A Will of Namazu
Author's Note 1: ...hm. OK, got a lot of swearing from Uchiha Sasuke but what did you expect? I once again thank my new readers for adding A Will of Namazu to their favorite lists and following lists, it means a lot to me even if you don't review. So here's the chapter's song: Crawling by Linkin Park (You might want to listen to the song again if you want to finish this chapter.) and be prepared.
On with the sixth chapter. :)
Chapter Six: Of Requiems & Screams
''I heard the Uzumaki boy hasn't left his apartment ever since this tragedy —''
''Yes. Do you think he's coping well with —''
''He shouldn't have trusted the traitor. He really shouldn't have —''
''A friendship like theirs couldn't have lasted that long. And even if he helped us win the war —''
There were whispers nobody would like to hear or overhear – these kinds of whisper in the streets while you're walking to clear your mind do nothing but crush anything you've tried to shield behind mental walls. If you were someone like Uzumaki Naruto, who had been verbally and physically abused during most of his childhood because he was the host of a monster that had scarred their village years ago, you would have snapped rather violently to all those whisperers and told them to screw off (Violent terms would be removed to perpetuate your sanity, of course.) because the heavy weight of guilt and realization was even more unbearable for you.
Trust and believe. The hero of Konoha had only wanted this, to trust and believe that anything he would forever have his friends and teammates with him no matter what. Friendship had a sense he had hardened with steel and will and vows at the moment he met his first friend; Uchiha Sasuke had just lost his whole family and was still grieving this great loss when Naruto had found him alone by the river, looking forlornly at the water. They had had something in common when they had shaken hands to form this bond: their pains may not be related at all but there had been a connection because they had been two little boys hurting and desperate for a reason to believe and trust someone who could apease, if only slightly, this pain that could swallow them. Naruto and Sasuke had found each other and while the latter would have been in denial about this friendship, the Jinchuuriki had trusted and believed him – believed in him.
There are scars that even time can't heal, for they will remain deep and painful.
If time can't heal scars of betrayal then what could?
If you were someone like Senju Tsunade who had yet to realize the atrocity of her mistake you would be doing something to vent out the frustration and sickening emotions bubbling up your chest and mind. What a Kage must be prepared for is anything of any kind, from an invasion to the murder of a comrade. If said comrade is one of your best and cherished students then the guilt is beyond unbearable. Tsunade had always been scorned by the Elders of the Konoha Council for her decisions and her brash nature – which didn't match with her being the Hokage – and though she had done her best to protect the civilians of the village during dark times, Utatane Koharu and Mitokado Homura would never change their opinion.
The news of the mangled mess done by the defective Hyuuga Hinata had hit the Council with such force that their angry screams had been heard in the whole building and – if anyone needed to confirm that Tsunade must have screamed in outrage too – even the walls of the Hokage Tower had trembled. There had been a very long debate on the possibilities of Hyuuga Hinata's involvement in the massacre that happened months ago in Snow Country which, ironically, had happened to be the mission Team 7 was supposed to accomplish and it had been a complete failure due to Uchiha Sasuke's second deflection and betrayal to the village. In retaliation of Tsunade's abhorrent foolishness and the disaster that had issued the Council had demanded her resignation (under the influence of two ancient sacks of bile named Koharu and Homura) and elected a new Hokage, outnumbering the Senju and shutting her up from further meetings. This had been the tortuous beginning of a wave of re-ignited tension in Konohagakure no Sato and the Hyuuga Clan had also added their discontent and outrage into this hellish situation that had befallen on them like a hammer.
Senju Tsunade wasn't someone you could just step on without suffering severe and painful consequences; being one of the Sannin and a fearsome kunoichi with the worst temper ever, she was skilled in using brash words and her unnatural strenght to dissuade those who dared to challenge her (which always results in broken walls or crushed desks, a 'Shizune! Bring me a new desk quickly – and a bottle of saké!' yelled with force vibrating from her.). But those who really knew this woman should know better on the inside because everyone had different ways of hiding their pain and loss under carefully kept emotions, excessive drinking or…
Screaming. Or requiems for the young one who had left this world by the hands of her loved one.
When her little brother and fiancé died Tsunade's screams of anguish and sadness were either muffled in her pillows or loud in her house, loud as if they should shake the world. Her own had shattered and vanished as soon as her mind assessed their deaths, Kami being the only one to know how she had managed not to suffer psychological problems due to those terrible losses. Her long exile in the Shinobi World had brought her a sort of peace within her mind for a time before she was found by an old friend – still highly perverted and writing porn for all she could care – and a goof wearing a ridiculous orange jumpsuit, all those events followed by a battle with Orochimaru to her election as Godaime Hokage. There had been times when Tsunade had not thought about Konohagakure and all those problems that had plagued her until she finally snapped, precious times when her dreams hadn't been bothered by gruesome nightmares in blood and the faces of her dead loved ones. And they were gone for a time when she had become Hokage, encouraged by Jirayia and Naruto.
The shock she had felt upon seeing Haruno Sakura's destroyed body had been this powerful that she had to lean on Shizune for help because her body had suddenly gone numb. Her brown eyes, that had always bored authority and confidence and such strenght, had looked beyond horrified and devastated.
''Come on Sakura, come on!'' Tsunade growled. Her hands were glowing green on Sakura's heavily burned chest. ''This isn't your time yet, you still have other things to achieve in this world!''
Had she given up already when Uchiha Sasuke gave her his ultimate farewell in this Chidori? Had she given up?
''Tsunade-sama,'' Yamanaka Ino's voice was barely a whisper but the Sannin heard her. It held the despair she stubbornly refused to accept in her mind, in her heart. She kept trying to heal her student, tiring her chakra reserves to the point she would be on the verge of fainting of exertion.
There was no resignation in Senju Tsunade's eyes as she kept healing Haruno Sakura's body – trying, indeed. Why should accept defeat this third time? Her fiancé and younger brother couldn't have been saved and had eventually given up trying to remain alive (not that death gave shinobis any choice whether it was their time or not.). But Sakura wasn't ready to die yet – that brilliant kunoichi wasn't ready to give up!
''Tsunade-sama… we —we've been here for eighteen hours a-and still…''
The words died out in Ino's throat as she swallowed a sob. But she didn't have to finish this sentence.
Still nothing. Haruno Sakura's Will of Fire had extinguished and Tsunade wouldn't accept it – couldn't accept it. Her own Will of Fire was still burning inside her and by the gods, she will try until her death.
A wild, sorrowful scream echoed somewhere off in the distance, full of despair and deep sadness. Tsunade flinched visibly and clutched her eyes shut in anguish, teeth painfully grounded together. The nurse, who was checking on the Sannin for any disturbance in her body, let out a wavering whimper and started trembling upon watching the blonde woman in her bed. She was crying openly and without any shame. Somehow, Uzumaki Naruto's own mental state reached everyone – especially the former Hokage who was cracking up again. Yes, again.
She was right to show her emotions. Everyone could be weak, even the powerful ones.
''Tsunade-sama…'' the young nurse whispered sympathetically.
Her body slumped heavily on the floor, agitated by violent spasms and gasps.
''Tsunade-sama!'' Shizune rushed to her side immediately, worry written over her soft features. ''Tsunade-sama, you can't go on like this and kill yourself! She's already —''
This wasn't what she needed to hear right now. ''NO!'' the blonde wheezed out, coughing rather badly. ''No, we… harder! We have to try…''
''Tsunade…'' There were tears starting to form in the younger medic-nin while she tried to restrain her sensei on the floor.
This had been going on for so long that she was sure no one in this room couldn't remember the time when their collegue had been brought in. The night had settled a while ago, agitated by a rather violent storm; the lightning wasn't enough to make everyone jump with fright but painfully enough to illuminate the entire room – Sakura's body. And as she lay in her bed, as still as a statue, as cold as a stone, the other medic-nins worriedly looked over their boss, bags under their tired eyes underlining their exhaustion. The look they were sending the blonde Sannin were those of someone trying to be sympathetic and begging to stop, because there was nothing else they could do. Nothing else to help their dear collegue. Those looks weren't something you'd ever want to see because they hold a cruel, hurtful truth you would try your best to refuse, to deny, in order not to accept it.
But in time, you'll eventually accept this truth. It may be harder the first days to come and sometimes months, but the pain would fade. Even if time can't heal all the wounds, Tsunade had no choice but to accept this hard truth concerning Haruno Sakura and bear it with all the might she could be able to summon.
Her scream was at least as loud as the sound of thunder outside, sorrowful and vibrant with rage and pain.
First Nawaki. Then Dan. Jiraiya. And now Sakura? Who was next?
She couldn't even register Shizune's next words as she kept screaming and pounding the ground with her powerful fists, creating a small crater in her rage and sorrow.
A small hand rested upon Senju Tsunade's forehead, slightly trembling – she was silently crying herself, sharing her boss's pain with violent emotions she tried to shut down unwillingly because she had cried too much for her sake and health those months ago. Moving on had always been hard and difficult when it came to a loved one but did life give a choice to shinobis? Death could be or couldn't be avoided, it depended on the shinobi's skills and comprehension of the situation he was in. Haruno Sakura had not only waved off the very dangerous situation concerning Uchiha Sasuke – because 'he was her teammate and she trusted him with all her might', some words that had been scoffed at – and ignored her friends's serious warnings, but she had been this idiotic to believe he had changed back to the Uchiha Sasuke she hadn't stopped loving even though he had tried to kill her several times. Love, especially one-sided love, was sometimes the lethal weapon used to end up dead.
Like Haruno Sakura.
''…you've done what you could. Please rest and stop thinking.''
She could stop for now.
The part of being a shinobi was to accept the death of a loved one, even if it caused great pain. Yamanaka Ino had understood that all too well after what had happened to her father and Shikamaru's and her sensei – she couldn't deny those long hours crying herself to sleep after the tragedy, it was just too heartbreaking to ignore the pain. But she had eventually kept living after a time to mourn and life had just started again, following the aftermath of the Fourth Shinobi War. The smiles may not have been cheerful at first but they had all been trying despite the heavy losses; their enemies had taken many lives and precious loved ones from everyone – brothers, sisters, fathers or mothers. Children, too. Hyuuga Neji was a friend they had cared about, a comrade they had protected, a cousin they had watched grow stronger over the years. In the end, he was a 'brother' they had seen dying on Naruto's shoulder after having done his task one last time.
And there was Sakura.
Everyone remembers his first friend. Ino does and when she pictures Sakura in her mind she cries loudly, loudly and painfully. She had continued to sob in her bed days after this latest tragedy and although Chouji and Shikamaru had been there by her side, she couldn't revert to her old-self for now – she just couldn't. When said first friend was someone you really loved like a sister despite all the feuds and rivalries because of one boy they had claimed to 'love' back when they were still those innocent children learning to become shinobis of the Leaf, you start to remember those times when this friendship was more important and precious than anything else – a boy or other bullshit trying to shatter it. Those smiles and frienship from the past are memories you would try to hang on because they had been so full of happiness and sincerity back then, innocent and full of life. Oh, how Ino would love to go back in time to strengthen her frienship with Sakura, defend her against the mocking comments of other children and make her smile. Just to feel this sincerity and friendship between them once again before it turned to rivalry, just to think this bond they had had together would never become severed because they had an interest in common, just to see if Sakura would have remained her friend if she hadn't confessed that she liked Uchiha Sasuke too, just to…
Ah. Just to believe.
Ino had stopped believing when Uchiha Sasuke broke both her's and Sakura's heart when he had left the village to a revenge quest and join the sides of a traitor, only to become one. She had stopped believing and hoping because it wouldn't have done her good; after Shikamaru and the others came back barely alive from the retrieval mission (which had been a crucial failure) Ino had understood. Uchiha Sasuke was a lost cause to still care about when he was the cause to have her teammates almost killed and she should forget him – forgive him? No, Ino wasn't Sakura and wasn't someone who would still hope even after her love crush had tried to kill her countless of times because she had been in the way. Ino had admitted not knowing Sasuke underneath this facade of coldness and indifference, she had only known him for his looks and this cool attitude he was always showing in their younger years as genins but Sakura herself couldn't have seen the inside of him.
While Sakura could have learned a few shades of Sasuke she still couldn't understand him – hence why he must have felt this urge to kill her because she had been in his way. It had been out of selfishness that she had tried to prevent Sasuke from leaving Konohagakure because she hadn't wanted to be left alone and be labeled as the useless person she was but what could she have accomplished by doing that? Standing in someone's way was sometimes a good move because it could prevent this someone from doing something he might regret later but on the other hand, it could be seen as a selfish attempt to keep this person around yourself, thus disregarding his goals and desires. Sakura had somewhat disreguarded Sasuke's goals because she hadn't wanted him to leave her and had continued pestering him with her feelings she called 'love' – and look where it had led her in the end.
Would I have disregarded Shikamaru's or Chouji's goals just because I wouldn't have wanted to be left alone?
You can't be selfish all the time when it comes to someone you love, it wasn't healthy and would most of the time lead to some gruesome disaster – like death. Ino had listened to her parents and had become rational; Uchiha Sasuke couldn't be someone to still care about when his betrayal had almost led her precious teammates to a death they hadn't deserved and hoping wouldn't do any good in her goals in life. The Shinobi World was cruel and wouldn't be merciful to those who kept hoping and believing in someone who had done nothing but walk away, crush your beliefs with cold indifference and disappear on you for years. What Sakura had done was hoping for something that would have likely not happened even if she had begged it to, which had somewhat blinded into believing in some sort of sickening thought that maybe, maybe, Sasuke would come back for good.
Indeed, this foolish belief of Sakura had ironically killed her.
No. Even I am not that selfish to stand in the way just because I —
''Ino?''
Bright blue eyes slowly looked up to see Shikamaru approaching and her teammate paused in his walk upon seeing those dull eyes, so empty. This mischief the lazy genius was always used to see in Ino seemed to have faded those months ago along with Sakura and her ever happy character had been reduced to disturbing silence and hurtful tears. It hurt to watch her cry, it hurt to hear her muffled sobs in her sleep when he secretly came to talk to her – damn, it hurt! Shikamaru swallowed with difficulty and sat next to his teammate, instantly puttin an arm around her shoulders to pull her towards him. She complied and hid her face against his torso, trembling in his hold.
Shinobis can cry, it wasn't forbidden. It merely shows they are still human after all and can be weak sometimes. Shikamaru knew that all too well after having lost Asuma-sensei to two members of the Akatsuki. Why keeping your emotions behind a wall of hardened indifference when you are all too able to feel them?
''Cry, Ino, cry. Because you need it more than everyone else.''
And Kami she had cried so much. This strong woman hadn't cried like this since their sensei's death in her arms while she had attempted to heal him. Shikamaru hadn't felt this helpless since this dark event of their life and had vowed never to let another tragedy affect both Ino and Chouji – or Kurenai and her child. Never. Again.
''Did you cry today?'' he asked softly, stroking her long blond hair.
She nodded, not trusting her voice for the moment.
''Ah,'' he said more to himself.
Shikamaru knew Ino enough to understand that words don't have sometimes the same effect as actions; if words could comfort someone like her for a time before she could breakdown again, actions from both he and Chouji were all she needed to get better. She didn't have to do it all alone because they were here to support her. Always.
Always, Shikamaru repeated inwardly while hugging the young woman.
''Cry again if you feel the need to,'' he whispered into her ear.
Because I'm here for you through this.
''Did you think about our last talk, Tsunade?''
''Again, you can rot in hell for all I care. I won't cry over your dead bodies.'' The Elders almost bristled at hearing those words. She only glared. ''My decision was final the last time we talked about it and I was pretty sure your near-death experience in my office was good enough to give up on adding Hyuuga Hinata into the Bingo Book. What are your reasons anyway?''
Mitokado Homura frowned, his face cold. ''Tsunade, this is the last request we want you to fulfill as the Godaime Hokage of this village,'' he said grimly. ''While our reasons to do so are confidential, you should know that her involvement in the massacre in Snow Country caused wild ruckus as people wanted to hunt down the culprit and have him in trial for murdering their kin. The fact that she left the village – as an underage kunoichi nonetheless – is an act of treachery and rebellion. She might have asked the permission to leave Konohagakure but interfering in a mission while having left the village is unnacceptable! She must be captured and —''
'' — confidential?!'' Tsunade was rising from her bed, bristling with irritation. ''Captured? Because she got rid of bastards killing for money and stole the scrolls? I'm not buying this bullshit, Mitokado! Last time I checked, no Konoha shinobi has been killed by Hinata!'' Not yet. ''She isn't like Uchiha Sasuke, she can —''
She suddenly stopped, eyes wide in understanding. Or maybe she thought so: while the Uchiha was still branded with those seals and couldn't use his Sharingan and Rinnegan to their full power, there was the slight but existent likelihood that he could be searching her – Hyuuga Hinata. While there were few people who would give her more credit she was far more intelligent and more cunning (although she would have never showed this side of her in public and trainings because it would be… odd and suspicious.) and could come up with solutions Tsunade and Sakura themselves would not have thought about. And this intelligence she had was used with care and determination for multiple changes she had wanted to bring to her clan – one of them being a way to neutralize the Caged Bird seal and other seals that would have effects on a dojutsu.
And Uchiha Sasuke was after her. He might have found her already. Tsunade closed her eyes in anguish, knowing she was defeated. She could have argued a lot more than that but there were those bothering doubts about the Elders and their suspicious desire to see a fellow Konoha kunoichi, who had helped to win the Fourth Shinobi War and had never betrayed their village, end up executed or worse; the Sannin wouldn't be blindsided once again, those two ancient sacks of bile had their hands dirty with blood (mainly Uchiha blood for having organized the Uchiha massacre along with Shimura Danzo.) and the fact that they had voted her resignation with the Council had served to make suspiciousness grow within her. They had to be spied on. But for now, she was defeated.
Early in tomorrow morning, it was already done: Hyuuga Hinata was added into the Konoha Bingo Book by the Godaime Hokage and labeled as a nukenin. The orders applied to her were the same: brought back into the village dead or alive. Screams of outrage and disbelief had erupted in her office thirty minutes after this announcement, coming from what was left of the Konoha Eleven – Naruto hadn't bothered to come to yell his rage to her face but Kiba and Shino, being Hinata's former teammates and best friends, had expressed their disbelief upon learning Hinata's new status. They inwardly refused to think she would associate with the Uchiha, refused to think she would be manipulated by someone like Uchiha Sasuke – refused to think she would betray them. Denial was sometimes a solution to choose in cases like this involving one of your dearest friends. So they asked for a retrieval mission. It was rejected by Tsunade.
''I won't lose any other shinobi because of this screwed-up situation the Elders had thrown on my shoulders!'' she had snapped to the rest of the Konoha Eleven. ''Can't you feel that something isn't right? I've been stripped of my title as Hokage, my hands are tied and my suggestions and decisions both rejected – I can't do anything anymore, I'm powerless!''
Being powerless. It was the last thing Tsunade had ever wanted to feel in her life; losing Nawaki and Dan to death had been more than enough. Losing Jiraiya had torn her apart once again. Losing Haruno Sakura had been her limit and the Sannin herself knew that she would need more than saké to struggle with those urges to scream and cry her sorrow through the night.
Dear Tsunade,
I've heard of your… status and the death of one of your esteemed students by the hands of the Uchiha. I'm so sorry to hear about this tragedy. Words can't always be enough to express such deep and sorrowful feelings but am I right to hope that you'll come up to open yourself to an old friend? It's been a long time since we talked. If you accept, please feel free to journey to Kirigakure and stay there as long as you want as my special guest.
Then we will talk. Only if you're ready to talk, Tsunade.
Truthfully yours,
Mei.
The scroll lay open on her table, forgotten and having been read times to times. Tsunade had counted the months since she had received the letter from Mei – four months had been enough to let her think of something, anything. If Mei wanted to talk, then…
Tsunade had to be ready. And brace herself. At least it will give her some sort of peace out of Konoha and away from those ancient sacks of bile who must be celebrating her resignation and thinking about another leader for the village. Talking about what could disturb her had never been her forte but if a friend asked for it and subtly underlined the idea of staying in Kirigakure for something she still couldn't grasp. Was she implying that she somewhow had suspicions about the Konoha Council and their manipulations after the fiasco concerning Uchiha Sasuke? It must have reached the other Hidden Villages as well, angered the other Kage (Tsunade suspected the Elders must have sent a message to the other shinobi villages without her consent and knowledge.).
Mei's letter seemed sincere and the red-haired Mizukage felt genuinely worried about the female Sannin, having heard about Haruno Sakura's demise at the hands of the once again traitor Uchiha Sasuke. Tsunade wasn't one to talk about her sorrow to someone but…
It couldn't hurt to try. After Nawaki, after Dan, after Jiraiya, after… Sakura…
It couldn't really hurt to try.
''Hokage-sama, we demand to know —''
''I'm no longer Hokage, Hanabi-san,'' the Sannin coldly interrupted.
The young Hyuuga looked stunned as her large white eyes cast an incredulous look at the busted blonde kunoichi.
''You… this isn't the time to pull jokes on us, Tsunade-sama!'' Hanabi almost snarled. ''Is it true that you put my sister into the Bingo Book? Why is that?''
Tsunade sighed tiredly and pinched the bridge of her nose, eyes closed. The former Hokage was in a pitiful state; dark rings were visible under her brown eyes, showing that she musn't have been able to catch any sleep last night – they also were quite puffy and red. From crying, Hanabi realized with a slight start. It had been months but Haruno Sakura's death was still fresh and hurtful in her mind. Even Yamanaka Ino was still grieving.
When Tsunade addressed her, Hanabi was able to hear the truth through those words, ''I was heavily outnumbered during the vote. The Elders have been able to reach the other members's minds and sway their decisions concerning Hinata before me, therefore I was forced to do this as my last gesture as Godaime Hokage.''
''How can two Elders manipulate the Council to do something so drastic?'' Hanabi almost shrieked, frantic. ''You're the Hokage!''
Were. She was Hokage until last night. The other Hyuuga accompanying young Hanabi looked aloof but there was more than meets the eye; if you looked closer and underneath the underneath, you would be able to see their worry in those white orbs of theirs. Now not every single Hyuuga may care a lot about Hinata but they cared enough to know that her younger sister would defy the Elders herself to cease this folly: she was still a Hyuuga and Hyuuga cared for each other, protected each other. And Hanabi now desired to pay her sister back for everything. Now she wanted to be the good sister to take care and protect her. But without Tsunade being at the head of this village this will be more than complexe; why would those Elders take their Hokage out of command and force her into putting the former heiress in the Bingo Book, thus making her an S-rank criminal and a nukenin?
''Beats me!'' Tsunade snorted angrily, amber eyes flashing. ''But that's exactly why I summoned you. I need your eyes – all Hyuuga eyes for a task.''
They all perked up, including Shizune who looked at her sensei with a quizzical gaze the legendary kunoichi pointedly ignored. Hanabi leaned forward, lavender eyes hardened and curious. This expression on Tsunade's face… whatever she was thinking couldn't be good. It was eerie and frightening; the gleam in her amber eyes put Hanabi slightly on edge and she couldn't help but notice this strange aura around the former Hokage. This may have something to do with the Will of Fire and the desire to protect Hinata from further danger and death but somehow it was dark. Dark and couldn't promise something good.
Is it for the good of the village or… for Aneki?
Whatever it was, if it could help her beloved sister and pull her out of this hellish situation… ''If it involves Hinata, we'll do it,'' Hanabi assured, eyes shining with determination. ''We'll do it for Hinata. And my father.''
Tsunade nodded. ''Good. Because I have a feeling Hyuuga Hiashi is involved in this.''
Dear Mei,
I'm not sure what will come out of my mouth if I accept your invitation, I'm not used to talk of my sorrows to someone else beside Shizune. Trying wouldn't harm, though I would likely tend to shield myself through my desire to drown my sadness into saké (You'd do well to acquire enough bottles for us because I think, Mei… it will take time.). I'm quite honoured by your letter and words, I needed to hear them from someone else.
Sakura's death drove me to a certain point where I could no longer run the village as Hokage. I thought my mind had abandoned my body after having realized I couldn't revive her and…
I'm not sure anymore. I'm still grieving and can't find the strenght to move on. The same goes for everyone who cared for her, Naruto being the first one as her teammate. It will be my pleasure to journey to Kirigakure and stay there, maybe getting out of Konoha will help me clear my mind and move on. For good.
I will see you in a few.
Yours truthfully,
Tsunade.
''Did you hear? Hokage-sama has resigned and someone else —''
''What? B-but who else than Tsunade-sama is going to take her place and protect us instead and who —''
''The Uzumaki boy? Do you think he will be the one to take over and —''
''I heard that Tsunade-sama will leave the village soon —''
''Where will she go? We need her… we all need her here…''
Another kind of whispers nobody would like to hear or overhear – the whispers of many people who admire you and count on you to protect them from any enemy, any danger here to harm them and shatter their peace. These were whispers of distress, fear and dread, fueled by this sudden dark feeling of abandonment. Of course, the thought of Tsunade abandoning them because of her best student's death had come first into the minds of the villagers: the death of Haruno Sakura had been the event that triggered this period of unease and morbid routine, it had been as if Konohagakure had lost half of its joy and peaceful aura, drained then mercilessly ripped from the village by the traitor. Killed. Then there were the hallucinations coming from those who can't rationalize at all and start panicking.
Is she abandoning us? Why is she leaving? Has she recoiled from her oath?
When you're unable to rationalize yourself you lose every bit of confidence and trust in yourself and, as unwillingly you would like to affirm, in the person you admire the most as a protector of a whole village. Losing faith into this person is similar to losing faith into living without fear, it also means that you stopped believing and everything you've hung onto falls apart. Tsunade had believed even though almost everything she loved had been roughly ripped from her, from Nawaki to Sakura, but did that mean she had stopped believing into a better future? No, because Uzumaki Naruto had happened with Jiraiya and with them, a wind of hope and confidence.
Despair. The whispers of despair were one of the worst kind of words you wouldn't like to poison your mind, because they discourage you and destroy any belief you could have about anyone – in this case, the belief of Konoha villagers in their former leader and protector Senju Tsunade. In despair, you wouldn't know how to react to any situation and would lose the trail of your thoughts, distressed and fearful.
And when all the villagers thought that no other news would upset them, something caught their attention – or rather someone with blonde hair and amber eyes.
Tsunade. Their Tsunade.
She was walking towards the gates calmly, with her head high and chin proud. Her steps never faltered, never halted, just kept walking forward with a group of ANBU flanking her sides. It was the walk of someone who, despite of the horrible tragedies she had endured, was determined to set things right within her own mind before everyone else. Tsunade, in this instant, had never been more beautiful. The look on her face was of someone who, despite all the horrors she must have to face in nightmares and further encounters, will find the strenght to get up after stumbling and falling. Always. It was if she saw no one on her left or right, no one except the immense gates of Konohagakure. Because she was leaving. She was leaving with a serene look gracing her features, with this powerful aura only a Sannin could produce, and it was suddenly obvious that she won't look back.
It looked like a farewell. A farewell to the village she had protected with all her might.
But as the gates opened, words were suddenly heard.
''Remember my words, inhabitants of Konohagakure!''
Tsunade.Every single villager, despite their shock, perked up and listened. Her voice was too powerful to ignore…
''Your faith never has to fade in one another, it may falter and sometimes weaken, but will eventually grow back! This village endured, bore so many horrors and tragedies that it had been the theater of death and sorrow too many times but have we given up? Have you all given up? I can still you all there, living and breathing, relinquishing in this new era of peace despite the recent events that shook us up to the core months ago. Despite that, you mustn't stop believing!''
Her voice, so strong and so enchanting…
''The world and your life don't have to come to an end because I'm leaving, you don't have to stop believing because I won't be your protector anymore or all I've been doing these past years for this village would have been for nothing! I believe in you, I trust you all with all my heart and it's because I trust you all that I'm leaving Konohagakure no Sato in your hands! There is no better leader than yourself for now: I can't be your Hokage for now and until I found the strenght to come back, you will have to help one another until I come back! And until I come back…''
Her right arm slowly rose in the air, hand clenched in one tight fist.
''… YOUR WILL OF FIRE BETTER NOT HAVE EXTINGUISHED! UNDERSTOOD?''
Those last words, roared with an unwavering, powerful voice, had the desired effect on every inhabitant of Konohagakure no Sato: less than a second later, the village erupted in exuberant, loud and cheerful roars of agreement. There was a chorus of cries screaming the former Hokage's name, praising her strenght and moral, encouraging her in her journey, telling her to come back healthy and stronger than ever. The smiles were back, the eyes shone in determination again – their Will of Fire may have been shaken up lately but was still a flaming fire.
If one of them had rushed up to her, he would have seen the watery smile and the tears on Tsunade's face. The smile of someone who was proud of her village and its blazing Will of Fire, the tears of someone who promised to come back better than ever.
She had been defeated. But she will come out victorious next time.
In the midst of the sudden burst of wild roars heard in the village, Uzumaki Naruto did something he hadn't done in those seven months.
He smiled.
Through sorrow and darkness,
there is always someone, a light, to pull you out of the depths of the well you've been thrown into.
''Understood!''
''So, what will you do?'' Shikamaru asked half-heartedly. ''Tsunade left the village three days ago, in four days there will be a new Hokage appointed – and I'm sure as hell it won't be you, considering the fact you're still not quite qualified to become the most important person of the village – but you're packing. Why?''
''Isn't it obvious?'' Naruto paused in his gestures to look at the slouching form of his friend on his couch with a toothy grin. ''I will be on a journey!''
''I still don't understand,'' the lazy genius sighed, watching as the blonde Jinchuuriki ran everywhere in his apartment to get something. ''Oh, whatever… but where will you start?''
''Huh?'' Naruto had the nerve to sound innocent. ''What are you talking about?''
''This journey you're talking about… is it because you want to confront Sasuke? Because you want to find Hinata before someone else does? Or because you want to bring them back together?''
There was no need to evade the question, Naruto must have realized it with Shikamaru. You don't have to be a genius to guess Naruto's motives when it is plainly obvious: if his foxy smile doesn't give him away, then his sudden enthusiasm and excited mood will. The future Hokage stared at Shikamaru, who stared back, silent and looking strangely solemn for someone as boisterous and loud as him.
Bring them back together? Sasuke and Hinata? This had been his first main idea from the beginning when Hinata had been the first to disappear from Konohagakure, leaving everything else behind her. At first Naruto wanted to bring her back because he wanted to apologize and, if he were to be granted the chance, to make it up to her and give her an answer. Being aware of her feelings for him had made him quite overwhelmed: to know that someone as gentle and kind-hearted as Hyuuga Hinata had loved him – had admired him – for all those years made him special in her eyes because it was somewhat different from Sakura's admiration for him. It had hurt him in more than one way and his ignorance had had disastrous consequences ever since Sasuke had been 'forgiven' for his crimes; this ignorance of his had led to this. When her father had died Naruto had not dared to come to her, as if he had feared he would have intruded into some clan intimacy. He had been neglecting with her and now he was paying the ultimate price of this ignorance: Sakura was dead, killed by the one he had considered his best friend for so long, and Hinata was now a nukenin and into the Bingo Book as a criminal – something that didn't fit with her.
Tsunade's last words gave him what he had needed: a renewed determination not to give up and to get up again after falling, a restored confidence in order to overcome every obstacle in your way to success – a renaissance.
Yes. A renaissance.
The grin that spread on Naruto's face wasn't fake. It was bright even though the tears in his sapphire eyes were a proof of his sadness.
''You already know my nindo, Shikamaru,'' he said. ''If there had been hope for this war, why wouldn't there be hope for Sasuke and Hinata?''
''They won't come back, Naruto.'' Shikamaru's voice was clipped with a tinge of regret. ''While I may not know Hinata that much like Shino and Kiba or her sister, there is no other way to tell that you won't come back than leaving the village without anyone noticing and severing your ties. How would you convince them if you ever encounter them?''
There was only a smile to answer his question and the hyperactive blonde went back to his activities, running around the apartment. The young jounin sighed and closed his eyes, reclining back in his previous slouching position on the couch.
While Shikamaru may be wondering about Naruto's motivations to make him believe in some absurd thought about Sasuke, the situation concerning Hyuuga Hinata was kind of different and yet worried him. What could have driven her to do something so macabre in Snow Country he wouldn't know, but there were things he had observed the very few times he had seen Hinata out of the Hyuuga Compound; her quietness had never been something bothering before but she had grown even more quiet than usual weeks after the war – he had first suspected it had been her father's demise that had put her on edge and more withdrawn but… it may have been something else. Or someone else, he thought bitterly as he glanced at the blonde now eating instant ramen (How he had managed to warm this abomination up he called food so fast he didn't even want to know.). Hinata's feelings for this buffoon were quite obvious for everyone else among the Konoha Eleven and Shikamaru couldn't count the times he had ignored – neglected – the sweet Hyuuga after the war. One was enough if you were still overwhelmed by the perspective of winning a near-hopeless battle, twice was still okay since there was an aftermath, thrice was becoming annoying and upsetting… and after that he had stopped counting and the consequences of this hurtful ignorance had started to take effect on Hinata. That would explain a part of her disappearance.
But there was something else Shikamaru didn't understand; what could have driven Hyuuga Hinata to do… that in Snow Country?
Naruto suddenly looked up and stilled, the strange and solemn expression back on his face. Which started to freak Shikamaru out. ''What? You had an epiphany or something?'' the lazy genius drawled.
''… yeah. Sort of,'' Naruto answered, looking at the sunset.
There was an uncomfortable silence during which Shikamaru waited for his friend's reply, finding this quietness a little unsettling. The blonde finished his meal, put his now empty bowl in the sink and grabbed his vest. Then he turned to him, the same expression on his face.
''Are you coming?'' His question didn't look like one, though it was asked nicely and with this… disconcerting solemnity no one was used to.
''Where?''
''To Sakura's grave.''
Your last farewell to your loved one should be intimate but if you're willing to share it with someone else,
try not to contain your tears and sorrow, for it wouldn't relieve you for good.
It had been a long while since they both had gone to Konoha cemetery to pay their tribute to a lost loved one. For Shikamaru, his father had been the last one he visited after the war (No body had been recovered but he had assumed it was a quick death and his father didn't suffer that much.) and that was it. The ceremony had been short but serene, his mother had cried a lot but had managed to move on after having received a lot of help from Ino's and Chouji's mother – Shikamaru, Ino and Chouji had spent a lot of time together to tend their wounds and mourn the losses in private, because it was an intimate moment of Team Asuma that couldn't be shared with someone else out of the team. Shikamaru wouldn't have admitted to someone that he had also cried after this but it had somehow relieved him. But of course, nobody had expected Haruno Sakura's death by a Chidori – badly hurt maybe, but not dead. This had quite achieved them.
Sakura's ceremony had been… awfully hurtful. While he hadn't been close to her, Shikamaru held some respect to her; having been Tsunade's student and mastered her technique was wonderful and had given her more maturity and strenght – in a certain way. While he hadn't cried during the ceremony he had held an uncontrollable crying Ino after she had broken down in the middle of her farewell tribute to Sakura. He remembered the feelings he had felt upon holding his female teammate in his arms: anger and shame because Sakura, along with Naruto, had pleaded and bent her neck to sway the other Kage into sparing Sasuke from being executed for his crimes. Resentment and some kind of hatred because Sakura had been this idiotic to believe that her crush wouldn't betray them twice and the war would have somehow changed his mind and Naruto had been this stupid to think that a traitor would come back willingly to a once treacherous village that had his whole family murdered if he knocked some — (This term has been removed for your sanity.) sense in his head. Both of them had been so easily fooled… and the consequences were still having effect on his female teammate.
Shikamaru had been straightforward and told Naruto face to face – it was because of them. It was their own fault and there was no need to deny this. The jounin had been bitter and extremely resentful because of this for quite a long time because making amends but the thought still left a very sour taste in his mouth.
His sharp, black eyes watched in keen interest and mild compassion as Naruto knelt before Sakura's grave. There were two bouquets of flowers laying on the ground – Ino must have stopped by to say something to her late friend/rival – and they were pink. Sakura flowers.
Pink. Like her hair.
For a while Naruto just knelt there, silent and staring at the inscriptions sculpted in the hard stone. Then, his voice rose.
''I'm leaving, Sakura.''
Shikamaru didn't budge.
''We tried to bring Sasuke back in Konoha together, it didn't work. We failed. And it hurt. Back then I think we didn't or couldn't understand why he betrayed us in the first place. It meant we didn't understand and know him at all and yet we were his teammates, we were supposed to know him enough to understand his feelings and learn to…''
He sighed deeply, lowering his blue eyes in heartbreaking sadness.
''…there are no words to tell you how sorry I really am, Sakura. As a friend and teammate I was supposed to watch over you all the time, but even that I wasn't able to do it properly and now you're gone. Gone for good. I think I hadn't realized that until Kakashi-sensei confirmed. I think I hadn't wanted to believe that it was Sasuke who did this to you until I realized there were only two Chidori users who could have done that and since it couldn't have been Kakashi-sensei…we've been fools, Sakura. We've been fools to believe that Sasuke would have agreed to come back willingly with us, we've been so blind. So ironic, isn't it? Because we had both wanted to believe we would reform the old Team 7 before all this crap, we hadn't deigned to look underneath the underneath and see Sasuke's deceit. And for that we've been punished. For that, you died.''
Shikamaru could have left. He should have left to give him deserved intimacy because everything he was saying to his late pink-haired friend and teammate was painfully true and so… private. Seeing the tears rolling down his tanned cheeks, Shikamaru felt himself rooted there, a silent comfortable presence that would comfort his friend later after this.
''Granny Tsunade also left, you know. But she had said those words… it gave the strenght to get up and try again. Yes, again. You may not be there anymore in body and flesh but your spirit will remain with us forever along with your own Will of Fire. I'll carry it through the years and I swear, I swear Sakura…''
He stood up, expression solemn and eyes blazing with this unyielding determination everyone was used to see in him. In this instant, Shikamaru could finally see the old Uzumaki Naruto coming back from this chasm he had been thrown into months ago. His lips quirked…
''… I'll understand next time.''
… and he smiled.