Chapter 4: I Get Lonely – Janet Jackson
'Sittin' here with my tears.
All alone with my fears.
I'm wonderin' if I have to do without you
But there's no reason why.
I fell asleep late last night.
Cryin' like a newborn child.
Holdin' myself close, pretendin' my arms are yours.
I want no one but you.
It's Tuesday and you're sitting with Oliver at lunch. Amy and Reagan are not far and you wonder why they haven't joined you but you don't say a thing, you don't go over to them. In fact, you try to forget that they're there, you try to forget that Reagan has her fingers intertwined with Amy's and that her lips, occasionally get to kiss Amy's soft, tender flesh. You try to forget that you and Amy could be over, this could be it.
Amy, Amy, Amy. Amy that looks so good in that jumper you once picked out for her. Amy that you want to be here with you instead. Amy that's looking at you right now, smile on her lips and sadness in her eyes.
You turn away and focus on Oliver. He smiles at you before he spots something behind you and smiles even bigger.
"Cait's here." Your brow creases and you turn around. You wave.
"Hey, bitches," she says, as soon as she's within talking distance. You smirk.
"Bitches? We are not your bitches, you're both mine," you say.
"Ha. Alright, shorty. Hey, Ol." She throws an arm around your shoulder before walking around the table and sitting next to Oliver.
"Hey."
"So, what're you doing here?"
"Studying was so boring. I wanted to have a little fun and what better way than with you two? Besides, it's a nice day, right?"
"I wonder if anyone cares how many people just walk in here?" Oliver questions, frown in place.
"Nah, this is Hester. Hester, the place where no one gives a shit." Caitlyn gasps.
"Red. I feel like I'm a bad influence. Look at the language on you, lately."
"Nah, that's Amy's influence more than yours. I'm surprised Karma isn't Princess Sarcasm, already. Next to Queen Sarcasm over there." He nods, blushing a little at the smirks on yours and Caitlyn's faces.
"Princess Sarcasm?" You laugh, fondly remembering that moment. "That's definitely not me." The look on your face puts frowns on both of theirs. You shake it off and beginning digging into your whole grain, hummus and salad sandwich, courtesy of your mother. You moan. "So good."
"Mhmm, sounds like it." Oliver blushes and Caitlyn quirks an eyebrow. "I almost want to take a bite." You laugh.
"Come and get some." You shimmy your shoulders and watch as she walks over and does, indeed, take a bite. You gasp. "I cannot believe you just did that. Nobody steals my food." You lean away and continue eating.
"Mmm, you're were right. That is one good thing to eat." She winks and you both burst out laughing. Oliver smiles and hides his blush. You smirk and wonder how he'd react if you and Cait subtly flirted with him. "So, who's going to fill me in on what's going on?" She nudges your arm.
"I-I think it's up to Karma. I mean, I think it's up to Karma if she wants to tell you."
"I-I er, it's hard to talk about." You look away and suddenly, your food doesn't taste so good. "I mean, can we talk about it later? School is the best place for this, y'know?" She looks at you, she just looks at you for a few moments.
"Okay. I mean, you don't have to tell me." She looks down at the table and you place your arm on her shoulder and squeeze, placing your forehead on the side of hers. She shrugs and you see a little bit of Oliver in her in that moment. "I just want to help."
"I know, I know. How about tonight, we come around and I'll explain and then you guys can cheer me up with movies and ice cream?"
"Sounds good, Karms."
"Yeah, sounds good, shorty." You smile at the both and hope you can get this all over with quickly. You don't want to talk about it but maybe Caitlyn can help. Maybe between you, Oliver and Caitlyn, you could get over it, get over her.
The bell for class goes. You turn and begin picking up your stuff. You notice Amy standing there watching you. The slight down turn of her lips and the way her eyes glisten a little too much twists something in your chest.
You muster up a smile, swallow your pride, your insecurities and mouth 'I love you' to her.
She smiles and you feel a little better.
Maybe you can fix this.
That's how you find yourself later, stuck in between Caitlyn and Oliver on Cait's sofa. You wonder why you're in the middle and feel a little out of place but they both quickly make you feel comfortable enough to brush the feelings aside. It's not long before things take a serious turn, though.
"So, you good, Karma?"
"Yeah, yeah. I'm, er, I'm a lot better that I have been lately, at least." You shrug. "Well, kind of."
"Kind of?"
"Me and Amy had another fight." You shrug again. "But I think, I think it'll be fine but we're spending the weekend together, I think. I don't really know what's going on." You sit looking straight ahead and playing with your fingers.
"Oh."
"I'm sure you guys will be fine. I mean, you've survived this long and through everything." Oliver throws an arm over your shoulder and so does Cait. "It'll be fine. And Karms, you don't have to tell us anything you don't want to. Right, Cait?"
"Right. But I'm all ears if you need it."
"I know, I know." You feel tense. You want to tell her, to offload to someone and stop burdening Oliver but you're scared. How can you tell her when the words are seared into your throat and your voice can't clear them away? You try to take a deep breath but it doesn't feel like enough oxygen.
"Hey, hey, hey." She tightens her hold on you. "You really don't have to say anything you don't want to. Just promise you'll call if you need or something, right? And even if you don't need something, call anyway." You smile.
"Thanks, guys. Shall we put a movie on or something?"
"Sure. What's your poison of choice?"
"I always pick. How about you and Ollie pick something?" They scoff.
"Because he has bad taste in movies," she says at the same time as Oliver says:
"Because she picks worse movies than you." You smile at their synchronicity and think that they'd be perfect for one another.
"Twilight, New Moon it is," she shouts and you don't need to look at Oliver to know he's rolling his eyes. You smirk.
"You're both lucky I like you enough to watch this." He pauses. "Again."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." She gets up and pops the movie in. She jumps in the middle of you, landing on you both slightly. You scooch over and she settles, snugly in between you both. "I know I'm pretty amazing. Why wouldn't you both love me?" She kisses both your cheeks, sloppily and you cringe, wiping your face.
"Ew. Get your germs away from me." She swats your arm.
"Hey. I'm a perfectly healthy specimen, thank you very much."
"Whatever," Oliver says.
"Shh, movies on and I gotta check me out some Vamp and werewolf." You smile. This is just what you need: time away, time to forget and breathe and even though it's not the same – watching this movie without Amy's sarcastic responses and scoffs of laughter – it still makes you feel better.
The week passes in a similar manner. You spend lunches with Oliver and sometimes Cait and you spend your day sneaking glances at Amy. Sometimes you catch her looking at you before she looks away, sometimes you catch her looking with a soft smile on her lips. A smile you return, equally as tentative.
Instead of sitting with you, she has Shane and his friends, sometimes Reagan, too. You wonder what's happening, why you don't spend time together, don't sit together. What happened to your friendship?
You don't understand why you're not really talking, either. You fought, yes but the shy glances and smiles tell you she's not angry with you.
You find yourself on the sidewalk outside your house on Thursday evening, sitting next to Caitlyn and spilling some of your heart to her. You need someone to tell you that things are fine and you know she wouldn't lie to you, not even to make you feel better.
"I-I'm in love with her." Caitlyn's head swivels in your direction as soon as the words leave you lips. Her eyes, usually so dark and hard soften a little. It had been quiet and you didn't mean to blurt the confession out but the words have been burning inside of you and you just want to scream it at everyone. You pull your knees closer to your chest and rest your head against them.
"Who?"
"Amy," you whisper.
"I thought so." She wraps an arm around your shoulder. "But she's with Reagan." You nod your head. "It'll be okay. If you're supposed to be together, it'll work out." She rests her chin on your head and you begin to cry into her shoulder. She rubs your back and doesn't say a word, doesn't tell you not to cry, that'll it be okay, that you can get over this. She just lets you be. Sobs come from deep within your bones and everything insides you cries. "God. You love her so much and you're so lucky, y'know?" You shrug. "You get to love so strong, so much and I know it hurts but it feels good, sometimes, too, doesn't it?" You nod your head and begin to compose yourself.
"She-she said she loved me, once. And I-I said I didn't love, didn't love her like that but I, I did. I just didn't know." She hugs you close, again. "I just didn't know."
"It's not your fault. You can't help who you love, shorty."
"I know, I know. I just want to stop-to stop hurting her."
"You'll get through it. Ol's told me about you both and I've seen you together at that house party. You two adore each other, you'll get through it. And hey, I don't think she's stopped loving you."
"Don't say that."
"It's the truth. You don't just turn your feelings off. She loves you but for now, she's with Reagan and who knows? Maybe now she'll realise how incomparable Reagan is to you. You're pretty amazing, y'know?"
"So are-so are you." She laughs and you feel it soothe you.
"So hey, Karms, is it cool to mess with this Reagan chick? Looks like she can have a temper on her and it'll be fun to mess with her." You laugh and shake your head.
"No. Thanks for wanting to help but it's not a good idea."
"Aw. Don't ruin my fun."
"Aw." You lean back and pinch her cheeks. "I'm sure you'll find another way to have fun."
"Okay, spoil sport." She stands up and dusts her knees. She offers you a hand and helps you up. "C'mon, it's getting cold and I'm hungry. Let's go." She pats you on the butt and you smile. You hold her hand.
"Veggie pizza, here we come." She groans.
"Pizza needs meat."
"And I need you to cheer up so c'mon, blondie."
"Alright, shorty but at least let me have extra cheese?" You pretend to think about it for a moment.
"Fine." As if you'd need to be convinced to have more cheese on your pizza.
You reach the door and Caitlyn hugs you and wipes the tear tracks from your face.
"Whatever happens, it'll be okay. We'll get you through it, I promise." She kisses your cheek and you smile.
You smile less convincingly the next day when Amy is standing in the door way to your room, stepping from foot to foot and looking at you.
"Hey," you say, breaking the awkward silence.
"Hi." She raises an arm in a wave and you quirk an eyebrow and frown. "I'm, er, I'm—" She looks down at her feet before looking you in the eyes. "I'm sorry."
"Me too, I guess. I mean, I am. I'm sorry, too."
"I know." A small smile breaks out on her face and you replicate it. She sits next to you. "I just miss you and everyone else gets to spend time with you but your mine." Your ribs become a punch bag and your heart the fists. "You're my best friend." And you are. That's your certainty. For as long as you live, she'll be your best friend and you'd do anything from her, even if she hated you.
"I'm sorry." You shrug. "I just-I just have to share you so I spend time with people. And I know I can text you whenever I want to but-but I don't want to ruin things for you." You sigh. "I mean, Reagan and me don't exactly get on well so…yeah."
"I know but this weekend is ours, right? So am I forgiven? Can we just have fun and can we just be like we used to?"
"I'll forgive you if you forgive me?" She smiles and hugs you. You bury your head into her neck and breathe her in. Everything in you exhales into comfort. She kisses your forehead and picks up a magazine from the side. You watch her as she flicks through it and scoffs. The lighting hits her face and you'd give anything to run your lips, your tongue across her neck, her collarbones that peek out and taste her. God, what you wouldn't do to taste and love and cherish her.
"Why do you read these? They're so stupid." You shake the thoughts of her off and feel guilt build inside of you. You shrug and move to lie on your stomach. Amy copies and settles next to you, still flicking through the magazine.
"I just like to know what's going on, y'know?"
"That's stupid. You dress and look better than all of the people in here." You feel butterflies in your stomach and try to hide the blush making its way across your face. She nudges your arm with her own before throwing the magazine on the floor. "Let's watch Tom and Jerry."
"Okay, Tweety." She squints her eyes at you. You laugh. She's always hated that nickname. "Aw, you're just so cute and blonde." You squeeze her cheeks. "Look at that ickle face." You pout your lips at her and see her trying not to laugh. She squirms away from your pinching fingers and holds your wrists.
"Stop it, Sylvester. I'm not afraid to get you back."
"Yeah, yeah. You wish, princess." You try to get free but she keeps a hold of you and laughs for a few moments before she lets go.
"Mhmm. C'mon, Velma, put the DVD in." You gasp.
"Velma? Velma? Excuse me. We both know I'm Daphne and you're Velma."
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. TV time." You go to the TV and place the DVD you got just for her in.
"God. We haven't watched this in ages." You sigh and remember all those times as kids when you'd watch it, especially when Amy was sick and needed cheering up. You frown and turn around. "You okay, Aims?"
"I'm great. I've got Tom and Jerry to watch and you here to watch it with." She smiles. "And we're okay." She nods her head once. You're not sure if she's right and the way her smile doesn't look real tells you she isn't sure either.
"Of course." She smiles much more sincerely and lightly punches your arm.
"So, c'mon, stupid. Let's watch cartoons."
You sit and laugh and it feels like old times, back when it was just you two, back when everything was fine.
"Aw. Jerry is such a jerk," you say.
"Yeah but he's a clever, jerk, right?" You roll your eyes.
"Poor Tom. Jerry's almost as bad as you." She gasps.
"I am not bad. Look at this sexy-sexy senorita of a body. I'm like Jessica Rabbit meets Marilyn Monroe" She waves her hand in an exaggerated manner across her body. "How could this ever be bad?" You double over with laughter and almost have tears in your eyes before you calm down.
"Jerry's sexier, just saying." She pushes you and you fall off the bed. You stand up and get a pillow but she's quicker and before you know it, something soft hits you in the head. "You did not."
"I did."
It's when Amy falls off your bed and hits her head that you both calm down and sit on the bed watching the show. It's five or six episodes later and you're both getting ready to sleep.
"Are you sure you're okay? I mean, there is a nasty bump."
"I'm fine, Karms. I've been fine for the past couple of hours."
"Promise?"
"I promise, sunshine. I'll even pinky promise if it makes you feel better?"
"Okay." You pinky promise and she smiles softly at you, dimples drawing your attention and eyes wide and bright. You've missed her.
You both lie down, you on the left side like always. It's not long before you're drifting off and you're pretty certain Amy has already, if the snuggling against you is anything to go by. She's always been like this. Always wanted to be held when she's tired and near you.
You wonder if Reagan knows this side of her before shaking the thought away and sighing.
You hear your phone vibrate and check it, noticing you've gotten a text from Oliver asking if you're alright. You tell him you're fine. You lie back down and turn to face Amy. You see how serene, how peaceful she looks at it melts your heart. You love seeing this side of her.
"Sweet dreams," you whisper and kiss her forehead, running a hand through her soft hair. You feel her arm find its way around your waist and her head rest on your chest.
"G'night, my love." Your heart doesn't speed up, it slows down like those words were the perfect lullaby for you.
You drift, easily, off to sleep and there's no dreams, no nightmares, just peaceful blackness that blankets your sleep in softness.
You have two favourite smells: one, the husky lavender scent that emanates from Amy and two, the smell of freshly made pancakes. When you smell both, you knows it's going to be a good day.
Today is a good day.
You awake to Amy stumbling in the room with pancakes. You love being awoken to food, especially when Amy has made it for you.
"Ta-da," she says, placing the plate down on your lap as you sit cross legged under the blankets. "Breakfast in bed. Scooch over." She pushes your legs until you move from her side of the bed to yours. She picks up the cutlery and begins cutting into the pancakes before stealing some.
"Hey." You slap away her hands. "They're mine."
"No, they're ours, stupid. Now stop complaining and eat." She always has liked sharing food with you. You always have liked sharing food with her, even if she eats most of it.
"Fine. But don't ever say I don't love you. I'm letting you have some of my pancakes."
"Pancakes I made."
"Exactly. You make the best. Why would I share with anyone?" You stuff another mouthful in.
"'Cause you love me."
"Somebody has to." She nudges your shoulder with her own. "So what's the plan?"
"We're going somewhere."
"Where?"
"A surprise."
"Amy." She looks at you, brows raised, eyes wide and mouth full with your pancakes. "Tell me." She shakes her head and swallows.
"Nope. You'll just have to wait."
"Please."
"Nope. This is payback for the Tweety comment."
"Aw. But you're just so cute." You squeeze her cheeks and she squirms away.
"Every time. Do you really have to do that, every time?"
"Yep." You smile.
"You're so lucky I like you."
"Like? Who're you tryn'a fool. You don't like me, you love me." You guide the fork she's just filled with pancakes towards your mouth and eat. "God. These are so good."
"I cannot believe you just did that."
"Did what?"
"Stole my pancakes."
"They're not yours, you made them for me."
"Yeah, but—"
"You need to make more, next time." You glance down at the near empty plate and pout. "They're nearly all gone and you ate most of them." She smiles sheepishly.
"Sorry."
"It's okay. You can make it up to me by telling me where we're going?"
"Not happening, short stuff. Not happening."
"Princess," you moan. She clears the plate of every crumb and you roll your eyes. Something's about her will never change.
"No. Wait and see." You pout but she turns and walks out of the room before it can take effect.
—
You're walking hand in hand down the street. It doesn't take long to figure out where you're going. It's the park, the park you and Amy used to hang out at when you were younger, the park where some of your best memories are, the park you haven't been to in so long. The walk is silent and everything feels simple again. You swing your arms and it feels as though you're 10 years old again and walking here for a day out with your best friend.
Amy's holding a basket in her hand and you wonder what's in there. You hope this isn't all because of your fight. You know it was as much your fault as hers but you can't help it, you can't help your temper when you're angry and Amy knows that better than anyone.
"Why are we here?" you say once you reach the big oak tree you've always sat under, together.
"Just thought it'd be nice, y'know? The weather's nice and we don't spend enough time together lately and I guess. I just thought it'd be good to do what we used to, back when things were always good." She looks down. You squeeze her hand.
"And the park would be a perfect place for a picnic, right?" You smile.
"Exactly." She lets go of your hand sets the picnic basket down to emphasize her point. "And besides, today's a special day."
"Really now?"
"Yup. Today's our anniversary. Today's the day we both decided to best friends forever, remember?" How could you have forgetten? You do a lot of smiling in her presence and today's no different. You tilt your head and just look at her, look at how beautiful every curve and inch of flesh is, at how soft her eyes look to you, at the slight curve to her lips that lets you know she's content, she's happy.
"You're such a nerd. And you say I'm the cheesy one." She smirks and bumps your shoulder.
"You are, idiot but somebody has to put up with you." You scoff.
"You mean I have to put up with your sarcastic butt." You sit, legs outstretched in front of you. Amy sits the same, facing the opposite direction and right next to you.
"I thought that was all a part of my charm. The Hulk that I am." You laugh.
"Idiot."
"Mhmm. Now let's eat. I'm starving." You side, mouth wide open.
"You're starving? Who ate nearly all the pancakes?" She looks sheepish before smiling, charmingly at you.
"I cooked them for you, though and hey, I've got all your favourites in here." She pats the top of the basket. "So you can't be too angry with me." She looks down.
"Hey." You run your hand down her arm. "I'm not angry at you. I'm done fighting. We do it too much lately." You shrug and Amy nods her head in agreement. "At least for this weekend, let's have some fun."
And that's what you do. You spend Saturday at the park and at home, playing around like you used to on the sofa. At one point, you see your parents walk past and smile at you both, indulgently like they've always done.
"Hey, Amy. We've missed you around here," your mother says, wrapping her arms around Amy in a maternal hug.
"I've missed you guys, too."
"Where've you been?" She shrugs and blushes a little.
"I've been busy with school and I kinda, maybe have a girlfriend." She looks away and your mother frowns.
"Oh. Oh, I didn't know. Karma didn't say." You shrug and look away, sheepishly.
"Yeah. It must have slipped my mind." Amy rolls her eyes.
"Mhmm," you mother says. "Well, we must meet her one day, right Karma." You smile as best you can and agree.
After that, you spend time laughing and joking and just being best friends. Sunday passes in a blur of happiness and before you know it, it's late Sunday evening. It's time to let her go and not for the first time, you want to cry.
You're both standing in the hall, looking at each other. You reach for her hand and pull her into a hug. You think that this is your favourite place to be, this is the only place you can just be. You pull back and lean in to kiss her cheek and somehow, somehow manage to catch the side of her lips and you wish more than anything that you could just kiss her like she was yours.
But she's not. So you pull away, blushing and wishing the butterflies in your stomach would disappear.
"I'll see you at school," you say before heading to your room. You don't get far.
"Karma, she says," grabbing your wrist. "Nuh-uh. You're not kicking me out. Can't I stay over?" She pouts as if she needed to too convince you to let her stay.
"Of course but I just thought, I just thought you'd want to go home and maybe call Reagan or something?" You've noticed how she never calls her, she never really even speaks about Reagan unless you bring her up.
"Nah. I'll call her tomorrow and I know I have some spare clothes around here somewhere." She shrugs. "It's our weekend and it isn't over, yet. C'mon, Karms, let's go have some fun." She drags you by the arm and you just follow.
You'll always just follow. Especially when it means you get to sleep in her arms again, you get to feel every curve, every dip pressed against you.
It's later that night, when you're replying to a text from Oliver that you notice Amy's mood shift. She's sitting next to you and tries to see your phone. You put your phone away.
"Who're you texting?" she says after you scoff at one of Ol's bad jokes you just read.
"Just Oliver." The expression 'face like thunder' has never made more sense to you than in this moment.
"Oh." You sigh.
"Amy. What is it? What the fuck is going on in that head of yours?" She frowns and you want to joke, to say that she'll get wrinkles if she keeps it up but you can't.
"Nothing."
"Are you jealous? It's stupid if you are." You reach for her hand and pull it close. "You're my best friend. No one else."
"I know. I just-do you like him?"
"As a friend, yes. I've told you, I've told you more than once, actually, that we're just friends."
"I know. It's just you look so close."
"We are but we're still just friends." She quietens for a few moments and you wish you didn't hear the next words that leave her lips, you wish that the fury inside of you wouldn't erupt in this moment, in this moment when she's so vulnerable but it does.
"You'd tell me if you were seeing someone, right?" she whispers and you hear it loud, reverberating in your skull. You pull away and feel your face contort into something ugly, something not you.
"You're my best friends, of course I would. I know what it's like when your best friend keeps stuff from you, remember?"
"Great. You're still not over Liam." She sighs and rolls her eyes.
"No. Fuck you, Amy. I've told you repeatedly that I'm over it, over him. It's you that isn't." Her head snaps in your direction. "This is about you and Reagan." She laughs in your face and it fuels your anger.
"Of course it is."
"You kept me from her, you hid me from her and her from me and then you have the audacity to tell me not to do the same to you?"
"It was complicated."
"Isn't it always between us? But don't worry. I don't like Oliver like that, I won't fuck him so you don't have to either." You see her freeze, see the blood drain from her face and every ounce of pain she feels, injects itself inside of you. "Fuck, fuck, fuck. I'm sorry, Amy." You reach for her but she moves back and stands up, away from you. "Fuck. I'm sorry."
"I think-I think I should go." She slowly turns to walk away but you hold her wrist.
"Amy, please. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. We've had such a good time, we can't end it like this." She turns around and looks at you. If your heart wasn't already broken, it would be now. You see her cry, see the downward tilt of her lips and the way her body shakes. You pull her close and she tucks herself into your chest. "Shh, I'm so sorry." You kiss the crown of her head and hold her close. Your mother walks past and shoots you a worried look. You shake your head and she leaves you both be. "C'mon, let's go upstairs. I've got something to show you, okay?" She nods her head. You hate when she's so upset she won't talk and now you've made her like this. Everything inside of you aches and you wish you weren't like this, you wish you could stop hurting her.
She's sitting curled on top of your bed and you sigh. You walk over, paper in one hand and sit on the edge of the bed next to her, rubbing her back with the other.
"Here," you say, placing the paper in front of her. She knew you liked to write poetry but you're even more scared to show people this than you are your music so she rarely sees any. She frowns.
"What's." She hiccups. "What's this?"
"Just read it, okay, Princess?" You kiss her forehead. "I'm just-I'm just sorry, okay?"
"I know," she whispers and you head towards your door.
"I'm gonna jump in the shower. I won't be long."
"Okay." Her voice is battered by emotion. It's low and scratched and bleeds against you. You know the poem, word for word and recite it to yourself as you lean against the wall for a few moments.
I hold flowers that wilt
into ashes in my hands.
I bury them. Water them
with tears that are too acidic
for anything but destruction
and wish, wish that I
could build meadows instead
of forests for my princess
to wade through.
You climb towers and I
climb into space where
oxygen is sparse
and you're too grounded to reach.
When you enter the room, she's curled up under your blanket, poem clutched in her grasp and fast asleep. You see tear stains and walk over, wiping them away as best you can with your thumbs. You kiss her forehead.
"I'm sorry," you whisper before climbing in next to her and leaving space, leaving a void between you both.
At some point during the night, you awake to her curling herself around your body and smile before drifting off back to sleep where she's yours and you can love her in all the ways you want to.
A/N:
So, so sorry this took so long, guys! It's been super busy with finishing coursework for University and travelling home for Christmas. I hope you guys enjoy this! Thanks to everyone for the lovely comments and feedback!
To Christina: How do I feel when I write? Usually, very liberated. I'm predominantly a poet so I find writing to be very therapeutic. Well, unless I'm writing prose. It doesn't come as naturally to me as poetry and sometimes I get scared that I'm not doing it well enough.
To kenfromnhus: Thank you for all the tumblr links!
To KarmySoldier: Thank you for the lovely and endearing comments!
To .98: That's a good point. I may consider re-posting and finishing the old, slightly worse but very different version of this story. Thank you.