Authors Note: First of all I think I accidentally made some think this was a Swan Queen story. It's not. It is pro Hook and Hood, but I'm not planning on it being overly focused on them, more Emma, Regina, their friendship, and other things I won't tell you about yet. ;)
AN2: Sorry this took so long. Between rewriting this chapter seven times and having surgery, I haven't had the best of luck lately. I hope it makes up for it. It's about 4.5K long so about twice the first chapter.
Present Day Storybrooke
With a frustrated sigh Emma slams shut the door to her yellow VW bug. The past couple of weeks have been a long needed reprieve from the constant chaos of living in a town like Storybrooke. But while she still stands by her and Regina's decision to let Ursula and Cruella de Vil past the barrier, she can't help feeling like something is about to happen to interrupt the newly found peace. Or, judging by the day that she's had, is already starting to interrupt it.
Despite the fact that everyone seems to think her superpower is unreliable, she knows that it isn't. Not once has it ever failed her. She wants to believe so badly that she's wrong this one time. That a lifetime filled with disappointment is causing her anxiety because she's not used to experiencing so many weeks without something falling apart. That she's merely being paranoid. But she's almost positive she's not wrong. Her parents have been acting strange ever since they were informed that the two witches wanted in to town. And not weird in their overly self-righteous "We're Snow White and Prince Charming so we can do no wrong," sort of way. They're acting shifty. Disappearing for hours on end with terrible cover stories that she's sure even Dopey could see through. Making excuses so that David and she can basically stalk the duo everywhere they go. Even skirting around answers whenever she directly asks them a question. They've never acted this way when dealing with any of the other villains. So Emma's about 98% convinced that they're hiding something from her. She's just not entirely sure what it is. And frankly? It is just royally pissing her off. To make the day worse, she's also fairly certain that Killian is lying to her about his past with Ursula. She understands his reticence to speaking about whatever occurred between them. She really does. God knows that her own past isn't exactly untainted. What she can't stand though, is the fact that he lied to her face; that her parents are lying to her face.
Add that on top of the measly three hours of sleep she got last night, curtesy of her little brother, and she's about one more lie away from socking someone in the face. She's aware of her anger problems, and normally she can control them. But after biting her tongue till it bled and squeezing her stress ball to the point of hand cramps, she's not sure she can hold back much longer. All in all, she really hasn't had that great of a day.
Slipping on a neutral expression to mask her irritation, she enters city hall heading towards the Mayor's office. She may be upset with everyone else, but Henry hasn't done anything. The Kid's a stickler for honesty. She knows he won't lie to her. And even if he were to lie to her it'd be something along the lines of: "Yes, I did my homework." or "No, I didn't eat five Apollo Bars before dinner." not "I have a secret past with two ex(?) evil witches that could endanger the safety of the whole town, but I'm not going to tell you for some reason, which I won't tell you." He doesn't deserve to be subjected to her rage when it's meant for someone else, or someones.
As she turns the corner she spots him filling up his water bottle in the fountain just outside Regina's office. Immediately she feels the tension leave her shoulders as she stops to observe his features. His youth is still very much apparent, but he's grown a lot from the boy who showed up on her doorstep four years ago. His face isn't quite as round as it used to be, his jaw is starting to square a bit, and along with the increase in height, his voice has begun to deepen. Knowing that it was Regina who raised him for the first ten years doesn't diminish the wave of pride and sadness that washes over her in that moment. He's still her little boy. She still gets emotional over these things. Though she'd never admit that to anyone.
"Hey Ma." Henry calls breaking her out of her musings.
"Hey Kid." She greets back walking forward to give him a side hug. "How's Operation Mongoose coming along? Find anything new?" Before he can answer, they hear a menacing growl come from within the office followed closely by the sound of a vase smashing to pieces as it connects with a wall. "I'm gonna take that as a no." She says with a grimace. He sighs looking as though he's carrying the weight of the world upon his young shoulders.
"She's getting frustrated. Losing hope. The only clue we've found was that hidden room and that was weeks ago." Concern for his adoptive mother is displayed clearly by the frown marring his face.
"Why don't you go get us dinner from Granny's while I talk to your mom for a bit?" she offers handing him a few bills. While she has no doubt that he's tried to talk to his mom, she also knows that there are somethings Regina won't talk about with their teenage son. He may not be five anymore, but it's a mother's job to protect her children. And Regina, no doubt, believes that not speaking of it is protecting Henry. Even if Regina was willing to tell him about those things, sometimes a person just needs to talk to someone who understands them. Henry loves his mother very much, but he'll never understand her like Emma does. Emma and Regina may have many differences, but they have even more similarities.
"Just try and calm her down a little. Maybe get her to hope again. Get her to realize that it takes time to figure these things out." He asks, his words show his maturity but his voice sounds small and childlike in his request.
"I'll try." She promises, because that's all she can promise. Regina Mills is a stubborn woman. Much like herself. She won't do something unless she wants to. The trick is getting her to want to calm down and refocus. "Hey Kid! Don't get anything too fatty. Or sugary. Your mom would kill me." She adds on as he turns to leave. The hand waving is conformation enough for her despite not receiving a verbal reply, something she doubts would fly with his other mother.
With a smile on her face, she enters the Mayor's office in a considerably better mood than before, after having talked with her son. It's nice to have a conversation that's not peppered with lies.
"You know, I swear that you actually do have a secret grudge against that wall. That's like the third thing I've seen you throw at it." Emma says as way of greeting. Regina shoots her an exasperated glare that says "You're not funny, so please stop trying to be before I roast you on the spot." Emma just smiles back unabashedly.
"What do you want, Miss Swan?" Regina asks wearily taking a seat. Emma follows suit, sitting across from the Mayor.
"Honestly?" She says with a shrug. "I'm just here to hide from my parents." She receives an eyebrow raise with that comment.
"What did the Uncharmings do now?" Her dislike is still evident in her tone, but it's not quite as venomous as in the years prior.
"I'm about 98% sure they're hiding something from me and 100% sure they lied directly to my face about." Emma answers nonchalantly but Regina doesn't buy it. She's worn too many masks in her lifetime not to see through it.
"I'm not sure those numbers make sense, dear. I think you should take another look at your math." She picks bantering over discussing the actual problem knowing the blonde's not yet ready to talk about it.
"My numbers make perfect sense." After a noncommittal hum from Regina and a beat of silence, Emma speaks up effectively ending one topic and opening another. "Henry says that you still haven't found any leads." Regina's voice grows tight with concealed emotion.
"No. We haven't."
"Don't worry Regina. We'll find him." Emma attempts to soothe, but it only further infuriates her.
"You keep saying that but nothing's happened. We are no closer to finding him, than we were six weeks ago when he left." She replies gruffly, before standing to pace.
"I keep saying it because it will happen. Finding people is what I do. You just gotta give it some time." Stopping at the last sentence, Regina glowers down on the still seated sheriff.
"Give it time? I've been waiting my whole life for my happy ending, Miss Swan. And every time I think I've final found what makes me happy, it's ripped way. Every. Single. Time." The words are punctuated by a finger hitting the table. "I'm tired of it. And I'm tired of waiting." Regina rants letting out her frustrations on the blonde. Emma lets her, knowing from personal experience that it's better to use words as an outlet than other more harmful ways. But something that the brunette said and the way she said it strikes Emma, throwing her into another time and another place.
Minimum Security Prison, Phoenix Arizona, 2000
The buzz of the security door opening startles a young Emma Swan despite her having been expecting it. It's a sound that she's come to recognize in the eleven months she's been stuck here and normally she loves to hear the sound. But right now it doesn't signify a free hour in the yard or the next meal time. No. Because today it signifies another stupid meeting with her stupid court appointed shrink. Stupid Neal.
She's to be released tomorrow and while she has mixed feelings about returning to the real world, she doesn't quite understand why the correctional system seems to think having another boring session with the head doctor is going to help her when none of the other sessions have. To be honest, she's not all that sure why they appointed her one to start with. She was an accessory to the crime, not the actual culprit. Stupid Neal. And even if she was, it wasn't a violent crime. It was most likely something about helping the poor knocked up juvenile delinquent. Meaning it was probably their way of trying to fix the foster system's screw up before it became their screw up. Stupid systems, and their stupid fixes.
The shrink enters the room looking as regal as ever in her black power suit and starched white blouse. Her ebony hair was long and coiffed in a way that most would likely die for. However it was her eyes not her hair that Emma thought was her most striking feature. And it wasn't just their soul-piercing gaze either, but their odd coloring. They had a ring of dark, almost black brown that wrapped around the outside of the irises while the inside was a brilliant sea green color that got brighter closer to the pupil until hitting a sparkling ring of gold.
"And how are we doing this fine morning, Miss Swan?" She asks while taking her seat like she's sitting down upon her queenly throne. And Emma decides that she really hates her at that moment. The peasant bowed before her monarch. It simultaneously makes her feel like she's seventy and seven. "Tomorrow is certainly a big day for you. Do have any ideas about what you plan to do?" I answer her with silence which she returns with a raise of a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. It's a game we've played a hundred times in the months I've been incarcerated here. She asks a question, I refuse to answer, and then we stare. But it's also apparently a game that she's not going to play today, because she's crossing her arms and leaning forward into my space. "We can sit here wasting time staring at one another just like we do every week for an hour, or we can actually have an adult conversation about what you should expect once you're on the outside. It's your choice. But before you make your decision, let me say this: you think your life is hard now, but it's only going to get worse. If you continue on the path you're on now, there is only one way this is going to end. You dead in a ditch, or in a seedy motel, or in the backseat of some car, or wherever. Either way you'll be dead, broke, and friendless."
"YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT!" I shout while springing out of my chair causing it to tumble to the floor. The guard moves forward to restrain me but Dr. Conrad halts his movements by merely raises a hand. "My life has been complete crap ever since I was born! And I know it's only going to get harder. I'm no Cinderella. I have no fairy godmother pining to grant my wish. There is no happily ever after for me. I've been waiting my whole life for it and I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of finding happiness only for it to be ripped way. I know that I'm probably going to die in a ditch and that nobody will miss me. I've been screwed over so many times it's bound to happen. I don't need you to tell me that."
My outburst resets the board and we're back to our game of silent glaring. I tower over her seated form as she sits scrutinizing my every twitch and breath as though she can read my very soul if only she looked hard enough, stared long enough. My stance is aggressive, intending to give me power over her, but I'm not an idiot. My height doesn't intimidate her. I know who holds the true power. After minutes of staring she nods to herself then stands and walks towards the door. Before exiting she leaves one final piece of wisdom.
"Happy endings are what you make them to be. We all have a choice. No one, not even fate can take that from you. Not unless you let them."
Game. Set. Match. Stupid shrinks.
The security door thuds shut. Stupid Neal.
"Regina… How do you view your happy ending?" Regina looks taken aback by the abrupt change of the direction of their conversation. "I mean, what does it consist of? I know, obviously that Robin and Henry are there. But what else do you see? Is that what you've always wanted? Or has it changed over time?" Emma elaborates. Speechless at the thought, it takes Regina a few minutes to come up with a response.
"I've… never really thought about that." Pausing to contemplate her answer, she finds her seat again. "I suppose that in some ways it's changed drastically, while in others it's stayed much the same."
"Explain." Emma prods gently.
"Well, I…" And really, she does need to explain, and not just for Miss Swan's sake but her own. Because her happy ending has changed and stayed the same and changed and stayed and she really is having a hard time understanding her own mind at the moment. So she starts at the beginning.
She thinks of when she was a little girl, when all she wanted was her mother's love. She thinks of all the punishments and discipline she used to receive and how she wished so hard that she could just be a good girl so mommy would love her. Be proud of her. Truthfully, she still longs for Cora's approval even now after knowing all that the Queen of Hearts had done. And it pains her at the same time it soothes her, to have been able to hear her mother's dying words, "You would have been enough." She thinks of losing faith in her mother and how she turned to riding horses for comfort and how she'd fallen in love with Daniel in the process. One sunny afternoon they had drawn a rough layout of the small horse ranch they had hoped to own one day. The worn parchment still remains hidden down in her vault. She thinks of all the children they were going to have. The small but wonderful family they could have been. She remembers the all-encompassing grief that had held her hostage for decades and how she'd tried to find solace in the arms of her father before vengeance and Rumpelstiltskin's dark magic had corrupted her heart. She shivers at the images that flash before her eyes of the Evil Queen's relentless hunt for Snow White's blood and how she'd killed her own father (however cowardly and useless he'd been) in the name of revenge. She thinks of the early years of the curse and how utterly discontent and bored she had been. She recalls the first time Henry didn't cry when she held him and how she had known right then that he was her world and her everything. She thinks of Robin and the way she'd felt as he'd cradled her battered heart in his hands.
And she knows her answer. She doesn't want riches, power, or retribution. No, she wants something much more valuable. Something priceless.
"Removing my days as the Evil Queen…I guess my happy ending, at the core has never actually changed."
"And what is that happy ending?" Regina stares at Emma for a moment, not quite sure how the blonde was able to lead her to the conclusion that she's found. The savior's not dumb. Not by a long shot. But she also happens to be just as, if not more emotionally stunted than Regina herself.
"My happy ending is...family. To be irrevocably and unconditionally loved…by my family." Emma nods before responding.
"Everyone's always saying that magic comes with a price. The curse's cost was that it left you without anyone to love. And that's why you adopted Henry."
Staring down at her hands Regina confirms the statement.
"Yes. It left me with an emptiness in my chest that only grew as the days passed by. After Owen, or Greg left I thought that adopting a child would make it go away. And he did fill that void. He gives me so much love and joy and I didn't think I would ever need anything more…At least…" she trails off not quite sure how to continue.
"He filled a part of it. You love him very much. Anyone can see that. But the love of a child is much different than the love of a mate." Regina nods her head in agreement to what she's said.
"I found Robin and I just thought that…maybe I…maybe I could finally have what I wanted. I'm a hero now, as Henry likes to put it. Heroes always get their happy endings, so why shouldn't I?"
"And then I went and screwed it up." Emma says with a sheepish smile, bringing the conversation in to a lighter tone.
"Yes, well, to be fair dear, it was the Snow Queen's fault that they had to leave not yours." She's gotten over it by now. She doesn't really blame the blonde any more. Emma rescued Marian because that's just who she is, the Savior. "Ironic isn't it that the only 'happy ending' I've managed to achieve left me empty and alone." Feeling the need to deflect the attention away from herself now, she turns the conversation back to Emma. "What about you? What's Emma Swan's version of a happy ending?"
"My happy ending?" she asks before slouching further down in her seat. "Well, to be honest? It's pretty much the same as yours. Family is what I've been searching for my whole life. All I ever wanted when I was in the system was to be adopted. And when I aged out I still continued to look for someone to belong to or just someplace where I belonged. After Neal, I kind of lost faith in the world. It wasn't until Henry came and found me that I started to have faith again. Even now I sometimes still lose faith when there's too much stress."
"That's all fine and dandy Miss Swan, but you're well on your way to getting your happy ending. I don't quite understand the reason behind this topic of conversation." Regina says.
"My point is this: when I was in prison, pregnant and all alone, there was this therapist that used to visit me. I was stubborn and refused to talk most of the time. When I did, it was usually some snarky insult."
"No surprise there." Emma ignores the comment.
"So one day she asked me about my future and how I saw it turning out. I responded that I was most likely going to end up dead in a ditch somewhere and that no one would miss me. I said that life isn't a fairytale. There are no happy endings. I said I was tired of waiting for something that didn't exist. She looked at me for a long time after that. Just sat there and stared until our time was up. As she was standing up to leave she looked me straight in the eye and said 'Happy endings are what you make them to be. We all have a choice. No one, not even fate can take that from you. Not unless you let them.' Then she walked out. I never saw her again, but what she said has always stayed with me."
"I think I agree with young Emma's statement more than with your therapist's." She whispers after a beat of silence.
"I thought you would. And truth be told, so did I until just about a year ago. Now? I think both of us were right. You don't just defeat a predetermined number of obstacles and then wham happily ever after. That just doesn't happen. But I also believe that how you see life and what you get out of it is all up to you. My father, in one of the rare moments of intelligence he sometimes gets," Regina chuckles lightly at the jib. "said that life, it's about the moments. You experience good moments and bad moments. Every one of them is worth living. But Regina, if all you focus on is the bad ones then you'll miss out on the good. Robin leaving was a bad moment. And yeah, it sucks that we haven't found him or the author yet. And I'm not saying to give up on the search. I'm just suggesting that you focus on the fact that you get to spend the time searching with Henry. If you concentration on the good, maybe it'll help the wait for something better seem shorter."
A Long Time Ago, Land of Probitas
He's finding it increasingly hard not to fiddle with the hem of his sleeve despite the fact that it's only a couple of minutes past their agreed upon rendezvous. Truthfully, it's really not that uncommon of her to be tardy. Sneaking away from her parents and out of the castle can be difficult, and it often requires more time than she plans. But it's only been a week since Lord Benning nearly caught them, and he's still on edge. It was only through blind luck that Kalista managed to duck behind a nearby boulder before the hard of seeing advisor was able to spot her. If it had been any other lord passing through, their secret would have been out. He's eternally grateful that it hadn't been one of the younger nobles. He's also quite upset with himself, because he hadn't been paying attention. And while he knows the reasons behind their distraction, he's also very aware of the penalty he faces for engaging in a relationship with the Crown Princess of Probitas. Last week's scare had been a wakeup call for him. They've become too complacent, which worries him. When people stop being afraid of the truth coming out, they get sloppy. When they get sloppy is when the secrets find a way of revealing themselves. They had gotten sloppy believing that no one would find them here.
They had chosen the wild lily field because of the low percentage of visitors it receives. The peasants only come here in the spring to pick the lilies, a sacred tradition to them. While the nobles tend to view the land as a waste. The game in these parts are too scarce for hunting and the blue bloods have little interest in farming. So seeing the old man had been quite the surprise to them, and not a good one. He also doubts that it will be the last incident if they continue to meet in such a wide open area. Before arriving at their spot, he'd rode around the nearby hills for about an hour. He'd been searching for a more secluded place for them to meet. The old barn he'd found seems like it would be a better option than their current arrangement. It's closer to the castle grounds than he would prefer, but the cover would be worth the close proximity.
His horse whinnies breaking his attention away from his thoughts and onto the horizon. A brilliant smile spreads across his face as he watches the stunning brunette gallop towards him on her white mare. Being in Kalista's presence never fails to steal his breath, make his palms sweat, and set his heart racing. Before they had met, he'd never realized how dead he was inside. He'd been a mindless drone merely going through the motions of life. Duty and order had been his purpose, his job, and his hobby. Until she'd come crashing into his life disorganizing and screwing up the order he'd created. In the beginning he'd wanted to hate her. She was vibrant, audacious, and chaotic. Everything that he's not. It had frustrated him that her interruption of his life should have made him furious, but instead had made him smile. It hadn't made sense until he realized he was in love. Even now he still doesn't understand. But she had taken his world of black and white and turned it into one of color. He never wants to return to the way it was before.
Hope you liked it. Please leave a review. They are really encouraging, even if they're just to say that you liked it.
P.S.-I know the snippets from the past are weird and confusing but they'll all make sense eventually.
