Chapter 10: She Keeps Me Warm – Mary Lambert

'She says I smell like safety and home.

I named both of her eyes "Forever" and "Please don't go."

I could be a morning sunrise all the time, all the time, yeah.

This could be good, this could be good.

And I can't change, even if I tried,

Even if I wanted to.

And I can't change, even if I tried,

Even if I wanted to.

My love, my love, my love, my love.

She keeps me warm, she keeps me warm.'

You hear the screams, feel the panic searing through your veins, burning you from the inside out. You smell the blood surrounding you. But worst of all, you see Amy's beautiful face in everyone around you. The girl who was across the aisle from you, the man in front, your mother, they all take on her form and you scream. You scream because you can't take it, not again. When the plane began to go down, you thought that that was your worst nightmare come to life but somehow, some way, this is even worse.

You scream, again. You scream her name and it feels as though your throat has been torn open, like paper cuts have been etched in from top to bottom and that's when you wake. That's when you take in the white room you're in.

Your heartbeat pounds in your ears and the gown you're wearing feels too tight, too claustrophobic. You begin pulling at the fabric when you hear a voice.

"Hey, hey, you're up," a nurse says as she walks into your room, smile plastered on her wrinkled, pale face. "That's good. How're you feeling?" You shrug. "Okay, well, I'll just go get the doctor." She begins to walk out when memories assault you, pounding into your skull.

You wonder how you got here. The last thing you remember is seeing your mother passed out with a gaping wound to her head.

Your mother.

You swallow down the dryness in your throat and take a second to find words and form a sentence. You blink away the tears from your eyes and will them not to close against the brightness of the room. Everything in you aches, is tired and it's hard to make your thoughts make sense.

Your mother.

"Wait," you say, voice scratchy and raw. "How-How." You cough. "Where's my mom?"

"She's been waiting for you. I think she went to the bathroom but she'll be back pretty soon." You nod your head and the nurse leaves.

The doctor arrives a few seconds later and takes looks at you for a few seconds, a fleeting smile passing over her face. Her dark hair is pulled back, tight and you think she looks a little bit like an older, female Zen. Everything about her is pristine, from the fold in her black pants to the sharp lines of her face. What you wouldn't give for cheek bones and a jaw line like that.

"Hi, I'm Doctor Chen, how're you feeling?"

"Like I've been—" You cough. "In an accident." You cough again and it feels like gravel is itching your throat. You take a deep breath and the sterile smell of hospitals registers in your brain. You hate it. You had how cold and empty and dead these places feel but here you are.

"Of course, of course."

"Water?" The doctor throws a look at the nurse who arrived when you woke. You watch her go out of the room and return a few seconds later with a pitcher of water and a glass.

"Here you go, Sweetie." She smiles and you imagine she does that a lot. She seems cheery, open and you're glad she's not stern and miserable like the nurse who looked after Amy that time she needed stitches. You told her trying to climb the tree outside of your room was stupid when she could use the front door. Have some adventure, she said. You're an idiot, you'd told her when you ended up in A&E with a furious Farrah and confused mother. She'd just smiled and looked at you, holding your hand.

How didn't you know then? You've always been perfect for each other.

You take a sip of water and it feels so good. You sigh and muster up a smile for them both.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Sweetpea, you're up," your mother says, hobbling into the room on crutches. Everyone turns to look at her and you almost cry in relief. She's safe, even though she's bandaged up all over.

"Mom." You open your arms and she makes her way over, hugging you as best she can. You cry. Everything overwhelms you but it's okay, it'll all be okay because here you and your mother are, alive and (relatively) unharmed.

You move and pain from your right leg shoots through your body. You suck in a breath and flinch away.

"That'll be your leg. We've put a cast on it but still, try not to move it too much. You've also got some cuts and bruises making it sore, too."

"We've got matching pink casts," your mother says, winking at you. You try your best to smile but it takes so much energy and you're so tired. She uses her thumbs to wipe away some of the tears.

"Sorry to interrupt but I really need to check you over," Doctor Chen says, trying to soften her features. It doesn't work. She still seems as cold and clinical as the walls surrounding you but then again, you'd probably be the same if you had to see so much pain and death so you can't really blame her.

"Oh, of course," your mom says, moving over to the chair on the other side of your bed. She sits in it and you catch the grimace as she adjusts herself into a comfortable position.

"You okay?"

"Of course, baby. Now, let's get you checked over."

"Let's," the doctor says, pulling out a flash light from her pocket and beginning to check you over.

"You have a mild concussion, your right leg is broken in two places and a few fingers on your right hand are broken, too. You also have a few lacerations that we'll have to make sure don't get infected but other than that, you should be able to go home in a couple of days."

"That's great, baby."

"Yeah, that's great. Thank you, doctor."

"You're welcome. You should get some rest now." She lightly pats your leg. Her bedside manner is lacking but at least she's trying. She walks out of the door, lab coat trailing behind and you relax for a few seconds.

"Mom?"

"Yes, Karma?"

"What happened?" you say as you turn to face her. She shrugs.

"I'm not entirely sure, Sweetie." She places her hand on yours. "But it's okay. The nurses said that everyone has survived, so far. That's good, right?" You nod your head and begin to close your eyes, your mother's voice soothing you like it used to do when you were a child. "Your father is on his way." Your eyes snap open and you turn to look at her. "I just made a quick call to Amy, she's on her way, too, okay?" You nod your head and let out a breath. She's on her way. She'll be here soon and she'll make everything okay. She'll fix everything.

"Thanks, mom."

"That's okay. Just get some rest." She pats your arm. "I'm gonna go grab a coffee or something, okay? I'll go check to see if your father or Amy is here yet. Okay?"

"Okay. Mom?" She pauses as she begins to leave your room. "I love you." She smiles.

"I love you, too. I'm so glad you're okay, Karma. I don't know what I'd do if I lost my little girl." She steadily makes her way over to you and kisses your forehead. "I won't be long. Now, rest." You nod your head and close your eyes, doing as your mother says.

"Hey, wake up," you hear someone whisper and smile once you recognise the voice.

"Hey, daddy." You open your eyes and turn to face him. As soon as you set your eyes on him, you see him relax.

"God, I-I—" You've never seen your dad speechless or cry before but he does both now. "I was so scared." He wraps his arms around you and you snuggle in. You used to love his big hugs when you were little. You still love them now but they rarely happen.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be silly, it's not yours or your mothers fault. I'm just so happy you're both okay."

"We are, too," you mother says, walking over and rubbing your dad's back. "We're all alive, we're all safe. It's a blessing."

"That it is." You nod your head in agreement and watch with tears in your eyes as you father wipes away his.

"I love you, daddy."

"Love you, too." He kisses your forehead. "And I love you." He kisses your mother on the mouth and for once, you forget to make the grossed out noises you usually would.

"How're you both feeling?" Nurse Jackie, the woman from before, asks, sweeping into the room.

"We're good, aren't we, Sweetie?"

"Yeah. A little sore and tired but I'm okay, considering."

"That's good. The pain should go away when the medication begin to kick in, soon. Also, there are two young women and their mother asking after you. They're not family so we're not permitted to let them in but I said I'd ask."

"What do they look like?"

"All blonde's, ones a little tomboy-ish—"

"Oh, Amy?" your father asks, interrupting with an eyebrow raised in your mothers direction.

"Probably. Jackie, can you send her in?" your mother asks and the nurse nods her head, smile still in place from earlier.

"Of course."

"Thank you. That girl, she's practically family to us so feel free to treat her like it."

"Yeah. Her and our little care bear are inseparable." Your father ruffles your hair and you pull away, rolling your eyes at him.

And then you smile. If only they knew how you felt. They'd be so happy if you guys got together, for real this time but you know that that might not happen. Reagan is still in the picture and Amy still cares about her. You refuse to put Amy through any more pain because of your stupid feelings and so you'll continue to accept reality. You were too slow, it took you too long to realise that she's the one for you and you'll suffer your fate silently, contentedly as long as it means that she's happy, she's safe and smiling and just…happy. And she'll always be the first and last thought on your mind, even when you thought you might die, all you could think about was her.

You catch Nurse Jackie's eyes as looks at you with a knowing smile and winks.

"I'll send her right through." You grin.

"Thank you," you say and pull yourself into a more comfortable position.

"We'll-we're-we're just gonna go say hello to Farrah," your mom says and your dad just nods his head in agreement, giving you a cheeky thumbs up before helping your mother leave the room.

It's silent for a few minutes and you take a deep breath, appreciating the time alone you have to collect yourself.

"Oh, thank God," Amy says, stopping in the doorway before running into the room and wrapping her arms around you. "I was so scared." She pulls back and holds your face in her hands. You smile as you take in her blonde hair, her green eyes that are looking you up and down and her lips.

Her soft, kissable lips that she now presses to yours.

God. You've never been kissed like this before. Every kiss with Amy is new but nothing compares to this one. This one where she holds nothing backs and devours every part of you that she can.

"I was so, so scared." Another kisses.

"I'm sorry." Another kiss.

"I thought I'd lost you." She rests her forehead against yours.

"You didn't. I'm here."

"Yes, you are." She wraps you up in her arms again and holds tight. "You're not allowed to leave me, ever."

"I won't."

"Promise?"

"On everything."

"Karms?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you. So much."

"I love you, too."

"Well, I hate to break up this love-fest," Lauren says, bursting into the room and interrupting your time with Amy. You roll your eyes. You should've known. "But me and Farrah are going to book a hotel. You joining us or what?" Amy keeps an arm around you but turns to face Lauren.

"I'll stay with Karms, if that's okay?" She looks at you.

"Of course."

"I thought as much. I'll send Farrah in. See you in the morning." She turns to walk back out the door but freezes for a second. "I'm glad you're okay, Karma," she says in a quiet voice before remembering who she is and adding, "Amy would be even more unbearable without you around." Amy laughs.

"She's right, I would be." She pulls you in close and you rest your head on her shoulder.

"It's a good job I plan to be around for a long time yet, then."

"Mhmm."

"Hey, my little chameleon."

"Hey, Mama F." You smile and Amy steps back, allowing Farrah to hug you tight. She rocks you in her arms for a few moments before letting go.

You wonder what happened, when did you lose this closeness with her? It's been years since you hugged like this or called each other those names but you don't know why it ever stopped.

"You okay, kiddo?"

"Yup. A little sore but I have Amy here to look after me." You reach for Amy's hand and run your thumb over her fingers, soothing her a little. You know what she's scared, when she's vulnerable she needs this kind of contact.

Nobody knows your girl quite like you do.

Farrah looks between you both, a soft smile playing on her lips like she could read your thoughts. You imagine she can since everybody else seems to think you're both perfect for each other.

"That you do. Well, I better go find a hotel so me and Lauren can get our beauty sleep. We'll be here in the morning and we'll bring some breakfast for you both." She looks at you, a twinkle in her eyes. "I know how bad the food in these places can be."

"Okay, thanks, Mom." Amy steps forward and gives her mom a kiss on the cheek.

"Yeah, thanks Farrah."

"You're both welcome. Get some rest, okay? It's late and you both must be exhausted."

"Yup. Good night. Text me when you find somewhere to sleep."

"I will do, baby. And little chameleon, make sure our girl here gets some rest." You laugh and Amy just rolls her eyes at you before she glares at her mom. Farrah raises her hands in the air and steps back. "Okay, okay. I'm now going."

Somebody drops something outside and you jump, panic taking over once again. You remember the loud, crushing sound you heard a few seconds before consciousness left you. You remember feeling like needles were being inserted into your flesh, pore by pore. You remember the screams of scared passengers.

"Hey, hey. Look at me, it's okay." Amy holds your face in her hands, once again. "It's okay, I'm here. I'll never let anything hurt you like this again. Not ever." She kisses you softly, once again and it grounds you.

You're not there, you're here. You're not dead, you're alive, you survived. It's okay.

You pull away from Amy for a few seconds before resting your forehead against hers, again.

"We shouldn't be doing this." Another kiss.

"I know." Another kiss.

"Amy." She sighs.

"I-I-I know. I know we shouldn't be doing this. I know I'm with Reagan but I just-I just need to feel you."

"I know. It's okay. Just no more, okay?" She nods her head once and you smile at how cute she always is.

"Hey, Tweety." You pinch her cheeks. She groans. "Want to watch some TV or sleep?"

"We should sleep. It's late and you need to rest."

"Okay. Hey, you know where my parents went?"

"Oh, yeah. They said they're gonna go to your mom's room and sleep. I said I'd stay with you."

"Of course." You smile at each other before you pat the bed next to you. "C'mon, princess, let's get settled."

"Okay." She begins to climb up before you put your hand on her leg, halting her movements.

"Shoes off, princess." She rolls her eyes at you and smiles.

A/N: Sorry if they're any glaring mistakes. I've got a beta-reader going through all the previous chapters (and she's awesome for doing so) but I wanted to knock this one out for you guys. I didn't want to keep you in suspense, too long. ;)

As ever, thank you guys for reading but a special thanks goes to Deezy2016 and Andrewfanoffakinit for always reading and always leaving me lovely, encouraging comments.