Her fingers were like icicles. The bowl would slide constantly on the counter, and she would have to mix the ingredients with one hand while the other held on. Sometimes she would make an attempt to look out beyond the red curtained window to gaze outside. The sun was gorgeous out there! Splendid even! It was so much better than that nasty storm from yesterday. However, she was preparing her special meatloaf and couldn't be disturbed. But still, it was a nice comfort to have.
Her right hand was sugar coated as she mixed it in with the beef and wet bread pieces that were soaked with water. Olga smiled in thought. This was her great grandmother's recipe. And she had been reminded about this delicious delicacy after being served a pasta dish from the banquet she attended to last night. It was a very sweet event that was honored for her; although she was used to it by now.
It wasn't that she wasn't happy with the awards she had received since she was young. In fact she was very grateful. It just reminded her that she had a purpose in the world. But she hadn't truly found out what it was yet.
Even though the young woman could only see the neighbor's house and part of the backyard, it was like there were simply the blue and purple striped walls in front of her, regardless of that warm feeling on her forearms. Her mouth would frown, which was very rare for her. But churning the ingredients was difficult, especially because she had to do it by hand in order for it to come out right. Sometimes she would breathe out in frustration.
And it was in more ways than one why she felt like this too.
She knew she cried a lot when things weren't doing well in her life. And she knew that she behaved like a baby. Which was why, as she pounded the meat further into the bowl, Olga felt that deep guilt. While there was a good chance that her baby sister was somewhat proud of her for what she accomplished, Helga probably had done some amazing things too. And there was nothing more that she wanted – let her be the one in the spotlight.
Let her shine. Let her talents show. And she pleaded in her hopeful mind that she could step aside just once. She wouldn't care if her mommy and daddy spent one moment cheering Helga on. She was smart and sweet deep down.
Olga looked up out the window. The wind would sweep through the tree branches and the leaves were starting to fall rather slowly. It was October after all. But the grass was still beautifully green from the rain that had fallen earlier. Sadly, it was only a matter of time before it would dry out. And Olga hoped that the relationship between her and her sister wouldn't either. Her hands worked the meal some more. She planned on serving it at dinner that night.
Helga hadn't come in that morning for breakfast. And Olga had prepared it especially for her baby sister too. She had to bite her lip from still crying about it. Daddy said that he wanted strawberry French toast that morning. And she knew that he, as he always would, force Helga to eat something made by her. But she couldn't give it to her. Helga was surely to end up in the hospital with a horrible case of hives. Or even worse….Olga bit her lip again. She knew she had to grow up.
She understood why Helga hated her. Mommy and especially Daddy had suffered from favoritism. And Olga abused that. Sometimes she would try to convince them to notice her sister. But they always came back to looking at her and her good deeds. She allowed it to happen too. Every now and then she would go on all of these travels around the world to help others, and there was no telling what could happen to her. She could get hurt or sick or even die.
Sure she would turn out fine so far, but what if something did happen….Olga tried not to think about it. That's why she took the attention from Helga and she knew it was selfish. But those precious moments that she wanted to have with her baby sister was the only wish that she had. The ten year old girl saw her as the perfect person.
She let go of her lip and turned around in the kitchen. As far as she knew, Mommy had taken a nap in the living room, Daddy was still at work, and Helga was in her room. Her slippery grip tightened on the counter as she leaned on her arms in the empty room. It smelled of dust and dirt, but there was lemon scent when she cleaned the counters of their silly messes. Olga shook her head. "So silly, Mommy and Daddy…" she muttered to herself.
But Helga wasn't. Yes, there were times where she would call her that. Silly. It sounded so simple – as if that's all she was. But it only helped to make her feel worse. If she was perfect, as Helga claimed, she would have figured out an answer by now. She couldn't. They were just too different, and Olga wondered why sometimes. She knew that her baby sister suffered, and it shouldn't really affect how she lived her life. Helga had many great qualities! So why wasn't she happier?
The young woman walked over to clean of her dirty hands with a paper towel. Ripping the man made "cloth", the lights started to flicker a bit. It went unnoticed though as she decided to take a break. Tossing the mess into the trashcan beside her feet, Olga pulled out a chair from the island and sat down with her head leaning in her left hand. She sighed as she let out one tear. She refused to whine.
Helga was not happy today, and that worried Olga. She wasn't acting like herself.
"Please Mommy, why don't you lie back on the couch?" She was leaning over her mother, whose glasses were leaning off her nose as she struggled to keep sitting up. It was in the earlier part of the afternoon and already she had to hold in her sadness, which wasn't easy. She had never seen Mommy like this, at least not for awhile. Olga tried to reach out for a pillow beside Miriam, a nice fluffy one at that, but the older woman shooed her hand as her head leaned back dazed.
"Don't worry," she slurred, "about me Honey." She only frowned more and whimpered a bit. She had only gotten back from the grocery store to get a few items for dinner, and here was her mom – drunk. Olga understood that she had to remain patient with Mommy, but it wasn't the easiest thing to do. Her mother hadn't been like this since she was eleven or twelve. And she said that she would stop, especially when Olga asked her to - for Helga of course.
Back then, she didn't know if she was going to have a baby brother or sister. And even though she was rather young and silly, even with the nineteen trophies for different things, Olga knew that drinking was bad for any baby. She didn't want that little person to get sick and stay that way for the rest of its life.
And she thought that her mother meant it too. So this didn't make sense. She never drank when her daughter would come home from college.
The glass of one of Mommy's smoothies and the blender sat on the table in front of her. And some bits and pieces of fruit and sticky juices were smeared as well. The worst part, as Olga scrunched her nose, was the bitter and burning taste of alcohol in her throat. The smell ruined the air. And she didn't have the heart to go near her mother's mouth. She probably poured the whole bottle from the kitchen into her beverage.
Olga never drank, but she was tempted every once in a while at the schools she attended to. Being really popular in both high school and college, she was invited to a lot of parties. And she stupidly thought that her first invites to parties at all three schools (since she went on to graduate school somewhere else) wouldn't involve drinking. She shook her head, not caring to admit that to Mommy and Daddy. They wouldn't like that.
But if her mother drank, as she knew from being her daughter, then why couldn't she? Maybe if Daddy found out, he wouldn't believe it – that both she and her mother were drinking. Or was it the health consequences that could happen to her? Maybe she just didn't want to.
She could see that Mommy was falling asleep, sitting up. The lights were already turned down so Olga was glad that she didn't have to make it more real. If she turned down the lights herself, then it would be like accepting Miriam's fate. And she would lay there asleep and doing nothing. The young woman felt more tears come down her face as she walked over to Daddy's chair. It wasn't clean entirely. There were some stains on it, but at least there was a soft wool blanket that she could use.
The carpet underneath her creaked because the wooden floorboards were getting old. The sound rang in her ears. There was nothing else to listen to other than Mommy's breathing. It was surprising that Olga couldn't find it in herself to whine. Normally she would regardless of whether someone was sleeping or not. The fabric was woven well; the cream-colored fibers tickled her skin. She almost wanted to wrap it around herself, as if there was some peaceful presence surrounding her sadness.
Laying it across Mommy, it was difficult. But Olga leaned over again. And placing a feathery kiss on her mother's left cheek, she mumbled, "Get better Mommy." She knew that the older woman couldn't hear her, but it was better than nothing.
The smell of alcohol burned her nose.
Olga stood up again and looked over her mother one more time until she woke up later. It was just too much, seeing her that way. Cupping her mouth with her hands, she ran into the kitchen. She didn't bother cleaning the mess on the table in the living room. If there was one thing Olga prided herself on was that she didn't want to be seen as a servant.
Daddy said that would ruin the family name. Why? She didn't know. All she understood was that as soon as she went into the kitchen, she started to rip all of the bags that she had set in there and started preparing the meatloaf. Having that comfort of some homemade food that didn't have alcohol in it, and it being a family recipe no less, helped. But the tears didn't stop until later.
Time passed. And it felt like hours. Olga got home around one and it took an hour for her to put Mommy for her "nap". However, she could hear the creak of the door opening and closing. Her hands were still cold and wet from putting the bread slices in. But looking to her right at the microwave underneath the cabinets, it was only 2:47. Helga must have gotten home.
That put a smile to her face. She could help out with dinner! It would probably help make Olga's day. Maybe they could bond and get to know each other better. Wiping her fingers with the paper towel beside the bowl and small bread crumbs, she walked over to the hallway about to greet her baby sister.
Olga quieted hummed at bit, but it sudden stopped. She took a step back and hid next to the oven and stove. Her head turned at stared at Helga. She was gorgeous! She never had her hair in a pony tail before and that outfit was absolutely adorable! She looked like she was in an amazing performance and ready for that special red carpet! Olga almost squealed with excitement.
But what prevented her from doing that and letting her baby sister know she was home, was the sound of her backpack hitting the ground. She squinted her eyes and realized something. Helga had cried earlier. She didn't have the red eyes or the tear marks. But her face was flushed, and her cheeks and nose were pink. The worst part was her face.
Her gaze was blank, almost as if she was in a sad state of shock. Her blue eyes were dulled over as if there was no life in them. Olga went to reach out, but Helga spoke. And the young woman's eyes widened. This was probably the first time Helga had seen their mother drunk! Olga never wanted this to happen to her baby sister. Not at all. She cupped a hand over her mouth again to silence herself.
"Crimeny," Helga whispered, "Miriam. Why do you do this to yourself?" The college student couldn't see her sister anymore as it seemed that she walked into the living room. "You keep promising me that you'll stop this. Remember the road trip and the time you had to help Bob with the Beeper Emporium. You were so happy! I don't remember seeing you that, that alive before." She could hear Helga sigh. "I bet if I was Olga though, you would stop. You and Dad always listen to her. And you know," she sniffled which broke Olga's heart, "when I don't have a good day, like today for example, it doesn't help. What you're doing doesn't help!"
She found her chest beating loudly in her ears as she couldn't bear to see Helga's face. Her baby sister had known about this? Was this how Mommy was when she wasn't home? Once again, tears poured down her face as she heard Helga grab her things and ran upstairs to her room.
How could she have been so blind?
And it wasn't long before the sunlight and the dinner helped to cheer her up. Sometimes doing good things in a happy environment, even if it was only coming from a sunny window, was supportive. Yes, she was upset. And Olga's heart still ached with the need to comfort Helga. But she knew that her baby sister needed some space. After all, if Helga really needed something, she would ask for help. So she stayed in the kitchen working on dinner for the next couple hours. She would have to work on the potatoes and the Caesar salad in between as well. All and all, she thought that maybe a nice meal might do the trick.
But there she was, sitting on a chair in the middle of the room. Her fingertips were freezing, but Olga ignored it. Working on a dinner like this took a lot of effort out of her -especially now that she had a new purpose to this meal – to make everyone's day happier. She sighed once more as she tapped the wooden table. She needed the break, but there was nothing she could do except wait on Mommy to wake up, Daddy to come home, and for Helga to come down the stairs.
Olga lazily scratched the table. Grains of sugar were scattered still, and for once she didn't feel like cleaning. She was just that exhausted. It seemed like nothing really was going her way.
Then, her ears picked up at the sound of the mail slot at the front door. It opened and closed with a small bang, squeaking from the nuts and bolts. Her head lifted out of her hands as looked back out to the hallway. Harvey already dropped off the mail around eleven, hadn't he? Raising an eyebrow, she turned and stood out of her chair.
Walking out to the door, her right hand grazed the blue wall. As she got closer, Olga checked to see that her mother was still, in fact, asleep on the couch. The smell of alcohol was still harsh, but it wasn't as bad. Soft snore could be heard. But when she focused back on the floor, she saw that there was a thick manila folder that was crumpled. It was probably a little difficult to slip through. Her black shoes scuffed beneath her as she reached down and lifted it in her hands. Reading the words, "Helga Pataki - Confidential" on the front in scribbled red marker, Olga wondered what anyone else would. What was it?
It was obvious that there were a bunch of papers inside. But she didn't want to attempt to open it. It was against the law to open up someone else's mail. And, she gulped lightly; Daddy could find out about it and question her baby sister later too. Daddy shouldn't break a law, and Helga wasn't doing too well. It could only make things worse. And her dinner plans could be ruined! She shook her head of these thoughts as she found herself going up the stairs to her baby sister's room.
Meanwhile, Olga couldn't bring herself to look at the walls, knowing that she'd be only looking at herself or her parents. Not Helga. She tightened her grip. She wanted things to be better for her and anything that the two of them tried to do wasn't working. Frowning at the thought, Olga felt the urge to pull her sister out of the house if only to get her away from all of this. Helga was brave and blunt and independent. But she could see those moments that her baby sister would shy away and become insecure.
She didn't deserve this life. She deserved something better than this. Helga needed a laugh, a smile, anything that might help. And well, if this package would do it – then Olga would be happy too.
Finally, as she faced her sister's door, Olga began to feel very nervous. Helga never liked having people come into her room. Maybe if she just knocked on it…
"Baby sister? It's me. Could you please open the door?" she asked cautiously. She gripped the folder even harder.
Her bed sheets and blanket ruffled. And it seemed that Helga was grumbling. "What do you want Olga? Can't you see that I'm sleeping here?" she shouted through the walls. Olga stepped back a bit and bumped into the table. The pot of flowers shifted.
She attempted to yell, although poorly. "But baby sister, a package just came for you! And I think it's very important."
"Why? What's so important about a dumb package?"
"Be-because it says that it's confidential. And I don't think that you'd want Daddy getting it. It's yours."
Slowly, the door unlocked to reveal her younger sister who was rubbing her eye. Olga frowned, seeing her out of her new clothes and pony tail. Instead, Helga's messy hair was rolling down her back and she had on her oversized pink night shirt. She must have had just as much of an exhausting day as she did. But, just as Olga thought earlier, her day was probably worse than her own.
She held out the papers as Helga took them. Looking down then up at her, her eyes were bloodshot. But her eyebrow rose, not quite believing her just yet. "Did you read this? Because if you did-"
Olga shook her head and kneeled down to her level. Putting a hand on her shoulder and resting her other arm on her knee, she replied. "No, Helga. It's illegal to look into someone else's mail. Of course I wouldn't do that. And besides," she took her sister's hand in her own; "I would never do that if it meant ruining a special dinner I made for you." Olga stared at her with a smile.
Helga stuttered at the sincerity that she had. Olga rarely called her by her first name. "Well, um, thanks Olga." Once again she looked down at the package. But the longer she stared at it, she could see that her younger sister started to undo the clasped at the top. She stood back up again and walked backwards. It was Helga's property. And if she didn't want her to see it, then that was just fine. She still grinned a bit.
She flipped the top of the folder open, and pulled out the first of what looked to be quite a few papers. Seeing Helga's eyes widen and her hands shaking, she dropped the package on the floor. Her mouth hung open.
Olga bit her lip in worry. "Are you ok baby sis-" She couldn't go any further because out of nowhere, Helga had given her a hug! Her baby sister… was giving her a hug! And a strong one at that too! It took Olga's breath away. It was too good to be true. And she wanted to respond, but the other pulled away.
Hiding her arms behind her back, her sister looked down. "Thanks Olga. I-I needed this package. And I, well," she gulped, "appreciate that you didn't just hand it over to Bob. And more importantly, well." Helga picked up the folder. "I appreciate that you trust me." It was no more than a whisper. But what was more special was that, for the first time since Olga had seen her sister, Helga smiled genuinely. This must have meant a lot to her for some reason. And if Helga was happy, she was happy. It was the best part of her day.
Her hands joined together in front of her in glee as she swung her legs back and forth. "Well, that's sweet of you to say Helga. In fact, that just, well," apparently she too was having a hard time finding words.
"What?" It wasn't harsh, just Helga being her curious self. It was simply adorable, but she held her squeal back.
Instead Olga simply looked down at her talented, considerate sister that was holding something near and dear to her heart – whatever it was. And one day, she hoped to be there as well. "It made my day." And all she could think about was how true that statement had been before the two went their way - Helga into her room and Olga in the kitchen. The best part though, in Olga's eyes anyway, wasn't the conversation they had or the fact that her baby sister seemed to feel better. Or even her for that matter.
It was just having that precious moment. And that filled her wish for the time being.