Chapter 9: Lay Me Down – Sam Smith
'I'm reaching out to you,
Can you hear my call?
This hurt that I've been through.
I'm missing you, missing you like crazy.
You told me not to cry when you were gone,
But the feeling's overwhelming, it's much too strong.
Can I lay by your side?
Next to you, you,
And make sure you're alright.
I'll take care of you.
I don't want to be here if I can't be with you tonight'
It's 2pm and Karma still hasn't called, still hasn't texted me to let me know that she's okay. It's hard enough that we're being separated for so long but why hasn't she contacted me already? She knows I'll worry, exactly like I am right now - in fucking class, staring at the clock and biting my nails.
I check my phone again as the teacher drones on. Does anyone give a shit about algebra? No. He should just hurry up so I can leave this classroom and leave Karma another message.
Shane is next to me, throwing me weird looks so I turn away and look out the window.
I really need her to call me or text me or something, anything so that I know she arrived safely. It's always been like this whenever one of us travels without the other. We'd both be anxious and moody and horrible to be around until whoever was travelling had arrived safely.
She should have gotten there over an hour ago.
The lesson drags on and then finally, finally the bell rings for the end of class where I managed to learn absolutely nothing. Hallelujah. Usually, I'd write notes and process the whole lesson later but not today, not when Karma Pain-In-My-Ass Ashcroft hasn't contacted me yet.
I begin stuffing everything into my bag when Shane walks over.
"Thank God that lesson's over. I couldn't take you tapping your pen on the desk for a second longer." I glare at him. "Woah, what crawled up your ass?"
"Nothing. I'll be there in a minute, I just have to make a quick phone call."
"Okay, Miss Sunshine. I'll be in the cafeteria."
"Cool."
I shove my way through the crowds of people that are blocking my path and fight my way outside, towards the tree Karma and I used to sit near. I shake off the fond memories from back when we were unpopular, nobodies and dial her number.
My phone is clutched in my hand as I hear Karma's voicemail message and groan.
"Hey, Karma. I'd really appreciate it if you responded to one of my texts or answered my call. Just do… something to let me know you've arrived safe or so help me God, I'm gonna have to kick your ass for making me worry like this. Please, just let me know you're safe. If I've done anything to upset you, I'm sorry, but please just respond to me. And if you forgot to charge your phone, I will kill you. You know not to do that again after the last time. Anyways, yeah, text me. I love you. Bye." I sigh before heading towards the cafeteria.
"What's up, Buttercup?" Shane says as I sit opposite him.
"Nothing."
"Mhmm. How about you tell that to your face." I roll my eyes.
"I'm fine. Just waiting for a phone call."
"O-kay. Well, anyway, your hot lady-lover is heading this way."
I turn and spot Reagan walking towards us. She smiles as I look at her and she looks beautiful. Everything about her is so expressive and open. It feels good to have someone's attention focused on only me and no one else in the room.
I smile and, for a moment, forget the panic that's steadily building inside of me.
"Hey, Shrimp girl."
"Hey, Ray." She gives me a quick kiss before sliding in next to me.
"What's up?" I shrug and look away.
"This little ball of sunshine has been grumpy all day. Hopefully you can cheer her up," Shane says.
Reagan places a hand on my arm and I relax a little into her touch. If Karma were here, she'd demand to know what the problem was instead of quietly comforting me. Then again, if Karma were here, there wouldn't be a problem.
"Talk to me if you want but, if not, how about I give you a donut to cheer you up?" I can smell the greasy goodness and immediately turn my head, greeting her with a smile and a head nod.
If Karma doesn't want to talk to me, that's fine. I've got Shane and Reagan to be with instead and they'd never be this mean or make me worry like this.
I take the donut Reagan is offering and begin to dig in, the sugary goodness transporting me to heaven for a moment.
My phone buzzes in my pocket. I slide it out and see it's my mom calling so I ignore it. It goes off again and I roll my eyes, placing my treat on the table and cursing my mother for interrupting the highlight of my day.
"Sorry, I've gotta answer this," I say with my mouth full of food and both Shane and Reagan cringe away.
"Okay but next time, could you swallow your food first?" Shane says and I ignore him, instead swiping my phone and accepting the call.
"Hey, what's up?"
"Hey, Amy. What flight did you say Karma was on?" She sounds rushed and I hear a lot of people talking in the background.
"She was heading to Charlotte, North Carolina."
"When should she have arrived?"
"12:43pm," I say, frowning.
"Oh." In that one word, that one syllable answer that I know something is wrong. My mom's voice suddenly breaks, emotion she rarely shows comes through and the hairs on the back of my next stand up. "Oh dear God, no. Are you sure?"
"Yes. What's going on?" I stand and climb out of my seat, pacing around the table. Shane and Reagan look at me curiously but leave me alone for a moment.
"Oh, no. No, no, no. David, I've gotta go. I'll explain later."
"Mom, what's wrong? What's happened? Is Karma-Is she okay?"
"I don't know, baby. I don't know. Has she contacted you?"
"No. She should have texted or called already but she hasn't." My voice breaks and goes faster the more I try to speak.
"Calm down, calm down. It's okay. I'm coming to get you."
"Mom, what the fuck has happened?"
"I'll be there soon."
"Answer me," I shout into the phone, fear creating goosebumps on my skin as I continue pacing. Reagan has stood up and is now nervously watching me.
"There's been an accident."
"What? You mean-Karms-She-I need to get to her."
"I know, I know. I'm now in my car, I'll come pick you up."
"Mom, I'm scared."
"I know, baby, I know but she might be okay. Don't think the worst. I know it's hard but keep calm and I'll be there as soon as I can, okay?"
"Okay."
"I love you, baby girl. And I love Karma, too. We'll go get her and bring her home."
"Okay. I love you." It's when I hang up that strength just leaves me and I collapse onto my knees. Karma has to be okay, she has to survive because I can't live without her.
Reagan rushes over and wraps me in her arms, telling me that whatever it is, it'll be okay. But what if it isn't? What if I've lost my soulmate for good?
"Nothing to see here, move along," I hear Shane say. Usually, I'd care about people seeing me so emotional but right now, that's the least of my worries.
"It's okay, shh, shh," Reagan says as I cry into her shoulder. She continues to hold me and trying to soothe my sobs.
I sit, quietly whimpering and trying to comprehend what's happening. How did this happen? Why her?
It's not long before I hear Lauren's heels as she stomps over.
"What's wrong?" she demands and I cry even harder, imagining Karma broken and bruised and bloody and… dead. She can't leave me. We were supposed to grow old together. She wasn't supposed to leave me ever. I need her. She's the sun to my moon, the pepper to my salt. "Amy, what the fuck is wrong?"
"Karma," I croak out and she screams. Reagan tenses in my arms but doesn't pull away. I don't have the energy to say anymore. Not yet.
"What has that bitch done, now? I swear to god, I should just bang your heads together and maybe that'll give you some common sense. Well, c'mon, out with it."
I cry into Reagan's shoulder even more, words failing me. How can I say it? How can I voice my deepest, darkest fear that is possibly happening to me, right now?
"Amy," Lauren says, crouching down and softening her voice. "What happened?" I swallow down the fear and close my eyes.
"She-She." Lauren moves the hair that's in my eyes away and tucks it behind my ear. "There's been an accident. Mom-she's heading over."
"Oh. Oh, no," Lauren says and I open my eyes at the weird tone of her voice. It looks like there might be tears building in her eyes but she blinks them away. I never expected to see that… ever. Why would Lauren care about Karma? She doesn't even like her. "I'm going with you." What?
I look at her, shocked at the suggestion and trying to figure out why she's doing this. I mean, I know we're officially sisters now but we never chose it and we've never acted like it towards each other.
Reagan strokes my hair and kisses my forehead.
"Want me to go with you?" she says. I shake my head but Lauren is the one to respond.
"I don't think that's a good idea. You guys don't get along and if Karma's hurt, she won't need the stress."
"I-I guess you're right but please, somebody tell me how she's doing. We might not be friends but I hope she's okay. She's a good kid."
"I'll text you."
"Thanks, Lauren."
"C'mon, Amy. Get up and stop crying. Karma will need you to be strong," Lauren says, pulling my arm and helping me up. I try my best to do as she says but it's hard. It's hard to function, to exist when there's a chance I'll have to do it without the love of my life beside me.
The love of my life. The one that I'd choose over sweet, perfect Reagan. Even though she's infuriating, selfish and immature, it's still her. She's it for me. She has been since we were five and now, now I might have to live without her.
I can't do it. She has to survive.
I square my shoulders and stand side by side with Lauren as we begin to head outside to the parking lot. Lauren holds my hands and squeezes gently, being the most gentle I've ever seen her.
I forget to say goodbye to Shane and Reagan, my mind too occupied with thoughts of my love being hurt and scared and alone. She needs me. She needs me and right now I'm not there, I'm here with all these other people who don't even compare to her or know how special she is to me.
"She'll be okay. She's a fighter and she's got you backing her." I nod my head once and carry on, forcing myself to hold back the tears.
"Thanks."
It goes silent for a few moments as we walk until Lauren breaks the tension.
"I overheard her, once, a few weeks ago. These guys, they were joking about me being intersex. Nobody knew I was there but I heard her. She marched up to them and stood up for me. She has quite the mouth on her when she wants. Even I'd hate to get on the wrong side of her." She laughs softly and I smile, imagining the scene in my head. I can see it. I can see the adorable crease in her forehead she gets when she frowns, the pout that she uses when she's just finished a major rant, the way she'd stand with her hands on her hips.
I whimper and Lauren pushes us forward, never allowing me to stop or run from my destination.
We bump into Oliver on the way. He looks curiously at me and I look away, too scared to say those words again.
"Move, we're in a hurry," Lauren says, pushing him to the side. I turn back around and mouth an 'I'm sorry' to him before turning just in time to see my mom pull up. We climb into the car.
"I didn't know you were joining us?"
"Yeah, well, somebody has to stop this one from breaking down, completely," Lauren responds with a flick of her hair as she adjusts herself in the passenger's seat. "Now, c'mon, we should head off. No time to waste."
And there isn't.
The drive is long, it's the longest time of my life as we inch closer to Karma.
"Where are we heading?" I say, voice choked up and scratchy.
"The accident happened just outside of Tinsley."
"Tinsley? Where the fuck's that?" Lauren says, a confused look on her face.
"Mississippi and watch your language, young lady."
"Sorry."
It goes silent again. Well, silent except for Lauren's quiet snoring and the bad music on the radio that somehow always remind me of Karma. She'd like some of these songs and she'd sing along if she was with us but she's not because she's hurt and for fuck sake, I need to get to her.
"Mom, how long to go?"
"Three hours, Sweetie."
"It's been ages. Can't we speed this up?"
"No. Not unless you want us to get into an accident as well. I know you want to get to her and see how she is as fast as possible, I do too, but there are laws to follow for a reason."
I look out of the window and don't respond. She's right of course but I can't help it, I need to be with her as soon as I can. That's why when my mom pulls over at a service station, my mood plummets even further.
"What're you doing?"
"I've been driving for hours, baby. I need a break, we need to fill up on gas, and we need to eat and drink something."
"Okay. Is 15 minutes okay?"
"I thought maybe an hour. How're we going to order and eat in 15 minutes?"
"Take out?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Amy," she says, sighing and glancing over to check on a sleeping Lauren. "I know. I know you're scared and you want to get there and we will, I promise. But let's have a break." I fold my arms and glare out of the window, staring at the darkening sky.
I know I'm being a brat. I know I'm being unreasonable but my mom would be too if it was Bruce who was in the accident, doesn't she get that?
I hear the door slam as she gets out and I see her open mine from the corner of my eye. She places a hand on my elbow and squeezes lightly. I inhale the sweet smell of my mom and automatically begin to relax a little.
"I'm scared, too, Amy. I wish I didn't need to take a break, I don't want to let you down but I need it, baby and you need to eat, too. Karma wouldn't want you to get sick and you know it. I promise, give me 45 minutes to rest up and we'll leave, okay?"
"Okay." I look down to my shoes and take a deep breath.
She's trying her best, she's getting me there as fast as she can and I know she's scared too. I know that my mom loves Karma. How could she not when Karma practically became a second daughter to her?
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay." She kisses my forehead. "I know you're hurting. Go on." She taps my thigh. "Go order us some food and I'll go wake her highness over there."
I grimace and stalk off, not envious of my mother's task.
It's when I take a second bite of my chicken burger that I begin to cry, again. I really shouldn't have ordered Karma's favourite but I couldn't help it. I just blurted out the order without thinking about it. I mean, why else would I order any form of salad on my plate unless I was thinking far, far too much about my Karma?
My mom rubs my back and doesn't say a word. Lauren rolls her eyes and picks up a napkin, dabbing away some of the tears.
"C'mon. Stop that. She'll be fine. It's Karma, she'll be around forever. Now eat your burger so we can head off."
"She's right, c'mon, Sweetie, eat up." I catch sight of them both as they grimace at each other. I dig back in to my burger, not registering the taste or how it's too hot and burning my mouth.
Karma needs me and I will be there for her. She can't leave me and I won't leave her.
A/N: Don't hate me. I hope you guys like the change in POV. It was fun writing from a different perspective.
Tell me what you think will happen ;)
- - A