Disclaimer: I don't own the Vampire Diaries nor am I making any profit from this. Characters, etc. all belong to their respective owners.

A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who's been reading, reviewing, etc.! I've truly enjoyed reading your thoughts on my fic and what you think of Bonnie's arc in the show.

Oh, and something I forgot to mention: the title for this fic comes from the song Shallows by Daughter. It's a really beautiful song (well, all their music is beautiful, actually).

I should also mention that I'm kinda just cherry-picking what things from canon I want to follow in this fanfic, too (i.e.: Like, how I totally am not going within 10 feet of the whole 'Kai has Elena' plot). I want to keep things as simple as possible plot-wise because this is a fic that mainly character driven more than plot driven and while Bamon will definitely have it's time to shine in this fic, it will first and foremost be about Bonnie and there will be more than enough complexity in her developments throughout this fic.

"I'm mad at you," Jeremy says, suddenly breaking the silence.

Apparently he finally worked up the nerve to say what exactly is on his mind.

"Yeah, I kinda figured that when Elena told me you spent these past months literally screwing around," Bonnie replies, not pulling herself away from her book. "I mean, I'm not angry or judging you or anything. I'm really not. You thought I was dead and never coming back, so it is what it is, I guess."

Unable to sit any longer he gets up, and stand closer to her, obviously trying to find any words.

"You—you knew you were dying the entire time and you hide it. You said goodbye over the phone."

She doesn't him for being angry about it. She would've been too if she were in his position. She just doesn't know exactly what he expects her to do about it, though. A sorry wouldn't exactly fix it.

"Will you say something or at least look at me?!"

She lets out an audible sigh, but dog ears the page she's on and sets it down on the coffee table.

"What do you expect me to say, Jeremy? A simple sorry obviously isn't going to fix it. I can't take any of it back or change what happened."

"I know that." He frustratedly runs a hand through his hair. "It's just that…" He suddenly stops himself. "You just got back. You obviously need time to adjust and think."

She's pretty sure that he's saying that more to himself than he is to her.

"We'll talk more later, okay?"

He presses a gentles kiss to her forehead before leaving.

"I think whatever is up with Bonnie is a lot worse than we thought," Caroline says to Elena over coffee that morning. "I startled her yesterday when she was sleeping and it was like she didn't even recognize me at first. She thought I was attacking her."

"Well, she was stuck alone with Kai and he did hurt her…do you think she has some PTSD?" Elena asks with a frown.

"PTSD, depression…I can't even begin to imagine how horrible it was to be trapped there…"

"Well, she did just get back. She just needs to adjust and we'll just have to keep showing her how much we care. She'll be okay." Elena was really trying to reassure herself more than anyone else.

"But what if it's more than that? I mean, I don't think this is something that you just snap out of," Caroline replies, biting her lip worriedly.

"I don't know."

If there's one thing Caroline hates it's feeling helpless. Especially when watching her loved one suffer.

Bonnie receives a text from Damon later that afternoon.

I have your bear. Come and get her when you're ready.

She honestly hasn't given much thought about Ms. Cuddles. Not like she probably should have.

Part of her debates whether it's worth it to go get the teddy bear—to get her magic back. She thinks a few years ago, she would have been so much better off to have never had magic in the first place. But now…the thought of her magic being out there for anyone—for Kai—to snatch is terrifying.

Not that she doesn't have confidence in Damon to protect it. After all, she had sent it back to present day Mystic Falls trusting that he would be the one to find, knowing that he would be the one to understand what it meant.

But still, she knows she'd feel better about having it back, about having her magic back to protect herself.

She debates with herself some more and procrastinates for hours before she finally works up the nerve to go get Ms. Cuddles.

She's surprised to find her care sitting in the garage, the keys taped to the visor.

She keeps finding herself surprised to find her things are still around. She wonders if it's because her loved ones were unable to let go or if they just couldn't be bothered to go through her things and pack them up.

That's not true, she reminds herself. Her house and been clean and dust-free, so clearly someone had felt the need to upkeep her things for whatever reason.

When she gets to the old Salvatore boardinghouse, she stupidly stands there on the front porch. She doesn't really know what to do. Should she just enter? Should she knock?

Part of her almost decides to just turn around and flee, but before she can the door swings open, revealing Damon standing on the other side.

"Hey," she says lamely. "I got your text."

He nods and steps back, opening the door. "Come in."

He leaves her in the living room as he heads upstairs to grab the teddy bear, encouraging her to have a drink. She doesn't, though.

"Thanks for taking care of her for me," Bonnie says with a small smile, taking Ms. Cuddles from Damon.

"Of course."

She stands there awkwardly, not quite sure what else to say to him. When she looks at him, she can see that he feels the same way.

"Everyone…everyone is expecting things to go back to normal. And why shouldn't they? I mean, there's still the whole Kai problem, but I'm sure everyone expects me to be the one to just deal with it. And I will because I want him dead more than I want anything right now. But after being stuck in that hell with Kai and then on my own…" she takes a deep breath. "I'm not okay. I know that I'm not. And everybody knows it, but they want me to be okay and maybe one day I will be, but I don't know."

She hadn't meant to suddenly blurt all that out, but she thinks that if anyone would get it, Damon would. He had been trapped in that hellhole with her, too.

And he does get it. Every day he thought about what would have happened if he had been trapped there alone. Every single time Bonnie had stormed out on him, he had secretly feared that it would finally be the time she'd never come back and he would truly be alone.

And now that he looks at her…

He's seen her afraid before and he's seen her when she's sad, but even through those times she still had at least a little spark in her. It's what made her Bonnie.

Instead, she stands there nervously, picking at her cuticles and refusing to look at anything but the floor.

The thought that her spark had gone out—maybe for good—was upsetting.

Without really thinking about it, he reaches out and pulls her tightly into his arms.

It surprises her, but she allows it and even returns the hug.

"What are you two doing?" Damon asks Elena and Caroline later that night.

They were both plastering Christmas decorations all over the boardinghouse. He's pretty sure that they must have both cracked because Christmas has been over for more than a week now.

"Well, since Bonnie missed Christmas, we figured we'd throw a Christmas part for her," Caroline explains. "When I first heard she was back, I'd been planning for a huge welcome back part, but we thought that this might be better."

"We know that Bonnie has been having a tough time of things," Elena adds. "We thought that something smaller with just our main group wouldn't have the pressure of a huge party, but would still let her know that we're happy she's back."

Damon has a feeling that this would either go surprisingly well or epically backfire.

He's learning more towards an epic backfire.

It feels good to have her magic back. It feels safe.

At least she can better protect herself for when Kai inevitably comes back.

You couldn't even protect yourself from him when you had your powers, whispers a traitorous little voice in her head that she does her best to shove down.

She's now alone in her home again, unsure of what to do with herself. She aimlessly wanders around the house, looking at the pictures hanging up on the walls.

There's pictures of when she was a baby being held by her father or by Grams. Her as a toddler. Eighth grade graduation. High school graduation.

There's no pictures of Abbie anywhere. She never confirmed it, but she's pretty sure her dad had destroyed all but a few of them after she had abandoned them.

She vaguely wonders what her mother's up to these days. She hadn't heard from her in over a year. She wonders if anyone had even bothered to tell Abbie what had happened to her. She wonders if Abbie would even care.

She looks at a picture of her and Grams. It was the last one that they had taken together before Grams died.

She thinks about what Grams said to her all those years ago.

You're stronger than all of this.

It's almost painful how wrong Grams was on that account.

She moves on, touching a shaky hand to a picture of her and her father taken at her high school graduation.

He had been missing through so much of her life and then she had finally gotten a glimmer of hope and a promise of a chance to have a real relationship with him, only for it to be robbed away from her.

The more she thinks about it, the more her mind swirls with all the hopes, dreams, possibilities, opportunities that have been brutally stolen from her over the years.

She's surprised to find her eyes prickling with unshed tears. After her breakdown on the Gilbert's front porch, she'd been so sure that she had no tears left in her to ever cry again.

She forces herself to choke these tears back down, though.

She's almost positive that if she lets herself start crying that she wouldn't stop for weeks, if ever.

A/N: I almost feel like I'm unfairly demonizing the Gilberts in this fic. I mean, I've got zero love for them, but I try to write them a little more fairly in my fanfiction because they get piss poor writing on the show (like everyone else), but I've found it impossible to have any sympathy for them at all this season.

Anywho, thanks for reading and, as always reviews are very much appreciated!