 'hard' and received her own 'hard' time in return. A hard time in the most stunning and breath-taking ways.
Jill suppressed a grin. Chris didn't need to know such details.
She wondered how Captain Wesker would react, if she said such word games to his face.
He would probably brush it off as childish and unnecessary.
"I haven't really heard him raising his voice though …"
Jill felt the sweat break through her skin. Not that she wasn't sweating already. But her pores seemed to heat up like she was running under the desert sun. The pressure to find a reasonable answer.
"Well … he doesn't always shout. You know that", she replied. To her surprise very calm. She'd never been a good liar. "I guess, he felt like playing Mister Ice that day. What does it bother you that much anyway, Chris? It's not like you never get into any fights with him."
"Yeah, but you're a woman. He should respect you, you know."
"He does … in his own way", she dared to say and stopped the treadmill. She'd been running for over an hour already. Enough for today. "I'm going for a shower. Enjoy your work-out session. Take care that they're not going to blow."
"That what's not going to blow?", he asked confused.
"Your muscles, Redfield."
She giggled and swung a dark green towel around her shoulders, patting the sweat off her forehead with its ends and then made her way to the exit. Chris watched her until she was out of sight.
That sway of her hips. And behind. Yes, he didn't like the new, mysterious Jill at all.
Wesker was filling in a report, when his phone rang.
Without even paying attention to the number on the display he picked it up.
"Captain Albert Wesker?"
"Wesker? It's me … Jill." She was sobbing. Oh dear god. Sobbing women are never good.
"Jill?" He furrowed his brows.
"Can you get to Second Street, please?" Another sob.
"What has happened?"
"I-I got into a little accident with my car", she confessed quietly.
"What?" He inhaled deeply. She could hear it.
"Please Wesker?", she begged.
"I'm on my way", he growled. "Just … get yourself together, Valentine."
He slammed the receiver back on the phone and let his hands run through his hair.
Frustrated. What the hell had she done now? He had better stuff to do than look after her.
When he arrived at Second Street there was quite the tumult going on.
People standing on the sidewalk, staring at the accident location before them.
Jill's car, a red 1974 Ford Mustang, was badly busted in on the passenger seat's side.
Pretty much flawlessly melted into it was the car of another driver. Engine bent like an archway.
There were shatters of headlights and god knows what other car parts lying on the street.
Splattered out like grenade pieces in a war zone. White smoke rising.
Wesker cursed under his breath and exited from the police vehicle. As soon as the gawkers and gapers saw him stomping towards Jill, everyone got out of the way.
She was sitting on the sidewalk, her forehead resting on her knees. She looked desperate. And positively lost. The driver of the other car was pacing up and down the sidewalk. A middle aged man dressed in a business suit, his cell phone pressed against his ear. Probably his insurance company. He was gesturing around. Upset.
He was driving an expensive, sleek black Audi A8. Now Wesker understood Jill being upset.
"Sir?" A police officer stepped into his way. A rookie probably. He didn't look older than 20.
"Could I please ask you to step away? We are having everything under control here."
Wesker huffed and made his way past him. The rookie followed. "Can I see your badge, Sir?"
"Don't you ask me for my badge, Officer", Wesker snapped and turned towards the young man. "I'm Captain Albert Wesker. Special Tactics and Rescue Service. Don't you have some cleaning up to do?"
The rookie swallowed, seemed to shrink in his height, before stepping away to his colleagues.
"Everybody keep on walking", Wesker shouted. "There's nothing to see here."
Slowly, like paralyzed penguins people continued their journey down the sidewalk.
Making sure to stare as long as they could. Their necks almost cracking with effort.
Jill heard his voice and looked up. Bursting out in even more tears she walked towards him and he put his hands on her shoulders.
"What happened?" was all he managed to say before she shoved his hands away and crashed against him, full-on hugging him, pressing her face against his tactical vest.
Women. You give them a finger and they take the whole hand. It's just never enough.
"God, I'm so glad you came", she wept. "I didn't see him, when I pulled into the road …"
Wesker swallowed, not sure what to do next. He didn't really enjoy Jill clinging on to him like he was some teddy bear in public. He hoped the rookie he shooed off, didn't observe this "heart-breaking" moment. He had a reputation to keep up.
It didn't look like they paid attention to him anymore though. The three police men that had been called to the accident location were all busy with drawing little chalk signs on the ground, numbering every piece that laid there shattered on the road. Just to photograph them.
Carefully Wesker shoved her away from him, keeping her at an arm's length, inspecting her.
"Are you hurt?", he asked and he was glad, when she shook her head.
"I'm fine", she sniffled. "Just … just a little shock, I guess."
"Did he give you any trouble until now?" He made a move with his head towards the business man with the messed up strands of hair and the loosened tie.
"He's on the phone with his lawyer or the insurance people … I don't even know. God, how am I going to pay for this, Wesker? This is the fucking story of my life."
The man finished his call and now rushed towards them. Furiously pointing at Jill.
"You gonna pay for this, you little bitch! Do you know how many fucking hours of work I've invested until I could buy myself this car!"
"It's Officer Valentine and not little bitch", Wesker interfered, building himself up to his full height before the smaller, yet very muscular man. "And I recommend you watch your language towards the young lady. You can be glad I'm on duty right now. You wouldn't want to cross my way after work", he growls through gritted teeth.
"Are you threatening me?", the business man gave back. "Are you fucking threatening me, Officer!"
"Captain! And if you-" Before Wesker could continue his insult, Jill interrupted.
"Wesker, it's alright. Don't worry about it."
She didn't want him to put his job at risk, because of her. She knew how easily he could lose his temper, when provoked. And this son of a bitch yelling at him didn't make it any better.
"Oh, so Wesker is your name! Let's see how your superior will react, when I report this!"
"I am the superior!", Wesker spat back and Jill stepped between them.
"No need to report anything, please. Can't everybody just calm down? Mister, just tell me what to do. I don't want this to end in a bad way."
For a few seconds the two men glared at each other like two bulls, ready to gore each other with their horns. Then the business man took a step back, but still kept his angry gaze set on Jill's Captain.
"Well, the problem is insurance won't cover for all of it. This car cost me fucking 70'000 Dollars! Where should I get that money from? Pull it out of my ass!?"
"That's an option", Wesker muttered under his breath.
"What was that? I couldn't hear you clear. Captain." Challenging. "Care to repeat it for me?"
Jill felt like ripping her own hair out. Maybe it was a mistake calling Wesker in the end.
Still, he was a better protection from this angry Hulk than the staring pedestrians. Or the rookies, who were still busy investing the little flakes of car paint. She didn't envy them.
"I'm sure we'll find a way I can come up for the amount that your insurance won't cover."
"Yeah, you better find a way", he demanded. "At least it was your fault. Could have used your eyes before pulling out on the road. Ever thought of that? Where did you get your license from anyway? The lottery?"
"My patience is soon getting to an end", Wesker threw in. "Don't you see that she's trying to get a solution with you right here?"
The man threw his hands in the air. Capitulating.
Boiling like a volcano underneath. Capitulating non the less.
"So, what are you suggesting?"
"That I'll pay for the damage", Wesker said calmly.
Jill opened her mouth. "Captain, you can't-"
He lifted a finger, still staring at the business man. "No more words, Valentine."
Jill was taken aback. Well, she knew their Captain probably earned five times more in his position than she did. But that he could just throw several ten thousand dollars out of the window like it was nothing.
That was a different story. She was completely speechless.
Twenty minutes later the car was brought away by a wrecking truck.
Jill stood there sadly. Watching her Ford Mustang getting out of sight.
"Come, I'll drive you home, Valentine." Wesker's voice. And his hand briefly on her shoulder.
She nodded and followed him, getting in on the passenger side.
She slammed the door shut and leaned her head against the car's window.
She suddenly felt tired and now that some of the shock had faded, also a pang of shame crept up inside of her. About her stupidity. And how reckless she could be sometimes.
She hoped Wesker wouldn't think any less of her now. At least he was never fond of weakness.
He brought her to her front door. "So, I hope you will remain accident-free in your household at least."
Jill fished out her keys. Still a little bit shaken. "I hope so … thanks, Wesker. For … coming and … I don't even know what to say about the money. Thanks isn't even enough."
"I saved the damsel in distress", he said dryly.
"Well, I guess so … I'll pay it back, I promise. Every single dime."
"If I allow you to do so. Have a good night, Valentine."
Wesker was already descending the three steps in front of her door, when she held him back.
"Wait."
He turned around, a questioning look on his face. "Yes? Forgot something?"
"Please stay. For dinner, I mean." Embarrassed she eyed the concrete floor. "It's the least I can do." "That's kind of you, Valentine, but-"
"I insist. Please, Wesker."
She didn't know, where she brought that courage from. Probably it was still the remaining adrenaline from the shock rushing through her body. It didn't help to think clearly.
"Fine", he briefly answered. To her relief. She let him in and locked the door behind her.
"What would you like?", she asked. "I can make spaghetti … or … let me think .." She patted the tip of her index finger against her bottom lip, before smiling at him. " … spaghetti?"
"Difficult choice", he answered, a smile playing on his lips as well.
"Sorry, got nothing else in the house", she shrugged apologetically.
"Should have thought of it before inviting someone for dinner, Valentine."
She opened her fridge, studying its content for a few seconds. "Well … for dessert I can offer …" Rummaging. "Strawberry Ca-" Her answer got stuck in her throat, when he pressed her back against his frontside, embracing her waist with his toned upper arm. Completely out of nowhere.
"How about an appetizer first?", he suggested in a low, seductive tone and Jill felt goose bumps run over her skin like needles. Her body stiffened in surprise.
"What?", Wesker said and brushed his lips over her neck. "Isn't that the reason you've invited me in?"
Was he right? Was that the real reason why she wanted him in here? The real reason deeply dug inside her consciousness? And it wanted some 'let's-forget-the-accident' sex?
She swallowed, when she felt his obvious bulge against the small of her back.
"God, you're … already?", she said breathless.
He abruptly turned her around and lifted her on top of the kitchen counter, spreading her legs.
She clung to him with a strange mix of arousal and insecurity. Still not completely realizing what the hell was happening again. Everything always went so fast with him. Like the change of his moods.
Hard to keep up.
"Why else would you wear this conveniently short skirt right now?"
He shoved the straps of her tanktop down and let his mouth follow the path of decreasing clothing.
"May I take you like this now?", he asked and let his fingertips wander along her spine. "Or are we still … shy?"
"I'm preparing my food on here, Wesker …"
"Fuck the food", he purred and thrust her against him, letting her feel how hard he was for her.
"Oh god … okay", she gave in. "Let's just … not make a mess."
"Can't promise that."
They only undressed as much as necessary.
It was more an opening, shoving, yanking and pulling of whatever was in the way.
He warmed her thoroughly before entering her. She was wet and welcome to his hand. And his mouth.
God, he used his mouth right there and she believed to be coming right away.
"You almost drip with want", he said lowly, dirtily and started his attempt in entering her.
Carefully, giving her time to adjust to this new feeling. His breath-taking pre-work made it easier to bear, but nevertheless, the first few fondling thrusts were burning like fire.
She sharply soaked in air to soothe the pain and her fingers grabbed for his shoulders for support.
But soon the fire became delicious stimulation.
Now she fully understood why he claimed for her to like this the other day.
She felt him much deeper. Reaching levels in her womb that resulted in just the right mixture of pleasure and bearable pain.
He was slow. So incredibly slow and still the sweat broke through her skin.
Gathering between her breasts and shimmering on the milk-like texture of her skin.
Each thrust she awaited eagerly, a content feeling building itself up inside of her.
Soon she came, throwing her head back in awe, while his tongue wandered over her exposed throat.
It was like falling down an endless waterfall. The feeling of purest ecstasy.
Afterwards she opened her eyes. Dazzled. Like newborn. Content breathing through parted lips.
Still buried inside of her he brought them upstairs to her bedroom.
She embraced him. Tightly. Not letting go.
"Jill … I can't take us to bed like that", he said gently. "We're still wearing our shoes. And clothes."
Jill sighed. "Oh … right."
Her knees were weak and so she just let herself fall on the edge of her bed.
Getting rid of her shoes. Her skirt. Her top and bra.
Watching Wesker doing the same with his boots, shirt and trousers.
"You know", she said. "I would have loved for you to keep the uniform on. I like this aura of authority and power it gives you."
"You mean that aura of authority and power it gives me over you?" He smirked.
"Mhm … I guess so."
Finally, could she lie down beside him. Being parted from him felt horrible before.
She wished for him to stay inside of her. All night.
He covered them both under her sheets and pulled her against him.
She was surprised by this unfamiliar kindness. But it was welcome and she leaned herself against his chest, while his fingers found her hair, stroking it.
"You know … I really loved that car", Jill broke the delicious languor between them. "It belonged my dad once. It was all his pride. How am I going to explain this to him?"
"I'm sure he will be more concerned about your health. I hope at least."
Jill smiled. "I hope so too. I'm his only daughter."
It had started to rain outside and the drops softly knocked against the windows and the roof, making her drowsy. This moment felt so perfect to her. Even more perfect than the sex they had.
She wished, she could make him stay somehow.
That silly wish was always there after he had slept with her.
Four weeks. This had been going on for four weeks already and still she couldn't tell him, what she wanted. Because this was no relationship.
She was caught in this storm of desire.
Blinded by the wish to please him. To be perfect. Expressing your wishes was forbidden.
Each word too much could drive him away from her. And then she'd be lost in the ocean.
Slowly dying away. Suffering. Words would never be useful.
"Why are you so talented", she said in a joking way and exhaled satisfied.
"Talented you call it?"
"You know what I mean … some of my female friends have told me-" She stopped midsentence. "Oh … forget it."
He tucked a strand of her dark brown hair behind her ear. "What did they say?", he smirked. "Tell me."
Jill visibly blushed and avoided meeting his gaze. "Well … not important. Really."
"Jill. It's rude to start a sentence and then not finish it", he teased.
"Well … they said that they have … trouble … coming. They often fake it, you know."
She cuddled even closer to him to not have to look at him. And his reaction.
"You don't say … well, it depends on how experienced the man is. Sad truth is that some of them never learn how to please a woman the right way their entire life."
"What about the woman? Shouldn't that play a role too?"
"It's more the male part that matters. Women like you demand a lot of control."
"Women like me?", she asked. But then she got it. "Oh … I see."
Blushing. He meant women, who just lost their virginity. Why did she even have to start this conversation? Well, now she was in it. Too late.
Fortunately he didn't feel like dragging this any further. Change of topic. Very welcome.
"So, you're saying I always make you come?"
His voice was pleased, carrying a hint of seduction.
"I'm a bad liar. I couldn't fake it. Trust me."
"Well … every woman has her special spots. And I'm sure, I have found yours."
"Is that so?", Jill said amused, thinking of her friends faking their orgasms in bed.
"Ooh yes." He shoved her off him, placing himself on top of her, kissing her.
Almost automatically she leaned her thighs against his waist. He felt like steel against her stomach. And she was surprised to find that she could easily take another round right now. Just like him.
"Want to show me once more, where they are? Then you have something to tell your little friends. And their lousy lovers."
Jill chuckled. "Teach me everything, Captain."
Jill kept chewing on her pencil. Scraping off the red color with her teeth. Unnoticed.
Should she really do it?
Her eyes were set on the computer monitor before her. Her e-mail program opened.
A new empty message waiting to be filled in with black letters in Arial 11.
"Are you hungry, Valentine?" Barry's voice from across her desk.
"What?" Confused she threw a look towards him. Awoken from her daydreaming.
"Well, you've been chewing on your pencil the last fifteen minutes already. Can I get you sandwich? Or how about these fat-free yoghurts you females like so much? Gotta watch that line, right?"
She stuck out her tongue. "Shut it, Barry. I'm fine."
No, she wasn't fine. Asking herself once more, if she should do it?
Another five minutes went by and another layer of her pencil's red color disappeared.
Oh, to hell with it. She will do it.
At first her eyes darted to the left and right of her, making sure that no one stared on her screen.
Chris was lost in some report before him, slightly frowning like he had to fight against a big headache. The rest of her colleagues didn't seem to bother to glance away from their own computers anyway.
At a slow pace she hit the keyboard, filling in the empty body of the message.
To: aw_rc
Subject: Kitchen supplies
Hey
I hope, I'm not bothering you. But … I just wanted to say that I really liked what you did with me last Wednesday. My poor kitchen … I have to say, I'm very willing to experiment more with you. I already feel sorry for my furniture. I don't think, I'll have enough of you that soon … ;-)
- A secret Valentine
She hit send. God, she did it. Too late for any drawbacks.
And she even added a damn winking emoticon.
She felt like slapping the palm of her hand against her forehead. Hide behind it forever.
He was probably going to think that she was some kind of teenage girl with behavior like that.
Her head turned hot and she asked herself, since when she got this dirty.
Was it really necessary to push him with this kind of stuff at work as well?
The pencil was back in her mouth and there was no reply from him.
Not for ages and she was starting to feel sick.
Her heart pounding in her chest in an uncomfortable way.
"Valentine, you alright?" Barry again. "You look feverish. You're not getting ill, are you?"
Jill managed a smile. "I'm still fine, Barry. Don't worry. I'm just a bit warm at the moment."
"Well, with this weather outside it's no surprise", he said and leaned back in his chair to look out of the window. The day was perfectly sunny, the sky a deep blue and the temperatures crawling on almost insanely high levels the past two weeks already. "Good we got air-conditioning at least, huh?"
"Yes. Aren't we all lucky", she answered quietly and refreshed her inbox. Still no answer.
Well, fuck yourself, Captain, she thought angrily and minimized the program.
"I'd rather fry at the beach, have a beer and watch some ladies in their bikinis", Chris grinned.
Barry let out a whistle of agreement. "Oh yes. My favorites are the rebellious ones, who think that bikini tops are overrated."
"Gosh", Jill said, narrowing her eyes at Barry. "You guys are such animals."
"Difference is that we don't live in a zoo. But I admit we are Jill. We are", Barry said joking.
A tone in his voice like he was remembering a nostalgic moment. All smug.
Chris laughed. "Well, then you can be glad, you weren't at Purrlesque with us last Saturday."
"What is Purrlesque supposed to be?", Jill asked irritated.
"It's a vintage strip club. Know Dita von Teese?"
The image of a more sexual version of Snow White came to her mind. Jill raised her eyebrows.
"So you've been to a strip show?"
"It's not striptease in the conventional way. Look up burlesque on Google, Jill. Might learn something."
"I won't, you bastard", she hissed and threw her rough-looking pen in his direction.
Chris caught it mid-air and kept it in his hand. No intention to give it back to her.
"Aah, your loss. Because it was purrrrfect."
Chris rubbed his chest in a playful manner and the men burst out in laughter.
"I'll buy you some pasties for your next birthday, Valentine", Joseph added.
Jill's mouth fell open and before she could reply, he stood there.
"What the hell is so funny out there?"
Abrupt silence. Wesker towering under the door of his office. Mien anything but pleased.
"N-nothing, Captain", Chris quickly said, bending over his report.
"Don't you think, I've heard every single infantile word you guys keep throwing at each other? Leave talk like this in your filthy strip clubs and stop harassing, Miss Valentine. Or you'll get to know an even more unpleasant side of mine. You have my word on that. Now get back to work!"
The busy rustle of paper and the hasty clicking of computer keyboards.
Wesker stood there for another ten seconds, observing his employees like a vulture.
Jill avoided any look in his direction, wondering if he read her e-mail already.
"Valentine. In my office. Now."
Oh shit. He read it. Goodbye world.
It felt like the ground underneath her feet was gone, when she followed him.
Her knees turned into pudding that wouldn't support carrying her weight any longer.
"Sit down", he ordered.
Jill did as requested, grasping her fingers around the chair.
Unexpected to her he didn't go back to his own, but stepped at the back of her chair.
His mere presence radiating behind her. It sent chills down her spine.
"Oh Valentine …" He started. Suddenly calm. His temper from before blown away. It was like a mask he could take on and take off, whenever he felt like it. He placed his big hands on her shoulders, using slight pressure on them like a massage. No, not like a massage. He was in fact giving her one. He bent down, his mouth right next to her neck. "As much as I like the thought of you …" His hands wandering from her shoulders, over the curve of her breasts to stop right above her groin. "… being so wet for me at work, it's not your smartest idea to use our business e-mail account to send me such dirty messages."
Jill's breath turned shallow. "You do know that the fellow employees from IT could look into anyone's account at any time. It's important to me …" Now his fingers inching their way inside her trousers. " … that we keep an atmosphere of professionalism in here."
Jill gulped. She hadn't thought of the guys in IT. Well, shit.
"I'm sorry, Captain", she managed to say, holding back a moan, when his experienced fingers continued their exploration further below.
"Spread your legs a little bit more", he demanded. Without second thought she obeyed and felt him bringing a finger inside of her. Teasing her to an absolute limit.
She pressed herself against his touch until she felt her release approaching. Fast.
God, how did he even know, where her most sensitive spots were. It was unbelievable.
"Oh … I'm coming", she sighed, her breath intensifying, her grip getting even tighter.
"Shhhh", he silenced her huskily. "Keep it down, Valentine."
It was the biggest struggle of her life, but she managed to let her orgasm float through her with nothing more than a few lustful inhales. And exhales.
He showed the hint of a smile, while coolly getting back on his own chair.
Cleaning his hand in a manner like it was daily business to give a female a handjob in his office.
"Stay and calm down, Valentine. I don't want any of the men out there getting the wrong idea of what we've been doing in here, when they see you stepping out there all flushed and panting."
"Well, they wouldn't get the wrong idea. They'd get the right one", she said. "Holy … you're just … I'm not able to walk right now anyway for god's sake."
"Don't flatter me", he remarked cockily.
Jill had to focus hard on gathering her spirits together. The waves of her release were still not completely ebbed away.
Never had she felt such a great urge to mount him on his chair and screw him senseless like at this moment.
Maybe it was a bit hasty to only describe her fellow teammates as animals. She wasn't any better.
"Have you ever been to a strip club, Captain?", she bluntly asked. Out of nowhere.
He made it comfortable for himself, placing his hands behind his head. All relaxed.
"Where does that come from?"
She shrugged. "Dunno … the guys made me think of it. I was just curious … I'm sorry if this is a weird question."
Eventually he gave in.
"I don't feel the urge to visit a strip club. Never have. It's a place for desperate men, who are starved for sex. Men, who never have a chance in getting a woman into their bed. At least not on their free will. Not to mention those poor women. Having to present yourself like a piece of raw meat thrown in front of hungry wolves."
"Oh …" Jill didn't know what to say. Another question was burning on her tongue.
'Am I the only woman you're currently sleeping with?'
But she couldn't ask him. It seemed inappropriate.
And most of all he would shrug it off as "none of her business".
She couldn't imagine her to be the only one though. Thanks to him she was no virgin anymore, but still unbelievably inexperienced and sometimes even clumsy at what she was doing. Funny he hadn't laughed at her yet. He pretty much had to teach her every little detail about love-making.
How could someone like her, a 22 year old officer, who ruined expensive cars in her free time, be enough for full satisfaction?
Plus, he had the looks to get any top-model into his bed with nothing more than a snap of his fingers.
Why not make use of it?
"Anything else you'd like to feed your curiosity with?", he dragged her back to reality.
"Um … no", she lied and got up. "I have work to do. I heard that our boss can get pretty mad, when reports aren't handed in in time."
He chuckled. "Is that so. Sounds like a role model of a leader to me."
Before she could open his door, he raised his voice once more.
"And Valentine." His tone had something slightly seductive about it.
'Oh … what's coming now?', she thought.
"I wouldn't mind if you looked up some Burlesque. For me."
Jill showed him a grin. "Unbelievable. You're all unbelievable."
They were in the training room. Punching a few bags.
"Hey Jill. I wanted to apologize to you for Barry's and my behavior the other day."
"It's fine." Jill hit the bag. Hard. "I can take it. I'm used to you guys being like that."
"That's good … that's good." Chris rubbed the back of his head. "Erm … as soon as you stop beating the crap out of those poor leather bags, I'd like to ask you something. I'm not feeling very comfortable, when you go all Rocky on them."
Jill stopped sending her fists into the bag. Suddenly numb. Suddenly hearing her own heartbeat too well. He wouldn't ask about … Wesker, right?
"Sure. What's up." She avoided any peek in his direction.
"Would you … like to go for dinner this Friday?"
"You mean with the guys?", she asked curiously. Hell, was she relieved.
Although she had a feeling that this could lead into a new uncomfortable situation.
"No … just … you and me."
Yes. Uncomfortable indeed.
"Oh …" Jill inhaled, thinking for a few seconds. "Chris, I'm not sure,, if that's a good idea."
"Come on, why not … you like me, don't you?"
"Yes, I do …" She shrugged. Indecisive. "I'm just not sure, if it's that way, you know."
"Please don't friendzone me, Jill. Because I do like you … that way."
Jill blushed. And unwanted she felt flattered. Of course the thought of going out with Chris had crossed her mind before. Originally it was her plan to take a step towards him on her birthday.
But then he came between. Captain Wesker.
What would he think, if she went out with Chris?
As she knew the boys, a date wouldn't go by unnoticed. Chris would tell Barry in privacy and Barry would tell it to everyone.
She feels like she's being trapped in an endless hallway. Stretching to both sides into eternity.
And she knew, no matter which direction she chose, they would both not lead to an exit.
No way out of this situation.
"Can I think about it?", she offered.
"So, you're not saying 'no' yet." Chris sighed. "That's good, you know."
She couldn't help but to smile. "Thanks for not being pushy, Redfield."
"All the time in the world for you", he winked, showing her a boyish grin. "See you round. Gotta head out now. Night, Valentine."
"Night, Redfield."
"What the hell is this supposed to be!"
He smashed the stack of reports on her table, making her flinch.
The whole room went quiet. Everybody eavesdropping on their Captain having a go at Jill.
Glad to be not the ones, who had to dodge his bullets for once.
"What's wrong with them?", she asked. Clearly intimidated by the tone he chose.
Three nights ago he had quite a different choice of tones ready for her. And different kinds of words.
The dirty stuff. It was like he was a completely different person. She hated this about him.
"You'd rather ask what's right about them. Nothing. Absolutely nothing! Where is your mind this morning, Valentine?" He carelessly picked up the document on top of the stack, waving it in front of her face. "Who the hell writes Albany with double L … or … forgets to add the suspect's last name? Stop daydreaming and do your work properly. You know, I'll be pleased to repeat this procedure of giving them back to you until I'm fully content. You'll sit here until they're without mistake. Even it if turns midnight."
"Okay …" She swallowed, trying to ignore the nervous beat of her heart. "I'll correct them, Captain."
With the same force he had used to throw the reports back on her desk, he slammed the door shut.
With shaking fingers Jill opened her program, the saved documents and tried to see the mistakes. Tried.
But at this moment she was so overwhelmed by all kinds of emotions that she couldn't do it.
"Hey … you alright?" Chris' gentle voice. "I can help you out, if you like. I'm done with my stuff."
He put a tissue in her palm. She hadn't even noticed that she was crying.
Great … how embarrassing. Again their Captain reached his goal to make her burst out in tears like a little girl. Fucking fantastic.
She inhaled and managed to smile at him. "If you don't mind. Thanks Chris. I owe you one."
He went to his desk to grab his chair and placed himself next to her.
Chris' presence was soothing. She was glad for him to be there and help her.
Wesker didn't even interrupt. That's what she feared the most. Being caught with Redfield.
But he stayed behind closed doors the whole afternoon. Fine, should he.
She would deal with him later. And then she wouldn't act like Bambi anymore.
Then this great idea occurred inside her mind.
There was one way she could pay it back to Wesker already. Piss him off big time.
"Chris. I have to tell you something", she whispered.
He raised his brows. Questioning. "Go on."
"Yes." One simple word.
"Yes what?" Chris was confused. She saw the little crease between his brows that he always got whenever he was thinking so hard that she believed to see smoke coming out of his head.
"Oh come on, airhead", she laughed. "You know what."
Then he understood. The date. A grin took over his features. "Oh, wow … wow … okay."
He restrained the urge to pull her tightly against him.
"Erm … when shall I pick you up?", he said instead. Keeping the tone on a low level.
"I'll be ready at seven?"
"Perfect. And don't worry, Jill." He leaned in closer to her. "I won't take you to Purrlesque."
Jill giggled and playfully punched his shoulder. "Better not, bastard."
Eat this, Wesker, she thought.
As expected Chris was super punctual.
"Mylady", he greeted her, bowing in an old-fashioned way that made her giggle.
They both agreed to not "dress up" for the occasion. It would more be a casual evening.
A different kind of getting to know each other.
He reserved them a nice table in an Italian restaurant. To her relief nothing too expensive.
The atmosphere of the rich and beautiful would have reminded her too much of Wesker.
Chris turned out to be a good conversation partner. She believed to have never felt so at ease with someone. But she knew that he was expecting more out of it than she did.
She had to make him realize that the latest at her door, when he leaned in to kiss her.
For a moment she accepted it, even had to admit that it stirred something deep inside of her.
But not in the same way like Wesker kissing her. It was no comparison.
Chris' placed his hands on her waist, trying to push her closer.
She wished, she could have taken him inside, into her bed. But she stopped him.
"Erm … Chris. Thanks for the nice evening. But I think, we should call it a good night here."
"We're taking it slow, I see", he smiled. Nothing could ever fog his mood as it seemed.
We're taking it nowhere for now, Jill wanted to say, but she didn't want to break his heart.
"Like a snail", she said instead and showed him a smile. "Good night, Redfield."
"Night Valentine. Don't forget to check for monsters under your bed. I won't be there to save you, when they try to eat you up."
She laughed. "I can defend myself, no worries."
"Bye." He pecked her cheek and then disappeared into the night.
She waited outside her door. The headlights of his car turned on and so did the engine.
Although she couldn't see inside of it in the dark she waved him good-bye.
While she was rummaging through her purse to find her keys, the sound of steps behind her made her turn around. She couldn't believe her eyes.
"What are you doing here?", she asked startled.
"I wanted to see you … but it looks you've already been taken care of."
"What the hell, Wesker?", she hissed. "What is wrong with you? Sneaking up on me like that?"
"No, what is wrong with you? You and Redfield … I can't believe it."
Now Jill understood. He knew about their date. Time to activate her defense mode.
"We're not together, are we? So it's none of your business, who I'm seeing."
"Maybe it is my business."
"What the actual fuck? Who the hell do you think you are? I am not your possession. You might be proud to have taken my virginity, but it doesn't mean I have to be attached to you. You have made this clear enough already."
"What are you talking about?"
"You have humiliated me in front of everybody, Wesker!"
"I wouldn't have thought for you to be the type to hold any grudges. Work is work."
"No. No, it's not!"
"Are you expecting a different treatment just because we sleep with each other? Oh, come on." He had to hold back the urge to laugh. "That's ridiculous. Even for someone like you."
"Someone like me?" She seethed. "You believe to know me so well, don't you? Oh look at you, the wisest man on this planet." Her voice dripped with sarcasm. And bitter anger. "You figured out every little detail about me, haven't you?"
"No need to become sarcastic", he said coldly.
"I'm so fucking pissed with you right now. Get the hell away! I don't want to see you!"
With dangerously shaking fingers she kept on searching for her keys inside her purse.
Shit. Why did handbags have the habit to let things disappear without a trace?
Finally she got in touch with them, unlocking the door, trying to slam it close.
But he put his boot between.
"Jill. We're not done."
"I said get away! Do you want me-" … to call the police. Suddenly she noticed how stupid that sounded. A deep inhale. Finding reason within. "Please go." Her voice was softer.
The tears were coming.
"No", he said and stepped inside. She crossed her arms before her chest and still it didn't stop him from wrapping his arms around her, holding her tight until the choking sound of her crying slowly faded into nothing. But not a second did she attempt to return his embrace.
She pushed him away and walked to the living room and fell down on her dark grey sofa.
He stood behind her, waiting for her next words.
The seconds seemed to stretch themselves into eternity.
"Listen Wesker … one day we might be ready for each other. But it's not now. I need to experience different things. Meet different people." She grabbed for a red pillow lying on the sofa and hugged it against her chest. To send a signal of distance. She didn't want him to touch her.
"You know … I want to be with someone, who comes home to me in the evening, asking how my day was. Someone, who takes walks with me under the autumn trees. Someone, who holds me, when I'm sad. And most of all … someone, who looks me in the eye and says 'I love you'."
He let out a derisive snort. "And you are expecting Redfield to be that kind of guy?"
"I don't know." She shrugged. Suddenly tired. "That's for me to find out, isn't it? But there's one thing I'm certain of … you're none of these people, Wesker."
His answer was immediate. Cold. "You're right, Jill. I'm none of these people. Sorry to disappoint you."
Hearing those words, it broke her insides. Like a mirror.
"Please, go now", she said blandly. "Just. Go."
She didn't know, what would've happened, if he stayed a second longer.
Probably she would've lost her nerve and fell back into his arms.
Begging him to not leave her. Begging him to be someone, who he can't ever be for her.
It's all nothing but a game with matches. And she was close to the flame already. Too close.
It was time to let the flame go out.
For her own protection.