"Do mine ears deceive me?" Joker wonders aloud. "Is that mine Commander?"

"Yes," Shepard says as she enters. "How do you always know it's me?"

"Your walk." Joker answers. "It's clompy." He imitates the gait with his feet.

"Thanks, smartass." Joker hears Shepard's voice behind his seat. "I brought you dinner."

"Oh." Joker says as a tray is set before him. "Actually, thanks."

"No problem. It was actually rather decent tonight."

Joker takes stock of his dinner tray. "Meat something with gloop something and green something."

"Salisbury steak, mashed potatoes, and peas." Shepard corrects. "Or at least, as close as a rehydrated meal can simulate."

Joker shoves a fork under the mashed potatoes and takes a bite. "Not bad, indeed." He looks over. "You already ate in the mess hall?"

"Yeah." Shepard replies. "I ate with Ash. She's actually pretty cool when you get to know her."

Joker asks, "Does she know you stole an extra meal for me?"

Shepard shrugs. "I didn't really explain myself…"

Joker laughs. "But everyone can see you walking toward the cockpit. Careful, or you could start new rumors."

Shepard rolls her eyes. "Everything I do is under constant scrutiny. I guess people will believe what they want to believe."

"That… Wouldn't bother you?" Joker arches his eyebrow and looks at Shepard questioningly.

"'That?' What?" She asks.

"You know. You were super pissed about the Kaiden rumors."

Shepard sighs heavily, almost a groan. "Yeah. That was annoying."

"Why?" Joker inquires. "You know… You never actually told me whether or not those were just rumors."

"Oh, fuck yeah, they were." Shepard answers almost too quickly. "We were never an item, despite what Kaiden led on."

Joker laughs and stuffs his face with more steak. He didn't realize how hungry he had been, nor how badly he needed a place to avert his attention as he inquired. "So… What's the real story? According to Shepard?"

"Nothing." Shepard explains visibly frustrated. "Seriously, nothing. There's no story. You remember how I went around and introduced myself to my crew after I became spectre and Anderson stepped down and promoted me to the Normandy's CO?"

Joker nods.

"Well, apparently for Kaiden that was the first time I expressed my burning love for him, and every asinine conversation to follow. Damn, he thinks like a girl. And gossips like one, too."

Joker chuckles.

Shepard sighs. "He's valuable on the field, though. His biotic powers are legit."

Joker nods over his tray as he listens.

"We really do have a kick ass team." Shepard muses. "Including you, Joker." She offers him a warm smile.

Joker smiles back. "I told you I was an arrogant bastard for good reason."

Shepard nods. "That you did. You've proven yourself over and over again in the heat of battle. You're an excellent pilot… and a great friend."

Joker feels his stomach flip. Shepard looks over at his tray. "See? It was pretty good."

Joker finishes off the last bite. "Not bad, at least."

"So…" Shepard says. "We're en route to Virmire. What is our ETA?"

Joker looks at the screen. "14 hours remain. Plenty of time to catch some shut eye."

"Yeah." Shepard remains unmoving. "It is."

"I can be quiet, if you want to crash here again." Joker offers.

Shepard squirms a little. "I don't want to be a burden."

"You know the shit I do when I'm alone and bored." He lets out a laugh. "Hell, you're probably saving me from myself just by being here."

She smiles at his assessment. "Well, you tell me to get the fuck outta here the minute I overstay my welcome."

"Not a moment later." Joker says.

Shepard adjusts in her seat. Her heavy eyelids close immediately and within minutes Joker hears the heavy breathing of someone deep asleep. He sets the Normandy to autopilot and gets comfortable. He peers at Shepard through a side glance to his right. He watches her sleep until his own eyes get heavy and shut. He barely notices footsteps approaching. They are the unmistakable gait of Kaiden Alenko. Joker listens as the footsteps linger for just a moment and then fade away, back where they came from. In his drowsy state, Joker smiles to himself. He won't mind the inevitable rumors, nor should they come true.